Sep 20

Passive aggressive hateI am a woman with many strictly platonic relationships with men over the past decade or so.  We are friends not because of some undercover attraction, but because we have either gone through something together or have just always been there for each other like family.  Recently, one of my boys reconnected with his old high school sweetheart and is head over heels. I hadn’t heard such joy in his voice in years so when I saw her name in my Facebook inbox, my first thought was “oh, maybe she’s trying to throw him a surprise birthday party or something”. But then I remembered he was born in March.  Considering that I never even met the girl I couldn’t think of a reason other than here comes the drama, why is this chick writing me”.  So I read it:

“Nia, Nia, Nia: Hi there. I gotta admit, when I first got back in contact with Daryl, I thought you and him were and item and I couldn’t help myself but to be so jealous, because you are such a beautiful woman. Daryl is fond of you and speaks highly of you. It comforts me to know that he has comfort in friends like you because he is so reserved and quiet and I do worry about him so much. Be blessed and know that you’ll always have a friend in me!”

At first I was like..”oh, what a nice girl”. Then it hit me… this chick is trying to subtly tell me that her man is hers now and that I better not overstep my friendship boundaries.  The passive aggressive compliments seemed to be meant to butter me up so I could confide in her some kind of way as to what the nature of our relationship “really” is. You know, the whole keep your enemies closer thing. So I wrote her back a simple “no worries, hun, I got a man”. 

Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened to me. I have actually lost a friendship or two due to the current girlfriend and/or wife demanding that he cut me off immediately so she can feel much more secure in her place.  Why must ladies feel the need to step on each other to get the guy? I mean, I would think that if anything was going to happen between us, it either would have already, or it’s just not in the cards.  Yea, I know his family, all his friends, and his likes and dislikes, but that doesn’t mean I’m secretly in love with the man waiting for him to get someone else that I can snatch him up with a wink and a smile. The insecurity is relentless as women will stop at nothing, short of checking themselves and their self-esteem, to make sure that their man is “trustworthy”.

Now, this is not entirely the woman’s fault.  Whether the man has been a past cheater, or she has some unresolved issues with a cheater in her own past, that man needs to step up and check her and let her know that he’s not that dude.  I mean, I have had spineless guys let the girl give him a curfew (i.e. Nia cannot call after 9 pm), or we cannot hang out unless she chaperones the visit. In all honesty, she has absolutely nothing to worry about because I like my men with a little more backbone.  If he’s playing into her insecurity and calling me on some old “she wants me to tell you that…..” then he’s definitely not my type.

I ask these insecure women, if he is not trustworthy and may cheat on you with me, why get with him? Why say “I do” in front of the friends and family? It makes absolutely no sense to me. Learn a lesson from this boys…if your new girlfriend is befriending all the women in your Facebook, or constantly grilling you about why that childhood friend calls you so late, she’s masking her insecurity by being a nice girl. Unless you are that guy who will allow her to place limitations on friendships that were there long before she came into your life, run.  Run fast. She is probably not a keeper and when it is all said and done you will be less one good friend.

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  • Julia

    I don’t know,Nia…facebook is one of the LEADING causes of divorce these days,lol! I have seen many relationships ended over face book.I think women have every right to be suspicious of other women their man are friends with on there.Men too!
    For every real female friend like you,there is another who really is trying to get with the guy.And for every married woman,there are men sending her,”You are so hot baby,too bad you have a guy” messages.

    I decided to just cancel my face book because it caused so many issues…The internet is just not a good place for a person who is in a relationship.I don’t think it has to do with trust,you shouldn’t throw yourself in front of temptation.