Jun 28

I remember my Freshman year in college and how my roommate and myself would go upstairs in our dorm to hang out with “the Twons”. Now we often visited the two Twons (they both were named Antoine) because they were great story tellers and being horny Freshmen there was nothing like a good story of conquest from 2 supposed experts in the game. At least this is what they made themselves out to be and we believed them… well I did until they told me the tale of the “spitting dragon”. I won’t elaborate on what a “spitting dragon” is, but the technique involved smacking a woman in the back of her head and one of the Twons claimed he had done it.

These two clowns were entertaining but looking back at it they were pretty full of crap and a bit pathetic. This is what us men do, especially young guys, we swap bullcrap stories about the oddest sh-t, much of it being exaggerated for the shock value or heroic props. So to sit here writing as if I am above the Twons in spinning an elaborate tale or two would make me a hypocrite to say the least. Don’t take this as ammo for your “all men are liars” rhetoric please, take it as “most men love to be the stud in a good story”.

I won’t elaborate on what a “spitting dragon” is…

These stories are at times true, and men know that lying about our conquests is the worst kind of karma but it never slows down the rhetoric. I recall many girls having their reputation shot from dudes that they thought were their friends lying to their buddies that she was taking it from them daily. For women this is a lose/lose situation because no matter how much they deny it, the man gets the benefit of the doubt every time. The only person that can kill a sexual lie is another male – if he comes with the ol’ “Dwayne didn’t sleep with that girl, that fool always lies about his dick!” When this occurs, most men will laugh at Dwayne for being a loser. So here’s some advice ladies – if it gets to this point, call on a real male friend to help because other than that we will never believe you.

I wonder, do women lie about sex as much as us men do? Do you tell your friend that your man did all sorts of Peter North nastiness to you when in reality he was a 2-pump chump? I bet you all do, especially if you plan on keeping him. Which woman wants to have her girls looking at her husband like a 3 minute man? Here’s a clue for you ladies and gentlemen, if you see a future with the person you’re bedding do not give out details to friends… Especially exaggerated details. What if it doesn’t work out and your friend breaks code and gets in? Now you look like a fool!

I had one friend tell me his girl moved like Azlea Antistia in the bedroom, I knew he was full of it. His chick was lazy, no lethargic woman can dance on the pole like Azzy… Nice try pimp. Ever had someone tell you all the nasty stuff he did with a girl, forget he told you, then comes back weeks later saying he dumped her for not giving him the ass? I have, and it was hilarious to me – damn liars.

This is us men though, we love it as much as we love to call it out. Fellas if you’re gonna lie go for the full Monty say stuff like “she did the Vanessa Del Rio on me” trust me if you’re the type to kiss and tell (which is not macho) you may as well be a champ at it. Have you ever told a blatant sexual lie for entertainment?

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