Of course as you sit down with your friends and lament the obstacles of your single life, the angle that is spun is in your favor. “…it was our first date and after walking me to my car; he asked me if I would ‘kiss it’…” Yes, that is a true story and no, I didn’t kiss it and while I don’t think that it was appropriate or flattering for him to ask me that in the parking lot of an Applebee’s on Wednesday night, years later I can take a more objective view on that early evening meeting.
When you have been single for years and seem to only go on dates that are fodder for dating horror stories, it might be time for you to take a good long look in the mirror and see what’s there. It might not be the losers that you are dating. Not everyone is looking for their forever love right this second, but if you are and are paying money on dating websites and your friends are beginning to avoid talking to you and/or are hiding their single friends from you… or if you can’t seem to ever land a second date… then maybe it’s time to see where you stand on your dating skills.
You can’t be a lazy dater. Research shows that you can’t just go on one date and be all, “…well that didn’t work. Guess I’ll die alone…” And maybe you will, who knows but you need to become a master dater. In actuality, you need to go on about 15-25 new dates a year. Sure some of those dates will be disasters but as you continue to date, you get better at it and it allows you the opportunity to meet the right person for you. Hopefully.
What are you bringing to the table?
Are you boring? I mean, for real. When you show up on the date are you just chatting nonstop about all the things that you do and all that you’ve accomplished? Or are you hammering the other person with questions as if they are on an evening job interview that they are praying that they don’t get called back for? Think about the things that you enjoy doing and find a succinct way of describing it and engaging the other person into conversation and have something to say about what they share, don’t just wait for them to be finished so that you can continue on with your monologue.
Pay attention to their non-verbal signs; are they stifling yawns, checking their phone or watch? Cracking their knuckles? Do they show a tight smile and not saying a single word? They are probably bored to tears and waiting for their torture to end. Maybe you will find someone who finds this endearing but if you are watching any of the things that I just mentioned, it’s probably not kismet.
Do you have reasonable expectations?
If you have a checklist of model-like qualities that you are looking to find in your date and cannot fathom accepting anything less, then it is probably (most definitely) you as to why you are having a hard time dating. Having reasonable and attainable ‘must-have’s’ doesn’t make you a settler, it means you are willing to date a human being with flaws and life experiences.
Dating doesn’t have to be torture (for either person involved) but it does require you to really take the time to date and to also evaluate yourself. We are not all perfect and dating takes a lot work and can really wear on your emotions as well as your time and effort. But if you want to find someone for the duration and you lack a magic genie or hypnosis skills… get ready to do some work.