Schools don’t care that your child is being bullied. Principals don’t care, the bus driver doesn’t care and while their teacher may care, the effectiveness of one teacher is extremely limited. Fact of the matter is that much of the fault falls squarely on your shoulders as parents. Your detached relationship with the kid and refusal to enroll he/she in a martial arts school due to the cost, or the pain in the ass of driving them there daily, has led to them being the “prison bitch” of their school campus. Oh why use the harsh term “prison bitch” on this topic? Let me explain.
School is a faux Prison System
Many kids will not even talk about their bullying to their parents out of embarrassment (they have the asshole dad who will just recant the old “just stand up to them son” without any detail) or fear of the wrong kind of interference (the mom who is all “oh my god, I am going to grab my purse and go down there to talk to that boy). Nothing you’re doing is helping. Every adult that has been bullied and remembers it knows that there are only two ways to stop the zerg: Violence or Relocation.
Getting violent with a bully (pros and cons)
Pros: If it’s the text-book bully, which is one kid punking your child, then if your child knocks his/her teeth out, breaks their arm or cracks their rib, then that one kid will stop. You get your Hollywood ending where the kid gets new respect throughout the school, other bullied kids now love him.
Cons: Most people raise their kids to be mediocre little toadies who wouldn’t know leadership if it came over and bit them in the face. These toadies follow the bully, so if you are the kid being bullied, you are actually facing a horde of offenders, not just one guy/gal. Add to this the fact that many parents with guns are worthless human beings and their kids have access to guns, drugs and whatever else they have laying on the center table in the living room. Your kid beating his/her ass, can and may result into things becoming criminally dangerous for his/her life.
Relocating (pros and cons)
Pros: Gives the parents a chance to restart in educating their child about bullies – if the child is the type to listen and follow instruction. Scoping out a new school’s policies may help in choosing a location that will promote learning and strict adult supervision versus the cheap Public School system which is a prison.
Cons: I don’t believe in the relocating answer, it’s inconvenient for all parties, it’s expensive and chances are your kid will just end up being bullied again. School is a faux prison system, you have the strong, you have the weak and you have the lifers who have been set back 1-3 years (think Kearney, Jimbo, Dolph and Nelson from The Simpsons). If you are sending your kid to Shawshank every day and one of the predators deem he/she to be weak, chances are – other predators will see them as weak. So moving them to another system will only have them holding some other kid’s pocket as they are beaten and abused from 8:00 am – 3:00 pm every day.
Great Hollywood Examples
The Movie “Let Me In” or “Let The Right One In” gives a perfect example of a kid being bullied and unable to talk about it at home. Another great one is 2010’s Karate Kid where the American outsider is chased and beaten daily, despite his willingness to fight back and the same inability to get help from his loving parent. My only beef with Karate Kid was that the end was a cliché misrepresentation of life. Not every kid gets to learn Jackie Chan caliber Kung-Fu with which to beat a bully’s ass in a tournament.
There is NO Solution
There are tips that may help here and there, but bullying is organic and natural to human beings (at least I believe so). Consider the book Lord of The Flies by William Golding for reference on what I am about to say. Every child has a different personality just like every one of us adults. Just because a child grew up with two parents, money, and privilege does not mean that at school he isn’t a little asshole putting other kids into lockers and trying to rape them with broom handles. At the same time, just because a child is from the projects and walks by crack heads on the way to the bus in the morning does not mean that he is more likely to be slapping your son around to take his lunch money. The background of a bully varies and it’s not always a result of them being bullied at home. Sometimes an asshole is just an asshole.
Bullying never ends…
The only solution for bullying is to have an open relationship of communication with your child in order for them to feel comfortable in relaying the events of the day to you. Having a hostile school system and a hostile home environment will harden your child and change him/her and may lead to them taking matters into their own hands and possibly killing the bullies. All these panels, blogs, discussions are worthless if they aren’t taking the parents to task about communication. It’s not going to happen through their school and it definitely won’t happen through the bully. Kids that got bullied and are adults now will tell you that it never ends after one grade. School after school, grade after grade they were bullied and not always by the same people. What does this reality tell you? The only true solution is through your kid.
I hope that I have shed some light into a possible solution beyond all the nonsense that I read lately. There is no one answer to bullying, but there is communication which leads to answers. Like I said, not every bully has an alcoholic dad and a detached mother. You have to take every case to task on it’s own merit.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.