Mar 24

male leader, interracial couple, dreadlocks, curly hair cutie

One thing we can all agree on is that we look to a leader to guide the way. Many associate leadership with bossing someone around which is understandable given the types of “managers” that populate the work force nowadays. But don’t get it twisted, a leader is a bit more than that. This misunderstanding of leadership becomes even more prevalent when a man hears a woman say that she desires a husband to “be a leader” in one breath while claiming independence in another. It may sound confusing but it’s not when you understand the concept of leadership.

A Leader Versus A Boss

Just from reading the titles “boss” and “leader” I am willing to bet that your mind rings negatively to one and positively to the other. Am I right? A leader seems elected, as in someone you want to follow whereas a boss is someone you have to follow. Boss goes along with “job” which we do for money so that we can survive. Leader is an everyday reality, it is our government, it is our gangs, cliques, and circles, it is a natural part of our life.

In a relationship most of us don’t want bosses commanding us to take out the trash, do the dishes, or dress a certain way. What many of us want is someone that is intelligent and smart, who will give us direction on the areas that they can navigate better than we can, and will let us take point on the areas where we have it. Leaders set a foundation that we can then choose to build on, or stay the course towards it. If you’re not with me let me provide an example of a man being a boss to his lady versus a leader.

Boss Man: Hey I need you to be ready around 6:00 tonight because we’re going to my company’s party.

Leader Man: Do you have anything going on at 6:00 tonight? I’d like to take you to my office party.

The first example gave no option for a change in plans whatsoever. If the woman hearing that has an appointment at 6, she immediately thinks that there will be conflict if she refuses. It puts her in a tough spot and it makes the man a bit of a bully in assuming that she will be readily available at the time he gave her. The Leader Man stated his intent after politely asking if there were any variables that would prevent it from happening. It’s not about what you want to do, it’s about how you present it.

The Head of The Household

As the traditional male (read: Alpha) you are a leader. This isn’t to say that your leadership can never be brought into question or challenged, but you are to take point always. Refusing to take point out of laziness or sheer Beta male aloofness may lead you down a path where you disappoint your lover. It will lead her to emasculate you since… well… in her eyes you are not a man. Leadership helps everyone get past the moments of deadly indecision; it makes you (as a man) seem like the strong oak that stands during the storm, and it makes life a little bit easier for your family.

I know that in our modern age people are telling you that this line of thinking hurts men (as if the people saying this have our best interests in mind) or that it is part of a patriarchy, or any other nonsense that vilifies men. What reality states is that despite the skinny jeans, the strong women leaning in, and the media making us seem obsolete, we–as in men–are still looked to for taking charge and it isn’t an impossible request if you understand leadership.

Here are some examples of leadership in the world of dating:

“Let’s go get some drinks at xyz bar and see a movie afterwards.”

“What do you feel like? Pizza or hamburgers, I’m craving hamburgers.”

The point of these two examples is taking point. If the woman counters with: “No I would prefer we do abc” then the man can try to counter with a better suggestion or simply agree – either way there will be a decision. Psychologically a person taking point will become a reliable base for the people involved. Now this “leader” may annoy a woman wanting to be the relationship booker but remember, this article is for men whose women want them to be leaders… not the beta, beatdown competition romance that some people pass off as love.

The examples that I have given in this article is at least a start for those of you who don’t know, but when a woman asks you to be a leader, it is things like this that will make her believe in you. Say something, always.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • McThick

    Women are not going to ask you to be the leader very often, you just need to give it a go. If she balks, or becomes upset, then back down and think about what you want in the relationship. If you didn’t want to be the leader anyway, then more power to you. If not, think about walking away.

  • Selene R

    Wow, it’s always this serious with men.