Sep 03


Bars typically aren’t an environment where you can have a good conversation with a woman and get to know her.  They are typically cramped, loud, dirty, and there are 50 other dudes waiting to talk to the same girl. Some would even argue that it is one of the worst places to meet someone, typically they have been approached by 10+ guys already and the defense shield is set to high.  Most men that have approached them have tried some lame pickup line, or lame scheme to get her phone number.

So, after all of that here you come trying something different, but she may shut you down before you even get started.  If you must approach a woman in a club or bar, here are four tips you should follow to increase your chance of success.

1. Avoid Showing Insecure Body Language

Before you’ve even opened your mouth to say “hi” a woman has already formed an opinion on you. It takes most guys every ounce of their courage to gather up the balls to walk over to a woman and start a conversation. Women want a confident man, so do not approach them timid or scared.  Be assertive, but not too aggressive, remember she has already had a bunch of schmucks grabbing her hand all night.  She is probably already flattered that you’ve chosen HER out of all the girls in the bar to approach, so use that to your advantage.

2. Don’t invade Her “Personal Space” Too Soon

Guys will often invade a woman’s personal space much too quickly. Once the woman acknowledges their existence, the man is likely to sit down next to the woman, or give her every bit of his attention.  This can be a big mistake and cost you an opportunity to get to know her better. Feel out the situation before you set up camp. I am not an advocate of buying a woman a drink unless you have built up a good rapport with her.  You have to know when to leave and let her continue to enjoy the night with her friends.  Don’t overstay your welcome.

3. Using Cheesy Pickup Lines or Offering to Buy Her a Drink

By this time in human evolution you would think that cheesy pickup lines would have evolved out of the male dating arsenal, but that is not the case.  Almost every time I go out to bar, I see guys killing themselves with cheesy pickup lines, it almost makes me want to throw up when I hear the stuff guys say when approaching a woman.  This just shows the lack of personality that this particular person has, because resorting to a pickup line used by 100′s of other people is not a good look.

If you offer to buy her a drink within the first minute of meeting her, she’s going to take the drink and run.  Even worse she will take the drink then let you know that she has a boyfriend.

4.  Ignoring Her Friends

Probably the biggest mistake men make when going to talk to a woman is ignoring the friends that she is with.  This isn’t just bad “pickup skills” it is just plain rude.  Maybe you’ll find that you are a better fit with her friend than with her. It goes back to the old saying, “Keep your options open.”  The biggest problem with this is, if you do manage to get her phone number and things start to grow later, her friends will probably not be your biggest fan. 

You approached their friend instead of them, and not only that you broke up their night of fun and did not speak.  All they will be thinking is, “what an asshole”. Acknowledge the friends, speak to them, and don’t be rude.

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