Jan 26

beautiful-african-woman

It has been discussed millions of times but as much as it has been made to look like common knowledge, it really isn’t. If you are a drop-dead gorgeous woman who hasn’t gone into modeling, acting or porn, your dating pool by default will be a shallow one. This fact is usually dispelled by women who don’t fit the mold of this with statements such as “you can have ANY guy you want” or “you’re one to complain”. This gives the beauty instant guilt resulting in the not-so-hot girl feeling better about herself and the beauty thinking there may be some truth to this. The problem with this myth however is that a typical guy will be intimidated to make first contact and if the beauty pushes up she will be instantly placed into the slut category. For a seasoned wolf, the beauty will be tried because the wolf knows more often than none a beauty will be single.

Going into the dating pool, the beauty has to battle against insecure men, unspoken stigmas (will explain in the next paragraph) and female haters (who aren’t as hot). A beautiful woman is so deadly that her photograph will bring instant venom from any casually cute woman who sees it. Posing with her will yield unstoppable questions from the girlfriend/wife as long as you keep it. Your fellow guys will press on and on about who she is and whether you “blazed it” or not. See in our society, this site as an example, we worship beautiful people, some of us try to join them in their beauty through all sorts of healthy and unhealthy methods and some try to conquer them. Since this form of worship makes porcelain dolls and marble statues in our minds of a stunning beauty, whenever we encounter one many of us react strangely.

Male Stigmas on Beautiful Women

Most red-blooded heterosexual men will tell you to stay away from the beautiful women. In our minds a woman cannot be a total package. She cannot be nice, well-mannered and supportive as a beauty. She cannot be drop-dead gorgeous and not be a psycho or a total bitch. Many times a guy who gets in with a beauty will literally be waiting for bitch mode to reveal itself and if he isn’t that type then his friends probably are. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard a guy say that pretty girls are psycho, I would have a couple hundred dollars from that statement alone. It’s a harmful cliche because it gets into your head and it sits there. The stigma presents itself in books, movies and tales of woe from friends who have found a crazy beauty.

For the guy who lands a beauty and is happy with his relationship or marriage, other guys will hate on him as hardcore as women will hate on her. Guys will say stuff like “did you see her husband? He’s just some fat nerd cat, he has to be loaded”, or “how is she that fine and dude looks like some average frat boy?” Guys spew this rhetoric without thinking twice because of how we see things. In this world every guy believes that a dorky guy or an average guy has to date down. When we see a guy that has a banger on his arm it turns into her being either a gold digger or a lunatic. Rarely do we congratulate a fellow male who is happy with his beautiful wife, unless dude is a living specimen. Let a Denzel Washington, a Michael Jai White or a Jason Statham that is built like a linebacker roll out with the beauty on his arm and dudes don’t have jack to say. It is our view that only a manly, man amongst men, alpha dog, stud deserves to have a beautiful woman. Anything else gets hated on, which is quite funny since more times than none the guy hating would never, ever in 100 years step to that woman to ask her out.

Women hate Beautiful Women

This is common knowledge to the world so I will not spend much time on it. Women unlike men run comparisons with one another. It is one of the reasons they hate each other so much, ESPECIALLY if a woman has it going on. The attitude becomes that of “oh she thinks she’s all that” or “those are fake anyway”.  The aspect of hate is not foreign to most women when it comes to beauties unless they themselves are the stunner and they know it. If you want to test your girl on this, just ask her what she thinks of Giada De Laurentiis, hell you can go on any Food Network relative blog commentary and read their thoughts on Giada. The confident women will prop her cooking and scoff at her low cut dresses but the other 98% will say her head is big, her mouth is too big or refer negatively to her breasts. It’s amazing how much negativity a woman can receive just for looking good.

What can a Beautiful Woman do to dispel stigmas?

Absolutely nothing, this is why it is a curse ladies. I will say this though, not all guys are intimidated and the ones who aren’t are probably the ones you will find attractive anyway. Manly guys with enough confidence and swagger to pull you without fear will be the ones approaching you.  Now don’t mix these guys up with the married losers who will try to pull you for Gooma status. A married man has absolutely nothing to lose in terms of rejection, he doesn’t care, he just wants a chance at some beautiful “strange” that he would not step to as a single man. I see it all the time, dude gets married to average looking, supportive chick then runs out as many fine women as he can on the side because the fear factor is nil.

It amazes me how easily beautiful single women slide their panties off for someone else’s husband. Oft times this guy isn’t even a winner, doesn’t have the physique of a god and isn’t even a gentleman, just some married dick with a promise. Still I won’t be the one to hate the player, the game will keep on going regardless of me telling you about the traps or not. Women, it’s simple, many of us are literally afraid of a gorgeous woman telling us that we are not good enough, good looking enough and manly enough for you. Many guys will step to you expecting you to go into bitch mode and when you don’t then they will assume that you open your legs a whole lot. Not sure who you can blame for this but it is extremely complicated. I apologize for the cowardly section of the man race and I encourage you to find someone who can appreciate your beauty while treating you like a human being.

Credit for Photos | Images: Dreamstime.com
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  • http://www.tracyreneejones.com Tracy Renee Jones

    Oh, Em, Gee..you gave me life..My mouth dropped by the second sentence. The men are INSECURE and it sucks. I’ve had relationships that I thought were perfectly fine and ended up being accused of things that never crossed my mind because I find myself a topic of this ‘ribbing’ that you mentioned. Who knew that the fellas whispering in a man’s ear was more powerful than mine.
    I’m not bitch, I’m not (too) crazy, I’m educated, I’m fun to be around and I’ll flip….pancakes just the way you like it…..and I was told by an ex that he just couldn’t believe ‘a girl like me’ was into him. Girls like me can have any man they want. What’s wrong with me if I’m standing here loving him……Oh, Kay….so I did all of this ‘me’ act that I do for nothing.it’s like being invisible sometimes.

    I did post the picture that got me cursed out by 20+ different females after a semi-celebrity commented me on my photo on Twitter. Line after line I was reminded that I wasn’t shit, in various forms or annunciations.

    Luckily I have a super swagger conservative alpha who knows what’s going on and only smirks at the looks he gets over the shoulder and he noticed the …’why is he with her…’ look coming from other men (who I know would probably smile or wolf call after me in anything). If they only knew I am all into my guy because he makes me feel beautiful (among many other of his great qualities).

    Now I’ll go get my morning tea while the criticism gets flung at me.

    Peace

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      Thanks for your comment Tracy and I hope your relationship is long and worthwhile for you. I see it too often, and I hear it more – the insecurity that guys put on beautiful women just because they can’t find comfort in themselves with being yours. I recently spoke to an ex of mine who is beautiful and her current guy is making a stink of her going to the gym, doing martial arts and dancing because other guys are looking at her… yes this idiot is asking her to quit life so that he can package her away from the world. But being beautiful and fed up with loneliness she’s sticking it out in hopes of him changing. He won’t.

      There’s nothing more pathetic than an insecure man, if a guy can’t believe that you chose him then it’s time to find yourself someone who can appreciate you and appreciate the fact that you are with him.

  • Anna

    Thank you for your insight, it really meant a lot to me to read this article! Just as some girls struggle with anorexia or bulemia, I have struggled with other girls seeming to always hate me for no reason. Its certainly something that I have often been upset about for most of my life– always wondering what was wrong with my personality. Now I am extremely sensitive and careful with my interactions with people. Well instead of turning into a basket case, I will learn not to take what other women say about me to heart, and to be more guarded with men– at least I will be able to quickly weed out the losers!
    I just want other women, who struggle with their body image, to know that its really not worth it. Be happy with who you are, and that people will value you for your intellect. Because to me, if I could just find one guy who considered me a nice person because of my personality, it would mean the world to me!

  • Maya

    Wow! Well..I always tell myself that I am an ok looking woman but I have people tell me that I am beautiful ALL of the time. My one good friend says that Im on Halle’s level of beauty and I don’t know it and this is what makes me even more beautiful. I see beauty in every woman tho…and I never get jealous!

    Anyways…im here because I too have problems!! Im in the military, single and there are many guys single and available. People tell me that they overheard this guy and that guy or guys talking about how fine I am BUT NO ONE EVER APPROACHES ME!! I get SO mad!!! I AM NOT ALL OF THAT I say to myself over and over! I am just like everyone I have feelings and insecurities and I am a GOOD woman! I DONT cheat..EVER!! The funny thing is…married men are always approaching me!! Unattractive men too! The men that I like NEVER like me tho lol

    I am also HATED by my coworkes! Some are really cool but many don’t like me! I OVERLY am nice and will make sure I contradict any preconceived notions because of how I look. I am a very happy person, I open doors for people..men and women! Ive gotten looks like..huh? LOL I give complements all day but this makes people assume that I am naive and weak! I ignore a lot things that people do to me. I don’t react because if I did I would have to take it there! People think that im stupid because I chose to ignore things and act like they don’t happen. They really think that I didn’t see it but in my mind I am thinking..they think im really stupid huh? LOL There are days I do speak up and put people in their place…but I just like peace!

    I am a beautiful person inside and thats what I am confident about. I am insecure like many other woman and to be honest..I don’t think that I am Halle Berry level. But others do and I try my best to let them know that im down to earth and NOT ALL THAT! I am an African American light skin woman. I am only 5’0 tall lol And thats what I don’t get! I am such a little person…how do I get so much attention! I just want to meet a good man that ALSO looks good and be happy! Oh I have a 9 year old little girl that means the world to me!! lol I have also been celibate for some years now. Its an example I am setting for my daughter. I am open to date tho don’t get me wrong! LOL They just don’t come up to me (single men) and im old fashion…I don’t approach them. Ok..thanks for listening! :-)

    • Ninja Bob

      It sounds like you’re going to have to be a bit more open to approaching men, Maya. That or carry a big sign that says that you’re single and looking for a good man.

      • Maya

        LOL @ the big sign! Hmmm I wonder if they got a T-shirt that says that! LOL Thanks for reading and replying!

        Maya

    • http://lilyjanesjewelrybox.etsy.com Laura B

      Oh my god, you just described my entire life….

      • Ash

        Me too =) I was in a relationship through most of my last job and I got along great with everyone. But after consoling me through the break up, the girls( but select awesome few) started hating me. I’d get a lot of inquiries about my sex life, but became excluded from all other conversations and they quit asking me out on girls nights, parties, etc. Also a couple I worked with fought over a joke I made about open relationships (nothing flirty whatsoever). They’d say stuff about me being pretty or skinny but it was always cut throat like, “you need to eat, I can barely see you.” or with a dirty look say, “ugh your so pretty, you bitch.” I felt like I had to censor everything I said and I even quit wearing make up to work ( I usually only wear face and mascara anyway because of acne scarring and I hate my blemishes so that made me feel crappy & ugly too). We used to all share food and one of the girls made a snide remark about not wanting to eat after me, as if I wasn’t even there. It hurt and I had to change my whole life and re examine every friendship I had. I never thought I was exceptional but I know I’m not ugly either. At first I thought it was because I was feeling depressed and my personality changed, but in hindsight I think it was something else. I’ve felt hate bubble up when I feel ugly and see a beautiful woman, especially if I know she’s available. When I’m happy and especially now that I’m with the love of my life I don’t feel jealous of other women. My guy makes me feel wanted and loved. I’m learning so much about myself and loving that too. Guys may stray and the most beautiful woman in the world won’t stop that. It’s sad that women are expected to be beautiful but can’t be too beautiful. Either way women are constantly held accountable for their appearance. It’s very sad, men are measured by money and womens main value, on what seems like a sliding scale, is placed on their looks. Hopefully our daughters (and sons) will learn better.

  • Nadia

    This article i have read over a 100 times!! And each time that i read it, it is testament that there is no shame in being a beautiful woman! :D
    I am both featured on the Hall in the Models section and write too–for the Hall.
    And the part of insecure guys. I love it. Greg couldn’t have said it any better. I have come across so many guys saying “You deserve better”, And i agree with them! I deserve a man who is proud to be with me and isnt feeling like a juvenile about the fact that i chose him !

    FANTASTIC ARTICLE!!

  • niki

    Comment on the ‘crazy’ part.. it will make you nuts. It is very isolating. Jealousy will tear you apart. There is a constant target on your back. It makes you extremely insecure. No female friends (they hate you) no male friends (they just secretly want to score..indeed they will wait years. Until you are at your most vulnerable..try and sleep with you or date you. And when you turn them down guess what. They never gave a shit.) It makes you paranoid. And if you happen to be above average intelligence with a slightly dark and melancholy side you think yourself into a black hole of loneliness. Sorry world..but some of us don’t fit into your neat little box of expectations. When people tell me im beautiful now..I just smile and say beauty is fleeting and we will all be wrinkled sooner or later. When I was younger I would say ‘no im not’. As I got a little older id say ”thanks”. Now I just smile and say ‘that really doesn’t matter.’ Because it doesn’t. I run around with no makeup and dressed in my 11 year old sons clothes. My daughter is a carbon copy of me..and ill take my life experiences and raise her to nuture her education and inner self worth. Unlike me who was raised solely to be a ‘pretty girl’..and nothing more. Thank you for writing this article.. the subject does need some attention. Truly ‘beautiful’ people are walking stigmas. It is just like having a cleft lip..or some other deformity. Men fair better than women. Let’s encourage our little girls to be more secure. Resist the urge to tell them ‘your such a pretty girl’.. compliment them on their manners or intelligence. Don’t be like everyone else and support societies habit of making them only identify with physical appearance. Because when life does bitch slap them upside the head with age.. all they are is an empty ugly shell. No soul,, or no heart. All they ever did was develop their appearance. Thanks for listening.

    • Ash

      You’re very right, it gets treated like a deformity. It becomes your too this or too that. I got to a point with my male friends where I thought I actually OWED them something. It’s very frustrating never knowing who your friends are. I thought maybe I was misleading them, but I went through extremes to make sure it was platonic (dressing more tomboyish or not wearing make up, talking about farts etc) The worst part is after you reject a “friend’s” sexual advances it NEVER goes away. My bf in highschool decided we should get married and have kids (not what I wanted at all) and became obsessed with the idea. He started stalking me and getting violent yelling at me about how me were meant too be. It was so sad and scary to see one of my closest relationships turn out like this. And I’ve seen that same scary possessive look in other male friends eyes. Girlfriends randomly turn on you, strangers feel like you owe them something. Sometimes I make myself as ugly as I can to avoid attention. Growing up my dads friends would say your so beautiful your going to make some man really happy some day. Puke! I hate hearing I’m beautiful from anyone now, even my old man. Every time I hear it I cringe, I try to hide it but it always gives me anxiety especially if they keep going on. There are times when Ive become mean and jaded and it was because I couldn’t trust anyone and made presumptions about their intentions, I also felt isolated and alone and said to myself fuck it I like being alone.

      • Ash

        bf from highschool = bestfriend NOT boyfriend sorry lol

  • lisa92

    wow..thank you for writing this…this is my life story.. im a beautiful woman…and cursed…get treated HORRIBLY by everyone…i cant make any female friends…men just try to use me for sex…i cant even get a boyfriend..this is the same spiel i say over and over again. Yes men are insecure but isnt there a way we can even get A boyfriend?? many pretty women can but i can’t….im always alone b/c no one wants to be around me b/c im pretty…im a model but i refuse to go into porn…but it seems beautiful women are tossed in the gutter by everyone because of jealousy…your article is great….but really…what can we do to meet guys? many guys even pick on me laugh at me or make fun of me– they are so insecure they put me down upon meeting me….they try to mask how turned on they are- they even reject me sexually….ive been through hell and i cant even manage to get ONE boyfriend….im well aware of how people treat me….and usually upon meeting anyone its a nightmare or bad treatment or who knows what– extreme things….women despise me and avoid me altogether and men avoid me except for the weirdos who are desperately trying to get in my pants– teh cute good guys run away from me…what can we do….

    i too like maya stated– am not jealous of other women….if i see a hot girl im like…wow she’s hot…and i dont get why women are so jealous of me…it makes no sense….approaching men doesnt work because trust me men run away from you– men treat you like a monster or leper…men never approach me they just make fun of me and if i dared approach them they’d shreak shrivel up and run away….theres nothing we can do except go into porn or just be single….

    • Maya

      Hi Lisa! I am so sorry that you have endured so much pain! I will pray for you lady! Keep your head up and put God first! Things will work out!! Take care!

  • lisa92

    also…my experiences are like many of the women’s here…like maya too im very kind to people and friendly and happy…and i get only negativity from people and nastiness…people look at me like HUH??? what??? with disgusted looks …they treat me as if im a freak or weirdo…ive been called weirdo by guys and people….i once even met a guy online, he was obese…later he began making fun of me through text calling me names saying “I BET u cant even get laid”!!! hahah…making fun of me…putting me down..im thinking…hold on a second…im a beautiful woman and you’re a fat weird guy laughing at me– huh?? I cant get laid?…wtf? but this is all i experience…ive never had a boyfriend…and ive met only sociopaths who want to torture me…ive been told by guys and people “you’re TOO beautiful” hence the reason we can torture and abuse you for fun….and people too saying “youre so beautiful”…oh youre so beautiful…im thinking…err but i cant meet a guy and ive been single all my life and men reject me…so who cares??? or it just gets old….and yes u cant make any friends with women…ever….its impossible…the only female i was friends with years ago was using me to try to get guys at clubs…men yes just want to get sex…that’s it…otherwise they avoid yuo altogether….youre just forced to be a loner and nothing else. And worse…youre down to earth cool nice friendly…so why does everyone hate you and why are they so mean to you? they dont hate famous women…celebrities actresses—they admire them…yet if you arent a celebrity…why do they hate beautiful nice women…it makes no sense

  • lisa92

    also, interactions with people .. are a nightmare…every interaction with a human turns into a game or powerplay or someone trying to put me down, dominate me, pick on me, make me feel stupid…its almost impossible to interact with people at all…humans hate you and will treat you with contempt, anger, aggression hostility etc… socially this makes everything a nightmare as social interactions even the most basic of ones can be very difficult with extreme hostility being displayed by others towards you. People can also be very mean rude or hostile aggressive towards you….and display extreme jealousy or anger…I used to want to write a book about what it was like to be a beautiful woman in this horrible society full of such awful people…who are so shallow insecure jealous and mean…b/c this is my life story and its all outrageous and difficult. Imagine just being picked on by people or treated badly by almost everyone– unable to make friends or get a boyfriend….just outcasted by everyone…well that’s what it’s like for some of us….people trying to control or abuse you…i mean everyone….
    just being a loner basically….because no one wants to be around you because they cant handle being around you and if they are…they will either screw you over abuse you or who knows what….its scary and strange…but for some of us– this is our reality– we’re just outcasted for being beautiful and it seems the rest of society isn’t happy with dealing with beautiful women so they try to degrade them in porn…all my coworkers generally hate me and if not they will find ways to screw me over. Even if im working in a place and the people around me arent my co workers they will be talking behind my back, lying about me and trying to get me fired…its just what i deal with…but its hell and just not fair…and meeting guys— yeah right…men hate me more than women do…men are so aggressive mean and hostile towards me…apparently beautiful women are such a huge threat to them and their egos…its impossible to get a boyfriend and u sort of have to ‘take what u can get’ which means….someone u dont like so u refuse to do that and just pass and have to painfully stay single….attractive males hate you b/c u are a huge threat to their ego so they are the meanest to you….and its the lesser attractive males who say “wow i have a shot with HER”?! let me go ALL out and they try very hard…to try to get sex off you…and they keep trying and trying and thinking they’ll get it eventually….and then they fail and move on … but ive realized that as a beautiful woman….to stay far away from all guys, especially the good looking guys– i realize i cant even date or be around a good looking guy as they despise me and show aggression hostility and hatred towards me or wil be very mean to me….the lesser attractive guys are just takign a shot at what they think they have a chacne at– and then there aer guys who try to say they’ll pay u for something…so as a beautiful woman….youre either a loner, a leper or a prostitute and not much else… you will only get degraded and abused by people…and thrown in a gutter because people are jealous and insceure…and they arent happy unless they’ve degraded you to this low status….and that’s about it…sounds like fun right…

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      Thanks for sharing Lisa, I swear I want to give you a long hug because obviously there’s a ton of frustration there. It sounds to me like you’re caught in that loop of negative which comes about when a person is forced to become defensive t survive the world. I see it all the time with beautiful women, the wolves come out and try and get with you so you build up an immediate defense mechanism to deal with them.

      Many girls scowl, unconsciously look mean and walk in a defensive “don’t f with me” stance that is meant to keep them away. Women and men both see you from a distance and associate your look with being stuck-up, full of yourself or high and mighty. While in retrospect this makes no sense whatsoever being that people hardly carry on like that for those reasons, people still get violently angry when they see a beautiful woman sneering. IT doesn’t do you any good to use that defensive technique but by now it’s probably unconscious because your body and mind is prepped to deal with bull at every turn.

      If you keep it up you will and may have already run off a good guy who was either shy, or lacking a good enough approach to breech your defenses. I am no psychiatrist but finding a way to move past the negativity into a positive, happy state will change your reality in more ways than you think. Sure girls will hate on you with some “why’s she so damn happy? She must think she’s got the world on a string” but your attitude should be “f— em, I’m doing me”. Us guys are attracted to happiness and positivity in a woman, it’s a magnet that we can barely resist. If you are beaming and beautiful even a shy good guy will not be able to help bumbling over to you and telling you how wonderful you look.

      Long story short you may be your own worst enemy and not know it. F the haters, F the users, don’t let them control your life. Believe it or not you have a step up on most of them just by being someone they overly admire, want to sleep with or hate for looking better than them. Use it as your weapon, turn the curse around and be happy regardless and I guarantee you that your life will improve. There are some guys out there that are as tired of the games and power movements as much as you are. You will need to wade through sh-t to find gold, but don’t turn us all away on a whim. Good luck Lisa.

    • Frustration

      Wow, I could have written this myself. I am an incredibly kind generous smiling friendly person with a good heart. When I was younger, I was an ugly duckling and the more and more attractive I become the more complicated life gets.

      I’ve devoted my life to study and science, yet I find people laughing behind my back calling me vapid, or a stupid blonde, or an idiot. My main hobby is reading. I’m an introvert and while I love talking with people, making female friends is impossible. I’m not even thin, I was just blessed with a beautiful face.

      Even living with roommates was terrible. The gf’s would get jealous so the bfs would have to treat me like shit to compensate. Hideous society we live in.

      Try complaining for being beautiful, people insist you must love the attention. If you dress up at all, people say all you do is try and get attention or your a slut. How about enjoying make-up as art? Or feeling good about yourself?

      Men will stay friends patiently for years, and after they win the chase when youre vulnerable it’s a disaster.

      Boyfriends have incredible insecurity and will hate themselves for not measuring up, or feel like people are staring and wondering why that girl is with them.

      It’s what’s inside that counts!!!! When I see a pretty girl, I think wow she’s beautiful and I admire her. I seems I get nothing but detain!!! And female stalkers of male friends gf’s can last for years.

      Being beautiful is overwhelming.

      Then, people attack you when you dress down. Oh, you look so DIFFERENT!!! No, im a human without makeup on. Get a grip. Or, you don’t look like your pictures, uh, what model does? It’s me in the photos, they aren’t photoshopped. Why do you feel the need to tear me down at every opportunity people. It’s unreal.

