Jan 09

woman cussing out man

In this new series we speak to men and women about the evil exes of their past. What we aim to get out of these interviews is some insight for you readers as to what went wrong in these situations so that hopefully you may avoid the mistakes that we have.

Our first guest is Cee, he is an all-around “good guy” in the eyes of the world who was almost destroyed by the woman he met in Bible school… let’s get to it.

When and where did you meet your ex?
It all started in the spring of 2002. For some reason I was at a 1-year religious institute. It was sorta like a summer campground, but you go to classes and talk about Jesus all day. My 2002 self thought this would be a good thing. Anyway, I had never had a real girlfriend in my life, so everything that happened came with no prior woman experience.

There was a night at this institute called “campfire night” where everyone gathers around a campfire and sings Kumbaya etc. Well I met her, talked for a bit and gave her my number. We parted ways, going back to our respective living areas. I wasn’t inside mine for 5 minutes before she called me. Some might say that’s cute, but that should have been a small flag.

“Goddamn cheeseburgers”

So obviously you are being interviewed because she went nuts but did she change over time, or something happened?
As time progressed, we started growing closer. Back then I was a firm believer in marriage-before-sex, so things went slow. We were at an ultra-religious place, so everyone was watching/judging your behavior. This made it somewhat easy to go slow. Before long we would be sitting around and she’d start listing off baby names, curious which ones I liked. As a guy with no prior experience, this didn’t raise the warning flags that it should’ve.

School ended (neither of us “graduated”) and she went back to her home in New York. Welcome to long-distance hell. Every dime was saved for flights back and forth to visit each other. A couple times over the years she tried to fly down to Florida to start a life with me. Somehow any job she got, or any people she met would have some odd occurrence. If she was alone with a girl, she’d come back with a tale of them making sexual advances at her. If she had a job, they were somehow abusive and a terrible place to work. Ultimately she tried to convince me that a college degree wasn’t worth my while and we could live off love and food stamps and be happy.

The point where I should have cut it off, and even tried a couple times, was when she was trying to be a wedge between my family and I. She’d be rooming in my parents house, and decline a meal made by my mother, then have me drive out and get cheeseburgers from McDonalds. Even recalling that story fills me with rage. Goddamn cheeseburgers. My parents tried to warn me that she was bad news. I didn’t listen for years. I bought her an engagement ring from Walmart.com, not really because I wanted to, but because she had been sending links for a month and I just gave in. I specifically remember thinking about her being a wife and a mother. I couldn’t envision it. My brain couldn’t make that image.

After pushing through all her attempts to get me to write off my family and ditch college, eventually she ended up back in New York and I ended up at my alma-mater-to-be in Arkansas. She attempted to go to college and not be a complete pariah. Her grandma bought her a car and was funding her college admission. Then she started reporting weird things.

“I would take her back to hell for a refund.”

What is the worst thing she ever did to you?
From what I understand, she had group assignments in college. Supposedly she slept with her handicapped group assignment partner and got pregnant. I spent spring break of 2005 in New York trying to help her get an abortion. She made me pro-choice. I don’t remember her getting one, but after I got back to school, she regaled me with new stories of waking up in a stranger’s house with telltale signs of having sex. I don’t really recall what happened next, but she decided we should have a week-long relationship break.

I didn’t hear from her for a week, and vividly remember fantasizing about all the money I could save by not dating her. I remember thinking about buying my fantasy guitar, a Gibson SG Supreme with emerald burst body.

She called after that week and declared our relationship over. I was quite ok with this. She called once every few weeks to chat or something, and I felt extreme anxiety whenever my phone rang and I saw it was her. Once I talked to her new boyfriend, who asked me if there was anything he should know. I told him she was a great girl. Sucker.

I told her she could keep the engagement ring because she needed the money more than I did. She had already sold it for weed.

Would you take her back if you were both single?
I would take her back to hell for a refund. Other than that, I don’t even like saying her name.

What would you tell the guys reading to avoid in a woman to not end up with one like your ex?
Make a list of musts for your woman. If you meet a girl and she doesn’t meet at least 90% of your musts, then move on. Personality clashes will happen in a relationship, but when she wants you to quit school or scold your family on her behalf, it’s time to cut that girl loose.

Any other thoughts?
Most of my other thoughts are regrets. I know it’s noble to say “I wouldn’t change anything about my life”, but if I could go back in time and not attend that goddamn Bible school, I would.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • McThick

    I’m going to have to disagree with the “list of musts.” While all guys have a “type”, expanding that out into a list is a fool’s errand. Most of the things on that list will be either superficial (blue eyes, big booty, etc) or personality traits that take a LONG time to manifest themselves (easy-going, socially active, etc.) The superficial things are really only important at the beginning of a relationship and the deeper things are items that take a long time to figure out. The result being that, at any given time in a relationship, about half your list is busted.

    Rather than a list of “musts” (which is a tad womanish in my mind) I’d recommend a list of “mustn’ts” or “vetoes.” For example, smoking. I could not be with a woman who smoked on a regular basis. I could also not be with a woman who is openly racist or hateful of any specific ‘group’.

    • Lists come from experience and Cee at the time had none. We make negative lists after being through things or hearing/seeing others we love or respect go through it. Prior to any experience it’s like “oh wow this girl likes me! O.O Let me try not to do anything for that liking to stop!” So I think any list is an unrealistic answer to this… we just need to respect ourselves more when we get into relationships green or not.

  • Mary Striby

    There’s nothing wrong with standards. But you also have to communicate your expectations to the girlfriend once she’s passed the initial filter. And being bullied into an engagement is always a bad sign.

    • That is why I see such value in sharing these stories anonymously because there are a few factors working against Cee here.

      1. He was green and ANY woman’s attention for a young guy like that is welcomed.
      2. He didn’t seem quite firm into himself – as in “who am I” at the time so he did what she asked in order to not lose her, and keep her happy (all in his mind).

      It happens all the time to non-confident people, male and female, but Cee lucked out in not being deep into the marriage with like 3 kids in tow before the great reveal saved him from this woman.

      The lesson here is self-respect. If someone says, does, and pushes you into things that you yourself aren’t into then you need to take a step back and analyze the situation before committing. I wondered where his friends were during all of this to pull him to the side and warn him. :/

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