Sep 07

Frustrated Black Man

“Dear Diary, I met this cute guy a few months back who made me have bad thoughts just by looking at him, but we only met briefly and he didn’t try to get my number or anything. I’ve tried to get his attention a few times after by walking close to him and making sure to smile but he hurts my feelings every time by going about as if I am just another girl in the office. Why can’t he be a man and holler at me?” Frustrated Black Blogger Chick

As a man who has been around the block a few times, I have seen the standard activity of black women on the Club scene and I’ll admit that it confuses me. The above quote was from a blog I read where the blogger laments daily about her inability to score a date even though she is beautiful (seen her pic), works out like a monster, goes to church and does well in her professional career – basically the same song and dance that has become the theme of 2010. Many of these female bloggers will ask but refuse to listen when we give our side of the story. It’s sad really, as the blog then goes from a discussion platform to a ranting soapbox of her frustration. And who wants to read another bitter woman’s monologue?

In the quote above the woman sees a guy that she likes but does not flirt even a little with him. In her mind men are the chasers and the hunters so if we see something attractive we should be chasing and hunting. But let us take a look at the man’s perspective, maybe he has a lovely girlfriend in his corner, or he’s married. More often than none, an attractive guy has many options waiting on him so why assume that he will chase everything – especially women that aren’t giving a clue? Hell what if the man is gay? Not to this lady, she assumes that he is another single man that is too scared to step to her… even when she walked close to him. Gasp! Do you see my point?

If you aren’t selling we aren’t buying

This is going to be really generalist but I am going to put it out there since not many male writers are willing to say it.

A couple of my black male friends went out clubbing last weekend, these boys are killing the game – good looking, money out the ass, and single. I asked them to report back on what occurred at this predominately black Club of the bourgee, single types like the writer of the above quote. Check out the feedback from James:

James: Man I can see why you said people over 30 shouldn’t be in the club, the whole deal was an abortion. There were black women everywhere and you know Brian only talks to black women. These chicks were fine but the fine ones weren’t talking, they weren’t making eye contact and when you touch them or make friendly with them they just walk off.  I noticed that this was going on all night and the only dudes that these girls were talking to were dudes they already knew. One cat had the sagging pants and a skull shaved into his hair and all the women knew him, I bet he fucked all of em at one time. They came in there and that dude and the other regulars are the only ones they were willing to talk to!

You only give guys that you know a chance… so are new guys out?

Many of the complaints online have been that black women can’t find men to commit to them. Observe the scenario above and I will 100% tell you that it isn’t some one-of-a-kind bizarre episode, it has become the standard. You know what was bizarre, the same guy James got some good conversation, a kiss on the cheek and phone number from a non-black female that same night! James doesn’t need to write a blog about women dissing him because James has options. James doesn’t see color in the dating game – Brian on the other hand does. Poor Brian runs into a black woman who he had seen and exchanged niceties with several times at his office and this same woman is in such a hurry to dismiss all callers that she lies about her name to him when he saw her in the Club! Defensive much?

If you only want to talk to guys that you already have known through whatever means then why should you be taken seriously when you lament that you can’t find a man? The same dude that knows you and the circle of birds you fly with is probably that same dude you complain about not having shit, because dude is in the Club constantly. Do the math, your standards could be your worst enemy. Back in my late teens – early twenties, the Clubs that we frequented yielded girls that were regulars. The goal of us regular Club guys was to see how many of them we could bust, it was damn near a competition. So skull cut guy is easily being passed around by these women as the most eligible bachelor while they ignore James and Brian, two guys looking to find a woman of substance. Bit of a disconnect there, am I right?

The Loudest (Blog writers) chicks are typically Ranting

You know when I read these blogs about black men not wanting black women, they are normally rants from women that embody the description I gave above. Here is a quote from a blogger who replied to me after I accused her of the same thing a few weeks back:

“Thanks for your response. I never claimed to not have any faults, nor do I feel that all black men say and do the same things. This was just me venting, thinking through my own experiences, emotions and feelings. I shared it here as I thought there could be some other women who could relate.”

First of all, this chick gets all the props in the world for owning up to her post being a rant, most of the “black men ain’t shit” posts are exactly that, yet nobody wants to hear our side. They will go on and on about what accolades they’ve accomplished, what badges of honor they’ve earned and how glorious their net worth is but will not tell you that they make themselves 100% undateable due to horribly restrictive standards.

Not enough time in the day for your games

The busy black man of today (not the broke, busy-body, wannabe hustler) is not going to play the “she’s ignoring me but I will chase her regardless” games that women look for. Nobody aims to be the duck that the woman brags to her friends that he bought her xyz to vy for some attention. Here’s the thing, while you have your blinders on and waiting in line for skullhead in the Club to get around to you, Dasha at the bar is willing to play nice and give us her number to show that she’s interested. Dasha doesn’t come off as a slut for doing this (contrary to popular assumption), she comes off as a glass of ice water on a hot, barren, desert afternoon. This is the reason Dasha has become the “Flavor of The Month” in 2010. So at the end of the day, all that we ask is that you give us a chance. If you are unwilling to do so then stop pretending it is our issues that keep you alone. Sometimes you’re simply not datable and no self-respecting man will tow the line to beg for seemingly hostile attention.

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  • Batman Von Doom

    Good god, Greg! I couldn’t have articulated this better if I tried. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve given a black woman a wink and a smile only to have her sneer and turn her nose up at me. Seriously, I don’t even have to approach her for her to turn on the hostility. But you know what? I’ve met plenty of Dashas though. If this is how black women insist on treating us then they have no right to complain that so many of us are dating outside our race… Absolutely no right.

    • The sneer is surely a turnoff even though I’ve found that it can be a combination of being shy, having a bad day, and not feeling hot at the moment. Still when a guy sees this it just comes off as hostile. One of the main problem going on with a lot of black women right now just like the black community in general is growing pains.

      Many of the things we were about just 10 years ago is not flying well with the youth and modern, popular culture so bloggers make noise about it til they’re blue in the face. Subjects like homophobia, blindly following one’s preacher and dating within one’s race are taboo and foreign to young people so when people announce it as the way to be they end up looking out of touch.

      For this reason I think that any woman who brings up your dating Dasha as an issue is a non-factor for you anyway. Trust me you don’t want to date the kind of woman who holds that opinion – it isn’t a red flag, it is a bright glowing blinking red light saying caution do not date this crazy broad!