Okay about this pay on the first date thing; men and women are going to have to accept that there are different schools of thought on this and that there is no right or wrong way to do it. For the traditionalist who wants to mirror his parents in the way things are divvied up between man and woman, he will always want to pay after the first date but the new age Omega Man will either look to his date to pick it up or split the bill evenly. Nobody will abide by one rule, it is a new age people of the dating world – either you adapt or you will get outrun.
What’s a Girl to Do?
In my opinion a woman should always reach for her purse to pay for her half of the meal. It’s a respect thing because even though a man may offer to pick up the entire bill, it still shows that she was not expecting it as if he either owed it or because it is his manly duty to pay. Some men get offended by that yester-year bull because to be quite honest with you, a lot of these customs came about when women were treated as 2nd class citizens with crap jobs that paid peanuts.
Think about the 50’s when men were paid and women were expected to play pretty homemaker and caretaker. A time like that when women were not being treated equally would 100% warrant that the chauvinist asshole taking her out would have to pay for everything (plus some) but this is no longer then. In this day and age women are more likely to attend and finish college, more likely to do well in their careers and more likely to be able to pay for her half of the meal just like her male counterpart.
So don’t expect Betty Francis (homemaker) treatment when you’re the career cruising Peggy Olsen (career woman) type – it’s just not going to fly with certain males. But I can guarantee you this: due to tradition, and a lot of old men who have set the standard for the younger generation; more men will offer to pay it all than you think will agree to splits.
One Man’s Gentleman is Another Man’s Trick
When a man offers to pay your bill there is something that goes on in his mind. There are two trains of thought from the paying male that makes it better for a woman to pay her way regardless of tradition and the chance at a free meal. A man who pays a full bill thinks one of two things:
- This meal was expensive so she’s going to have to come up off some ass either tonight or next date.
- I’m such a freaking gentleman, she is impressed by the way I shooed her measly money away in lieu of my bank card.
In the case of A, you have a guy who has probably dated girls before that happily rewarded him with a make-out session after the meal. Hell some girls are good to let him even go all the way just from his charm and the fact that the bill amounted to a couple hundred dollars. He expects something for his investment of time and money – which is funny because the women who feel owed a free meal like to use the same argument for leeching meals off of men. “Well I took the time to get beautiful and sit with him for dinner so he should pay” – well princess guess what? Now you have a man who thinks just like you in terms of people owing him things and he assumes you are giving him the ass sooner than later.
For the guy who thinks that it’s his duty to pay, that is on him and I can’t really knock him one way or another. Remember folks, Chivalry is a chosen path, not a path that is mandated to us when we were born with cock and balls. No, no, no, a man who chooses to trick (give money to women for favor) does so on his own merit and there really is no right or wrong to it.
So the next time you decide to get on your soapbox about dating etiquette and whether or not a man is really a man if a woman pays for her meal; think on the time period that you grew up in and consider this before you speak. We are in a more liberal time, of somewhat equal pay and a race of men who are damn near eunuchs due to the emasculating media. Do you really want to go there about this gender role B.S.? I don’t think you want to go there; just sit down, enjoy your meal and when the bill comes up, offer to pay for your half if not the drinks. It’s just the right thing to do.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.