“Dear Dragon, I really enjoy your website and seem to agree with you on many of the articles you post. I’d like some advice on the ways of living a single life.
Every time I meet up with them the conversation seems to eventually turn to how I shouldn’t be single (as if its some kind of hardship), how they wish I was as happy as they are (I’m happier than they seem to be), how I “deserve” someone (What does that even mean?). Then out come the list of potential girlfriends, or even worse than the list we “accidentally” bump into one of these women.
I’ve tried telling them that I am happy doing my own thing for the moment, that I hate blind dates, that I have plenty of time to marry should I wish to in the future, that I’m concentrating on my career at the moment, you name it! NOTHING is getting through to them. You want to know the really ironic thing? My friends marriages, not really that great.
So there we have it, a bunch of unhappy married people are trying to convince this happy single person to convert. How do I convince them I’m happy as I am? I want them to respect my choices and respect my single life. I don’t want to sever the friendships with them because when they are not banging on about my love life they are great. Please tell me before I end up beating it into one of them!” – Paul
Hi Paul, believe me when I say that every single guy goes through this nonsense with married friends. I have written two articles on this very subject, here is a snippet of one:
There is nothing more annoying than bored married people wanting blow by blow of your sexual escapades or your latest date. The husbands looking to live vicariously through my singledom and the “experts” who like to impart their invaluable knowledge on “the game”. Lets not talk about the nosy wife of these guys who gets way too curious for comfort. Sometimes we just want to show up to your house and chill without the 3rd degree.
I also speak about married people crossing lines in this article: http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/married-people-please-stay-in-your-lane/
The bottom line is this, they won’t change – not unless they realize that you will begin to move away from them (you will). Our married friends think of your singlehood in a couple of silly ways:
- You are not able to find love so you may end up forever alone – so they MUST help you.
- They see you loving single life and it reminds them that they can’t go meeting random hot chicks anymore.
- They think: I dig him as a friend so let me help him find a girl so we can share that one part of our lives together… even if it’s in misery.
- They think: We feel boring around him because all we talk about is married stuff. Let’s get him into the club quickly.
They will never understand that you are happy single
We can blame society and religion for this because it is embedded in everyone’s minds that life = Marrying, working, having kids, and dying. They see you as an anomaly, something that is wrong and they want to fix you. It’s rather scientific how we aim to “normalize” anyone who doesn’t abide by the status quo and what you are dealing with is just that. I hate to say it but a good way to slow this behavior down is to truly limit your time with them and be honest when they ask you why. Tell them that you don’t appreciate them treating you like something broken and that as friends it should be about your happiness not your fitting in by marrying.
Good luck with your friends and remember that happiness is your own individual journey. When you are ready to settle down–if that is ever your choice–it needs to be on your partner’s and your own timeline. Thanks for writing in.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.