  • lisa92

    thanks for the response greg dragon! ive never met anyone who has so much insight on this its really cool…yes ive been told by peopel or even by my very abusive monster ex…(who was a sadist and cruel to me and refused sex with me and long story)… that i dont ‘use what i have or use my package’ and I shud dress up and look nice and other things…and ive thought about that too and thought “well i have something over them and shud use that power” but I really dont know how to…its kind of awful because…im not the kind of person who is stuck up or think im better than others….or even like to get those responses…I find it traumatic and difficult to deal with and confusing…im a caring loving person and want to give and be happy and spread happiness (as cheesy as it sounds)….and receiving only extreme negativity from people has been like a hell i cant describe…having no friends…no life and only guys trying to get sex off you…im sure there are guys out there but even those guys it seems end up either a. rejecting me or treating me badly b. trying to get sex off me….its something i noticed about all of them…. those extreme few with the ‘balls’ to try to ask me out do so in a rush and then even if i say yes they reject me still even after ‘they’ asked me out…kind of like…they were expecting rejection…. yes ur so right about the ‘sneering’ though im still very friendly….i smile and try to be nice to people but years ago found out how that worked out…..im more standoffish and sneery but that’s after people have already been mean or weird to me then i try to give them dirty looks….other than that, i work in sales….so im customer service oriented and nice to people….i also dont get it because ive worked with other pretty girls or aroudn them and instead of them getting bad treatment– they got hit on– me…if i get hit on at my job..its some guy doing something very bizarre, weird treatment then telling me taht he knows everything about me and my ex (huh)?? that he maybe read off the internet then accusing me of being bipolar…. wow wtf….or some guy stopping by my table, then texting me saying something odd and me thinking….how the hell did he get my number…wtf?? only weird strange things happen to me…and my ex—a 58 year old sociopath…who got off on controlling and mentally torturing me—treating me like a long distance puppet/slave, refused sex with me ever and im a virgin…. it seems i meet only guys who want to ‘use me for sex like a prostitute’ or those who refuse sex with me and reject/deprive me and only want to mentally torment/control me…. another thing ive learned as a pretty woman is MANY people just want to control you…its very odd— and makes no sense…why just control you…’handle you i guess and p-ut you in a bubble so they can handle you” this goes for men, women, family, strangers—i cant get into the horrific things my family has done to me–its not just my being pretty…itsprobably very bad luck too or b/c im pretty how i get treated by everyone…..ive learned that being friendly doesnt help b/c people are still so overwhelmed even males–nothing works?? theyre just gasping and takign deep breaths…. argh….thanks for the advice though….i think or feel im doomed….it took 12-13 years of this treatment to finalyl come to this conclusion….but being a 33 year old virgin who is supposedly ‘drop dead gorgeous’ and just getting abused by any human i encounter is like beyond hell…

  • McThick

    Lisa,

    I dunno. There is some massive disconnect with how you view yourself and how everyone else views you. If you were truly as friendly, cool, and pleasant as you say, you would not have these problems. Furthermore, and I’m not trying to hate, no one likes a whiner. I know this because I’m something of a whiner myself.

    Women often fail to understand that they have the power to determine the next time they will be having sex. Even if you’re not that attractive, you can walk into a bar and just pick the nearest single guy. Trust me, if you are half as good looking as you say, the first guy you roll up on will be more than happy about it.

    Now, I’m talking about sex for a reason. From your ramblings, you seem to be a little bit more reserved than most people. But your still a virgin. I think that THAT is causing you more problems than anything else. Because you are a virgin, you are far more susceptible to mental abuse because you just don’t know any better. Get it out of your system. Roll with the one-night stand and be done with it.

    Also, like GD says…F the haters. A fat dude making fun of you? Who cares? Look at the source!

  • lisa92

    hmm mcthick…well no thats not the case at all….as its being stated here…beautiful women get mistreated for their looks out of jealosuy….so there isnt a misperception of me or how or who I am…most people label be as ‘quiet nice shy”….and its just a label they tend to give me b/c of my presence, persona…most people obviously have already labeled and understand me to be ‘nice and quiet’…and most of the tiem im too nice hence the reason people take advantage of me, or any nice person. I am also friendly and cool but just get shot down by people because again for the same reasons….those who are “beautiful” will get mistreated and shot down and thrown in the gutter for what they possess. We’re mistreated and that’s teh entire point of the post….so your comments don’t make any sense….if a beautiful nice woman tries to be nice, she is shot down just because people are jealous of her—that’s what jealousy does….it makes people hostile and aggressive to you….so what youre stating is a complete contradiction from what is being understood in these posts…beautiful women are mistreated for their looks…so even if they are super nice no one cares and will continue mistreating them…. as for losing virginity in a one night stand….thats not a good or smart thing to say to someone…being a virgin is holding me back in a mental sense but that’s about it because my ex tormented me and refused sex with me– so he turned my virginity into a nightmare and a joke….otherwise it wouldn’t be that bad… also from my ‘ramblings’ …. you cant comprehend who or what I am nor am i ‘reserved’….unfortunately i happen to be a virgin due to my circumstances but i know plenty of virgins who are 35 and up…and pretty females who are very intelligent professionals…granted they are single women looking to get married they have NEVER had a boyfriend….they dont go out and date but still…they are virgins at 35….teh problem for many of us women out there….are is that society is just full of a lot of crap and if you arent lucky enough to have the fortunate experience of meeting someone….and you also have bad luck and things going against you– there is little you can do…. ive searched and searched and gotten nothing and nowhere…..there is nothing i can do about it…ive been searching for 13 years….i guess i’ll just have to wait….as searching hoping and being active in searching doesnt do much unfortunately….

    • Jo

      There was a time when parents protected their daughters until they were married off and I am sure if the daughter was beautiful, they protected her more and made sure her future husband was a good man and would be good to her. Nowadays, women are thrown out to the wolves to fend for themselves and many times without the skills needed to deflect the sharks and their advances because heave forbid a woman “knows” she is beautiful. THat’s a freakin sin… she is conceited or vain if she knows her worth or that she is pretty. Society sets beautiful women to be unsuccessful, by either making then selfish bitches or spineless victims. I refuse to be neither

  • lisa92

    ive also been on many dates–one day i asked a guy who i had spoken to ont he phone prior to our meeting…what he thought of me and the date—he said….i was amazing, and caring and that i would make an amazing wife and the guy that gets with me would be lucky….he really didn’t respond much after that, and then didn’t talk to me again– despite me showing interest after him making those comments….he also almost said it in such a way that he was saying it about anther guy and not himself..as if he just wasnt going to get me…for whatever reason…. this happens to women in general sometiems but in my case what ive noticed a lot…..guys just dont go after you or are interested in you unless they ‘want something’ or want to use you… a lot of males out there these days are also warped messed up or have been used by someone and are looking to use or control other women…. and no there is nothign wrong with people who can’t seem to meet a guy or are having issues with that– in most cases there are lots of amazing beautiful wonderful people out there who get mistreated or rejected by males or others– most of the time its the other person….the guy or whoever has issues, is isnecure, doesnt want to commit or who knows…

  • McThick

    Lisa,

    Seems I need to be a little more direct with you:

    1) You cannot have never had a boyfriend AND have an ‘ex’ who abused you
    2) Study after study after study has shown that attractive people get better jobs, better treatment, and enjoy life more than ugly or even average people.
    3) I don’t know a single guy who is ‘jealous’ if a girl looks good. That doesn’t even make sense.
    4) Your advanced ‘victim’ complex is all about you. You are so convinced of your own importance that all the troubles of the world are yours alone to bear. Step back, you’re not that important.
    5) To quote Tom Petty, “Baby, if you can’t change the world, maybe you should just change yourself.” Let me be clear, this is not intended as a dig, but rather an admonition to quitcherbitchin and do something about the problem.

    As someone who has long dwelled in the ‘average’ camp, I gotta say that I don’t have a lot of empathy for your whining. You’re HOT for crying out loud! You have annoyed me with your continuous woe-be-to-me ramblings, and I have never laid eyes on you. What does that tell you? It’s not my jealousy over your looks that is driving me away…it’s you and your attitude.

  • lisa92

    mcthick—he wasn’t an ex…he was a SP who tortured me mentally and refused to be around me or have sex with me– i just call him an ex–regardless…who cares…stop trying to nitpick everything i say then state things just because….if you are not a beautiful woman who has to deal with these issues then u don’t know what ur talking about..and there are diff types of beautiful women too– and levels….it varies depending on race/status/type etc….when it comes to mistreatment and everyone’s situation is different…

    the life of a cursed beautiful woman… for me anyway

    no friends…no one will hang around you or be around you if anyone is around you– they are either putting you down or insulting you in some way
    women hate you.. and refuse to be your friend…men hate you more and treat you with contempt/hatred you cant even get sexual pleasure if you wanted to– men REFUSE to please you… men will reject you sexually….and run off to the first ugly/fat woman and do everything to her that he refused to do to you….
    men treat you like a leper or weirdo…they refuse to treat you like a woman…in every aspect possible… i cant get sex, sexual pleasure–nothing…this is not an exaggeration….men if using me for sex will do things to injure or hurt me…rather than ‘pleasure me’….they will only do things to harm you…or be cruel or mean to you—or have power plays/powertrips…this doesn’t go for every beautiful woman but for me yes. If i ask a guy if he can make me ‘cum’ multiple times he will refuse…and do it once then instantly ask for gratification in return or while trying to do that to me, will hurt me mess with my head..or do something awful to me… this has gone for every encounter ive had with a male a long with many many other things yet you are a goddess with a beautiful body—and all males want to do is hurt degrade or destroy you everything with you becomes a power play, a game…an ego game…whereas men will play these games with you and treat you in a very low degrading way, they will do to other women 50 times what they refused to do to you—you are treated lower than anything possible people will ignore you, refuse to talk to you….treat you with contempt and hatred..i used to say that criminals and pedophiles got treated better than i did… almost all males do is dominate abuse or control you–and NOTHING else…its only extreme situations bizarre circumstances….nothing else….if they cant control abuse or dominate/degrade you—they’re out the door or will stop talking to you…. not only males but others just want to control/abuse/dominate you and take your power
    away and will even say u are powerful and try to throw you in the gutter…men will even say “you have power over men”!1 while they are running away from you or rejecting you men, get off on rejecting you and get ego trips off it—they would prefer to reject you sexually or in other ways rather than be with you….they also act in very cruel ways towards you… you are treated lower than a leper…or like a leper…people treat you like an alien…as if you are weird, a freak show…they stare at you give dirty looks, yell at you….put you down insult you….run away from you….you cant be in the presence of humans without being
    screwed over, put down insulted etc…

    if you start a job you WILL get screwed over or if you are in the presence of humans
    they will screw u over or do something bad to you—always….if you go places, people will start talking crap about you, bad mouth you…etc….even
    follow you around yell at you, act crazy or even throw things at you….ive had people throw receipts at me, food at me…in various situations…people become hostile/aggressive towards you….and show it without a care and go to huge lengths to be mean or cruel to you….you’re a loner with NO ONE because NO ONE will be around you….those who are around you are either tormenting you, torturing you, destroying your life, screwing you over, putting you down degrading you…etc…. people treat you like an animal and as if you have no mind no soul….they feel they can do cruel things to you and act as if you are just an object—you are treated ONLY as an object by almost EVERYONE and no one cares how it makes you feel your presence makes people feel like crap so they do everything to bring you down treat u like dirt…etc….its a crappy horrid reality….some of ours anyway– no friends, no life, no fun…no sex no relationships…people act as if u don’t deserve to have those things….adn as long as they can control it will make sure to not let you have it….if you are even hanging out with them or in their presence…. we’re forced to be virgins, unable to meet men… everyone acts TERRIFIED of you….or scared of you…or again if they are around you
    its only to GET something off you—whether it be sex, control, abuse etc…. this is a very abstract explanation of this but i wanted to write it in a more concise way but maybe next time….

  • lisa92

    i cant even descrieb the things ive been through– the stories, the hell…the shock of it all….taht as a beautiful woman….some of us cant even get sex literally….we just get USED…and ABUSED….that means even sexual encounters result in a sick male wanting to try to USE you for HIS gratification while giving you NO pleasure…head games, power games, power trips, rejection…refusal…confusion horror frustration…… a man would rather REJECT me, refuse me…sexually….then run off and try desperately to get laid with the first breathing thing that crosses his path after he just rejected an extremely hot woman….he would rather mind f*** me than be with me sexually….he can sit there turned on…holding BACK his desires…jsut to be able to reject me….
    he will refuse to do MANY things to me sexually… if i ask him, and turn it all into some bizarre sick game…of “i’ll do this to you IF you do this to me FIRST”….. yet if some breathing creature walked by he’d do that to HER 50 times without question….while he rejected you, refused you scrweed with your head… mind f*ed you, left you frustrated horny….this doesnt go for—ONE or two guys–it goes for…MANY….. its shocking and disturbing to find out….the extreme nature of what happens in some situations….but i know first hand and for me its shocking….
    being a very beautiful woman—-men will REFUSE to get with you sexually, please you…and only have an interest in rejecting controlling mentally screwing with you, leaving you frustrated, horny and that’s it…or playing the sickest most bizarre head games with you …. so even as a beautiful woman….some of us can’t even get sexual PLEASURE if we wanted to literally…. because men will not give it to us….they won’t….while they wiill give it to ANY other FEMALE or CREATURE in a heartbeat but with you…it becoems a horror game of nightmares and confusion…. and the male will simply walk off…thrilled that he just put u through that hell….rather than have been with you or had a good tiem with you….. he will then go to ANY woman—whether shes fat/ugly weird…im sure a transvestite…ANYONE and never play those games with them and do to them what they REFUSED to do with you….

    males will NOT give u sexual pleasure…they get off on torturing tormenting messing with…rejectnig abusing and DEGRADING some beautiful women….. rather than having even ANY encounter with them sexually….

  • lisa92

    for instance if you asked a male to make u c** many times….instead of doing that…he will do something to make sure you are in pain rather than pleasure….he will do many things to scrwe with you, put u through hell….rather than pleasure you multiple times…in the end you end up in pain…rather than pleasured…yet he will run off to any female and do to her what he didnt do to you….in a heartbeat with no question…it becomes sometimes u understand….they dont treat me the way they treat otehr women….and in end i dont even get sexual pleasure….then they belittle and degrade you….after treating you in such a bizarre and cruel or mean way….after rejecting you messing with your head…or you are treated like a prostitute…as if its your job or duty…to give sex and you are ONLY a sex object and nothing else…but a sex object for them to USE for themselves…and give u nothing in return except screwing with you or your head…..and one comment they make is “ive never met a woman like you before”…. its a common thing some will say…. you are treated not only as an outcast in life….but in EVERy aspect possible even sexually….really its…youre so beautiful im not sure how to deal with all of this so i’ll put u down and treat u lower than a female….so u cant make friends, get a social life…u cant be around people.. u cant do anything ….then when it comes to even sex…u cant get a boyfriend….u cant meet a guy….u cant even get sexual pleasure or sexual fun if you want to….you are scrutinized, judged tortured on every level possible…..youre basically f**ked….you cant hide from this mistreatment….then u not only become paranoid, justifiably so…every experience justifies that paranoia….so it just grows and evolves…into a learned understanding…helplessness…fear….but no experience quells that fear as every experience continues to be the same….and the same….so you come to understand your position in life….as a nobody and nothing…someone who will never be treated as equal or even human it seems…..you will always be put down, degraded , treated as lower by ANY human you encounter—and there is really nothing you can do about it….except accept the shock of it all…when you come to the realization that as a very beautiful woman….you cant even get sex….when you are the emblem of ‘sex’… you ooze sexuality—you would be any man’s dream….yet almost every male you encounter REFUSES to treat you like a woman refuses to even please you….and only wants to use you abuse you, belittle control you or screw with your head….then a serious baffling stage sets in….an enigma that is so bizarre and odd….that it takes years to finally grasp….

  • McThick

    I’m not even going to attempt to read all that. Until you get out of your own head, your life will continue to suck. You have the tools to improve things for yourself, it’s just easier to feel sorry about it and whine. I will, however, call BS about having normal, single guys outright refuse to have sex with you. Even the assholes you seem to gravitate to are more than capable of bedding a girl and then slipping out before she wakes up the next day. Even moderately attractive women have success in this area.

    A person cannot learn to be beautiful, either you are or you aren’t. A person CAN learn to adjust their attitude. You’re halfway to a winning combination and lucky you, you already have the inborn part. Unlucky you, you have to do the learning, which is hard.

  • lisa92

    no mcthick youre mistaken….if people have made up their mind to be intimidated scared feel uncomfrotable by you or be jealous of you– there is little you can do about it—plus, it is not my duty in life to go around having to cater to people who dislike me– im a VERY friendly kind aware person….i hate bullies and mean people, i go out of my way to be nice to people, and be friendly and i am consistently put down and shut down because of JEALOUSY….i have experienced this mess for over 12 years now…..it is NOTHING IM DOING…there is nothing wrong with my ATTITUDE b/c others are JEALOUS of me and instantly DISLIKE ME—everyone else has the ATTITUDE, not ME….for being BEAUTIFUL i am judged left and right, automatically discarded, talked badly about, lied about slandered, put down, rejected degraded….again NO THAT IS NOT MY FAULT NOR IS IT MY PERCEPTION OF HOW OTHERS TREAT ME….mi not sure what kind of life you’ve had but if u had no friends and everyone put you down anywhere you go life would be very tough….walk in those shoes for a day and then speak if you can….im sure you have friends or peopple who are nice to you….in my case i have NO ONE and most humans do not like me….every fat/mean/ugly rude female is KIND and has a great personality just b/c shes UGLY and im a ‘b&tch just b/c im beautiful” and its not fair or right… and u unfortunately cant understand the mentality of extremely jealous people– jealous people are HOSTILE angry people….they will do anything they can to get rid of gtthe object of the ENVY—and that’s what people do when they encounter a BEAUTIFUL woman who they are jealous of….that si not a fun situation to be a part of—its hard and difficult….to be shunned by jealous people everywhere and put down in just about ANY AND EVERY GIVEN SITUATION—to be the ‘weakling’ black sheep etc…outcast… if you are a beautiful woman who is exceptional who stands out amongst a society full of mostlg ugly jealous bitter people—this is what u have to encounter….

  • lisa92

    as a beautiful woman.. i acnt even get sex if i wanted to, cannot get a boyfriend, cant make friends….im a loner and outcasted by EVERYONE or almost anyone i meet or encounter….yet bertha the 300 lb b*tch with a very bad attitude…can manage to get several boyfriends…anyone can except women like ME who are treated this way…..we’re put down for existing…treated badly, talked badly about….everything that revolves around us is negativity and jealousy…..im NOT a tall arrogant stuck up anything….im very kind down to earth and nice…and caring and giving…and people just HATE me….women despise me with a passion and men do as well—everyone treats you liek an animal….an alien, a weirdo or a freak…..men REJECT you sexually—no not every guy but MANY the ones who want sex with you are the ones trying to USE yuo for an encounter to BOOST their stupid egos….thats it….youre either a prostitute, a conquest, or a freak or weirdo….you are not ‘girlfriend’ material…..though you are the PERFECT girlfriend….every thief, drug addict, any female…cheater liar psycho is GF material but not you, loyal monogamous virgin…..its a sad reality but you cant get anything in life….others are so jealous of you they make sure u cant make it in anything you d o—most ppl are trying to stop you crom successding or bring you down…and mcthick if you dont have the audaticy to read what i write then dont comment or reply!! or even attempt to!

  • lisa92

    the person who stated that beautiful women is a stigma—yes for sure….i always said that benig a beautiful woman u get treated the same as a leper….i get shunned outcasted, picked on, people have thrown things at me, yelled at me gone crazy insulted me….im treated the same way a leper would be treated exactly….people refuse to even talk to you in many situations and there was a time that socially—anywhere i went everyone would go out of their way to IGNORE me, not give me a voice—not allow me to speak….and just shun me—it was hell confusing and a nightmare…i used to cry and be confused…and that’s what they want to do– break you and keep breaking you….ive been treated so badly its shocking….by people everywhere….i used to say criminals arent treated as badly as im treated—most ppl who encounter me do not care to help me or secretly their intent wil be to do something cruel to me– so u cant trust anyone– and yes u become paranoid but justifiably so—b/c ppl aer very jealous of you and will do anything to do bad to you– after 12 years you finally get it…and u cant help but to be paranoid/raelistic….its not paranoia its reality….if you arent paranoid smoeone will do something awful to you but being aware you can prevent it just by knowing and stopping it with bvehavior and knowledge….its a learned conditioning that occurs after many years of bullying abuse and the same treatement by people and bad treatment… what shocks me is that after 33 years—unable to meeet a guy, men arent interested in me….very straneg and odd….unable to live life….b/c this society is full of jealous bitter sick people who hate those who a possess something they cant handle

  • lisa92

    i used to be a very confident person…could speak great….very articulate…extremely sociable and great at socializing, i can be friends with anyone, i like everyone.. i really love people….but every time i encounter a human—its a battle of power, its a nightmare….its the other person…insulting me putting me down, giving me dirty looks, rolling their eyes, chastizing, criticzing me…telling me they cant hear me….saying im soft spoken, making me repeat myself many times as if i can’t speak…telling me im shy/introverted… oh well u seem ‘SHY” introverted—and the people who say this to me ARE the shy/introverted people—people also constantly projecting who THEY are onto me– it has turned me into a shell of a mess…..i can’t speak confidently anymore as im asked to repeat myself numerous times….im alawys told im introverted—-even though thats not you, it slowly becomes you…..being called names, weirdo, this that….youre too this, youre not enough that—its so bizarre and horrendous.. no one will be friends with you or even talk to you like an equal so youre unable to make ANY friends which is against your friendly nature…..so a very intelligent beautiful confident woman….now is labeled and thrown into a label box of “shy introverted, weird, scared not confident” by jealosu people who have done EVERYTHING to bring her down… if i attemp to be part of a group of people and interact—im NEVER treated as an equal—ALWAYS put down always treateda s if im not good enough… and ALWAYS will be treated in a condescending way….so then u fear encountering these interactions b/c you will NEVER be perceived as an equal by ANY human period….no matter WHAT you do and its a sad thing….very awful and those jealous people will do EVERYHTING to shun/outcast you argue put you down try to start a fight with you….not let you be who you are….and take away your voice confidence, everything that is YOU…..you are now the ‘shy quiet, introvert who can’t speak and who no one can hear” b/c you are so beautiful….so powerful they cant handle it and have to go to THESE lengths to destroy your very being—-this is what I d go through every MOMENT of my life and every INTERACTION with one of those damned pathetic evil human sick beings…

    • Ann

      Lisa I I have to agree with mcThick there….you are shunning the whole world because you seem to believe that every person hates you because of your beauty…Beauty is not everything…it has its perks and disadvantages…it’s how you choose to deal with both that ultimately decides how meaningful you choose to make your life….

      Live and let live….This world is filled with so many beautiful people both inside and outside…You just have to open your eyes and really look around!

      All the best:)

      • Jo

        I wish I could agree with you on this, but when you are beautiful, the game AND the rules are different. It’s like the rich! You have to live, think and be a certain way to stay intact. Otherwise, the mediocre will shit all over you and ruin you until you are just like them…… PERIOD

  • McThick

    You know what Lisa, you’re right.

