Jun 27

packing up to leave

It would surprise you but a false state of entitlement is the cause for many types of fallout between men and women in relationships.

Speaking with a young lady last night we got on the topic of this very thing after watching a movie where a man left his long term girlfriend and mother of 2 to link up with a beautiful young woman who he quickly married… his name was not Tiki Barber by the way.

The lady’s annoyance with the man’s choice in doing this was evident and we began a long conversation on relationships and entitlement.

Is Marriage a reward for good behavior?

Most people believe that time served should be rewarded with a state of permanence. This belief extends beyond relationships into the work force where the word tenure can be used to apply to people who stick it out for years.

The mistake people make with expecting a reward for staying the course however is that the terms were never investigated or discussed at the beginning of the relationship.

People live with someone, sleep with them, cook for them, assume the role of spouse; all with the expectation that the other person will reward them with the official title due to all of this. Just like people brown-nose, stay late hours and snitch on co-workers just to assume that they are entitled to a raise or promotion.

Many men of honor do go through the motions expected of them from women. They marry the girl who held them down for so long and make her happy for being loyal. This does not extend to all men however because of a number of reasons.

Consider the fact that marriage is a failing institution which is losing popularity with every day that passes by and a messy divorce is publicized. Also consider the fact that some men are waiting just like the woman is waiting; the man is waiting however for his true soul mate.

In the conversation with the young lady she used the term “string me along” and I had to ask her can’t a woman just up and leave whenever she pleases if there are no vows to legally hold her there? She answered “yes” of course to which I reminded her that it takes two.

No man is obligated to marry a woman who he has been with for a long time, it is still very much a choice (by both parties) and while you may view marriage as the end goal, he may not see you as a wife.

Have you tried asking him?

Most people operate off of assumption and entitlement which only leads to anger when their mate makes a decision outside of their expectations. A man will stay with a woman because she is sweet, gives him what he likes and seems pretty cool about it.

On the flip side a woman who already has setup a goal system of dating a man (any man, just as long as he isn’t crazy), marrying said man, having a family, and then dying old with him will not really consider the man’s goals in the entire picture.

Women who operate like this should honestly get the promise up front from men and stop being afraid of scaring us away with marriage talk. Look if marriage is what you are about then you should put it out there early, get confirmation from your guy and that would validate your want for marriage in the end.

If you decide to gamble – which is to find your dream guy, stay completely quiet about your American Dream aspirations and assume that he is of your mindset then I am sorry, you have no leg to stand on in the argument for marriage.

No woman is owed a man

When I see women get upset when they see a good looking guy leave his unhappy relationship to get with a young, beautiful girl, it makes me realize that it is all negative. Women who preach “true love” and “soul mate” doctrine only seem to mean it for women and not men.

Do we not consider that a man may be stricken by a woman to the point where he is in love and wants that woman as his soul mate?

Men are allowed to fall in love too, and no person is entitled to anything from another unless they have stated it in the first place. If you want something from a man then why don’t you ask him for it, and if that is so hard then realize that you have no argument when things don’t happen to fall your way.

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