I recall the day, I think I was about 23, when my buddy Cleveland (ya, ya, get your Family Guy jokes in) flipped over on his back on a bar and the bartender emptied a quart of Grey Goose Vodka down his throat. Cleveland was at that club at least 4 times a week and the bartenders loved him – god bless his scales and fins, the boy was a fish. They loved him because Cleveland was a fun drunk, not one of these douchebags that starts fights, spills things or goes in on your girlfriend, he just became Cleveland x2, a more enhanced version of himself. He got funnier, danced better and became more engaging. We all were slamming drinks like fish back then, it was liquid courage, the smile enhancer, the fun maker, the cougar panty melter… you get the gist. When I watch shows like Jersey Shore and see the alcohol life… [Read more]

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Two situations come to mind when I think of this stupid word chivalry that women like to throw around so much. One occurred at a sports bar where a loud obnoxious chick was clearly cheering for the rival team and decided it was wise to get in the local men’s faces and incite a fight. The problem however was that she only had her boyfriend there to fall back on, so you know what happened? They beat his ass until the police came. The other situation is less violent and occurred when I was in college. The transition happened through my buddy Brian who used to open doors for women (because he was a good dude and was raised to be a gentleman). After a semester or so Brian and I started to notice that the ungrateful women of our university neither thanked nor acknowledged us whenever we did this and it started to become… [Read more]

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So when you work for yourself the office can sometimes feel like a prison which is why escape is always a welcome prospect for me whenever it is offered. On Saturdays I have been making it a routine to visit the local bookstore with my fellow artist friend to sketch out some ideas and commit them to Adobe Illustrator. This Saturday the token loud, obnoxious nerd was in attendance spazzing uncontrollably in public as he and his fellow piglets recited lines from Ice Age – snorting uncontrollably in concert at their jokes. For everyone else it was unbearable and luckily I was saved by a pair of headphones and the music of Talib Kweli. The last occurrence was on my 3rd viewing of James Cameron’s Avatar when a bunch of these guys flowed in singing out loudly and shouting things that most adults would be embarrassed to admit they even know about. So it makes… [Read more]

Ever feel like skull dragging and then gorilla stomping the hell out of people for being inconsiderate and stupid? This is a feeling that emerges whenever I ride the train, bus or cheap airplane. Do you know why you never see really wealthy people, celebrities and business moguls on your large commutes? It’s because of this attitude for the common man, the common man is a loud, ignorant jackass who rarely knows when to shut the hell up or use his inside voice. Being forced to wear ear buds with Ghostface Killah on a high volume to drown people out is beyond annoying to me. Draining the Blackberry battery to jam Pandora radio on the bus, again on a high volume is annoying to me. It’s annoying because I would love to be able to have options, like reading, remember reading? You’re probably saying to yourself, well why don’t you just read and tune them… [Read more]

Is there anything more pathetic than a guy who has to have the attention of every other dude in a gym? Anybody that has worked out for a considerable amount of time has experienced this phenomenon. First you have the juicers who try to actually strip down to workout… I guess they need to air out the pores or something I dunno. Then you have the guys who (typically aren’t that big) who want the entire gym to know what they’re doing. These guys are always talking to someone really loudly about their workout, cause you know the music is THAT loud, that they have to shout it out to the world. They slam the weights, scream out battlecries and stare at anyone who gives them the time of day. Mr. Loud Weightlifter Guy we hate you. We really do and before you start imagining me as some mouth breathing nerd-rager, I should clarify that… [Read more]