    The whole universe has decided that you, and you alone, need to be singled out for a special dose of mistreatment. It IS impossible for you to find companionship in any form because the whole planet has decided to hate you. Furthermore, everyone on the planet spends most of their day thinking of ways to be mean to you and to bully you because, hey, you’re THAT important in the grand scheme of things.

    Also, you are SO special, that the universe has ordained that you, and again, you alone, will be treated differently than every other attractive person on the planet. In fact, YOU will be treated as an ugly person with an ugly soul and an ugly personality. Not because you have any of these things, but because you DON’T have these things.

    You actually boiled your own problem down to single sentence:

    lisa92 :
    , it is not my duty in life to go around having to cater to people who dislike me.

    See…that right there is the attitude of a bitchy girl. If you’re so lonely and alone, then it damn well IS your job to make people like you. As I quoted before, if you cannot change the world, maybe you should just change yourself. The continuous litany of bad things that you write about in stream of consciousness mode is not helping your cause at all. You tell the story so many times that you don’t even notice the inconsistencies and logical flaws anymore. Try telling yourself a different story.

    And, once again, I’m going to point out that I don’t like you because you’re a whiny and unwilling to make any change that might help you. I don’t like you because you’re essentially giving the world the finger and then bitching about it when dudes don’t throw themselves at your feet. I do NOT no like you because you’re a nice, pretty girl that hates bullies. I do not like you because you’re so self-centered you see everyone else on the planet as your personal enemy, trying to tear you down because we’re all SO jealous.

    Please.

    Grow up.

    Life is what you make it.

  • Nicole

    Post 1:

    Hi The Dragon,

    Thanks for the well-written article! I agree with most of your points!!! I just want to share my point of view as a beautiful woman as well!

    Whenever I hear people say, “beauty is a curse,” I would tell myself with certainty that, if I had to choose again, I’d still be pretty and be cursed.

    Here I only want to share my personal experience and I don’t speak for all beautiful women.

    Most men would think I’m hot and sexy because of a combination of my face, body, confidence and personality. I’ve always enjoyed the attention and benifits of being a beautiful woman–being treated nicely/with privileges, offered with help, gifts, dinners, drinks, and so on. People remember and notice me more and it seems that things get my ways mostly. When I was little I thought people were nice to me because I was nice and friendly to them, and I had a sweet smile. But I’m an adult now and as my hotness increases, the nice treatments also increase. Often I think, wow, thanks God for being so sweet and making me a cutie! However, I also noticed and want to point out a few downsides of being a beautiful woman, which you already pointed out here in this article!

    In terms of friendship, I must say that I have had girl friends who love me but at the same time they are jealous to death. They would find ways to attack me out of the blue, in the presense of men. One example: a girl friend who was a few years younger than me said to this hot guy who offered us drinks at a club, “oh ask Nicole, she is the older one here (exaggerated the OLDER). She is 24 and I’m only 21!” At that point I thought to myself, “wtf, men don’t care about the age if the girl is hot!” And this guy later told me that my friend was a bitch, which I thought she was. (People tell me Latin women are very jealous.) I have many more examples but you get the point! It happens to me many times with girls, that when at a party or social meeting, if I have more attention than them, then they would NOT like it and their faces would turn GREEN (aka the jealous color lol). One thing contraditing is that I do feel love from them. I just also feel the intense jealousy. The men here told me the reason for that is LA is a place for pretty people and attention so most women are in a competitive mode. Oh well!

    Continue on the next post…

  • Nicole

    Post 2:

    In terms of romance, I’d say sometimes it does get difficult. Unless the man is really secure about himself, otherwise, it is not likely to work out. More often than not, I could tell that men treat me differently. The boys in college are even worse! A lot of them are shy, awkward, and get tensed up whenever I’m present, even though I’m a really fun, easy-going person. The fact that I am well-maintenance might also contribute to this fact (nice clothes with nicely done nails, hair, etc) Once we start dating, perhaps they play more games, pretend that they don’t care, try to get me jealous, won’t get too serious… just to name a few. I’ve been single for almost a year and whenever I tell men that, they tell me I’m lying. They would tell me I could have any man I want. I guess being able to have my picks and do get with them are two different things! They already assume that I’m taken. Hmmm, assumption assumption!

    Anything can be good and bad, depending on how you look at it. But at the end of the day, we can’t change how other people think and I’m not here to complain because I am already so lucky to have something that everyone wants and adores. :)
    Although beauty could be a curse, I’m still very grateful that I’m blessed with my looks. But of course, the one thing I really like about myself is my brain and my beauty won’t last forever. And someday someone will be sweet and confident enough to find out! :)

    p.s. Sorry for the typo, if there is any. My spell-check doesn’t work!

    Thanks for reading and good luck!

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      Nicole, you sound like a real Lady Dragon. It’s good to hear the perspective of another woman that is beautiful, comfortable with being beautiful yet cogniscent of the world’s view of her. So you’re from the Bay? No doubt there are many lovelies there trying to break into Hollywood and otherwise, I feel your pain with the jealousy, it’s real for women all over the country. Thanks for sharing your story… sometimes curses aren’t all bad I suppose.

      • Nicole

        Hey Greg,

        How did you know I was from the Bay? Did I give it away? hehe

        Yes women are complicated beings! But little do they know I like and appreciate them a lot! I see true beauty in women and love spoiling them as we become friends! I’m much nicer to women than are men, and than I’m to men! lol!

        At the end of the day, God has his plans! He creates beauty in all of us and I’m just grateful about things that I’m given and believe that he spoils me, and of course, you too!!! :)

        Can’t wait to read more of your blogs!! Till then, have fun and good luck in everything you do!

        Cheers!

    • Ann

      Your thoughts goes to show that you truly are a beautiful women inside and outside Nicole! I love your attitude girl! keep rocking!:)

      • Nicole

        Hey Ann,

        Sorry I just saw your reply! Thanks for the compliments!!! I hope things are well for you and I’m sure you’re a beautiful, classy lady yourself! xo

        -Nicole

  • vanessa

    Hi ..I too suffer from the beautiful woman’s curse I suppose I’m done feeling sad guilt alone and being a victim to others insecurities so I stumbled across this and and happy to see I am not the only one with the same awful situation…..good news is we’re not alone some of us are here this may be a lil childish lol but let’s be friends :D I’m 25 with 3 kids and I feel like I’m not in a sence to be confident or sweet because I get labeled as a biatch or an ugly person inside ..a snob …shy ect…. So LADIES please feel free to stand up for yourself and what you are and no ppl don’t have to like it and do not cater !!! To ppl that need an ego boots and are trying to get it by putting you down that does not make you an ugly person that makes you a grown woman with a voice and the right to defend yourself :) and for the cocky pretty woman stop ruining it for the good ones pllz its not cute and thank u everyone for posting I have a new found in my what was it …..self centered attitude that the world revolves around me lmao ( please note this is also known as confidence) I now feel sorry for ppl shallow enough to miss out on who I am bc o how I look …your loss,and to that I might even start wearing earings again lol

  • Julia

    I’m really not trying for this to come off as rude…but all the so-called “beautiful” women posting here who are so cursed make me laugh.First of all,alot of people who think they are so beautiful,usually aren’t.The simple fact that you come on here saying how beautiful you are shows conceit,and lots of people find that quality unattractive.Maybe it is your blatant conceit for yourselves that is turning people off? Confidence is one thing,thinking the world revolves around you and your looks is another.
    I’m just sayin…

    • Maya

      Nah…cuz as I stated a few months ago..”I always tell myself that I am an ok looking woman but I have people tell me that I am beautiful ALL of the time. My one good friend says that Im on Halle’s level of beauty and I don’t know it and this is what makes me even more beautiful.” So, no conceit here. :-)

  • AngelinaZ

    I agree that being beautiful is a curse. Unless youve lived it ..you wouldn’t understand it ….Lisa you are not alone and you are not whiny. I found your posts to really hit home. A lot of women wouldn’t have the courage to talk so openly especially over the internet where criticism can come out of the wood work which is the last thing any of us needs. I was sitting here crying because I have been told those same things oh youre so beautiful, you can get any man you want etc etc and men have flown all types of insecurities at me. Men have even told me they are mean to me because im pretty. Contradictory to that is that I have real low self esteem after feeling like me being nice, pretty and a genuinely good person has resulted in the worse treatments. The fact that I am always single …it hurts. The fact that I just want people to appreciate my personality and stop focusing so much on what I look like. I just want a guy that wants me for me instead of to try to have sex with me or to treat me like crap so they can get a kick out of it or boost their ego. There are plenty of books that verify this assessment as to the beautiful woman curse. The art of seduction book talks about this very same concept and breaks it down. It says to seduce a beautiful girl just get to know her on the inside…crazy. I think the ones on here can reach out to each other and maybe develop friendships with each other since we are having difficult times with that as well. ((hugs)) to all the pretty lonely girls out there.

    • Ash

      I’ve cried a lot reading these posts too! I love the idea of using this to reach out because I’ve never been able to express these feeling before and it has been a huge relief. Thank you for all the women who are opening up and being honest about these feelings and problems. They do exist. They hurt and we don’t have to feel guilty for feeling this way. Or feel guilty for feeling guilty. Thats BS and Im sick of feeling guilty for how I look and about how I feel about how I look.

  • Julia

    A truly beautiful person usually doesn’t see how beautiful they really are and doesn’t go on and on about themselves either.

    Some of the most beautiful women I have known have been ugly on the inside and therefore,not attractive.
    I agree with the other poster who said quit whining about it.Be happy you are beautiful,but do not let it define who you are.
    I’m glad I’m just cute ;)

    • Ash

      Sorry Julia, not quite true. =) I think a truly beautiful person absolutely can see themselves as beautiful. I know I am beautiful and so do the people who care about me. I do good things, I’m generous, considerate, I’ve dedicated my life to helping others. I also know that I am physically attractive and I it would be a lie if I said I wasn’t. Also, it would insult to my parents who raised me to be confident, honest and to believe I am beautiful and of worth. I would never in a million years say that out loud to someone, I am beautiful, but it’s true. I don’t constantly dwell on my looks, the content of the article just happens to be in regards to that. And it is a relief to whine about (lol as you can see from my many posts) because I have never seen a place to vent about it. EVER. I don’t even address it with my counselor ( Im a little crazy lol) because I’m worried that I’ll hurt her feelings. It does cause problems and it would be ignorant to think that my life is not affected by my outward appearance, as in our society everyone is held accountable for their looks. Addressing this issue is great and sharing these experiences doesn’t make you vain or self centered, it just means you can relate. And this has felt AWESOME!!

  • Ann

    Hi there! I completely agree with Julia, when she says that a truly beautiful person usually doesn’t focus on how beautiful they really are, and go on and on about themselves.

    And yes, I have been given compliments about my looks by many.

    And I would be lying if I denied the fact that I have faced a few difficulties as outlined here, by some of the writers.

    But I cannot be arrogant about my looks, nor judge another person based on their looks. Because we are all unique and beautiful in our own special way. Our appearance is just one very minor part of who we truly are.Instead, I firmly believe that it is very important to look into our inner souls and see the unique beautiful inner qualities we posses.

    That doe not mean I don’t take care of my looks…I do. But that is mostly because I want to be healthy, happy and feel good about myself. But I also know that a person’s appearance cannot possibly define who we are, and so I do not think that the whole world revolves around my looks. I am just one of many unique human beings inhabiting this earth, with so much more to give to this world, rather than making my world revolve around my looks.

    One thing I always do when with a room full of strangers, is to always make it a point to give a heart felt and friendly (not suggestive) smile to any person I come in contact with. Some people may think me weird for smiling at them, when they are a complete stranger to you, but more often than not, people genuinely smile back at me and we both feel better instantly. I truly believe in the power of staying positive, and making a positive connection.

    It’s all about being kind, compassionate and understanding and trying to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes, to see why they are feeling the way they are feeling….. If they choose to reject us then so be it…let them free and let ourselves free…life is too short and beautiful, to keep dwelling on past hurts, rejections and disappointments.

    For all those of you who think you are facing difficulty because of your looks, believe me ….it is only a minor problem which can be overlooked, if we choose to do so….There is so much more within us that is real and valuable……look into yourselves and see the beauty within you! 

  • Jo

    Thank you for reminding me while I’m still single despite the fact that most men would kill for their (late 30s) romantic partner to look like me. I should have never enlisted in the military then got an education. I did not know that I would start to get better looking AFTER the age of 24. Looks like I’m hopeless cos I don’t seem to be getting uglier… And I’m nearing 40! No point in being nice, caring anymore. I’m cursed thanks to modern stupidity.

    “…. My only problem is, THEIR insecurity”- JLo

    • abeautifulwoman

      omg…totally love what you write here and your other comment….everything about beautiful womne being ugly on the inside is just by jealous haters…its really sad….and youre SO right…its like why are we single, when most men would love for their ‘wives/gf’s to look like us but no one e will actually date or be with us?? and its so weird…the prettier you are the worse it is for you and the LESS chances you’ll get a date or a boyfriend….it makes no sense but this is how it is??? strangely…and just agree with your post below….so well said!!

  • Jo

    Also, I need to point out something really quick here to the women who ate accusing the self-proclaimed beautiful of being self centered and conceited. THIS is the very attitude that is mentioned in this article concerning not-beautiful women against the beautiful women, Women who are esthetically beautiful are tormented by society based off their looks. It’s almost as if they are nit allowed to know they are beautiful; sure as he’ll not allowed to admit it to anyone. If you are hated because you are beautiful ” it’s really because you are ugly inside”. Of course, classic response of a hater. Beautiful women need to know they are beautiful. They should also know it is a curse so they can maneuver through life with the proper social skills to deflect (not counter attack) jealousy and insecurities of others. Unfortunately, this is a skill embodied by very very few therefore rarely taught,

    A man calls you beautiful. You say thank you & smile, but let your body language say, don’t overstep your boundaries buddy!
    If you walk into a room full of average women and you can feel the hate cutting through the atmosphere like daggers, you introduce yourself to everyone, make strong but not intimidating eye contact, and let all those women know you are friendly and unthreatening.
    Wear clothes that are conservatively flattering
    When dating, make it clear to men you are approachable and friendly. And let your body language tell them you are strong but feminine, fun but morale, and that you are capable of being a good woman.

    Those who don’t or “refuse to” understand you can go f*ck themselves. You owe NOBODY an explanation to who you are and it’s not your responsibility to bend over backwards any more than anyone else to make others Ferlinghetti confortable around you.

    Beautiful women, lead by example and be strong yet beautiful inside too. Do not cave into society’s need to protect the weak minded people. They’ve already done enough damage! Do not let them damage you!

    • Maya

      OMG thats SO true!! I remember when I was younger I would always quote, “when ugly people say that they are “FINE”, its considered confidence but when a true good looking person say that they are “fine”….they are considered conceited”! LOL So not fair! lol

      • Reds

        wow I so agree with that.

    • http://www.facebook.com/cynthia.d.anderson.96 Cynthia Dortch Anderson

      I feel like that comment is telling me to tone down the way I dress or act so that the unbeautifuls don’t feel all hatey toward me. They can bite me. I have seen the tricks they play and the lies they tell so that they can keep guys thinking their number one.

      • Atlanta_Man

        You go Cynthia! They can bite me… LOL

  • jadender

    Well said Jo!

    • Ash

      Yay Jo!

  • Bubbles12

    Believe it or not, I’ve become prettier as I’ve gotten older. At 53 I look around late 30s and now very goodlooking. When I got rid of my glasses as well last year, the sudden change in the way I’ve been treated has been quite interesting.
    For example. I notice no man I talk to is really interested in my opinion on anything. They will say they’ve fallen in love, and to quote two of them recently, “your eyes, your lips, everything. You are so beautiful” but they had no idea who I am, so I ended feeling like a thing. One proposed marriage on the second date, then disappeared. At work, my opinions are not taken very seriously, when I used to manage major event and organised dozens of stakeholders so the whole thing was almost automated.
    I marketed and promoted those events. I doubled audiences. I am also a gifted artist. The One Most Likely to Succeed in the art world, which is what my art teachers at college said. But nup, I am just a pretty woman, scary, hollow and very much alone. The stigma, too, of being good looking and alone. It hurts more than anything. I don’t know what to do about it.

  • Thegurl

    I thoroughly enjoy being beautiful. Everyday when I wake up there is the sense that anything could happen. A simple trip to the supermarket can end up with me being scouted by a model agency. Walking down the high street I get to meet so many men. They’re the wrong men, of course, but it’s fun, and an ego boost which I enjoy!

    There are down sides of course. For one thing, you’re not allowed to know it. I would never, never admit to being beautiful in my everyday life. If you are told something 20-30 times day, you know yr beautiful-yet you can’t admit it! I know it would kill people to hear me say it. I always pretend that I’m just like the other girls – which is why I have female friends. I might add it took me a LONG time to find a group of accepting female friends, and they are smart women, not looks obsessed, and they are the exception… Women are guarded with me- then they see the way men react to me and they snarl at me. Even if they’re happily married.

    And men…well the cocky ones that chat me up are players. The sweet shy guys never do – but I’m not complaining – all a beautiful woman has to do is join a class or take up a sport – ie. be in a situation where men have a legitimate reason to talk to her, and even the shy ones will come flocking round! In my office, there are 8 guys on my floor who don’t even hide the fact they’re in love with me. If anyone asks I quietly deny it and change the topic. I never acknowledge it as then the women would hate me. BTW, for the most part men treat me like an angel. And they will defend you and protect you against bitchy girls. And girls will be subtle – it’s so obvious if a girl says mean things about a beauty, and women are aware of that. Sure, i’ve rocked up to a party in a nice dress, had a friend be devastated that I look good in it, and after complimenting me, admit that she doesn’t know if she can be friends with me because of the way I look.

    I have had ONE bad experience. I fell for a guy who seemed to really like me. He was so attentive to me in public, very affectionate, his mates all congratulated him on dating me – literally slapping him on the back – and he admitted he loved the attention of being with a beautiful woman. but he just didn’t fancy me – i know this because when there was no one else in the room, he really wasn’t interested. He just loved having a status symbol. Now that is something an average or pretty girl doesn’t have to deal with. But overall, life is like a film-i love it.

  • Ash

    When you’re aesthetically beautiful you’re not allowed to say you’re beautiful. If I am proud of how I put myself together I have to be quiet about it. If I say “damn I look good”, it would be the same response as if I said “hey I’m a cannibal Nazi” = not fair. Being the “skinny” sister and cousin I was teased mercilessly about every aspect of my body while I could say nothing about them. Because they were over weight and aren’t considered as pretty, it would have been evil on my part to criticize them (adults straight out told me this growing up). However, they could analyze my awkward shaped butt, bad skin, my “boomhower(king of the hill) pooch belly, my clothes, makeup, friends, romantic interests, everything about me was criticized and made fun of. Also as far as being able to get a man… My ex boyfriend of 3 years stayed with me because of my looks alone. I thought it was opposites attract and I tried changing my personality so he would love me more and could have the whole package. It became an emotionally abusive relationship and he admitted in the end he just wanted the arm candy and that we were never compatible. THREE YEARS of a lie to take advantage of my looks. He stayed because his friends told him he could never get better than me and he’d be an idiot to leave me.=( I didn’t want him to feel like that. And it wasn’t my fault people said stuff like that. He hated me because of this. He didn’t love me but he couldn’t leave me either so he resented me and treated me like shit. I’m far from shallow and to learn that the basis of his interest was my looks broke my heart and made me hate men. What was real/ What was just to keep me? Should I be thankful for my looks? “Never make a pretty woman your wife.”<–haunts me. Prince charming doesn't trust you and becomes possessive or cold. I can't have a healthy relationship. I'm educated and have a loving family, a healthy relationship should be easy. But no, I have to have either VERY casual or a masochistic relationship for security. I'd say the only benefit of being pretty is that I've always been able to get a job easily and once I was mistaken several times in one night for a mannequin/doll at a goth night club (lol it was funny and pretty cool). I wish I could more openly share positive experiences of being beautiful(like being mistaken for a doll) but people don't want to hear that. You get ridiculed for being vain or imperfect and left feeling like shit about yourself. Thanks for this article!

  • Ash

    Dear Mc Thick HEAD,
    Its horrible that you attacked this woman for sharing her experiences that you know nothing of. I hope next time you will read everything someone says before you judge it, because this is a woman reaching out for support and you shit on her. Beautiful women, it has been proven here, are shat on. Sometimes literally. Two girls one cup, f***ing animals, double penetration. People do want to hurt and torture beautiful women that has been proven again and again by the mainstream slasher films that show nothing but beautiful women being selected for severe tortures. Every (almost) guy Ive been with wants to go straight to abusive porn sex and I became accostomed and addicted to it. I thought thats just how sex was. Sex=porn=pain. Now I am in a loving relationship with a man who cares for me and respects me. When we first got together I couldn’t orgasm without pain. I asked to be hit, burned, chocked, as violent as he could, Id beg for it. At first I think it was exciting for him but the one night he started crying and said “I just want to love you. I want to make love to you. I can’t hurt you anymore.” The look in his face. I could have died. When you’re told your worth is based on sex you begin to believe. Since I was a LITTLE girl guys have been coming on to me. Its sick and in adult life I thought I had to perform like a porn star because that’s what pretty girls do. That’s whats on tv and that what people expected of me. This socialization is different for socially stigmatized attractive women because there is absolutely a point that you become hated for beauty. Its a biological threat to others reproduction chances. With women its competition for mates and with men its the fact you won’t have their baby. Just as an exquisitely feathered bird will be singled out by members of their own species, beautiful women are left isolated and abused.

  • Jo

    This year, I decided that I was going to be beautiful in MY own eyes and believe it. I know I have a lot to offer the world, if people who think I am beautiful would just let down their guards and quit being prejudgemental. I’ve learned that going without makeup and being the goofy, dorky me with a mild lisp and airhead moments IS the way to go because it is the real me. I’m not a fantasy. I have a lisp. I am lousy in bed. I fart. I burp. I trip on my own feet. I forget to use lint brushes on my fitness pants. I forget my iphone all the time…. dudes, I am so human that I shock people when they get to know the real me.

    I personally believe, ALL beautiful women stand up and let your faults shine ! And don’t let the mediocre asswipes break you down. As much as I think beauty is curse… I love being a hot dork ! ! ! I will happily wear a star trek tshirt to work every day… and I have.

    And I want to ask people who are reading this thread and have low opinions of beautiful women. How different is it being beautiful and self centered because of their looks any different than judging people based off their looks? Why is it so ok for normal people to judge, label and condemn beautiful people when they themselves are being superficial…….? why hate on the beautiful when you can just shut up and lover yourself ?

  • Ash

    Hey Jo Im with you! I love being a hot dork too! I’m a gamer (WOW) and am annoyingly forgetful and clumsy. All in all I am glad for my looks and accept the curse.It bothers me though that it seems like people get mad at me for dressing down. My ex used to say he felt like I didn’t love him if I quit working out or wasn’t getting dolled up a lot. And once my cousin and sister were bitching about how pretty and skinny girls were lazy and thought they could just wear what ever they wanted. My sis dubbed it “Cheesy Skweeter.” When a pretty girl wasn’t put together. Lol its so gross I hated being called that so much and had no idea what it meant until after we were adults. I suck at matching and usually dress like an elderly hippy man lol so I’ve accepted dirty hippy jokes and I think I come off less threatening but I do get a lot of comments like , “oh if you just did this or that” or one friend said “you look like angelina jolie, I wish I could just take you home and dress up with you” lol. I find a lot of people want to make me over to look like a pop star or something. I let my faults hang and people get used to it. And its really funny to gross guys out with jokes or bad habits. I tried the whole make up girl thing because I felt I had too. Im over that. I dont like make up, I dont like brushing my hair,and I want to wear clothes I can fall asleep in. I love dressing up every now and then (what girl doesn’t) but I am also subscribing to my own definition of beauty and I am beautiful. I’m not superficial. I’m beautiful. I’m not vain or conceited, I’m beautiful. It makes me happy and I don’t regret that.

