If ever I marry, I would like to think that my bachelor party will be one of debauchery, insane fun, and a send-off the likes of epic movies such as The Hangover. The planning, execution and carry through would be 100% on my Best Man and my wife would not, will not and cannot know a damn thing about what went on during my thing (much emphasis on “my thing”). Recently I have witnessed three separate occasions where the wives had a say in the Bachelor Party of a friend… what the hell kind of bizarro world bull is this? No I’m not making it up, these chicks pulled men to the side, told them what they can and cannot do, and then asked for details on the night at hand! You may as well cut off my balls while you’re at it telling me how to run my man’s Bachelor Party – fukouttahere. No disrespect to wives and husbands that have done it this way in the past but I just don’t get what a woman has to do with a man’s Bachelor Party (Herm Edwards HELLO!?). I have yet to find a guy trying to plan his wife’s baccalaureate party so why the power trip ladies?
The wife that threatens will always threaten…
Women usually go at the husband-to-be with this bull: “if there are other girls there I won’t marry you”. So the man shows up at the Bachelor Party scared and weak. I can’t do it, I’m sorry, I’ll be single for life before I play that role. Men, if you are going to bow down to that, then how do you expect to have any kind of footing in your married life? I just don’t take threats lightly and if she’s threatening to leave your ass for having a woman at your Bachelor Party the night before your nuptials then she will have tons more threats to come when you are legally bound and financially vulnerable. Think about it.
The Three Best Man Principles
A good Best Man knows not to pitch the bitch (no disrespect, it’s a bad Wall Street term), he gets his boy, the wife’s threats are white noise to him and he stays true to the Three Best Man’s principles:
1. Get him the time of his life the night before.
2. Get him to the wedding, clean, brave and ready to leave the good life of singlehood.
3. What happens at the Bachelor Party STAYS at the Bachelor Party!
The first principle is nobody’s business but the boys in attendance. You need real men at the Bachelor Party, men who know when to shut the hell up. Men who you have dirt on in case they bitch out and rat to their battle axe wives later on. Men who don’t give their gossipy wives or girlfriends play-by-play later on. And even if that weak piece of excrement rats you out, the rest of the boys should be in concert with saying that dude is full of it (most Bachelor Parties should come with an agreed upon lie in case of the full court press). Look there has to be an agreement to omerta, and those who break it should be punished for causing you and god-forbid the husband unnecessary drama.
Can we get back to having REAL bachelor parties boys? Can we? Or do you want to stay castrated and going to a bar to drink as a way to send your man off. Sack up fellas, for real.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.