Oct 09


So many different studies have come out showing that “powerful” women are not the desired mates of their male peers. While there are a handful of power couples who somehow make it work a la Francis and Claire Underwood of Netflix’s House of Cards, the pattern seems to stay with “competition” causing a rift in the relationship. As we all know, compromise is one thing that keeps relationships solid, but support is the other big factor isn’t it?

I think of “power couples” and I think of ego, a lifetime of “going it alone” and two people tempered in the flames of “the grind” where disappointment in humanity, money over everything, and keeping oneself shielded from exploitation is the norm. For two individuals like this to work, one would have to back down and let the other lead. I don’t care how many ideal scenarios you throw at me about life, one thing is certain about decisions – democracies work, but there needs to be one voice, normally a leader to present  decision. When you have people fighting for the lead, partners that passively hate each other, husbands and wives who choose to have an affair over dealing with their screaming other… things just aren’t going to work out.

When I read about successful women that lament their inability to find a mate who is at the top of his game, it makes me wonder if they realize that this comes with compromise. If you’re the alpha-chick who refuses to budge on anything, then why not get with a Beta-class or Omega-class male that is more than willing to let you take charge? Why do you think that you are able to have both like the lucky handful of women that you’ve seen? Is it the old theory of men being “leaders”, “protectors”, and “earners”? Do you realize that the older men who were these things had the luxury of a support system that wasn’t emasculating them?

Benefits of The Beta/Omega Male

With a Beta male, the powerful woman can have a doting husband that will happily rub her feet, listen to her talk about the jackasses in Networking, and deal with her attitude. A Beta male may not be super strong in his opinion, but he will find a way to support yours. He isn’t a pushover, but he will only argue and assert himself when you are absolutely wrong – which you will appreciate in the end anyway. He will dress the way you want him to (so that you can impress your fellow powerful girlfriends), he will disappear to watch the game when you have things to do, and above all things he will have your back, even when you’re the aggressor.

Why Women Lack Appreciation For The Beta/Omega Male

A Beta man would be happy to work IT Support at his wife’s business for a decent salary in order to keep her happy that he’s working and close enough to monitor. An Omega male may want to sit at home and play video games while wifey brings home the bacon, but i it means keeping her, he will happily keep a job. These men are great partners for the bully wife but they don’t bring up the other end which is needed for her ego. They aren’t impressive.

Many powerful women don’t feel okay with being known as the axe-wielding, power portion of their relationships. They want the world to see a “power couple”, a Bill and Hillary Clinton where either party is impressive in both their resume and professional accomplishments. Women want this illusion of a “Master Class”, the Alpha team who breeds smart Alpha children that do well in school, have trust-funds and slide through Med School with no problems to secure the family legacy. A Beta male’s decent job is not enough to brag about, so she looks at him as inadequate when in reality he is the perfect match for her.

One of the problems with love is that we all tend to ignore the people who are actually just right for us. We pursue ideals, what other people have, and what Hollywood fantasy shows us on the big screen. Have you seen this pattern with successful, single women? I would love to hear the community’s thoughts on this.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • AriD2385

    So, I think this might end up being a respect thing. Let’s say feminine women like men who are stronger than them and can problem solve and generally make their futures brighter than if the women were going it alone. The beta-male as described above will not gratify that desire. There may even be a risk of her losing some respect for him because she thinks he let’s her run the show.

    Now, just because a woman makes a good salary, that has little to do with those basic feminine desires. Whether she’s a nurse, a principal, or the VP of a bank, most women will still be most attracted to on a basic level to the man who is stronger and more influential than she is. I think this is the “master class” that was mentioned.

    A woman being successful career-wise does not necessarily mean there is competition between her and her spouse. Whether there is or is not will depend on their attitudes, how closely related their careers are, and how established the man himself feels. There can be complementarity between a high profile couple just as there can be complementarity between a low profile couple (say, a teacher and a postman)

    Also, studies keep showing that the “alpha wife–beta husband” dynamic causes stress on the marriage, particularly on the part of the husband. So many men don’t play the beta role well even if they initially say they will. I’d just say that it’s like height–most couples prefer the man to be taller, whether they are both short, medium or tall. A woman’s height is not a problem if she’s taller than most men, she’ll just likely end up with someone taller than average. Same with careers. Hope that makes sense.

  • Elle

    Great, great, great points. This is so true.