  • McThick

    Wow.

    I don’t even know where to begin Ash. It’s been proven HERE that beautiful women get shat on?! Seriously, that’s really your defense? It’s been proven EVERYWHERE on the planet that attractive people have an easier time in work, relationships, money, and just life in general.

    I’m sorry that you chose jackasses to date. Are you saying that being beautiful forced you to make bad decisions? Or, are you saying that being beautiful causes stupidity? Either way, you’ve demonstrated a fair share of both, I guess it’s just part of the cross you bear.

    No one said anything about porn, violent or otherwise, just you. Probably because you’re beautiful…right?

    I read large portions of Lisa92’s rant, until she started to contradict herself, punching holes in her own sad story. I mentioned that I disliked her immediately, and it was NOT because of her ‘beauty’ but rather, because of her personality.

    I’m glad you accidentally found a guy who treats you right…I suggest that you both attend couples therapy because you obviously have some deep-seated problems that are independent of your physical beauty and I fear that your relationship will suffer unless you explore those problems with a professional. He needs to go because you clearly messed up his head a little bit with the sexual needs your beauty ‘forced’ upon you.

    Get help.

  • Ash

    Mc Thick Head,
    I think its interesting that there are people trolling here looking for negative things to say to women who identify with this article. People such as yourself went out of your way to read and respond to these blogs and ultimately shit on beautiful women. Your right I am lucky I accidentally found a good guy lol Since there are so few out there. My life isn’t nearly as dramatic as it plays out in these blog posts but as far as sexual deviations and porn, many women stated on this thread they felt pressured into entering the pornography industry and had sexual mistreatment from partners. This is my experience as I have felt it. Do I believe every injury in my life has been because I’m beautiful? Absolutely not. However I am intelligent to know the ones that do relate to my appearance. As far as your defense that attractive people have it easier in work, relationships, and money; very broad conclusion with 0 backing evidence. The closest thing I’ve ever heard of is that marriages tend to last longer if the woman is more attractive than the man. Which still was rather subjective and unconvincing. Otherwise I’m pretty sure the divorce rate is the same for everyone. Money often times represents beauty in our society so those lines can be blurred or created. Work, honestly, yes it is extremely easy for me to find a job. I won’t deny that. But there is that tricky glass ceiling so opportunities are in reality very limited and fleeting. Relationships? Well sorry but I would have to disagree that your level of attractiveness has anything to do with happy relationships. And I think many of the other “cursed beauty’s” would agree that goods looks don’t result in an instant,great relationship. Also “pretty girls” tend to be the victims of school bullying and alienation resulting in suicide. If you can’t relate or understand this plight, fine. You’re entitled to your opinion and you’ve stated it. It would be polite however if you’d quit posting here and allow those who want to utilize the thread for productive introspection and group support to do so.
    Ash

  • Ello

    Greg,

    Thanks for posting! It would be a daydream come true for others who are not affected by this curse to read this. I’m actually surprised more women haven’t commented. I actively searched for this post via Google, because I’ve reached an age where I’m beginning to realize the real damage done by being beautiful externally. I hate that I’ve been conditioned to feel that saying I’m beautiful = me being arrogant. I know my blessings, and I know my weaknesses.

    I lost my job of 7 years a few months ago due to an insecure manager – should we mention the gender? No joke, even belittling comments about my appearance were made to me by her. Fortunately, I was blessed with another job after interviewing with 5 MEN. It required me to relocate from CA to WA. In WA, I’m experiencing 10x more often what you’ve described here. See, in CA, I had a handful of friends I could rely on- friends that I grew up with. Starting over in a new state (and WA at that! The “Seattle Freeze” phenomenon is true!) has proven to me that I’m going to have to work much harder to acquire new friendships. I’m really struggling over this

    The women in the office immediately scoffed at me, until my cat passed away last week and they got to see me “raw” from crying an entire day and losing my composure.

    The men here are kind to me, but the ONLY time I’ve been hit on was at a gay bar (we can laugh at this, it’s okay). You know how the gays (I don’t say this derogatively) love their Britney Spears and Mariah Carey… it’s not like I’m going to turn them!

    I didn’t think for a second that men weren’t approaching me because they were intimidated – the notion just hit me recently. For awhile I would think “God, wtf is wrong with me? Am I not attractive enough for these guys?”

    Now, I’m questioning when I’ll find someone that really loves me and I could have a family with because I’ll be 30 in a few years and my biological clock is ticking ;). Right now, any guy that I date (via online dating sites usually), only wants me to fulfill their sexual appetite. So it makes me resent men. I’m a very sincere, caring and compassionate person that wants to share that with someone who wants more than just p***y. I’m hating myself for not being able to distinguish the decent guys from the man-whores.

    Now, what I will say is that I’m guilty of treating beautiful people unfair. My jealousy has subsided though and I now treat people – whether physically beautiful or not – as I want to be treated

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      Hello Ello :D thanks for the kudos and your wonderful comments sharing your story. The more of these I read, the more it becomes apparent that Beauty’s curse is 100% based on insecurities – not so much with the beauty herself, but the rest of society who has to look at her.

      Considering a scenario where a beauty (think Elizabeth Taylor) is crowned as royalty (Cleopatra), an untouchable Queen who was to be looked at with mere glances, and not stares – people are always okay with that situation. But let her be Cleopatra from around the way, a neighbor, or your buddy’s girlfriend and it seems as if a fear comes over women that their man will actively pursue her.

      I call it the Angelina Jolie complex and I think it explains a lot of the mean. vindictive things that average-looking women will do at times to get back at a stunner. Some women think that (like Angie), it will only take a wink and a passing smile for a beauty to steal their man… and being that we are not afforded the benefit of the doubt… it is easier for the woman to react negatively to the beauty based on her looks.

      Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t on the woman side but from the man’s side let me tell you something, and this is an article I have coming out, but dating, loving and marrying a beautiful woman puts a man in a bind in quite a different way. We get celebrated as greatest of Alphas for bagging a beautiful woman, but at the same time we have to check other males who do actively snipe for the women in our lives. It’s extremely deep.

      Like other social issues that are disallowed opinion from the privileged, this topic is very important but it is one that nobody wants to talk about (reminds me of racism). I am glad to have at least started some discourse on it and I appreciate your adding your opinion on this thread. Take care.

  • Ello

    (Post 2)

    I am finding myself envious of women who can find real love, simply because they were not “blessed” with good looks. They can know that when a man spends time with them, he is interested in them as a person, not for their sex appeal. I didn’t earn what I have, I was simply born this way (again, I’m feeling conceited here but I don’t mean it that way!). It’s not fair to the others just as much as it’s not fair to me. Unless of course our society can come to a mutual agreement that looks don’t matter. Ha!

    Let’s turn the tables here though… I had a conversation with an old friend recently – really handsome man, model material. We’ll call him Josh. We’ve moved past our “hook up phase” and can be just friends now. We were talking about a guy that I am going on a date with this coming week, we’ll call him Chris. Chris is good-looking, and definitely works at it. His body is chiseled to the max – very muscular. I showed a picture of Chris to Josh, and Josh said that I have to be careful with men like that; “they have self esteem issues”.

    And so, it seems, either Josh is possibly jealous of Chris – or it’s true that men who look that good physically have some mental issues. I can’t help but smirk here, because I think it’s both. And I get it. They’re both handsome men, and they’re both probably f*cked up in the head. Just like I’ve become in many ways. Because even men reach an age where sex isn’t AS important as it used to be, and they’re eventually ready to settle down. They, too, have to find someone that’s not with them just for a pretty picture.

    As much as I resent men for treated me like a disposable object, I also know that handsome men have to be going through what beautiful women deal with on a regular basis.

    But you are a man, you can tell me if I’m just imagining things :)

    • abeautifulwoman

      I agree with this to some degree…more in the sense of good looking men many of them seem to be even more insecure and have self esteem issues than let’s say uglier men….i dare not attempt to even look at an attractive man…he gets annoyed upset…with me, just for the thought. Good looking men are off limits to me as a beautiful woman…because good looking men have extreme ego issues and wouldn’t even attempt to approach or be with me. It’s as if my mere presence would make their shattered ego crumble to bits and they need to be with a woman who is less attractiveto feel better abuot their pathetic selves. I have been rejected mistreated abused, by good looking men– most won’t even give me a chance. It’s as if it’s opposite universe, and they refuse to even look at me…and if they have to it’s almost like looking at the head of medusa…good looking men would ‘never’ date me or even go on a date with me …most who have have criticized me during the date insulted me yelled at me in the end and never called me back- they would be into bullying or torturing me if anything. I don’t think most good looking males have anyhwere near similar problems– they usually have women throwing themselves at them bc/ good looking men are so rare and they have their pick of women…. but will they be with a smoking hot woman? only if she has flaws, or being around her dosen’t crush their ego in some way. In my case… im intelligent beautifull and my presence destroys them so they avoid me completely… its very true some beautiful people are privileged or have advantages but many don’t and many males do in general…

  • Life Is Beautiful!!:)

    Ok….I read this article quite awhile ago and tend to agree on many points…It is hard to fit in a group when you are obviously different….women can give you the hate stare and men can be intimidated by our beauty…but…. why are so many women whining about how bad their life is because they are beautiful? Come on ladies!!…You love being beautiful and you would not trade your beauty for anything in this world!…so why whine and complain?….I mean it is good to vent it out rather than bottling it up…but thinking that everything bad in this world happened to you, because you are beautiful, is never going to make things better, only worse….

    I have often been given the “hate” stare and I have often felt a very deadly silence when I enter a room…but the truth is I feel good about myself, and enjoy being beautiful…so I don’t allow other women’s “hate” towards me to dominate my thoughts….I have found the best way to handle women is to be confident, yet friendly with them, but to keep a safe distance…..

    I too used to wonder why I could never get too close to any woman other than my mom and sister….I realized later on, that it was because I was different, and many women felt slightly intimidated/threatened by me….and behaved in different ways……Am I bitter about it??….No! On the contrary, I am very thankful to God for ALL the blessings he has given me, including my beauty and I would much rather focus on the blessings he has given me in my life and keep doing what I feel is right….Because I believe in the power of positivity…And God has blessed me with SO many good things in my life apart from my beauty …so I will be the first person to say that I feel humbled that he has been so good to me….I wouldn’t want my life any other way!:)

    So please….for what it’s worth…please stop whining about your beauty, and open your eyes to the beauty around you!….A child’s laughter, a beautiful flower, a hug from a loved one…..

    A woman is SO much more than her outer beauty….If she chooses to, she can become SO much more beautiful by appreciating the good things in life, and enjoying each and every moment…We have SO much to live for …..So go out there to capture and enjoy the beauty of life!!!…It makes us women whole…complete…Because NOBODY can make us happy or sad, unless we allow them too….the choice lies within us…..3 cheers for the beauty of LIFE!!!:)

    • Ash

      Beauty of Life =) You are very right on so many levels. I am 24 and honestly I didn’t know I was pretty until I was 21 or so. For most of my life I felt very ugly. My mom would tell me people were intimidated by me and I didn’t believe it. I didn’t think I was pretty at all. But when I realized I was beautiful it was absolutely a blessing! I was happier and more confident. I don’t want to whine about any problems, especially since these ones are just becoming apparent. I would much rather be blogging about the positive experiences of being a beautiful woman but the article is “The Curse of Being a Beautiful Woman”, not the “Blessings of a Beautiful Woman.” I am aware of those benefits as they are constantly reinforced. I was relieved to hear other women who were struggling with similar issues because it is awkward and discouraged to do so out loud in everyday life. I do see so much beauty in the world everyday. My looks have very little to do with my likes and activities. I love hiking, dancing, smoking pot, playing videos games, reading, writing, and debating politics. My life would be just as satisfying if I were average or unattractive. However I have had the opportunity to do modeling and acting, things I know were afforded to me because my looks. I love that. I love being able to dress up and play a beautiful woman. I love that I was chosen over other people for these roles. It makes me proud. I am happy and the more I can stay tuned to all the beauty in life the happier I get. I look forward to being a grandparent and telling my offspring about all the adventures I have had. My beauty has definitely taken me on many of those adventures, internally and externally. Cheers to happiness and the beauty of life!!

  • McThick

    Ash,
    Surely, it would be more convenient for you if I just went away, wouldn’t it. How DARE someone have a contrary opinion to you, a beautiful person?

    Did you know that normal/ugly people NEVER get bullied? Did you know that normal/ugly people NEVER commit suicide?

    Wake up and understand that your victimization is solely your own responsibility. Contrary to your belief, the world does not revolve around you. When someone disagrees with you, they’re just disagreeing with you, not bullying, or ostracizing, or hating. You’re not that important.

    Do you dislike me? It must be because I’m beautiful…right?

    You’re correct, I did not offer any backing for what I said. Honestly, I did not think it was necessary, but since you are so deluded as to think a bunch of whiners in hobdragon.com constitute proof of your claim, I will offer some counter-proof that has actual science and statistical weight behind it:

    Beautiful people make more money: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203687504576655331418204842.html

    Attractive people are more successful (not an article in itself, rather a description of a scholarly book on the subject: http://www.mellenpress.com/mellenpress.cfm?bookid=6771&pc=9

    Beautiful people have better lives in general: http://www.economist.com/node/21526782

    Do you, Miss Ash, have anything to back up your claims other than a myopic view of the world?

    If people were using the thread for useful introspection, your request to vacate might have weight. However, a whine fest about how life is hard is not introspection it is feeling sorry for yourself.

    I have some news for you. Relationships are hard for everyone, repeated failures in that arena are the fault of poor decisions, not the fault of physical beauty.

    • anne

      Ahhhh well you see your,e comments show ZERO experience in the beuaty curse. You clearly aren,t all that, why because if you where stunning, you know dam well about the curse. Let me set you straight. Women are in general no matter how nice you are too them intially unless you win them over frozy, men look at you like they want to eat you and blurt out very near the mark overly sexual gaffs. Mumble fumble about all tongue tied and pathetic. I get 165 IQ, hell I might as well be a fluffy bunny rabbit, men speak to me like I,m a backward gerbil (no offence to gerbils), I lines are so predictable, oh your,e so beautiful, stunning, sexy, are you a model, you look nice in, (whatever) they fantsize about), comments on your bum ,legs, face, clothes, blah, blah, no dam guys give a tosh about that I,m a designer, won awards, have 2 degrees, studied behavourail studies, hell no, I, say something deep, they reply. God your sexy, so that, this. Blah. It,s a plie of whether being stunning, bloody get stared at, aggresiveness, comments, digs, hell it,s enougfh to make you wnat to me a gold fish. Have some paece your lkie a celeb, everyone wnats a piece of you a dig, own you and desempower you, why because you make the poor loves feel less then. Yep true if they are going to shit off evythying about my kindness, lateral thinking, drive, humour, interets, all this boiled down to, you got a nice bum. So all the women and men that say it ain,t a problem, you gotta be joking. no don,t go on about me not being nice, pleasant, your anything lkie taht, thats, bullshit, horse shit. I,m nice, kind and frankly its old tired worn out comments from poeple who ain,t got a clue telling you it ain,t that way. fcats I,m 6 feet, sie 6, told i look like a movie satr. Attarct all the cocky wnakers and phhwaaoor bullshit. nice men, yep sure bang on about league tables, my power and god knows what. you get jaded why BECAUSE I AM VERY KIND AND COMPASSIONATE, but treated lkie a chopped up a body and ate it. Anyone who don,t get what I said, I know without question you ain,t a stunner. Othwer stunners get it. Don,t insult me to say I,m not a nice person, you can be as nice as pie, so sweet and some fucker comes back just breat taking little jabs, its bullshit. Yes noy great, living this, its not all its crackef up to be, no I,m not lking the hardcoe esxaul come ones, they overly in ammy face men, they off hand bitchy women, yes I done all the nice shit, and guess what. They fucking have a pop

      • abeautifulwoman

        hahah totally agree with anne here that is an awesome post!! she said it perfectly….if you’re not a stunner you have no fuking clue seriously…and you not being nice—so yeah because youre BEAUTIFUL you must be perfectly nice, cant have a personality….and have to please everyone….be as sarcastic as you want….youre still nice but regardless its sickening how people judge ‘pretty women’ adn so lame…all the idiots/ugly people and i mean ugly as in ugly on the inside have no damn clue….what some of us have to go through really sucks and its not fun to have to deal with

    • YOYOMA?

      Hi McThick,

      When I read this article/blog it was a relief – I feel automatically conceited saying this – but I found a lot of truths that I could apply to my experience. On an anonymous forum, I can say that yes, I’m a beautiful girl physically.

      I enjoy your no-nonsense truths, that quality of character takes precedence over first impressions of one’s beauty. My whole life I was back stabbed and felt like I was being pulled in 100 different directions, that it was my duty to please everyone, offend no one and beat myself up when I failed (or in some cases was told I failed, when I hadn’t actually done anything wrong). There are those beautiful people who don’t have this problem and these people are the ones who do not make it their problem. They are true to themselves and manage to have healthy positive relationships.

      They can do this because they have decided to “do them” and be happy. This is not to say that they are not met with the same prejudices, but the more one is capable of letting it roll like water off a ducks back (the duck is aware of the water but it does not affect them!) the more that person casting hostility is likely to give them a chance. I’m super glad I caught onto this at a young age and stopped jumping through hoops because that hoop jumping is what caused the expectation and invited it into my life. Many of my best friends were people that were hostile toward me in the beginning, things like “I was so intimidated by you but wow, you are actually the sweetest girl!” or “I thought you were a total stuck up b*%ch but you’re actually so cool” are things I hear all the time. And I fully enjoy the satisfaction of proving myself to good people who can look past their initial knee-jerk reaction.

      So I have to say I agree with you, McThick, for the most part. I also agree with a lot of what the “beautiful girls” are saying (I don’t use quotation marks to be sarcastic but just because that within this context that is how we are labelling). What I don’t agree with is that here we all are discussing our experiences…and then attacking one-another? McThick, I write directly to you because you sound like an intelligent and kind person. I think I would quite like you if we ever were to meet, and I trust you’d give me a fair go. I write directly to you because I see you being sucked into an argument that you don’t need to have.

      You are totally right, but it also takes tons of introspection, self awareness and mindful learning for beautiful girls to kick the cycle of self pity, mistrust of others and confidence to take your advice. Confidence that, as we can see from many of these posts, is knocked out of them time and time again. Unfortunately we can also see how false confidence in a small few of these women manifests itself through vicious attacks saying “if you aren’t stunning you can’t understand!! F*&k everyone!” type attitudes. I don’t blame you for getting a bit frustrated but trust me, you are better than getting sucked into that.

      As for the articles you linked, thank you! I would be interested to know, and maybe this will be answered in reading the articles, whether these studies were based off of good looking women? I have read some stuff that suggests that career/financially men DO benefit from being attractive whereas women have the opposite experience. The census could be skewed from the benefit men receive, my twin brother who is totally a male version of me gets very different receptions, for example. However, that is a whole other topic, and I have yammered on quite enough for tonight (: thanks for reading and putting great, level-headed advice, McThick.

      • McThick

        YOYOMA?

        Thanks! I’m glad you find some value in what I’ve been saying. I recognize that this isn’t really ‘my argument’ but I participate willingly because I cannot stand to see people complaining about a gift as though it were a problem. Physical beauty is a gift, as is inherited wealth, or fame.

        In my experience, the beauties that complain the loudest, also sport state-sized egos. Egos large enough to believe that every slight, even accidental, is crafted especially for them. The inability to find pants that fit well about a slim waist and long legs at the same time is just another rock on the pile of woe that the universe has taken the time to craft especially for them. I have news, being 100% average allows me to never be able to find my size in the store…since everyone else that is average got there before me. I am quite sure that other ‘average’ people have the same problem…and therein lies the difference. The ability to accept that, very often, things will NOT go your way. That is called life, not the ‘curse of beauty.’

        I will own that I am, often, “No-nonsense” (to borrow your excellent phrase). I can be more politic, but I find that bluntness can, in some cases, cause a person to look more carefully at what they believe. It doesn’t always work, but I still think it’s worth the effort.

        As for the articles I linked, I believe that both genders were included in the studies in roughly equal numbers. There may be studies that focus on women, but I did not search for those. I was focused on studies about physical beauty in general, not as it applies to a single gender.

        P.S. (I do realize the absurdity of a P.S. in a document with no signature…)
        Knowing that you are beautiful should not be considered conceit any more than knowing that you are funny or intelligent is. All it shows is that you are aware of how you interact with others, and how you are perceived.

  • Ash

    Say what you will, but you can not discredit the women and men who have had negative experiences based on their looks. That is THEIR truth and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to change that. I realize that people are bullied and rejected for various reasons. Obviously.I need to throw a big DUHHHHHHHHH in there also!! I never said they weren’t. I am saying that beautiful people have these experiences as well and it is not fair for anyone to say that good looks cannot cause problems. It is also not fair for someone to tell me how I should feel. And yes my point was exactly that, relationships are hard for everyone. My point is not that beautiful people have it harder than anyone else, that would not be a true statement. There are huge benefits to being attractive. However I feel like you are saying ti is impossible to experience a problem that maybe related to being attractive. That is just rude and defeats the purpose of the above written article which has many great and accurate points, despite what people such as yourselves may believe. Also the posts wouldn’t come across nearly as whiny if the people here weren’t on the complete defense. Try keeping the trolling to a minimum and the whole thing would look much better, another DUHHHHHHHHH!! Get a life my friend. Your are hypocritical, shallow, and have missed the point here completely. No one said it was worse to be beautiful than ugly, we are simply acknowledging the issues pertaining to physical beauty. You keep separating beautiful from everyone else. Every comment from someone with the curse has been peaceful, non attacking, and relating to all people, not just the beautiful ones. Trolls are the ones making beautiful people sound like another species or disease.

  • Bubbles

    Ash
    Thank you. You are obviously also very intelligent.
    Of course we are not saying our lives are HARDER than anyone else’s, just that our problems are invisible because everyone thinks we have a nicer life due to our looks. And it is not true. Problems may be different in some ways, but they are real:
    Well, get this.
    I have, in the last 6 months, had three men (a millionaire, a guy 25 years my junior and a NY song writer) fall ‘madly in love’ after two dates. Just like my ex-husband, who walked out on my and our 9 week old son, 18 years ago.
    Despite my loneliness, I am not going to succumb to a guy’s protestations of love when he hardly knows me – and I too, need TIME to get to know a person – so I guess I am not as shallow as they are…… or, true, I may have more options…..for a little while longer.

