Oct 01


I don’t think that it is a bad thing for a man or woman to fade away from someone that they have been on one or two dates with. The beginning phase of dating is still a “getting to know you” period and while an overly invested person will dislike the split, you are still strangers with no attachment to one another.

Almost daily I come across articles where men are being called cowards, mean, evil, and many other names for disappearing after date number 2 or 3. Usually these names are being hurled by women that have dated men, assumed that things were great (assumption is a common theme) and then get upset when that perfect guy stopped communicating.

The last time that I was on The Love Jones Experience we discussed this very topic and myself and author Pamela Antoinette Lordette both agreed that either party should work on taking a hint instead of looking for closure from a complete stranger. After all it is a stranger right?

There is something to be said about a guy that you have shared things with (not necessarily your body), has had an actual relationship with you and then decides on his own that he is done playing boyfriend. I don’t agree with a man or woman vanishing from a relationship, but if we were only dating and nothing physical has happened, why do I owe you closure?

 It seems to be a sort of personal request disguised as one of “being a grown up” to ask for someone to tell you “I don’t feel like dating you anymore”. Can it not be up to the individual? If it were me and I was dating a girl and she continued to post on social media, continued to do her thing in life, but refuses to answer my calls or text messages, then I would keep it moving. Why does it turn into a negative self-evaluation that makes the guy out to be a loser, and the girl a victim?

Let’s run through some of the standard assumptions we make for a date fading away:

  • It’s because I have kids, I just know it.
  • He seems way too (insert stereotype) so I’m sure he likes (insert race, class or type) girls and I’m not one.
  • He doesn’t know what he wants.

You can read as many top 10 list as you’d like about why he didn’t text/call you back but the fact of the matter is the only answer that makes sense is that he no longer wants to date you. When you dip into the “why” it comes right back on you as a question of self-esteem or self-image. Is it fair to ask a stranger to give you metric data as to why they lost interest so that you can use it avoid or improve for the next date? I don’t think it is.

Why can’t we let dating and relationships develop organically? People push their own personal agendas “oh… but we had such a lovely date and we make a good match”, and their own goals “I’ve been single for too long” on the people they date and then balk when the other party doesn’t fall in line with it. Look as a man, I am sorry that our great time together fooled you into thinking we had a future but honey it was one date and I don’t like you. So please excuse me if I choose not to call you back for another.

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