When you’re the token “good guy” in a company of women, there will be times when you will be called upon to play the part of Ambassador For Men. The following is a survival guide to help you rep us right and survive the fires of a man-hater.
Men, once in a while you will find yourself surrounded by a flock of birds, pecking at you in attempt to have you bleed out the man laws. Most of the time it will be at a house party, but it can happen at work, at a bus stop, or at a car wash window while you watch your pride and joy being buffed and waxed.
It is times like this when a man must figure out if he is steadfast in his principles or confused and dazed when made to answer on the fly! Be sure and prepare yourself for it whenever you go out because it WILL occur when you find yourself in the company of more than three strange women.
“Why do men do this?”
The important thing about these roasts is that you must be secure in your feelings after it had occurred. If you feel tired, dazed and battered it was because they got the better of you. If you are good and feel enlightened, empowered and reinforced by the conversation then you are a champion.
For those of you who have yet to undergo this, or have gone through it and lost, I will give some hints to help you out in these situations. This eight step process will be your sword and buckler for any drilling in terms of man questions and will see you satisfied after the exchange.
Eight Tips For Surviving The Third Degree:
- Only answer questions that are relevant. For questions that pertain to a very unique, weird type of man that the woman has dealt with, simply say “that isn’t a typical dude you were dealing with.” (not to be confused with #notallmen).
- Put yourself in the shoes of the accused. There are three sides to every story, you are hearing hers. The way it’s being told you are to assume she is perfect, reality is she isn’t. Put the question back on her, “so what was your issue?”
- Answer questions then relay one of your own in contrast. This makes for good, informative conversation while giving you the advantage of volleying an accusation back at the accuser.
- Remind them that Hollywood characterizations are gross, unreal versions of reality. Bring up stereotype characterizations like the men from A Color Purple, Double Jeopardy or any Tyler Perry movie. Mention Oprah and the slow castration of manhood over the years. Ask their opinions on men being held to the standards of our fathers yet having little to none of the authority afforded them back in the day.
- Never defend the men used in their examples of bad guys. Explain the activity in regards to the big picture, if it makes sense – if not then refer to step one.
- A bitch is a bitch. Sometimes a woman has experienced an authentically bad (bitch ass dude) guy. When it seems that way then there is no need to defend his actions, just let her know her pain is due to her poor judge of character. No-one forces attractive women to date cornballs and losers.
- Bitter women make for poor conversationalists. If it seems like the conversation is one-sided due to the woman not listening but barking angry questions at you, stop wasting your time. Let her know that she is hurt, and no answer you give will be allowed to help her get past her hate. You are both wasting your time talking about it, tell her to go vent to her girls, not you.
- Stay strong in your resolve. Answer what you can, honestly and never take the questions personally. We aren’t all cut from the same cloth so look at things objectively and do your best. Remember, it’s how you feel at the end that matters.
So go forth, conquer and do us proud, my boys. I would love to hear your battle stories–if you have any–but either way, stand firm, answer from the mind and not the heart and you will win the day.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.