  • Ash

    Bubbles,
    Cute name =) I’m glad we’re on the same page. I’m sorry for you and your son. This man obviously didn’t deserve his family. That is one of my fears about relationships. My first love disappeared on me and that pain made me extremely fearful about relationships. I also have had men who claim to fall for me or get that love sick look. Before meeting my current boyfriend I spent several months single, and for the first time in life also very confident. I found dating very discouraging if not impossible. It always seemed like the men who “fell” for me were the men I was least compatible with or they were already in relationships. $ seemed to be a tool. As if they could flash some cash and promise to take me sky diving and I’d be theirs. Lol it takes more than that. I also had a co worker that I liked a lot and he would flirt with me and lead me on just to tell me in the end that “oops I already have a girlfriend.” I feel incredibly lucky to have found the man I am with. We were talking about it and we both agreed in past relationships there were always things the other people wanted to change about you, and vice versa. Not with him! He’s perfect with all of his imperfections and he thinks I’m perfect too. When he says I love you I know he means it. I wish you luck and with time and a beautiful open heart, such as you have, you will find an amazing partner who will want YOU!

  • McThick

    I’m shallow? Really? I’m not the one who blames my physical beauty for my problems. I’m not trolling anyone, all I’m saying is that you might look a little bit deeper than your own skin to identify your issues. If you have a string of bad relationships, both platonic and romantic, maybe it’s because you can’t pick out the good from the bad. Maybe it’s because you are vain and abrasive. Maybe it’s because you’re a diva and a pain in everyone’s ass.

    Normal people have all the same problems that you do, they just understand that it’s not their good looks that are causing the problems. I would have the same level of sympathy for someone who complains of all the trials and tribulations of being rich. So what? Everything else in your life is proven to be easier and more rewarding, and yet you choose to piss and moan about the very gift that has allowed you to live the life you have. It’s a gift you were born with, it cannot be bought, it cannot be imitated.

    It is stunning to me that most men who “fell for you were the least compatible or already in relationships.” WHY WERE YOU SPENDING TIME WITH THOSE GUYS IN THE FIRST PLACE? If ever there was an example of blaming physical beauty for your own poor choices that would be it.

    People who blame their looks for their sufferings are self-important whiners who cannot face the fact that they make bad decisions and then fail to learn from them. Stop using your looks as a crutch a grow the hell up.

    And still no ‘proof’ other than apocryphal stories from an assortment of whiners…well done.

  • Ash

    Mcthick as I said before you’re entitled to your opinion but you refuse to see anyone posting here identifying with the curse as being anything other than divas, shallow, and whiners. This will be my last response to you as every word written to you has been a complete waste of time and anxiety. I understand your point of view but you are the one being myopic barely skimming whats been written in these posts and making vast unfounded judgements. You are a troll. Good luck in your bitter, bored, and quite nearsighted point of view. Good day! ………….(enter mcthicks next post)…………………..I said GOOD DAY! Is there a way to ignore I wonder?

  • McThick

    Ignoring me does not impact the logic behind my comments. You challenged me to provide backing proof, which I did. You claim that I’m entitled to my own opinion, and then immediately condemn it as shallow and myopic, meanwhile blaming the difficulties of your life on physical beauty, which is certainly a definition of shallow.

    I HAVE read the comments, I just stopped reading Lisa92 because it made no sense and was simply a repetition of her previous comments.

    Failing to make me wrong is not a waste of your time, it should be seen as a lesson. Perhaps you were unable to shift my opinion because your own argument is too weak to do so.

    Silence is acquiescence.

    • abeautifulwoman

      there is no logic behind mctrolls comments…it is mere trolling. It’s someone attempting to present what they call logic in some form to undermine/degrade or belittle the comments and thoughts being presented by others which in fact ARE logical. It’s blanket statements/arguments with NO basis or logic, which make little sense, being disguised by pseudo intellectual type babble writing… mcdumb is almost here merely to be the devil’s advocate and present some other side of the argument retort that makes little sense really and disagree with the statements comments of those who have experienced and lived these situations….

  • Jo

    McThick…. I am assuming you are male. Although I do not doubt your intelligence, I 100% doubt your understanding of women in general. It is obvious the replies to this blog post are merely rants & stories of other women and how they relate to a post. If you knew anything about women, you’d kniw that when we b*tch, moan or complain, it is not a call to “fix me” or “fix my situation”. It’s a call for “understand me… Please I don’t want to feel I’m alone on this!”. Other women will reply with sharing their stories, or comforting the one in distress. Men, on the other hand, enter the picture with a cause & solution. This very type of reply will pi** off most women. It seems very illogical that women want to just rant on & on. Just as it is illogical to us that men endlessly chase dumb or mean b*tches or drive around in circles refusing to ask for directions.

    Beautiful women are hated on by the majority of society. And it seems only other women that get hated on will understand. I am one of those women. MY solutions are welcomed, not those of an average woman (who is more likely to be the hater not hated-on) nor those of in relatable men….. Sorry. Illogical? Well, whoever said humanity was logical in general?

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      LOVE IT! Your first paragraph summed up the entire commentary beautifully… it seems like a nice collective of stories to strengthen the theory on beauty’s curse along with making it comfortable for like minds to share similar nightmares and discuss them. As men we do always take discussions as “find a fix” and it explains why there are so few men entering this discussion. We can’t fix it, and the only thing we can do is what I have been trying to do for quite awhile which is bring awareness to it.

      Very happy to see that I am neither insane nor blind in what I have been witnessing my entire adult life. I think guys like McThick should read today’s article to see that there are pros and cons to being attractive.

    • Bubbles

      The thing I find about some people is their inability to empathise or even entertain the fact that others may have different experiences than they do. As if they themselves are the gauge that assesses all of reality and nothing else exists outside their own experience. I find this with men more often than women and it may be a sign of insecurity, as if giving anyone the benefit of the doubt somehow takes away from their surety and purpose, and manliness. Dunno. I guess it makes people feel safe to feel they have a handle on everything. and keep their view ‘narrow’.

  • McThick

    Jo…I was 100% with you (I hate asking for directions) until the second paragraph. Attractive women are NOT hated on by the majority of society. Rather, attractive women do not seen the huge benefits that are normally accorded them and are shocked when they run up on someone who doesn’t care if they’re pretty or not and get treated like a normal person.

    Normal treatment for an attractive person (man or woman) is considerably better than normal treatment for the average person. Furthermore, from your disdain for “average women” it is fairly clear that you expect better treatment than what they get…since they’re haters and all.

    You might feel bad about petty jealousies from average women, and understandably so. However, that does not mean that you are singled out by the universe for especially negative treatment. Furthermore, any examination of the bigger picture would have you realize that a lot of your life is comparatively easy.

    I’m not trying to ‘fix’ anyone or anything, but rather to get you to recognize that the main problem here is your obsession over a few jealous comments, rather than a ‘problem’.

    • abeautifulwoman

      you are completely INCORRECT here…in your very ignorant statements. It is a fabled MYTH and FARCE that attractive people or women are treated BETTER than others and expect better treatment– that is how ‘arrogant’ people feel attractive or not. WE attractive people here are the ones with the experiences, not you…where do you speak from anyway? we only WANT normal treatment but get exceptionally BAD treatment, there is a huge difference there. attractive people do not get very good treatment in many cases they get the total opposite- extreme bad treatment by jealous people. it is a huge huge problem- this society is taught to abuse and mistreat attractive people especially these days and this si a common thing going on. the majority of society today is fat/ugly unattractive and that is the MAJORITY so when there is a pretty or attractive person the normal reaction is to pick on them or abuse them or bully them…this is the NORM today, i dont know what century you’re living in or decade but times have changed….get with reality

    • abeautifulwoman

      in a day and age where majority rules, and insecurity and medications are on the high rise
      attractive women are NOT looked upon favorably by people. Everything stated in your post
      is incorrect and not spoken about from the experiences of someone who has experienced
      this but someone who is reading some statistic from 1985 somewhere and is redundantly
      posting the same nonsense without any thought to their presentation or any real
      idea or experience behind it. By you saying this because you erad it somewhere does
      not make it truth, and not for many people in general. you say normal treatment for
      an attractive eprson is considerably better than normal treatment than an average
      person…where did you get this statistic from taht you keep repeating like a robot
      so adamantly??? from personal experience and even observation i can safely say that
      this is very incorrect, and also relative to situation and also not accurate at all
      many AVERAGE people get treated better simply for being AVERAGE and not having something
      that people are jealous of or affected by in any way. Most average people are treated
      normally and ‘attractive women’ well one can only come up with the number of bizarre
      scenarios and treatments many have had to go through many of those not being
      FAVORABLE in least bit but the total opposite. and YES many of us ARE Singled out
      by the universe for negative treatment…that is the reasoning behind our postings
      not because of ONE or a few negative commenst here and there but because it
      HAS BECOME a HUGE PROBLEM for us in our lives and continues to REMAIN a problem…

      so everything stated in this redundant post full of blanket statements that seem to
      come from a statistics book are completely either incorrect, false or not totally
      accurate at all…try something else…

  • Life Is Beautiful!!:)

    Listen friends…..I think this debate is getting out of hand…Each person is entitled to their own opinion…..Jo, Ash, McThick., etc….I personally feel there is some truth to what both Ash and Mckthick have to say….but in a typical guy manner, McThick tried to solve the problem, rather than listen, which has irked Ash….because all she really wanted was someone to listen and comfort her…which I as a woman can perfectly understand…

    However, though McThick does sound very harsh…I do tend to agree with him that beautiful women are looked upon more favourably…and as a result it is easier to create a better first impression. And we really cannot blame all our problems on our physical beauty…. But as Ash has also mentioned, if we are not careful about whom we choose to form a relationship with, we may fall into a trap. So ultimately it really is a question of being street smart and be aware of the fact that, along with the perks of being beautiful, it has it’s downsides too, and we should be take care accordingly ….

    As someone who is thankful to God, for my beauty, I can honestly say that I LOVE being beautiful, and the perks far outweigh the disadvantages…..So to all the beautiful girls out there…Leave behind those negative emotions and embrace your beauty! And to all the guys out there….we really don’t need a solution….just an ear and a shoulder to cry on…It’s totally understandable if you guys don’t get it…it’s a girl thing you know?? ;)

    • McThick

      I do get it LiB, I think you hit the nail right on the head. There is a difference between a challenge and a disadvantage.

  • Ash

    Hehe I didn’t think about the male versus female differences in looking at problems. Thanks, that makes me feel slightly less attacked thinking about it in that perspective. It is a girl thing and I want to say thanks to all the women and a couple men who have lent their helpful and appreciated input and experiences. The proof of these issues is in the experience of the individual. So is the individuals experience what they make it. I love being beautiful, truly. There is no solution only some reflection and there is always a balance of good and bad in every life.

  • Bubbles

    I’ve been ugly, ordinary, plain AND beautiful. I was considered ugly as a child and told it so often, plain as a teenager, but only because my skin went crazy, ordinary after I put on a bit of weight and also beautiful, like now and other lengthy periods in my life. The problems within each ‘period’ have all been different, but they exist. There’s two sides to every situation. However, one of my problems is NOT that I feel more entitled than other women. On the contrary, I grew up very humble, and shy and unsure of myself. Those inner foundations of personality are created early in life. What I do know is that if I am feeling shy now people think I am haughty and unapproachable. If I am friendly, I’m a flirt, if I comb my hair or wear lipstick, I’m vain. Okay, so I am a bit vain. Vanity, thy name IS woman. I do take care of my assets. All my female colleagues do too. I just seem to be more successful at it. And men clearly just want only sex. It gets old.
    Oh, and I meet lots of Mc-ControlFreaks

    • McThick

      You do know that “Vanity, thy name is woman” is an insult…right. Also, vanity is one of the seven deadly sins. But that’s OK, cause you deserve it…right? It’s nice that you don’t feel more entitled…

  • Ash

    I’ve been through many similar stages too; acne, weight, and an awkward prepubescence. As a child I was deathly shy at school but was outgoing around my family. I was very poor and my parents had a “hands off” philosophy in raising kids so I was often made fun of for wearing clothes that didn’t fit and being dirty. As I grow older I am learning to take better care of myself and I shine up like a new penny lol. During my “ugly” times I was bitter I couldn’t be one of the beautiful one’s. However I know I wasn’t nearly as hideous as the school boys let on and I know so many women who feel the same. Also I am happy to display my adult beauty and in the back of my head I want to show all those mean boys who treated me like an ugly disease what they can’t have now. As I started getting out of my ugly phase guys started lying and saying they slept with me. It was so frustrating and then I got a rep as a slut AND bitch because I would beat them up lol In adult life I know I have to be careful about how I interact with my loved ones men. I can feel them on edge if I am talking to their man and sometimes I am mean to the guy just to prove I am on the girls side and I don’t want him. My sister and I have been in many fights because she did not trust her boyfriend and because we smoked together once and had a half ass conversation (with her there mind you) she said she could never trust us together. =( I hate that feeling of suspicion I get whenever I am around boyfriends, especially when I’m dolled up. Its unnerving that my presence can cause a fight. Ive heard couples start fighting because the guy looks at me and the girl freaks out like I can’t even hear. “Oh you like that slut?” Its awkward and I have to pretend I don’t notice cus god forbid I stand up for myself lol Also I ruined the chances of one of my best friends getting the girl of his dreams. Our friendship made her uncomfortable and she broke it off with him. He quit talking to me also… It probably helped his chances of getting a girl. And yeah the control freak thing is like every relationship. The sucky thing is I can’t figure it out until I’m already too involved. Some are obviously masochistic or just want sex but the good ones it seems about 6 months to a year and the guys seem to start freaking out on me. I am a serial monogamist btw lol

  • Bubbles

    Most women are vain, Macca. Look at stats for the sales of lipstick and you’ll understand most women want to look nice. Control-freak is also an insult. I’ll bet you’ve been burned recently by a goodlloking woman. I won’t be engaging with you again, please let fly, McFriend.

    • McThick

      I know control-freak is an insult, it’s also not a modifier I self-applied. I have been happily married to a beautiful woman for 7 years, and we dated for years before that. So, no, I have not been ‘burned’. I guess that once someone disagrees with you it’s easier to ignore them than deal with the flaws in your own argument.

  • Jo

    Just to clear the record, especially to McThick…. I was once average (and an ugly, zit faced, coke bottle glasses wearing teenager). I remember those days. I also remember how easier it was to be the real “me”; the 140+ IQ tomboy who love weight lifting, Star Trek, kittens and mentally dazing off in physics class dreaming of being a popular cheerleader dating the quarterback. I never got attention from men until I joined the military; and I can honestly say, it did get to my head for a short while. I had to deal with my first hater, spreading rumors about me sleeping with all the guys in my military class, to understand that you don’t have to be pretty to be hated… just the prettiest.

    Not all beautiful women expect to be treated like goddesses. As a matter of fact, many women are annoyed to the bone when guys verbally lash them with compliments. I honestly cannot stand being called hot all the time. Or being told over and over I am so beautiful. I do not want MY self esteem being dependent upon these compliments becasue one day, they WILL cease. There are women out there that are only beautiful with make up or slutty clothes on… the ones seeking attention, that get mad when they do not get it. I don’t know about you other girls, but I purposely go to the gym looking like azz so not to get hit on or stared at creepily. McThick, I can tell you have an issue with attractive women. But, I really don’t give a f*ck what you or anyone thinks about me anymore. God made me beautiful after my prime (did I mention that I am 39 years old) to go hand in hand with the wisdom I have accumulated… I am sure for a good reason.

    Haters can kiss my a**…. cos hating me is NOT going to make them any prettier nor make me uglier. If anything, haters should hate me for my intellect, cos that is not going anywhere anytime soon ! ! But wait… I am still pretty at 39. Oh, it must really suck to be my hater. No, really now…. I don’t act like this in person. But I do keep it as a secret mindset so not to let haters get the best of me. One thing I have learned is that once a hater, always a hater. Its a disease, and I am sorry but McThick… your distaste for beautiful women affirms and supports that epidemic.

    • McThick

      See, I do not dislike beautiful women. I dislike whiners. I applaud your attitude of “Haters can kiss my ass” because it is exactly the right way to handle things. If someone gives you shit about being pretty, there is no reason for you to deal with them at all. This is exactly what I have been TRYING to articulate for this whole thread. BUT, it’s a damn site easier to become a victim and blame all your problems on being pretty, which is what most of the commenters here are doing.

      The ‘epidemic’ you speak of is easily dealt with, and you obviously have developed the tools to do so. So why complain?

      Your experience in the military was definitely a hater, but it was the military, you should have expected narrow mindedness and ignorance immediately upon getting involved, especially given your 140+ IQ. That’s like walking into a pond and being surprised you got wet. Imagine! A misogynist in the military! SHOCKING

      • Iveta

        Alright. Basically, you’re saying “Yes, it is like that” and get real and deal with it. Learn how to maneuver and be prepared. Fair enough.

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  • Iveta

    Greg, this is so true!!! Recently I was in a situation where I was head over hells a guy — that kind of pure love where you meet someone and you know it right away. He (and his friends) must have been so convinced that I cannot be so into him so quickly and be legit in the same time, that he ignored me and pushed me away to the point that I finally confronted him about it and wrote him some true stuff and some crazy stuff. In my mind, he created a Frankenstein himself by the way he acted to me — so you were wondering “where’s the catch” and were expecting the psycho to come out at any moment — well, you finally got her! Then his friends started contacting me undercover and through some fake accounts to see how I would be to them and to prove to him I was unworthy — that has been going on for more than half a year now and they still haven’t been able to discover anything out of the ordinary. One of his friends even wrote under a fake name on my Fan Page (I am an author) that I must be “a prostitute or a gold digger”. Seriously? So the only reason why someone could like your friend is money? He’s got nothing else to offer? Imagine — my only sin was just being so into the guy. His friends just won’t give up; they are set on proving I am either a psycho or a gold digger. I can’t tell you what kind of ridiculous accounts they actually came up with on all kind of social media platforms, only to prove their point…

    Previously, I also dated a guy who was really good looking, a 10 in my view, who kept telling me that there must be something wrong with me, kept asking me why I am with him and that I have to tell him what’s my problem right there upfront so that he knows. You can’t be beautiful and open about your interest — no one will ever believe you and you get branded as all kind of things. And you can’t complain about it either. No one would believe you. So Greg, beautiful + successful + open/no game player= very very shallow dating pool + lots of trouble/heartache.

  • Bubbles

    I came across more research. It is true Pretty women get further in life because of the halo effect i.e. people expect us to be nicer, more competent, intelligent, and all the rest. When we fail, however, probably because we too are human, we receive more flack over it. People are bitterly disappointed when we don’t live up to their expectations and make us suffer for it. Guess that splains everything.

  • Iveta

    One more thought, linking to Lisa92 point — and this is something I’ve noticed in the US/Western Europe dating culture — we don’t have it in Bulgaria — men are taught to “neg” beautiful women. They are taught that if they treat beautiful women like they are nothing special and are rude to them, they can get them because they prove to them they are not impressed and then the woman wants their approval. So Lisa, remember, every time that a guy who isn’t that attractive tries to bring you down, he is trying to break down your barriers and prove to you he doesn’t care with the hope that he throws you off and that you come closer to seek his approval. Don’t ever fall for that. I can’t tell you how many times it happens that in a bar or on the street a guy is rude to me on purpose, he pushes me, spills his drink on me or steps on my foot — with the only hope of communicating the message: I don’t think you are that much and I didn’t even notice you. It’s really hard to believe that, when you notice that he moves from one corner of the bar to the very opposite corner of the bar with the only mission to come and demonstrate to you he doesn’t notice you. Really, just walk away, don’t even say anything. Know that is a “negging” attempt and don’t react. I know lots of guys who tell me that this is how they approach beautiful women.

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      “I know lots of guys who tell me that this is how they approach beautiful women.”
      ^ Guys who try this nonsense are usually so unsuccessful and pathetic that the ones who know how to talk to women secretly laugh at them. This is some weak game nonsense that most men do unconsciously and wonder at why they can’t ever score a woman higher than a 6.

      It happens all the time, men see a beauty and they stare, stare, stare until they want her and then they look inside and realize they lack the confidence to. Then they look at the competition, oh she has a handsome dude talking to her… fuck there goes my chance… ugh I’m just gonna act like I don’t like her. We’ve all been guilty of this at one time or another, but the handsome guy doesn’t score her… the funny guy with a massive amount of confidence does. All day, every day.

      I wish guys would stop employing this tired and failed tactic to get pretty women. As if women ever find an aloof acting, mean, douchebag to be attractive. It’s all due to low self-esteem and intimidation Iveta, trust me.

    • Andrew

      I’m 25 years of age, never had a girlfriend, and is still a virgin and I never heard worse garbage than that. Being rude to a female accomplish nothing other than the male being a dick.

      I don’t even know how that even works anyway. If a female did anything of that nature to me, I would have lost interest completely and would have left her there with the bill for all I care.

      I don’t know if I will ever find a woman that I have enough interest in to approach to but I have yet to enter a bar, beach, or any social area. Not to mention it is annoying to get rejected as well. Most males and females tend to make fun of me anyway.

      I can’t say that I’m not surprised. I do have pimples, very low income (less than a thousand a month), only have access to the city bus, and my wardrobe? I don’t think I got one.

      So you can say that I’m one of the males who is afraid of the beautiful women. It’s all fun and games when you bed her but once she finds out the situation you are really in, things can get out of control fast.

  • Iveta

    MrThick, I also think that you might be underestimating the issue. The problem is not: How does this person dare not treat me as a diva and a god’s gift? The problem is rather than men would want to treat you bad on purpose because of your looks (and this has been stated in plain language by many people) only to make you come to them. I don’t expect extra good treatment but I don’t want to be stepped on or pushed. Just as an example, the other day a guy in the gym saw me, moved from one corner of the gym to exactly where I was stretching and started jumping with his rope and guess what, he hit me with his rope on purpose to demonstrate he didn’t notice me. I didn’t ask for it; and it wasn’t a coincidence; and he wouldn’t have done it if it was a guy, or someone he didn’t find attractive. MrThick, I think you underestimate the amount of “negging” of beautiful women that goes on and game playing books and pick up artists are to blame for that. And while I of course I wouldn’t go out with a guy like that, it’s unpleasant to have frequent encounters like that.

    • McThick

      Iveta,

      I doubt the guy hit you with his jump rope to prove he didn’t notice you. Rather, he wanted you to notice him. Sorta like ‘accidentally’ throwing a ball so that the catcher has to land in a pile of girls.

      Now, he’s definitely an idiot, but he just wanted to talk to you, not ‘be mean.’

      I submit, again, that the basically better treatment that a beautiful person experiences every day makes the normal treatment the rest of us get seem rude by comparison.

      Also, game-players and pick-up artists infest the world we live in. As a beautiful person, you pay for easy access and more choices by having to filter a larger number of d-bags than an average does.

      The short of it is that the rest of your life is so full of positive, I find it very difficult to empathize with the few negatives that befall you. Especially when those negatives can be directly linked to repeated bad decisions on your part. If you keep dating d-bags, then you need to work on your filtering skills, rather than blame it on being pretty and expecting the world to change for your benefit.

      Also, to borrow your word, ‘negging’ happens because it works very well. I cannot tell you the number of times I have cautioned a female friend about an asshole and have her ignore my advice…only to come crying about it 3 weeks later. It’s really pretty easy to deal with a jackass, ignore him. He’ll see you’re not interested and go away…because there ARE plenty of women who will play his game.

      • Iveta

        Alright, that’s well-said. We get more benefits and comparatively fewer disadvantages (coming from the d-bags that want to feed their ego off us) and we simply need to tune better our filtering skills. Fair enough. I think it takes us more time and being really hurt a few times to realize how important filtering skills really are.

