Aug 06

Rule #31 (Get your own drink honey!):
This should be common knowledge but since Hollywood writes it into these modern day movies, I am thinking that guys believe it to be okay to do. What am I going on about? Buying random women drinks to break the ice, this is simp activity, bitch-made guy actions. You DO NOT buy a woman a drink unless you know her prior to going there. Let me ask you this, how many times have you seen James Bond offer to buy a drink? I’m waiting, and I’ve seen all the episodes several times over, dude is always in a bar in some woman’s face. When has he bought a woman a drink?

That’s right, he doesn’t do it. 007 strolls up the bartender, scopes the room for his prey, orders a Vodka Martini (shaken not stirred) and takes his drink over to her to chat her up. In Casino Royale Bond wanted to get into Vesper’s panties really badly and he still didn’t offer her drinks. Check the scene where she orders the same Martini after the Alpha Male spy takes his seat at the poker table. You can question Bond’s writers on many things but the man laws are something that they seem to nail in every episode. Men should not be buying women drinks in the club. If you do then you are a trick and do not be upset when she drains your assets later on after you’ve married her sans pre-nup.

Rule #32 (Bucking Up):
It is never okay to switch gears from being a calm and rational human being to being a hard-ass thug just because you are in the car with a few big friends. Nothing is funnier than seeing a little guy bully up on someone much bigger and scrappier than himself only to get beat down while his buddies watch. This behavior does not suddenly become okay when you are drunk either. Men don’t go out of their way to posture just because they may or may not have backup. You’re either scrappy or you’re not, don’t bully up and put your fellow men in harm’s way.

Rule #33 (SUFLOM):
A man should not tolerate being emasculated, disrespected or slighted all on the premise that the offender is beautiful. We all know guys that have broken this man law with commentary like “ya she keeps embarrassing me in front of my friends, breaking balls and whatnot but she has the best p—- I’ve ever had” or “She stood me up three times in a row but she’s fine as hell so its worth it.” This is in violation of the manly trait called pride and is the behavior of SUFLOM (sucker for love male syndrome) – a horrible disease suffered by many males. If this behavior is observed and recognized in a friend, it is your job as a man to tell him that he is violating and should practice some self respect.

Rule #34 (Compliments):
It is permissible for a man to compliment another man on anything dealing with his appearance. This rule is restricted however to one single solitary compliment and should not turn into a full on jock-riding session. Compliments should be generic and direct, giving them denotes a confident man, a pragmatic man, a man who is comfortable in his sexuality. The most macho of men can get away with saying “that jacket looks good on you” if it is stated as a fact and not an inquiry. Tread lightly my fellow men and give compliments like a man, and if the recipient dares to question your sexuality then do him a favor and fill his throat with his front teeth.

Rule #35 (Gift-Giving):
Getting your buddy a birthday, Christmas or graduation gift is 100% perfectly acceptable. Wrapping it in pretty bows and laces is not. If you are one of those guys that aren’t comfortable in your sexuality and deem gift-giving to be “gay” or some other derogatory connection to homosexuality then kindly skip this law and continue living the life of a savage. A gentleman gifts, to friends and loved ones alike. A gift shows a generous man, a thoughtful man, a man who will get your back when things get rough.

The most manliest of gifts is an envelope of cash. It says “you’re celebrating something, it crossed my mind and I am giving you money to buy whatever it is you wish”. Wanna look cool? On your buds birthday when you go to meet him, his woman and the other deadbeats he calls friends, walk up to the table, slide him the envelope and shake his hand. Now that’s a man, leave the other losers looking goofy as they pat each other on the back for not “appearing” gay.

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