Apr 09

couple on first date

Okay about this pay on the first date thing; men and women are going to have to accept that there are different schools of thought on this and that there is no right or wrong way to do it. For the traditionalist who wants to mirror his parents in the way things are divvied up between man and woman, he will always want to pay after the first date but the new age Omega Man will either look to his date to pick it up or split the bill evenly. Nobody will abide by one rule, it is a new age people of the dating world – either you adapt or you will get outrun.

What’s a Girl to Do?

In my opinion a woman should always reach for her purse to pay for her half of the meal. It’s a respect thing because even though a man may offer to pick up the entire bill, it still shows that she was not expecting it as if he either owed it or because it is his manly duty to pay. Some men get offended by that yester-year bull because to be quite honest with you, a lot of these customs came about when women were treated as 2nd class citizens with crap jobs that paid peanuts.

Think about the 50’s when men were paid and women were expected to play pretty homemaker and caretaker. A time like that when women were not being treated equally would 100% warrant that the chauvinist asshole taking her out would have to pay for everything (plus some) but this is no longer then. In this day and age women are more likely to attend and finish college, more likely to do well in their careers and more likely to be able to pay for her half of the meal just like her male counterpart.

So don’t expect Betty Francis (homemaker) treatment when you’re the career cruising Peggy Olsen (career woman) type – it’s just not going to fly with certain males. But I can guarantee you this: due to tradition, and a lot of old men who have set the standard for the younger generation; more men will offer to pay it all than you think will agree to splits.

One Man’s Gentleman is Another Man’s Trick

When a man offers to pay your bill there is something that goes on in his mind. There are two trains of thought from the paying male that makes it better for a woman to pay her way regardless of tradition and the chance at a free meal. A man who pays a full bill thinks one of two things:

  1. This meal was expensive so she’s going to have to come up off some ass either tonight or next date.
  2. I’m such a freaking gentleman, she is impressed by the way I shooed her measly money away in lieu of my bank card.

Wolf on a dateIn the case of A, you have a guy who has probably dated girls before that happily rewarded him with a make-out session after the meal. Hell some girls are good to let him even go all the way just from his charm and the fact that the bill amounted to a couple hundred dollars. He expects something for his investment of time and money – which is funny because the women who feel owed a free meal like to use the same argument for leeching meals off of men. “Well I took the time to get beautiful and sit with him for dinner so he should pay” – well princess guess what? Now you have a man who thinks just like you in terms of people owing him things and he assumes you are giving him the ass sooner than later.

For the guy who thinks that it’s his duty to pay, that is on him and I can’t really knock him one way or another. Remember folks, Chivalry is a chosen path, not a path that is mandated to us when we were born with cock and balls. No, no, no, a man who chooses to trick (give money to women for favor) does so on his own merit and there really is no right or wrong to it.

So the next time you decide to get on your soapbox about dating etiquette and whether or not a man is really a man if a woman pays for her meal; think on the time period that you grew up in and consider this before you speak. We are in a more liberal time, of somewhat equal pay and a race of men who are damn near eunuchs due to the emasculating media. Do you really want to go there about this gender role B.S.? I don’t think you want to go there; just sit down, enjoy your meal and when the bill comes up, offer to pay for your half if not the drinks. It’s just the right thing to do.

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  • If we are just dating and not actually a couple a man should always pay PERIOD!!

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  • Nicole


    I would offer to pay my half most of the time, or even more so, I often pay for my date and my girlfriends too! It depends on what the guy does. Let say I know that he is not well-off and could be somewhat broke (like a student or so), then I’d just take the bill and tell him to take me out when he is available. But that has cost some damage in some of the relationships in the past because some people would take it for granted. However, the ones who don’t give me a reason to keep them in my life and vice versa.

    On the other hand, if I know for a fact that he is rich in his wallet (lol), then I would just skip the offering but thank him with a nice smile to show appreciation.

    I grew up being the youngest with brothers and all the boys that I know pay for their girlfriends and consider that it is their duty to do so. This idea somehow follows me to a certain extent. If I offer to split the bill, and the man accepts it, then I’d think that he is just a friend. But if I know that he wants me romantically and still does that, then I’d just think to myself that this guy is cheap, unless he has confessed to me about his broke status which then I’d be understanding. I can’t help it but I am generous and I love generous people who are giving as well, not just in terms of money, but love, compassion, attention, and so on. So I would assume that if he is cheap in his wallet, he is probably cheap in love also.

    The last date I went on (first date), I offered to pay for my half and the guy was really impressed and shocked. He kept telling me how appreciated he was that I offered. And of course, I have him wrapped around my fingers now. lol JK! Guys in many occasions have told me that they would not like to be treated like they owe the girl.

    I recently had a conversation with my girlfriend about this. She was surprised and asked me why and she stated that she would only offer to split if she considered the guy a friend. Well to each her own. Haha


    • Hey Nicole, you sound like the genuine article – I appreciate you sharing your experience in this. For women reading, I will ask you to follow Nicole’s lead and at least try to analyze the situation before going off of assumption that all men will pay.

      Nicole you’re right we do look to pay but when a woman offers it makes us feel that we have to bring our A game to the table because there’s a hint of independence there. Pretty girls who sit back, smile and let us snatch the bill every time will start to look like Betty Draper after enough dates and unless you want to slip into a traditional role with a guy, you’d be be better off at least trying to pay for drinks.

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