    • abeautifulwoman

      what iveta is saying is so true and thanks for clarifying that…this is a common thing these idiots do– both men and women but especially men. I say they like to hurt or injure you because of the extreme levels they take it. They will ‘accidentally’ hurt or hit someone on purpose…just to get their attention. To me it’s as if they are trying to get your attention in any way they can- even negative attention…so they can get a reaction out of you…I assume in other cases it’s to show they ‘don’t notice you’ or imo their way of ‘reacting to you’ rather than hitting on you or saying “hey baby” they’ll hit you with a jump rope or who knows what. This is a very common thing and it’s disgusting that people do this and get away with it– it’s not fair to us women who have to deal with that on a regular basis by these lame scumbag males, who have no9thing better to do than pick on us. and it’s not as if women are saying they expect great treatment…they definitely do not deserve to be picked on or abused just because they aer beautiful. This is very backwards treatment and makes no sense. It’s because men tehse days have no balls and no decency…they aer scared insecure little pricks, who pick on ‘hot women’ as if it’s their duty to do so–it’s as if it’s it’s just normal treatment nowadays and it’s not right….mcthick sounds like maybe an unattractive male who gets rejected by beautiful women or an unattractive female who is jealous of beautiful women..not sure which it is…so which is it mcchick?

  • LifeIsBeautiful

    I am going to have to completely agree with McThick there:) ….It all lies in the filtering process….Well said McThick!…..:)

  • McThick

    Iveta :
    . I think it takes us more time and being really hurt a few times to realize how important filtering skills really are.

    I think you’re selling yourself short here. It’s not like you’re not smart enough to figure things out in the same amount of time as other people. Rather, to continue with the metaphor, I think your filter gets ‘clogged’ more frequently. This should not be a surprise since you attract more junk than average people do. When it’s clogged, some junk gets by. Occupational hazard I guess…

    • Iveta

      When you have a) lots of unsuitable, ill-intentioned people approaching you and b) few good people coming by, we do tend to become more of a dreamer and then are more likely to really go for the first person who seems descent, forgetting the filtering process. I think that’s where they get us…

  • Bubbles

    I also agree with McThick this time. The clogged filter…Yes. Thanks for the insight. Too many horrible men come our way. I spent my youth thinking they liked me for ME, stupidly not understanding the ego challenge I presented and that I was only going to ever be a conquest.

    • Iveta

      You know what’s interesting though… I didn’t grow up like that. In Bulgaria most women are really beautiful, naturally very thin, dance sensual and dress sexy, wear high heels — that’s the norm — so Bulgarian guys were never mean to beautiful women and treated them like something normal really… It’s only when I lived abroad that things changed and there it’s either a scary thing or an ego thing because you’re a scarce commodity … I dream of a guy with deep-seated confidence and good character who doesn’t think: Oh my god, oh my god, how do I deal with this thing, how do I handle her, how do I act to seem like I’m not very interested? but takes it as: Hi, let me show you what I got.

      • abeautifulwoman

        this is so funny u say this…I always wonder because in europe there are beautiful women and I used to dream about moving somewhere else where “beautiful women were accepted.” I used to ask people is there a place where beautiful women are accepted or liked? I used to think maybe california but i visited tehre and it’s the same. The problem is america and other places are full of really fat ugly people…and ugly as in mean bad people, jealous insecure…fat/ugly is the majority so if you aer beautiful you will be hated on disliked. It’s bizarre that in some countries this isn’t true, so strange…american guys are complete losers…they have no class nothing…they are scared pigeons. Ive never met such losers in my life…in this society….ive a sad situation but surprised to know others go through this too….

  • Jo

    The whole problem with this issue is that beautiful people are rare, and it doesn’t mean they were bred & raised by beautiful people to teach them the skills to deal with this curse/blessing. And of course, the rest of society is not raised to be secure with themselves and do not know how to maneuver around a person who is beautiful. I personally think we can just blame the competition gene in us. The vicious cycle will remain… I don’t see a change anytime soon. SO FRAK ALL THE HATERS.

  • abeautifulwoman

    so I think the real question is.. how do we women deal with this kind of rejection, abuse and life? I’ve almost learned that I have to ‘settle for anyone’ or “take what I can get” BECAUSE im beautiful and i have no choice in life….settling means dating some loser/psycho/reject so i’ll pass and stay single…the only guys confident enough to ask me out are losers, geeks, weidros who only want to use me for sex….most males treat me as if it’s my duty to give them sex…and if i don’t they are gone..I have fantasies of rejecting men but im unable to. i watch everyone around me, get married, get boyfriends, hjave fun sex, love i cant get any of those things. ive learned the kinder nicer and more amazing i am, the more these loser guys try to abuse and use me to extremes. I can’t be a mother, can’t live this wonderful life with someone ive dreamed of all my life…men also seem to like fat ugly psycho women, bipolar and drama queen freaks…as long as the woman is twisted and incapable of normalcy, men love her….i feel like I have to wait until im 50 and getting unattractive to meet anyone. It’s obvious that men like ‘flawyed’ women…they hate beautyf or the notion fo perfection or ideal…it’s all so strange to me…ive come to loathe men now and even if someone asks me out (which is impossible to rare) I want to put him through 50 tests to make sure he isn’t a sex fiend or psycho however, he drops about 50 rede flags immeiately so i dotn have to do that really….what do we do??

    • Eugen

      What is this, the chicken and egg problem?

      Why don’t you understand like any mature person that there’s no good thing without downsides and responsibilities. WTF, do you want the good stuff without any of the bad stuff that goes with it? Isn’t that childish?

      You’re taking this complaining too far, I know we’re semi-anonymous here but damn, if you saw someone talk like that in public what would you think about her? I can’t understand and comfort somebody who blames other people for everything, all I can do is recoil.

      So, what do you do? You start betting on character and maturity and forget the good looks and player types, if you didn’t get the complete package before 30 what’s the chance you’ll find it now?

      It’s hard to do that for a young woman because those people give you the tingle you’re mistaking for love, but damn, isn’t your life more important than the tingle?

  • Iveta

    Hi, well, move elsewhere!!! In the South/East of Europe you’d be treated like a goddess — as you should be. Also there is something I noticed — you seem really burnt and really negative — I understand why — but such a negative attitude would be a major turn off and it shows right away.

    I think when you mention the examples of guys going for all these types of women that we look at and can’t believe … they are with them because they offer challenge, excitement, emotional roller coaster and the guy always remains on his toes. I think interest in the end is not about beauty — but about how you make the other person feel. So if you’re messed up and you create drama, it’s likely that the guy keeps coming back. Now … please don’t get discouraged… not all guys are like that. The challenge/drama level is different for everyone. What I’ve found out is that if you’re beautiful you have to aim at the very very top of society … only those men really appreciate beautiful women. You should never ever aim at the lowest end … remember … only about 5-10% of guys out there would like to be with you … that my friend, means you have to filter out 90% of the guys — that means that 90% would either not be good enough, or they themselves wouldn’t feel like you two belong together… I also figured out that it’s not the objective value of a girl that counts — it’s rather about whether the guy feels like you are a match for each other, and if he feels at ease. If a guy is good looking, he’d feel like he belongs with a good looking woman … he’d want more, not less. So, you just can’t and shouldn’t go below what you think you’re worth… The less someone is, the more likely to be mean. Don’t forget that guys at some point have been hurt by a beauty queen, so they want to get back. But don’t be like that … you shouldn’t want to reject guys…

    Something else that struck me reading your reply, are you sure that it’s the looks that’s in your way — may be many bad experiences have left you so dissapointed … but my advice is to lose the negative attitude and start thinking this way: just observe the guy, and once he shows you red flags move on… you should know that you have to filter 90% … so in 10 guys, only 1 would be good. If you think like that, you won’t be dissapointed… I hope you get your positive spirit up again! If you want to connect on Facebook, feel free, I’d be happy to: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Iveta-Cherneva-Author/170616756314388

    • abeautifulwoman

      no im not burnt out or negative….just expressing my views online.. in real life im kind and positive but regardless keep getting the same losers, bad experiences, everything….theer is no point in even being positive….because you get used over and over again…played messed with….its an endless sad cycle….in fact the more positive you are the more the ‘players’ will try to take advantage of you b/c they like to take advantage of people’s happiness and good spirit…… in my case there is no hope really and im wondering if there is a way of beating this cliche that some of us have to live in…being so beautiful and nice and being mistreated and meeting only the wrong people. Even the ‘shy nice guys’ end up being jerks– everyone ends up being a jerk really….so long as you are kind sweet and especially beautifull. ive learned that kind beautiful women get treated the worst because most women out there are mean negative nasty players con artists…so guys become accustomed to them and then put their guard up- when they meet a nice swee ‘positive’ girl they see fresh bait and someone THEY can mistreat. the looks factor plays in for their ego boost because then they can say…ok heres a KIND beautiful girl not a mean stuck up one…so now i can use and mistreat her for all the otehr women who used and abused me and you become an object ot be mistreated….. unfortunately ‘all’ guys out there or a large large majority are this way…and you being beautiful is a HUGE negative against you…it’s huge…. they will use your looks to abuse you only. and me wanting to rejcect guys…is not a bad thing after 14 years of rejection it’s very normal…im entitle to feelings too after tons of abuse but i would never mistreat a nice or kind guy– unfortunately…i haven’t even met one yet.. just jerks users and players con artists the same kind of trash…..right now its difficult to meet normal guys period but when you are beautiful and nice….your good qualities will be used against you ten fold by all the bitter angry men out there…and no im not the one who is bitter/angry or even close—it’s THEM and they are everywhere out there…predators…losers…. and your beauty is this uge threat to them that they want to destroy….they hate beautiful women and they will do anything to abuse hurt or destroy them….i know from many years of expreince…

  • Bubbles

    Guys go for what they think they can get. So they’ll pick Ms Near-Enough over someone they really want. Also, because of the halo effect, the expectations are higher, so it is easier for a very attractive person to disappoint. I also get the feeling that people ACTUALLY believe that you can’t be good looking AND very nice, AND very genuine, AND kind AND loyal. I am all of those things, but I’m not convincing anyone. I get flak from everywhere. At the moment I am chatting on the phone with someone I’ve not met. He’s seen photos of me but I look better in person, so I hope he gets to know and like who I am and vice versa – because any reservedness on my part when I meet a guy seems to be misconstrued as lack of interest – and it isn’t that, I just haven’t fallen into sexual infatuation the way he has – but they become wary and back off if I’m taking my time to get to know them. Oh, and turning 50 doesn’t mean you’ll automatically get ugly. I am 53 and still get wolf whistles. I don’t LOOK 53 (whatever 53 is supposed to look like :))

    • mplo

      Guys go for what they can get? Not true at all, Bubbles. In fact, if a woman has a developmental disability or a history of developmental disabilities, as well as the ensuing lack of social skills that goes along with them, the vast majority of guys will spot them out from a distance and will have nothing to do with such a woman. I know from personal experience,

  • Julia

    I see a common theme with you “beautiful” bitches is that you have no problems putting down fat people.Yet you wonder why you are not liked?! Women don’t have to be sticks to be beautiful.A beautiful face is worth much more then just a slim body.
    Change your crappy attitudes and maybe you won’t be treated badly.You all think your shit doesn’t stink,and sorry to tell you,IT DOES

    • abeautifulwoman

      no one is putting fat people down…you can be fat and beautiful too… a lot of ‘thin beautiful women’ are jealous of fat women because men will go for the fat women these days and in fact prefer to date or marry or even have sex with fat women….its the sad truth…ive had men tell me that ‘fat women want more sex’ or dirtier sex…or some odd statements implying that they go for FAT women sexually…and think beautiful women just want no sex… most men will ask out a fat woman any day and most fat women get more dates and more fun…ask any pretty girl and they will talk about how they see ‘fat women’ having fun with men while they sit at home doing nothing. its not their attitudes….males think that fat women have better personalities…its a huge bad thing for the poor other women out there…as long as they are pretty theyre steeotyped as being bitches, and if theyre fat they’re steotyped as being fun…its just not fair….all in all fat women are the ones who have more fun these days and beautiful women are crapped on…..im jealous of fat women…ive never met a fat woman who isnt married or in a relationship…eesp if shes bossy rude or mean….all fat women i know aer always taken….and ive seen men at clubs ask out fat women while shunning me…and get rejected by those fat women while i wudnt reject them but they dare wouldnt ask me out just b/c im pretty– guys are wapred/twisted these days society is as a whole…..fat women have more fun and more sex….

  • Bubbles

    Overweight is very unhealthy, Julia. It isn’t considered attractive because it is very unhealthy. My little sister was very beautiful even at two dress sizes ‘too big’ but now she is four sizes too big, no one could call her beautiful. Because she is very unhealthy. She IS unhealthy because of her weight. She is pre-diabetic. She can’t exercise. She’s super depressed. And you’re right. So many gorgeous BIG girls out there. Lots of gorgeous plus size models. I am not stick thin either, but not fat. I once was quite overweight. Please don’t be so defensive about being overweight. You have the power to change your weight.It is in your own hands. Then crappy attitude – be gone!

  • Julia

    Thanks,but I’m not overweight.I’m at a healthy Bmi and am weight/height proportionate.
    I’m just sick of this whole curvy vs skinny thing. Both types can be lovely and there is just no reason for all the vapidness regarding one’s weight and size.

    Beauty is in the eye of the beholder…we don’t all find the same types attractive.So comments about how someone is just fat and jealous make me mad.How do you know those fat women do not have men who PREFER their shape and size? There is an air of conceit with thin women who think men only choose them because they can’t get a slim woman.

    Everyone has a preference…
    with hair color,breast size,height,weight,even race…why do some so called beautiful women think they fit EVERY type that someone wants? They want special attention from everyone and get mad when they don’t reciprocate those feelings.

    I wouldn’t call myself beautiful.I’m cute,even pretty,and have never wanted for a boyfriend or man because there has always been someone willing to take that spot.I don’t think I’m the best thing there is though.I think all women are beautiful in their own way.
    And I have certainly never seen beautiful types get treated worse.I have seen the complete opposite.That if you are old,or fat or undesirable,men treat you like you have no purpose on earth.
    We women are so much more then our physical appearances and I wish we could rise above all of it.

    • abeautifulwoman

      i wish i could witness that.. from my personal experiences…ive witnessed men kiss any old woman’s a**…laugh with them talk smile…treat them like queens princesses…same with fat women or any woman…then look at me and literally GROWL with anger…such as “get the f* away from me”…very mean cruel attitudes towards me. Ive never had men give me the time of day…in any circumstance…only mistreatment…. ive been told by some people im the ‘most beautiful woman they’ve ever seen”…not true but at one point I used to think that too….that i was stunningly uniquely beautiful… however no man has wanted to date me– i have had only undesirable freaks try to get sex off me aggressiively or try to screw with my head. I can’t even meet a noraml guy to get a real relationship with- it’s impossible. Despite being the whole package and having a lot of great qualiities….ive only seen men treat OTHER women with respeft–and the uglier bitchier or worse the woman is the more men like her….men just look at me like im a pet, either smile or treat me like shit and that’s it. ive only witnessed mediocre looking or ugly people get anything they want sexually or in a relationship…..im beautiful and can’t even get a good sexual encounter with a male….its a game of ego and other things…. reading the stories of otherwomen here…is surprising that it happens to others too…however many of thsee women were at least able to get boyfriends….as a beautiful woman i cant even get a boyfriend – no one will stay with or be with me…. just weirdos who will try to ‘hang around to get laid’ and that’s it…and even if they did get sex off me– they’d still be gone…

      • abeautifulwoman

        i have never had a decent man or any quality guy manipulate or atetmpt to seduce me into sex with them– that would be a good thing! I have had ‘weirdos’ ive met off the internet try to get sex off me in bizarre and disturbing ways…that’s it…ive never had a normal sexual encounter or any normal experiences…men treat me like a doormat they can torture for fun. The girl who wrote about her experiences being choked, burned—that is horrific however…this is how people have treated me. It’s surprising that other women have gotten similar treatment..and sad too. Ive never let anyone hurt me that way but they literally torment me in other ways…they want to torture/destroy me that’s basically it. This is ALL i get from men….if a guy got into bed with me he’d be sure to not please me…or do something to harm me…i never get hit on by guys– spit on yes— strangers feel entitle to abusing me…every woman or man is deeply threatened by me and they will show it by shunning me to extremes… ive been through extreme abuse…and it doesn’t change….i can’t seem to make a friend or even meet a guy .. it makes you feel as if you are not normal or not even a woman…despite being a baeutiful woman….. its not an easy kind of situation to be in….

  • Bubbles.

    You’ve got to be in it to understand it, Julia. I’ve been all levels of attractiveness, due to skin disease etc., so I know what is different about being the type of woman most men want to be with but that few men have the guts to pursue in the same way as they might an averagely attractive woman. There’s always a few men applying for ‘boyfriend’ role in my world too, but it is hard to know who to choose and how to keep the best ones feeling ‘unthreatened’. Or weeding out the ones who are simply sexually infatuated – they get so involved too quickly. It doesn’t actually make sense. Then they are so sensitive. For example, if I am having a bad day and don’t feel like chatting, they immediately think I’m not interested. I’m just not, after two dates, as interested in them, because I am a deeper person and want to know who they are! When I was average looking, they accepted my need to take things slow and called back another day. Little things put them off! If you aren’t smiling. People think you’re aloof. If you are then you’re a flirt or whatever. Shyness is a difficult one to cope with too.. A plain girl would be called shy. A pretty one is arrogant! It’s just because they don’t actually get that there’s a person with real feelings inside the veneer. But having said that, I would prefer to be as attractive as I am than not. At 53 It won’t be long before I get no attention from anyone at all.

  • abeautifulwoman

    what i suggest to many women here….is instead of feeling insecure ashamed of your beauty– b/c of how people have made you feel, and trust me I know…people make you feel terrible about your beauty– they make you ashamed of it…rather than happy with who you are….it’s a sad sick thing…just like a fat person or an unattractive person society will drill you with negativity and purposely make you efel that way for possessing it… be proud of who you are– hold your head up high and FLAUNT it…I mean the truth is that you have the ‘power’ and ability to do so…over these people and actually make these people feel like crap. These people are threatened and scared of what you possess so they have to throw you in the gutter and make you feel bad…but you can overcome it by rising above it. Be the b*tch they think you are…be arrogant, be out there…act like you’re better than them…show them you’re better. In many cases, this wards people off because you are now living up to the pathetic steeotype that they’ve boxed you in… that is if you want to feel powerful or empowered amongst these losers. I have spent years just being mistreated, defenseless, passive confused… but when people are rude to me now, im ten times rude back to them…or i give them an attitude…i treat them like crap…i dont think it does much excepts make me feel empowered but it’s just something to think about for people who feel abused or oppressed…sometimes exaggerating and flaunting those assets will cause people to back off too….there is more i’ll post later but there are ways of dealign with the negative treatment unfortunate beautiful women receive, but being the powerrful strong person you are is just one way….

  • Bubbles

    Look, this is just somewhere to vent…..because the world doesn’t care and living is a process of putting up with some rubbish some of the time. Everyone has problems, so I’m not going to FLAUNT my luck in the looks department around people who are not as blessed. That’s being as bad as we perceive them to be. And truth is, what might be a goddess to the guys who have been chasing me around over the last year, may be nothing at all to the next man. I have decided to smile and to take the higher road. Not because I AM BETTER than them, but because my looks should not be any kind of excuse to be a bitch. If people take me the wrong way, it’s their bad luck. I am currently talking to someone, a man, on the phone who does not know what I look like. We have a lot in common and I think he likes me for me. I think he thinks I have a hot mind……..maybe I could take this guy seriously, but if I didn’t practice being a nice person every day, I am sure that by now I would be out of practice.

    • abeautifulwoman

      no i dont thnk u understand what im saying…most beautiful women get shunned and mistreated– we are made to feel insceure shameful and inferior for something that should be a godo thing or blessing…rather than feel scared and insecure and shamed, people should go the opposite direction..there is also ‘NOTHING” wrong with flaunting your beauty in a society where people are shunning you– it’s a good defense mechanism to use and confidence booster—and that just means being proud of who you are and even accentuating your looks or yourself….its a means of being CONFIDENT which everyone does—these days… there are many fat women and ugly people who flaunt themselves…and their flaws…and they are arrogant and mean….most people are arrogant or rude….. for me personally if i want to be a b*tch to those who treat me badly it helps me feel better rather than being nice and sweet buf if you want to be nice thats not a bad thing , but for those of us who have been through too much this is where it’ left us..

      ..and mcidiot claiming that im dating losers and psychos…i dont date losers or psychos i MEET them and they try to use me…. which they do to most people anyway….mcthick youre just another nasty rude ignorant people in this society…..trying to play the devil’s advocate negative person…are you even beautiful? if you are not beautiful then u are just another moron who HATES on beautiful people like all the people im talking about here in society…..this is about blaming the SHALLOW people out there who judge US FOR OUR LOOKS…it has nothing to do with us or our ‘flaws’….it’s THEIRS…. and life isn’t always better for the ‘better looking people.’ yes there are plenty of pretty women who get hit on and tons of boyfriends but there are plenty who get nothing too….and abused and mistreated for being pretty…..

  • McThick

    abeautifulwoman,

    If you keep dating losers and psychos, perhaps you should do a better job of deciding upon potential partners. Blaming ‘beauty’ for your bad decisions is childish and ineffective.

    Bubbles has the right idea. If someone thinks you’re ‘mean’ or ‘bitchy’ then there is no reason for you to hang around with them. Make a decision and change your surroundings rather than bitching about how you’re a victim.

    Life is demonstrably better for the good looking, both men and women. Study after study after study has shown this to be the case in every facet of life, from personal to professional and all points in between. Whining about your ‘curse’ does nothing to enamor others to your personality.

    • Eugen

      Mcthick, what you don’t get is that women have their inalienable right to complain and we have the right to take them seriously only when they don’t complain incessantly.

      The way you are debating this woman … aren’t you bored yet? :)

  • Bubbles

    There’s so much power in keeping the bitchiness under control. For a start, the people who count eventually see it and come to realise that hey, very pretty but not a bitch, how unusual. Becoming a bitch is playing their game. I am not saying ‘be a doormat’ but what I am saying is let them be. It took three years before someone, a guy who is now my manager, noticed that the girl who was hired to be my assistant is not my victim as she has been claiming; it is more the other way round. I know this sort of thing takes patience, if you have to see the people all the time. If you don’t have to see them, then don’t see them. Easy. Distance yourself. Don’t become the bitch they think you are. It’s like minor offenders being put in jail hardening because of the treatment they get while locked up and becoming true criminals because of the system. As for dating losers, it is so sad when everyone with the guts to come close enough is really only doing it for their ego and it happens a lot. I read once, put your hair up, wear minimal makeup and a suit, then for the good guys, show them how hot you really are…..just for them….You are probably too young to remember, but Cindy Crawford, without her makeup on one day was told by a cosmetic counter assistant, that she would be ‘quite pretty with a bit of make up’. This was one of the world’s top models! But strong enough to go bare. Why can’t we dress down if we are secure within ourselves.

