I recently read an article “Three Things Man Crave Daily From Women” and starting to read this, I was ready to be defense or take some kind umbrage with the content, but I was pleasantly surprised and would only make one additional suggestion to the content – that women would want the same things.
The article discusses three things that you can do within your relationship that will keep men tuned into their relationship; maintained affection and desire, loyalty and showing appreciation. Through reading the article I can see that these things are likely to affect men and women differently but they are important across the board.
For men, showing affection and desire is the key to allowing men to not only feel attractive to their partner, but to be a visual display that they are connected to their partner. Anyone who is a visual learner would likely benefit from physical touch. For women, the physical touching by their partner allows them to know that their partner notices them and is aware of them in a physical way. Just the gentlest touch in a crowded room by the man in your life can be the greatest reassurance that he sees you and wants others to know that he sees you.
Affection can go a very long way in making either party in a relationship feel reassured and comforted. Couples that are uncomfortable touching each other or that are stingy with their contact with each other will look a bit off to the onlooker and feel a bit uncomfortable when touch is initiated spontaneously. And think of when you are angry with your partner, one of the first things that serves as a barrier is, “…don’t touch me” and the person that said that is usually the person that has end it. Once we get rebuffed for our touch, we become fearful of further rejection. If this occurs for too long in a relationship, touching becomes more foreign and less likely to occur without thought.
Another thing the article mentions is loyalty, “…commitment to the person to love and respect them in public” (Bruns, 2013) By not diminishing or chastising a man or a woman, for that matter, they are able to be pride in themselves and if you can do the opposite of that, to acknowledge their efforts, thoughts and ideas not only are you showing your acceptance of the person, you are letting them know that you are also proud of them. Public berating is humiliating and it becomes difficult to love the person that is causing you humiliation. For men or women, this can be a huge decisive factor in how the relationship grows or ends.
And finally, there is communicating appreciation for the person. This idea, of expressing your appreciation for someone else, leads nicely when we’ve already worked on the above ideas. Letting the person in your life know that you appreciate what they do for themselves or for you is important to letting the other person know that they are valued. This does not mean that you have to create a laundry list of things to be thankful for, but when you notice it – let them know that you notice it. The small things really do matter as a relationship begins to endure the test of time. When I moved in with my partner, he never bought tissues – like actual Kleenex – and I do. One box for any room that has a trash can basically. And yesterday after our weekly grocery run, he replaced a tissue box in the guest bathroom. And while this may be a very small thing – I noticed it and appreciated that I didn’t have to be the only one surveying all the rooms ALL THE TIME. I appreciate that I have help. J
Relationships are definitely a two-way street and both parties – regardless of gender – are going to want to feel attractive and wanted physically and emotionally from their partners and touching your partner would be as good a way as any to achieve that. They are going to want to know that you believe in them, their ideas and their beliefs. This does not have to mean that you and your partner are joined or that you need to share a brain but to have an understanding of the kind of person that they are on a basic level and to be able to support that person that they are is going to strengthen the relationship. And expressing your appreciation is just going to be the icing on the cake.
Love is cool and all – but love without the above relationship needs met it’s kind of shell of all that a relationship could be.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.