Rule #16 (Don’t Pitch the Bitch):
Keep your money and your women completely separated. Unless she started the business with you, is into it as much as you or operates in the same facets as you, the less she knows the better. Remember Blu Cantrell’s song “Hit em up style”? Well if that man had locked his wallet and kept things tight, there would be no credit cards for that crazy bird to run-up at the mall. The same can be said about family, your money as a man should be your best kept secret. It doesn’t matter HOW you earn, just that you do earn. Pay for dinner, buy her pretty things but never ask me about my business Kate.
Rule #17 (No Hook-Ups):
Unless you are doing your friend a favor by introducing him to Cathy the town bicycle, you are not to be playing match-maker with a friend. If you are truly a friend with a guy, you know that hook-ups marginally work and will lead to more trouble than good if the chick’s psycho. Give him a number and a warning but don’t call him asking for play-by-play as you coach the two towards marriage. I mean who are you Jennifer Lopez over here? While it is quite fine to get a buddy laid through an introduction with a guaranteed freak, it is not okay to try and find him love with Mary from Networking.
Rule #18 (Gladiator Code):
If you and a close friend are out and he gets in a fight with multiple people, it is your job to knuckle up and join him. No the reasoning does not matter, if it is over some dumb shit then beat his ass later after you’ve posted bail but by no means should you let a buddy get owned. There are exceptions of course like the idiot who chooses to fight cops or if your buddy is swinging drunkenly at WOMEN! In the event of the latter, make a Conan the Barbarian lunge, pushing him out of the Club/party and make your escape. Squaring off against chicks who have the advantage of numbers or the fact that they are chicks is a no-win situation. Not only will the chicks beat your ass, but every other guy playing “white knight” will beat your ass too.
Rule #19 (Crossed Legs):
Men should not cross their legs, it’s a bad look and you do a disservice to your balls. This is a rule that gets broken constantly by men of a certain character, they sit and they fully cross the legs like a woman does. Men as a general rule need “Man Space”, if you don’t know what “Man Space” is, just go up to a guy and talk to him while being close enough to where your noses might touch. When he knocks you out and you come to, you will now know what man-space is. Certain things we do clears a radius to provide man a space, this is why a man sits with the legs spaced out or if crossed the ankle should rest on the knee. This posture also allows “the boys” to rest comfortably, since sitting cross-legged smashes them in between the legs – yuck.
Rule #20 (No More Tears):
There is a general rule about crying as a man, you are only allowed to cry at the death of a loved one (this includes a lifetime pet), when your child is born, at the altar, during war, during war movies, when receiving a medal for an outstanding feat, after totally decimating your opponent in a glorious battle, when riding into a glorious battle (tears of anticipated glory), and victory after your last game/match. Aside from these circumstances if you are going to squirt tears, do so when you are by yourself. If you know it’s coming, start sneezing and excuse yourself to the nearest bathroom where you must deliver 5 firm slaps to your face while reminding yourself that you are a man. Never let them see you coming, and by god never let them see you crying.