    • abeautifulwoman

      anyone can dress any way they want… I for one dress down however…again….it is almost some kind of downfall for me because for dressing down i tend to get treated worse or badly. Humans like to place people in categories…including beautiful women. If you full on fit the stereotype…some will leave you alone…not all of course. you can’t please everyone and you can’t live your life to cater to others…in this case it’s neither it’s attempting to blend in and not get judged scrutinized or put down or mistreated. Every job I get – i get mistreated screwed over etc. Every social situation I’m in is the same though I dont take part in any social things anymore or am unable to. I personally want to be a bitch now….it gives me power and makes me feel a little better about myself…. so they think I’m a bitch, i’ll show them how much of a bitch i can be. Everyone is at a different level and for me, i would like to be mean to these people who mistreat me…or thinkt hey can…. what confuses me is the concept of mistreating beautiful women….where did this stigma come from…. why is it that people do this so automatically, i dont really get it….

  • abeautifulwoman

    being a beautiful woman is really hard….not all pretty women have this problem but for the ones that do they face from my experiences extreme persecution….on a level that isn’t normal or that others don’t have to go through. The types of abuses and experiences ive been through have been pretty horrible and they mostly seem to reolve around the fact that im very beautiful and very kind….if you are beautiful and bitchy, you get waht you want and no one bothers you- however people like to take advanttage of teh kind people and if u are beautiful and nice…..that is almost a sad downfall in this society full of mostly bitter insecure ugly sick people….and i mean ugly as in ugly souls. The problem with the hatred of beauty today is not so much the hatred of outer beauty…..it’s the symbolism of ‘evil hating good’….the people today are very demented- screwed up in the head…bitter negative mean evil– mcthick is a good exmple…(btw mcthick to me I assumed was a very obese african american woman who probably hates pretty girls if not a male or just a negative person)…. so when they encounter “kind sweet happy BEAUTIFUL people”…they automatically HATE them…. in the past it wasn’t like this…beautiful kind women were liked….when i talk about beautiful im talking more about a person’s outer and inner…but more their inner… the beautiful women who get shunned or mistreate im sure are also very pretty on the inside…..and this is the reason people just hate them….i know that my beauty….is a reflection of my soul…you would think it’s hard to hate someone so kind and innocent and sweet but it’s what people do best….they hate on those who are good and kind and pure or positive and they love negative filthy mean sick people… it’s jus ta w weird stigma in this c society today–which is literally riddled with weirdos psychopaths jealous envious to the extreme freaks and completely UGLY people…ugly on the inside and outside….these people completely loathe beautiufl women esp those who are beautiful in every way and who glow or shine…. because they are everything those ugly people are not….

  • Bubbles

    In my opinion it is the same for anyone falls into any extreme. The very unattractive, the very intelligent, the obese, anyone who falls into an extreme is treated differently. People seem to better tolerate ‘average’, Lonliness is a difficult thing when you know you have everything going for you. YOu look inside and wonder what kind of freak you are if everyone shuns you, but once you realise that you are a threat and it is their problem you can work in ways to bridge the distance, find better friends and generally live a normal life. Or go somewhere where you are not as unusual, find a glamourous occupation and then revel in bieng one of the crowd.
    As for dressing any way you want – in all walks of life and all situations we are, overtly or not, expected to conform to a standard. You’ve heard that you should dress for the job you want, not the one you’ve got, people express themselves through clothing and presentation all the time. Clothes are part of an image you want to project, but let me tell you, when I wear form fitted clothes and glam hair and makeup to work instead of a suit and ponytail, I get treated differently. Sometimes this is welcome, sometimes not. I want to be treated seriouslhy, as a person with a brain, not a sexual being, at work. They’ve done tests on men’s brains and they found that when they see a woman showing too much skin, for example, the parts of their brains that are activated when they use tools, are activated, the bits that ‘do the job’. When seeing a sexily dressed woman I guess they think about ‘doing the job of keeping the species going. So it is in our best interests to conform to an extent, stop fighting reality and becoming free to enjoy life, make real friends, find love AND be blessed with beauty.

  • Julia

    A beautiful woman:
    Any person who is kind comes off as being easily manipulated.Those people are preyed on by predators,it has nothing to do with you being beautiful.
    This is a dog eat dog world.You cannot be the sweet little fairy tale princess and not get taken advantage of.You don’t have to be a bitch,but you need to be aware of bad people out there and how to handle them so they don’t mistreat you.

    In a way I can see how beautiful women ARE targets because everyone wants something from them.But that doesn’t mean that they have to go through life being punching bags.Become a TOUGH beautiful woman! The kind that kicks butt.They are probably the most respected.

    Also,It is a bit unfair to assume Mcthick is an unattractive person just because he/she disagrees with you.

    • abeautifulwoman

      mcthick is an unattractive person PERIOD because of who he/she is…its obvious that person is omst like unattractive because mostly unattractive people have this anger and disgust towards ‘beautiful women.’ Beautiful women could care less about the gripes of other ‘pretty women’ but the envious creeps full of hatred like MCTHICK are like most of the repulsive ugly people out there who pick on pretty people. and ugly as in ugly on the inside…and whether he/she/it is ugly or pretty is irrelevant…they are a mean person…so i dont get what you’re trying to say.

      being a tough person….is difficult because even if you are beautiful target or target and try being ‘tough’ people will be even meaner to you….predators have a certain attitude towards their prey…if a prey resists r objects, it doesn’t stop them…it only makes them fiercer….being a victim of LOTS of abuse and mistreatment….any objectionable attitudes towards others results in only MORE hostility from them… and no one has to be a kick butt person to get respect….its disgusting….even if being mean gets respect from the backwards idiots of this society….that’s whats sickening….why not respect kind sweet good people? i respect my siblngs new wife…she is a very sweet person or seems to be…if she was a b*tch or mean i wouldn’t think so highly of her….having a good shell is good in this day and age….but if your claims of idiots respecting tough people over kind/gentle is true it just a testament to how warped people of this stupid society are….

      and its true that beautiful kind women are the worst targets…because males esp can take the anger they have towards OTHER beautiful women out on these kind women which to me is beyond sick and disgusting….rather than appreciate the person’s kindness and good qualities they get used terribly and even abused and even called b*tch and other names simply because they are pretty. There are also many kind average people who don’t get picked on…or mistreated or manipulated….why is this? why to pretty women and why all the hatred towards them? everyone is aware of how people are ‘out there’ and unfortunately again even standing your ground or standing up for yourself soemtimes doesn’t work….people are so mean and predatory its bad….and nothing you do will end their mistreatment of you except just getting away from them….

    • abeautifulwoman

      oh yeah and trying to ‘handle these men’….wow the moment i attempt to try to deal wtih their disrespect—it gets worse…and worse…then they bail…this is how it works…its either be kind sweet and take ALL their sh*t….all their bullsh*t or the moment i say anything against it…one little thing…these low lifes will bail just stop talking to me…it’s a little crazy….these men will take extreme abuse from other women and people…crazy abuse but feel they can abuse the crap out of me and disrsepect me. Any conversation with a male always ends up in argument because the male will attempt to mistreat/disrespect me and if i even try to stand up for myself…or go against it i get harangued…attacked insulted….verbally berated…these sick males get into huge ego fights with me…they want to dominate insult belittl eme in ANY way possible…dominate dominate thats it…and if i even stand up uagainst it…im gone…they bail ….its like really…youre not going to let me attack abuse and dominate you?? youre going to SAY something about my stupid comment towards you?? well I”LL show you!! BYE! many people treat me this way so no matter what i lose…..im screwed… these same people will let others abuse the crap out of them and they will say nothing… im not easily manipulated…unfortunately….people try to do this to me and if they can’t…they get angry and bolt….a sad weird unfair reality…

  • MAGGIE

    Hi
    I just want to ask if anyone has experienced this. I’m not sure about my looks at all but I too am never asked out by men and I too have been badly treated by men I have met ( through dating agencies) . I gave up trying to find a partner years ago. I have just realised that when builders etc do any work for me they often dont do it quite right. Is this because they want me to complain so they can return to do the work properly – or am I being paranoid?

    • Bubbles

      Maggie, you may be beautiful, but I think tradesmen do bad work for everyone! I renovated my house about five years ago and the problems I had keeping the guys honest. I have been ripped off left right and centre. Although I got a very good deal from the telephone cable guy because I could see he was attracted to me and I used it to advantage. The bathroom renovator, however, made an utter mess of my bathroom, but I am as much to blame as he was – the chemistry between us was electric. Still, he did’t help fix it when I turned feral against him because of the bad workmanship. They figure women don’t know so they don’t try too hard, but I have heard guys complain too.

    • abeautifulwoman

      sometimes people do things like this…not necessarily doing bad work all the time but it IS a possibility– or even just jeopardizing/sabotaging. I’m not saying its happening to you in every case…or any but it does happen. Sometimes the motives for doing bad work like that isn’t ncessarily for you to call them back – or it could be- i have suspected things like that myself in various situations, sometimes it’s just sabotage to cause you trouble. If people are just being mean….they want to….just cause you problems– ive witnessed many people do this- when it comes to me suddenly…everything is difficult, odd, nothing is going right. I fear having people come over to do things for me or in any situation because I understand they will take advantage of me or even screw things up on purpose just because they can. People might do it out of jealousy or just being mean….all of this is true and possible

    • mplo

      I don’t even bother to go to dating services or agencies, because it’s too risky and too expensive, if one gets the drift.

  • Mark

    I wonder if you think its really awful to be rich too. We all have to face a lot of crap. It’s part of being human. What makes being rich / attractive / intelligent / whatever better is you get to be rich / attractive / intelligent / whatever while you have your problems.

    These things are considered positive qualities because they help more than they hurt. No one can have completely accurate knowledge of how these qualities improve their lives, and it’s usually much easier to pin-point how it hurts. It’s nice post-modernist fun to suggest positive qualities are actually negative ones; at the end of the day, they just aren’t.

    Attractive people (probably especially women in the US) have more choices for dating. They do better career-wise. They tend to get treated better in general. It’s just human nature. That doesn’t mean it’s entirely fun and games, but that’s life. EOL.

    • abeautifulwoman

      attractive women dont have any damn choices….some do but not in some of our realities…..i bet youre not a virgin who has never had a relationship… well im a pretty woman who has NEVER been in a relationship, due to the fact that most guys wont even go on a 2nd date with me unless i gave them sex…and b/c no guy will be my boyfriend im still a virgin…. im a beautiful woman who cant get a boyfriend…. that’s not a fun life…. if you had never had a girlfriend….thats one thing but every person ive met has had a boyfriend or girlfriend esp if they tried…i cant get a boyfriend BECAUSE im beautiful and men are jealous of me….i have jack shit career wise as women are jealous of me or ppl sabotage me and fire me…. all the myths about pretty people getting good things is bullshit….most managers CEOS and owners are butt fucking ugly….looks play no fucking part in anything….if you are beautiful you get persecuted….by all the ugly mean people who are jealous of you and hate you….

      • abeautifulwoman

        also the difference in the treatment is that…many men will go on 4-5 dates with a woman before expecting anything…however with me…ive been on dates with men who litearlly refuse to go on a 2nd date with me unless they can get something sexual off me first. It’s ok for them to go out with any other woman….and not try anything with her– they are respectful towards these other women but as far as im concerned…they are trying something on the 2nd date…and if nothing happens..they are quick to insult me for not showing enough affection and bail. Other women don’t get this kind of bad treatment from them from the things ive witnessed…this is why other women can get boyfriends because the guy will wait and respect the female. this doesnt go for all women ro guys and there are tons of men who try to get laid right away but from the things ive experienced men dont give me any kind of a chance…its basically “i want sex on the 2nd date or bye”…. these are the only choices I get out of any or most males…then because im forced to be single against my will im put down by more males on what a loser i am and why im single….and take more abuse….then its as if if i refuse to take people’s abuse or mistreatment i get insulted and ditched, and even if i did put out id’ still get ditched. so i get treated like a prostitute of some sorts and one who gets no respect….i get treated lower than one by most males…so this is my reality….its not fun to get treated this way….by almost all men period…while those men and others can get relationships bfs gfs sex and i get nothing except insulted demented put down threatened screwed with and ditched and dumped consantly…i had a date tonight who ditched me after dinner after making bowling plans…err why?? 2nd time we had gone out and he wasnt necessarily a date but wtf….why would you do that? i had a guy who tried ‘affection’ with me on the 2nd date in a bizarre way then when i didnt show much back, he made plans with me the next day then stood me up then said “well i didnt think you liked me” later through online chat then tried calling me saying that he had food poisining after blowing me off….wtf?? he bsaically said well i wanted something from you 2nd date and because i didnt get it really now im going to make plans with you stand you up lie to you and say i had food poisoning then tryt o call you when im bored again and hope you’ll believe my lies….and the list goes on and on….and thisi

      • mplo

        To an attractive, intelligent woman with a history of developmental problems and the resulting lack of social skills, not being able to attract guys was never fun, but then again, I’ve had a tough enough time getting along with and working with gals, as it’s been. Men, especially, have been able to see that I don’t interact, socialize, converse or communicate like most people, due to my hardwiring, and they’ve avoided me like the plague, tried to tease, bully or take advantage of me, or dropped me like a hot potato.

        I’ve long since given up trying to snag men, at least in part because, in my case, having dates would mean entering into a setting or settings that I do NOT wish to enter into, which would s**k…big time for me. I’d rather be single than put myself in an uncomfortable situation.

  • Bubbles

    Mark, I think the very rich probably wouldn’t walk around in public saying how hard it is to be always watching your back, only being wanted for your money, alone in their gilded cages, but if there was a forum for them similar to this, they might talk about it amongst themselves. That’s all that’s happening here. I think that most of us would rather be attractive than not, but possibly more because we wouldn’t know how to relate to the world as an ‘invisible’. Though I have to say, at 53, I am getting there, even though I look VERY young for my age. I’ve just been shopping, dressed right down, and no one batted an eyelid. A few years ago, this would have made me feel rather insecure. Now I can use my looks when and if I want.

    • Mark

      Actually, I’ve heard many rich people doing just that. There are books written on the subject. As I said in my earlier post, I am not trying to say people’s lives are perfect when they enjoy certain advantages. I am just saying they are better off with them than without.

      • abeautifulwoman

        rich people are not hated just for walking down the street in a city ro anywhere…they are not instantly HATED by people for their money…no one really knows they are rich….those experiencing the jealousy or wrath of the average human towards the pretty is a little different…you are shunned and mistreated simply for existing…. and the rich have certain things….they can do many things with money….travel buy whatever…..pretty people well…. i guess they can um really not do much…..except take nice pictures if theyw ant or whatever…. also the treatment that some of us endure is that of extreme negativity and hatred…extreme abuse or oppression….

  • MAGGIE

    Bubbles
    Thankyou for clarifying that for me – yes you are right, tradesmen do do bad work at times. I have just heaved a sigh of relief. I have no idea how I look to be honest but it doesnt matter because if anyone wants me they will have to really want me as I am – warts and all. What is in the inside is the most important thing. As for female friends – who would want a friend who is a user or a bitchy person, just wave goodbye to them, look your best if you choose to, how other people react is their business. I am not responsible for how other people feel that is their business, but I would not intentionally hurt people. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone that suffer bad friends or partners.

    • Mark

      I think it is really awesome that you are willing to be alone rather than just be with someone for the sake of it. This is a lesson that I learned recently. I had never broken up with someone before, and really I just didn’t stop her from leaving that last time. While it hurts to be alone, it is better for me than it was being with her.

  • abeautifulwoman

    I think its so lame how people say “oh you can get any guy you want, or you should have NO trouble meeting a guy”!! really?? well ive been single all my life and all men do when they get in my presence is abuse or mistreat me….people dont understand what it’s like for some women…getting abused by EVERY male almost?? im a virgin because NO GUY will BE MY BOYFRIEND?? no guy will treat me like a human or give me any respect…despite the fact that im kind sweet and beautiful….and an angelic kind beauty—not a stuck up mean b*tch. Any male that comes in my presence just hurls insults at me or puts me down. I’m terrified of being around men because they ONLY insult me…nothing else. If i come across a male he just instantly puts me down or insults me in some way…why? i cant get a boyfriend because no guy will date or be with me– they automatically disrespect me or treat me badly…then ditch me…they ‘reject me before i can in their warped mind reject them’ or just abuse me for no reason. Because im pretty, people feel they are entitled to treating me this way. It makes no sense…but this si how it is. Now some pretty women get godo thing but not all–ive seen men ignore me or just treat me like shit then gawk at some pretty girl walking by or treat her like a princess…men come across me and literally just abuse me….what am i supposed to do about this? Theres nothing i can do. I almost have to be a puppet for males…im very kind nice and get walked all over dumped on mistreated…sometimes just cruelty…thats not fair?? where is the superior traetment? its not superior treatment its inferior treatment to an extreme… ive had men say to me “i dont respect you”…err why??? ive done nothing to not deserve respect…why?? wait because im pretty? men are VERY mean to me…for no reason.

    the myth of beautiful women getting anything they want is just a MYTH because for many beautiful women this doesn’t happen ever. They get nothing they want or nothing period. Every man mistreats them and i mean EVERY man… and we cant even get boyfriends or sex. I’m stuck being a virgin because i cant get a boyfriend….that’s a fun experience…?? but wait im so beautiful i can get any guy i want!! men flock to me!! nope men run away from me are terrifide of me and hate me…and love all unattractive mean women…that’s the sad reality of SOME of ours

    • Bubbles

      Maybe it is all the more insulting when a guy gets put in his place by a very attractive woman, one he would die to be with. I don’t know if it was you, but someone on here said that we lose out with both men and women because women have to compete against us and men have to compete between themselves for us. So we present ego challenges to both genders. That really struck a chord for me. I think it’s true. I have to be honest and say, I am a very nice person. I’m kind.compassionate, patient with people, not judgemental, funny, intelligent etc., etc., but I have no friends because much of what I say is filtered through their perception of me as someone self absorbed, vain, egotistical and snooty, which I am definitely not. In fact, all this has made me rather shy, which looks like snooty when it is the form of a glamour.
      I know I am not perfect, please don’t think I am saying this, but I do hear you….it is difficult to reach to people past their perceptions of who we are just because of the way we look. Have you seen stuff on the web about Beautiful Woman Syndrome? It’s all in black and white. written by a doctor, clearly the way lots of people think.

      • abeautifulwoman

        i havent but i can only imagine…who knows what people think. When i see a beautiful woman i never thought any of those things…i usually would think “wow shes hot”…just thinking oh shes pretty…im not jealous or threatened by pretty women. I dont feel like men aer competing with each other…because most guys who come across me literally just HURL insults at me. I was once waiting in a line at subway and they were messing up my sandwich and i wanted to cry…this male customer walks up to me angrily says “YOU NEED TO “SMILE MORE” rudely…and walks off…he was SOO mean i wanted to punch his head in…he said it in a very derogatory cruel way as i was already upset wanting to cry…for no reason?? just to dominate insult me…this is how ALL men treat me– VERY mean rude cruel…abusive…random strangesr anyone…they find it this thing to just ABUSE me…it’s really weird. Ive seen many beautiful women not have this problem with men or women… i think in some cases or mine or others its that for some reason the presence of a beautiful woman makse them feel so inferior, crushes their egos…they cant handle it–depending on the female and her kind of beauty….males disliking beautiful women….it’s jealousy too as even my “ex” a sadistic sociopath who TORTURED me for fun even once said “i dont know im just JEALOUS of you”…he used to take pictures of me and say “youre fortunate” ie youre young and pretty…but he was very jealous and just wanted to crush/destroy torture me for fun and very cruelly…extremely….many people seem to be VERY jealous of me…men women EVERYONE…gender makes no difference….its like they are just JEALOUS of what u possess and seek to destroy it or not allow you any happiness….its bizarre and sick but that is how many people are….its disturbing imo … men are so jealous of me i cant get a boyfriend?? weird but true…

  • Debbie

    This is my life story. But what I find odd is that younger women recognise this? I am now nearly 38 and have only just realised its a conception of beauty or sexual atttractivess that causes trouble, because for years I was too busy living life to analyse it or let it bother me. Its only when life slows down, you have kids that the fact you cant make female friends becomes upsetting- especially when it impacts on your childrens ability to make friends. Thats why for me now, this issue makes me feel lonely and cut off from society.
    I find it impossible to make female friends and I have genuinely rationalised if its me over the years but now realise its about men and whether men fancy you and how attractive you’re perceived to be. I
    I have never seen my self as outstanding looking, but have been told I am very attractive and beautiful. I have never gone with the reactions I get and have out of embarassment over the years avoided communication with men that react to me. I am not a gossip, I dont talk negatively about others nor do I use conversation to seek attention or boast about anything I’ve done (Ive had a successful academic career as a lecturer and in politics). Yet women are always cold towards me and never include me in friendships or social get togethers. The most I get is chit chat and hellos ( I am very friendly andn easy to talk to) .
    Now my son is at school the issue is so much more apparent for me, because when youre the mother to a school child, their friendships are formed out of adult ones.
    I am happily married and I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son. Ive had an academic career, good education and am very skilled. But, still the lack of human interaction makes me so lonely. I have tried social networking sites, but the female hatred is even worse online as its anonymous or distanced, women feel they have the right to abuse and slander you, the men go crazy but only with the hope of sex. So I’m cornered into empty friendships with men who just want sex, or having no interaction with other people as women dont want to know.
    My husband really doesnt understand that this is what women are like. I have been through a severe depression the last year . It was sparked by my fathers death, but the loneliness of not having other friends or networks doesn’t help.

    • Bubbles

      Yes, Debbie. I get it. That’s my life too. One of the mothers of a boy in my son’s soccer team told my ex husband, who told me, that I was seen as some sort of freak because I dressed nicely for soccer.
      He told her that was ‘just me’ but it never occurred to me that anyone woud notice, let alone take issue with it.
      Today the secretary at work did not say boo to me and we were alone in the office. I walked in and asked how she felt, as she had an operation three weeks ago and is still getting over it. I had yesterday off because I am having trouble with my shoulder and in pain – but I did not get a question back from her asking me how I am…..nada. I am sure she would have asked the other woman.
      And get this. Not so much now, because tiredness will show a bit, but when I was young, I never never looked sick or tired, because, well because I am blessed with good looks. So no one believed me if I felt ill……
      That’s nice in a way, sure, but…hey…..it meant my abusive boyfriend of six years did not understand that I really was ill and did not feel well enough to go out to car rallies or camping, until I had an emergency hysterectomy!
      You sound very accomplished and intelligent as well. I am not quite so, but I have a few significant talents eg. I have an artistic gift and came in the top 5 in the state for fine art at school, and I have studied quite a bit as well. I think people cannot handle that sort of double whammy.

      • Debbie, UK

        Thanks for the reply Bubbles. I’m from the UK and to be fair, I think this issue is worse here as women really are anti femininity here . In fact arguably, I’d say its seen as the norm to dress down, not make an effort and let your self go if you have a man or kids. So women that do are seen as a threat.
        I’m reading all the messages about the difficulties in meeting genuine men if you’re attractive. Luckily, I have been with my husband a long time so have never had this issue. But I could imagine how hard it is as I think men are intimidated by women that threaten their power base in anyway (whether its looks, earning power, what they own or intelligence) if you have more than one of these, then I think most men cant handle it. So my only advice is for women to meet more men in situations of mutual interest and form friendships first, so that men can get to know you and find out what you’re like. I dont think meeting men with other women is ever a good idea as women are jus far too competitive when out socially together. Also, not in pubs, bars or networking sites (they attract men with an agenda)
        . Evening classes at college might be good as its neutral and thers already common interest? And perhaps the attractive women posting here can take the lead in making conversation (I think most men are terrified of approaching pretty women for obvious reasons). Anyway, there my bit thrown in for positivity.
        I am now really thinking of more active plans my self to make genuine female friends. The problem that develops as you get older, is that if you get burnt by women friendships a lot as you get older , so eventually you distance your self and weed people out more!

