Sep 25


People always say that its only when pet peeves and annoyance comes into play that you realize how much you are willing to put up with when it comes to dating. Once you know how much you are willing to put up with (and what you definitely are not) you tend to migrate towards and settle with someone who fits that mold.

Then there’s that woman.  We all know who she is. The one who for whatever reason makes her issues the sole controller of her emotions when she meets someone and gets close to a real relationship.  It almost seems that she is more comfortable when she is getting screwed over, doesn’t it?

I have known women in the past who have put up with a lot of wrongdoing and they truly didn’t deserve it.  Makes me think that nice girls really do finish last.  It’s like when they are finally treated well, can get honest answers to their questions, and are shown some respect, it is very foreign to them.  They almost always screw it up for themselves by being too busy waiting for that other shoe to drop! 

If this rings true to you ladies, please read on.  There are ways to get rid of the bags.

So how does one get past the past?

Woman upset over getting dumpedIt takes a conscious effort to change the way you feel.  A “last straw” of sorts will lead a person to truly value what they have to offer.  For me, leaving the country alone, to celebrate my birthday–after being stood up at the airport–was my last straw.  Going into the trip, I made an effort to pick my heart up off the floor and look within myself to figure out why it was that I was being treated this way.

I found myself at a bar complaining about a man, one that I had just met no less, to a couple of strangers, and one of them said to me that I sounded slightly bitter.  That was the moment when I said: “damn, does it really show like that?” If a complete and total stranger–as tipsy as he was–saw the fire in my eyes, then it was safe to say that any man who got close to me would definitely feel that flame. Unless I took the first step to snuff it out and gain control of my destiny.

Getting past the past also takes patience.  I have witnessed numerous men running for dear life at the first sign of baggage. So one must be prepared for plenty of disappointments as it takes a bit of practice to not drop the bags at his door (or even worse, ask him to carry them in for you).  Who are you to hold a new guy responsible for the transgressions of the last? If you truly felt that he was going to follow in the last man’s footsteps, then why would you date him in the first place?

Getting past the past also takes the confidence to ask things that you want to know. The hard part is being willing to hear the answer you receive.

You must get yourself together and set out on a mission to change the constant cycle that you find yourself in. Erykah Badu said it best, “Bag Lady, you gonna miss your bus…you can’t hurry up cuz you got too much stuff”. You should want to enjoy life, experience things you never have, travel, show your kids or younger siblings how to enjoy life, etc.  If someone worthy comes along, and I stress the word “worthy”, that you can share and build with, go for it! But accept nothing less.

Nice girls can identify with missing plenty of buses in life as most will just drive by and splash them. However, those buses were never going to take you where you wanted to go anyway.  So smile, nice girl, and stand strong.  Follow my advice and you will definitely be on a different route in no time.

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