Don’t you hate nosy people? I know I do. Many of us men come up being extremely private to the point where we turn off family members and friends just by the amount of silence we keep about our love lives. Oft times this code of silence comes from being burnt one too many times by big-mouthed people who make us feel uncomfortable for our preferences and choices throughout our dating lives. Having dated a number of different women from across the spectrum of race, style and class – I know all too well the comments and hurtful jokes that gets thrown at single men for their choices.
When I was in college I dated a number of light-skinned black girls, not because that was my thing, but because they were the ones who were talking back to me. You know the game denizens, hell if you read my articles enough, you know why this is. No matter how much we like to think that we are in control – women choose to be with men, not the other way around. Light-skinned birds were choosing, and man did I catch hell for it.
I had friends calling me all sorts of nonsense, not to mention my being in martial arts lead to people assuming that I was going to fly out to Korea and bag any woman that made the mistake of smiling at me. Drove me absolutely nuts and I could not live it down.
Being young at the time and guilty of actually giving a damn, I started to hide my girlfriends opting to not introduce them to the boys and if she so happened to be of Asian descent – no way would they ever know. See us guys break each others balls HARD, and if you show any form of weakness they do more than break em, they completely crush them.
I have a buddy who we used to clown a lot that he had a thing for Latin women… we’re in Florida so it’s not as if that’s a far-fetched notion. But still he took it as an offense, the same way I did about the girls I was with in school. One particular girl used to flirt with him at our get-togethers and since they were both single, it was natural to everyone that something was going to come of it. But when the women in attendance started to break his balls about her to him, it became too much – he was done. The cute flirtatious banter that used to occur between them ceased as he chose instead to ignore her; his dating life became a mystery as the nosy married people would press for answers and he would shrug it off or flat out lie. It was a bit sad but having been there I understood, they had broken him like so many other single men whose lives became the talk of the mostly married party.
“I think its the kind of thing though with people in established marriages or relationships when they have the ‘single’ friend. It can be a very uncomfortable environment because they make you feel like you have to cater your dating to ‘their’ expectations” – Dan
This is one of the reasons why single people tend to avoid a lot of married fellowships that involve the token chatty wife, or the frat-boy husband. Dating is tough enough without the judgment and sadly the women in our lives suffer for it without even knowing the real cause. Our friends are to blame sometimes for us cutting a potential love interest off. Especially for men who have close family units and care what they think.
It makes me wonder how many men have learnt supreme privacy from situations like ours, when you have the ignorant roommate saying “look Greg it’s Chun-Li!” loudly at a house-party, or nosy friend’s wife trying to hook you up with the pretty latina at work because she thinks that’s your type. People should just leave well enough alone and be happy for us when we find love, regardless of marital status, temperament and jokes. That’s all a single man can ask for, but time and time again it has been proven that friends can and will ruin the process of being an open-book about our relationships.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.