  • Ann

    I completely agree with Mcthick here. Beautiful people always have a slight edge over other average looking people in ALL areas of our lives. As a professionally qualified and confident woman who has been called very beautiful many a time, I can vouch for the fact that beauty is just a kickstart for an initial good impression. After that, it really is all about your personality and confidence.

    Yes, men will stare. Some will try to take advantage of your beauty, but if you have self respect and confidence in your abilities, rather than focusing on our beauty only, people will begin to see beyond your physical beauty and respect you for who you are, and your capabilities, and not what you look like.

    I am the first person to admit that getting a good honest female friend is tough at times, because if you many other God given talents and you really do feel confident about yourself, it can come across as intimidating to many women.

    But that really does not bother me one bit. Because I am not really hurting anyone in the process. I am simply maintaining a high standard for myself. And I am not going to lower my standards, to please other people. I have certain values and ethics that I strongly believe in. Once people begin to understand the real you, they have no choice but to respect you.

    I have many friends, though no real close friends as such. I do not believe we need to have close friends to get ahead with life. Live and let live. Be kind. Be thoughtful. Be considerate and friendly. Believe in yourself. And I thank God for all of my blessings, including my God given beauty. I’ve followed this motto for many years and I can assure you that I am truly happy with who I am and thankful for such a wonderful life!:)

  • McThick

    Thanks Ann.

    I will mention that I have noticed that women of ALL attractiveness levels have a hard time maintaining close friends. I haven’t the slightest idea why, nor do I know why some women are better at maintaining same-sex friendships better than others. All I’m saying is that while that may be some form of a ‘curse’, it certainly is not restricted to the beautiful.

  • Ann

    I do agree with you, Mcthick. I find it a big mystery too:)…I have had my fair share of experiences where I have been backstabbed, and it was always women. Which is why I always chose to keep my distance ….But that really does not mean all women are like that. I am sure there are plenty of wonderful genuine ladies out there…I’m just afraid to take that risk of getting hurt again:)

    Now that you mention it, I always seem to be more free and comfortable with men rather than women….I seem to trust them more too. But it may be just me:)…Please ladies, do not take offence at what I just said….It’s just my own personal experience that I’m mentioning, and is in no way a generalisation. :)

  • Julia

    I have always had trouble making and keeping female friends.
    Guys,on the other hand,love me.I have many male friends.

    Abeautifulwoman:
    It is true men like sex,so if are unwilling to have sex then it is easy to see why you get rejected.
    I’m very in touch with my sexuality and guys seem attracted to that.
    As I said,I consider myself to be only of average looks,but pretty.
    Yet men are drawn to me like flies.
    And I have never been treated badly by men because I don’t stand for it.
    Men respect me because I stand up for myself and don’t act like a doormat.

    I do not think Mcthick is trying to put anyone down.I think he just doesn’t buy into this “beautiful woman” pity party.

    • Ann

      You hit the nail on the head Julia! The respect a man has for you ultimately has nothing to do with the outward appearance…it is more about the inner person in you and your self confidence :) Self confidence is a really attractive quality in anyone whether man or woman, attractive or unattractive…

    • abeautifulwoman

      unwilling to have sex? yeah no just not on the 2nd date.. i get rejected by ‘loser males online or males wanting sex from women in general”..thats not rejection…thats a blessing…these men just want to get laid…and any woman who gives it up is just being used as a doormat by these losers….thats normal…not having sex with any random guy that wants it– i get rejected by guys instantly regardless because fo men with ego issues who dislike beautiful women and instantly hate me. I once had a good friendship with a guy through the phone…he was cool nice….he even once offered to let me use his credit card for gas when i was stuck somewhere… then we finally met– from the get go he was rolling his eyes, annoyed irritated, rushed through dinner and proceeded to not talk to me again or be insulting. He was jealous/mean/ like some guys are…. other guys just sit there and barely talk or insult me, others try to get sex….and thats’ about it.

      i would NOT recommend having sex with strangers just to be accepted, that is absurd….and that also doesnt land soemone like me more dates, or a boyfriend…it just makse me an easy slut who is getting used…nope no thanks… im looking for a long term relationship. I just dont understand how men would not want a LTR with a hot beautiful sexy woman….and just want to use insult or degrade her….i would know as my ex a sadist NEVER had sex with me extremely, and just tortured me for fun. He also admitted i was the ‘hottest thing he had ever seen” and was obsessed with me in some form but no sex…. i get absued and degraded regardless and sometimes with the excuse of “youre too beautiful”….really?? and men don’t like that? at least many of the women here are married or can manage to get A guy…i can’t get any….b/c assumably im too pretty… which i would think is a good thing but not in this day and age…

  • Ann

    And for the record Mcthick….Despite the fact that you express your thoughts very frankly, and even though it can be hard to digest, a lot of it really is the honest truth….So just know that I do support your views completely, though I do think you tend to come off as a bit too rude at times…but nevertheless, it is refreshing to hear a typical guy’s point of view without the frills and fancies:)

  • McThick

    For guys, a relationship starts out based entirely upon physical attraction. After a while, it evolves into something more than that. My wife is very attractive, and I like that. I love her though because she gets me and because I get her. We have SO MANY stupid inside jokes and shared experiences that her physical appearance is really a small part of the equation. I’m not saying that appearance is no longer important, just that it is less so.

    @abeautifulwoman It is not necessary to have sex on the first date. A guy who expects that will obviously not be around for long. However, whining about how hard your life is will almost guarantee no second date.

    • abeautifulwoman

      hey mccreep…no one whines about how hard their life is on a date– you really need to get a clue…you are one arrogant creep and low life….and you “CLAIM” that beautiful people have scuh great lievs or are ‘SUPPOSED TO”….your perception and views are based on bullsh8t…the world is full of more UGLY people than beautiful and beautiful people these days many are mistreated….you also have no clue on anything….youre just a loser who gets off on bringing others down and attempting to appear as if you are arguing in an intelligent manner when you’re not….

  • Julia

    I agree,Mcthick.But while sex on the first date isn’t ideal,men WILL want sex at some point…otherwise they will lose interest and find it elsewhere.Abeautifulwoman is a virgin but doesn’t say her age.
    I wonder why she has held out so long with losing her virginity.

    • abeautifulwoman

      well ive explaine that i havent “held out”….ive never had a boyfriend…because all i meet are guys who awnt ‘sex’ on the 2nd or 3rd date or even the 1st and then theyre ready to bail. Ive never had a real LTR….so ive never lost my virginity. I cant get an LTR because the same reason..i cant meet a guy who wants one…so im stuck…im not going to have sex and lose my virgintiy to some creep who wants to get laid… one of the reasons i acnt get a boyfriend seems to be because im so awesome beautiful amazing and sweet…. all my ‘good qualities’ seem to be some kind of a problem. Men do not like me because im pretty…and dont give me a chance….i know many women who try the dating scene and meet ‘random idiot men just wanting sex or God knows what”… i still find it odd in my case that after 100’s of dates…i cant find one boyfriend….that none of these guys is like “ok wow this girl is gorgeous and amazing wtf”… most males are rude to me, or disrespectful or mean or jealous….they act guarded and rude…or just treat me like crap. im a virgin not by choice but becasue i have NO other Choice….sometimes really beautiful women aer just screwed…men cant handle them and dont want anything to do with them…..again im not sure why but my life is a good experience of this…almost all males i encounter just want to dominate control use abuse and mistreat me….that’s it… i literally can’t get laid if i wanted to…. im sure some guy would find some excuse to insult me or call me names and that si no joke….men just put me down mechanically….not a fun life….when you look like a playboy model and you cant get a boyfriend….

  • Ann

    @ Mcthick…yes this is what my hubby told me as well…..he does get a little possessive when men compliment me openly on my looks or personality, but yet he knows that he is the only one for me. We have been married for 9 years and we are total opposites in so many ways….not to mention the various debates and disagreements we have on so many things…but at the end of the day we respect each other and would not dream of hurting each other….

    There was one incident where one of my collegues told me openly that his wife doesn’t like him to spend time with me, as she feels that I am too smart, outgoing and beautiful. The first question that went through my mind is : “Why did he come and tell me this? ”
    I do not think his wife wanted me to know this (if there was any truth to what he said in the first place).

    There could only be 3 possibilites: 1) He was trying to flirt with me and gave me a backhanded compliment 2) His wife has probably witnessed him flirting with a lot of women before 3) His wife is a little insecure and tried to impose her feelings on him

    Whatever the reason, I think it was completely wrong of him to come and tell me his wife’s feelings. That really was crossing the boundary.

    Anyway, I decided to keep my distance with him, and professionally it was tough because we had to interact with each other for various official purposes. But I remained firm on my decision because I felt it was necessary to respect his wife’s wishes.

    He never really understood why I was not very friendly with him anymore. I never bothered telling him. I did not think it right to explain my reasons to him. I just knew that if my hubby flirted around the way he did, I would feel as bad as his wife did.

    • Bubbles

      I am a very sexually experienced woman of 53. I have been called beautiful many a time, sometimes many times a day, even lately. I have been pursued by men, for sex, many times in the last year. They seem to be unable to hide the fact it’s just sexual, which irks me, but I give it a bash because, well, I am lonely, and never know. I would like to get to know them first, so I hold out and I don’t respond immediately. What happens? They go. They leave. After two dates. I think, truly, did they expect me to be as enchanted and as attracted as they are, straight up? I think they give up because they think I’ve rejected them by not being as attracted as quickly. I am not physically attracted to many people – it grows out of getting to know them. so, I can understand why a beautiful woman would be a virgin. She’s looking for quality and when she holds out on them it is taken as rejection. And, i guess It must be said. We also have lots of options and don’t need to settle for just anything, and if guys know that too, which I am sure they must, then it is clear that they bail because for them it was always just about bedding a beauty, not getting to know one.

      • abeautifulwoman

        this is very true…however….it doesnt just go for beautiful women.. i mean tehse days its everyone….many males just want ‘sex’ right away and honestly…i dont think those guys see is as rejection—(youre being too kind imo but maybe that is true as well for some) or the immature ones do, but many men just want to get laid…right away. If they’re not getting sex…theyre moving onto some woman who they can egt sex from. Many of these men upon getting sex—will not talk to the woman again– they just want sex from anyone who will give it to them. I know many people who dated who didnt have sex for a month or two or three into dating…those are the kinds of guys who want something for the long term…lots of these idiots out there are creeps who just want sex…its pretty sad and messed up. And yes they bail…they leave… theyre just off tosomeone else to try the same tactic…

        and yes thats true just having sex– adn when youre beautiful the problem is– these men who want sex will be even MORE aggerssive with you– as opposed to a lesser attrative female…they will literally try harder to get sex off you adn give the lesser attractive female a few more ‘free dates’ of no sex…in that case the beauty is just something against you…. these low life sex addicts use it as a way to try to seduce manipulate lie to do anything to get you in bed…and when their efforts have gone nowhere…they bail. unfortunately its sad that its so hard to find a guy who wants an actual relationship…and then with a beautiful woman it’s even worse….these men have ego issues, insceure jealous everywhere….adn jealous people are the worst people to deal with… men jealous of a beautiful woman just want to destroy her nothing else….so doesnt make for a good boyfriend or relationship..i cant find a man that wants to be with me…most literally just want to hurt or destroy me nothing else….its odd and bizarre

    • mplo

      It doesn’t matter how attractive a woman is. Here’s something that lots of people are quite naive about: Many a woman has rejected a male co-worker’s or male boss’s overtures due to being fond of his wife.

  • Ann

    And just to add to the previous comment, I never realised this guy was flirting with me in the first place.

    But when this guy came and told me that his wife said this about me, I realised that he may be trying to flirt with me, which is another reason why I decided to keep my distance.

  • Julia

    Bubbles,the men who ditched out after one or two dates of not getting sex are not worth keeping around anyways.More then likely they only wanted one thing to begin with.

    I think some beautiful women are too choosy when it comes to men though.They get offended when they hold out sex and a guy bails for a lesser attractive woman who gives them sex.As if just because they are beautiful the men should want them and not other women.But looks are not everything.
    And I think that is the main point some of us are trying to make.

    My sister thinks she is so gorgeous and came to a party of mine with a (in her mind) a less attractive female friend. We were trying to hook my sister up with a male friend of ours because he saw her picture and was really interested because she was “beautiful”.

    Well,thinking she is so beautiful,she thought she could just show up and the guy was hers,no work involved.She sat on my couch looking like a stuck up snob.

    Boy was she furious when our guy friend chose her lesser attractive friend instead of her! And he chose her because she flirted with him and ACTED interested.Guys DO want a woman who is equally attracted to THEM as they are us.They don’t want to feel like you are doing them a favor.

    As far as the virgin stuff,there is nothing wrong with being a virgin.
    But after a while you have to wonder if you are not missing out on something major in life and how perfect do you expect things to be before losing it?

    • Bubbles

      Julia, I also have a high IQ and my point is just what you said – they are only after sex in the first place. I’m not going to work for someone who won’t work for me. I am a wonderful flirt. Women do not like going out with me because I can really be a hit, but when it boils down to it, the guys want instant gratification because they are hot for me – they take their arousal elsewhere to someone easier, because after two dates I have not interest (yet) in them whatsoever. And sure, I don’t want them around.

    • abeautifulwoman

      well from personal experience…friendliness and personality arent any issue here….i go out of my way to be friendly entertaining on dates–many times the males are very intimidated or even insult me…and say ‘are you nervous”…theyre projecting their own nervousness onto me and trying to put me down, and on purpose and make me feel insecure or inferior. I now say no are YOU?? u seem nervous…and they admit they aer….i talk up a storm..super friendly…kind caring attentive..oddly enough…guys dont care for that.. most pretty women i know are far from stuck up… there are lots of pretty women beautiful women normal women whoever out there…. yes there are stuck up women too and those suck but for me im super super friendly and nice to guys…maybe too nice…im never harsh mean judgmental…i try to make the date feel comfortable…. and really….the guys are rude weird mean.. ive been in MANY social situations where ive gotten ignored…just for being who I am…ignored, tried talking to people/guys…they ignore me…are jealous mean… looks are not the problem for the people with them theyre everyone else’s problem…beautiful women being bitchy or stuck up is really lame as ive witnessed so many MEAN women out tehre and men ask them out happily.

      men NEVER ask em out and when a guy flirts with me im ecstatic…im like omg he’s hitting on me??! im so friendly and nice…b/c men NEVER flirt with me…men are rude mean treat me like im weird, somethings wrong with me, they cant understand/hear me, are rude…put me down run away–everything NEGATIVE mean…its sicekning….. and being a virgin…again…. thats preference….. i am NOT going to lose my virginity to “RANDOM GUY” its going to be to someone who i care about or who’s a boyfriend…. until i get a boyfriend… theres not much i can do about it…. i cant get a boyfriend again because men do not like me are jealous/intimidated and i havent met a guy who will date me…so in essence im fuked…. it has nothing to do with ‘perfection’ and i nkow plenty of female virgins in their 30’s who are waiting for marriage….im notwaiting for marriage i just want A BOYFRIEND not that picky or high expectations but i literally am unable to get ONE boyfriend in life….

      • abeautifulwoman

        jealously is just a huge issue too…the problem with people like me is most people look at you and think “wow i bet she gets ANYTHING she wants and any guy would want her, well im NOT going to kiss her a** im going to treat her like sh*t”..the problem is…if a few people think that way….you’re good, but if almost EVERYONE thinks this way…well..you’re kind of screwed in life. In my case—almost EVERYONE thinks this way….so everyone treats like sh*t because they feel i get anything i want and in turn i get NOTHING at all ever…ironic right….some people might compliment you or be nice but they still dont want anything to do with you. at my sisters wedding years ago I remember a very old friend of my family’s..saw me and shes like “oh my gosh..youre so beautiful…youre beautiful…and she was like surprised” and complimenting me but she couldnt talk to me long and tried to avoid me after… her son couldn’t even look at me– that was so odd as he used to be my brothers best friend…really lame and weird….very very old family friends some males…treated me badly and almost made fun of me– weird…the life of a pretty woman being abused and mistreated and avoided and ignored….that’s fun…even if youre super down to earth cool and nice….people aer stupid and make me sick…. im also very warm and caring and friendly…doesnt work…you could be a saint and people HATE you….youcould be dying and epople will STILL be jealous of you– that’s what it is…people suck

  • Julia

    I understand what you are saying,Bubbles.I’m more attracted to someone I have known for a while too.
    But there have been times I “gave it up” early for the right man.My husband being one of them.Slept together on the second date and then married for 13 years.(We are now separated,but that is another story).

    I usually know pretty quickly whether or not I have chemistry with someone though.For me,it is hard to hold off having sex when I feel that way.

    • Bubbles

      Sure, but what I am saying is I rarely feel that way. And how did you know it was the right man so early? I don’t know. I like to wait and see, at least a month, LOL. They don’t give me the time. Because their intention in the first place to is to have sex with a beautiful woman, not to be in a relationship with one. They go for safer bets with the latter in mind.

      What you are saying is you went against your own needs for sex to please a man; turned out he was a good one so you were lucky, perhaps. I don’t do that. I used to, so it is not that I am judging any one, but can’t do it any more.

  • Nadia

    I came back to this topic because I love it so much. I’m featured on this site and I don’t understand why beautiful women complain so much. Yes sure, life is much harder in a parallel sense of people not taking you seriously and hating you but who cares. You WIN the genetic gamble. For people who wonder what its like to be a beautiful woman, Greg has nailed it in this article and I’ve written one myself that he’s published on the site about the advantages of being beautiful.

    I am an ex model and so is my best friend. She is much taller and slimmer than me and we are both equally beautifully driven, business women. Women who don’t know HOW to use their beauty and lament about it, ought to be stripped away from their blessing. Beauty will always create problems for a woman because just like money, fame and power is the epitome of a man’s success, beauty is proof of a woman’s success. It is part of life and people get offended easily because it is the ONE thing we cannot change about ourselves and innately without telling us or not, we KNOW if we’re good looking or not. I use myself as an example.

    Ever since i was a little girl, i’ve been complimented on my looks. I was cute when i was a toddler, pretty when i was a girl and hot/gorgeous/stunning/beautiful and sexy as a woman, now.

    If you are beautiful, GOD HAS BLESSED YOU :D

    Acknowledge your power, thank Him for giving you gorgeous parents and enjoy your life!!

    • Bubbles

      There are other measures of female success. Work is one of them for women these days, as is belonging in female groups. I daresay if I’d chosen a more glamourous career, I’d be in my element today, but at work I am not taken seriously by the men and shunned by the women. I still need someone to look after me (a partner) because I’ve hit that glass ceiling, but I can’t find a genuine one because whilst I am not 100% convinced anyone can fall in love after two dates, I would give the guys the benefit of the doubt IF they would hang about and wait for me to get to know them. But they don’t, because it is always about sex anyway. As for being stripped of our beauty. We all will be one day. Even you. But yes, the cars stop to let me cross the road and I get champagne sent to my table.

  • Julia

    I find the catty comments about “you must not be all that” to be hilarious…How the hell you gonna tell anyone over a computer without seeing what they look like,how unattractive they are? How do we even know you are beautiful and you aren’t just presuming you are when you are really a troll?

    I think I’ve had enough of the big egos in this thread.Peace.

  • Julia

    By the way,my response was to Anne,not Bubbles.

  • Ann

    @ Beautiful Woman: Why do you have such a distorted view of beauty? Why should the world most beautiful women like Angelina Jolie, Aishwarya Rai, Penelope Cruz, Megan Fox, become famous and adored?….Because they are beautiful and charismatic, and above all they have SELF RESPECT. They do not grumble about how badly men treat them, because of their beauty. And no man treats them with contempt and disgust the way they treat you. They know they are beautiful and yet they do not allow it to consume their entire mind. Because they respect and value themselves for who they are, and that is part of what gives them their charisma.

    Please stop thinking you are being treated the way you are because you are beautiful. I would think that you are being treated that way, because you have cocooned yourself into a fantasy world where you imagine yourself to be the MOST beautiful woman on this planet, who is unattainable because of your beauty, and men hate you because of your “out of this world” beauty, and not because of your bitterness and negativity. It’s almost as if you are waiting for men to insult you, so it gives you a reaffirmation that you are hated because of your “ethereal” beauty..

    Remember, GOD made women beautiful to attract men, not to create hatred in them. There are extremely beautiful women ALL over the world, some already discovered, some yet to be discovered. But however beautiful a woman appears to one, it really comes down to the old saying, “Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder”. Being proud of one’s beauty is fine, but being conceited and obnoxious, is completely a different matter. So please get the glitter out of your eyes, and see the real world for what it is.

    Before you jump on wagon to attack me, please understand that this is not to attack your beauty. I am telling you my opinions based on a third party view, and the possible reason why mean treat you with so much disgust and contempt, rather than adore your beauty and the inner person in you. Peace.

    • Bubbles

      I suspect it is something a person needs to learn to deal with. Maybe some of the ladies on this thread are young and have not yet come to terms with themselves, have not yet grown the confidence to stand up while they stand out. I would think young genii and young heiresses might have similar problems, finding their place as a someone outside the ‘bell curve of normality’.

      I can understand how if a man has been burned by someone he considered very hot, that he’d be defensive against a girl he found hot. We are called various things, stuck up, selfish, stupid…..people buy that rubbish. Men generally want power – I see this all the time and while they love beauty, they hate it when beauty isn’t doing what they want it to.

      As for the beautiful women of the world. They don’t live up the road from you and me. If they did they might well be the targets of day-to-day vitriol. Instead they found their way to Hollywood, through talent in the first place, then most were groomed to be more beautiful. Do you think Nicole Kidman looked like she does now when she was doing movies in Australia? I don’t think so. As for Angelina – I’ve seen photos of her as a gawky teenager. I bet she got teased!

      These ladies move in circles unlike the general population. It is different in that kind of life. But if, like me, you work in a suburban office and live in a suburban street and everyone else has let themselves go, then you attract jealousy.

      Let me get this straight. I am very attractive for my age, for my social circle, in my family, but I doubt that in Hollywood anyone would pay any attention to me. I would be one of the street crowd. I am aware of this and I am very fine with it, but I am just saying that if I were as attractive as I am now but younger – I would have a terrible time with immature men and jealous females, because even at my age I still experience it.

      It really is out there to a great extent, not all inside these ladies’ heads. What they need to do with their heads is grow strong, develop other aspects of themselves so they don’t rely on looks (because they ultimately fade while the brain and soul grow) and give thanks and, maybe, go to Hollywood!

    • abeautifulwoman

      ann youare not just MISTAKEN but your ignorant statements show that you have read
      NOTHING about what this blog is about and the women here are complaining about…
      we are not the ones cocooning ourselves in anything you idiot…OTHERS mistreat us…
      and how dare you even sayt hat to someone…that they are being mistreated based
      on ‘themselves’… or ‘imagining themselves to be something”…i think most women
      here have clearly explained they dont dress or act in any way different others
      mistreat them based on their BEAUTY ALONE…. you unfortunately cant comprehend
      that matter which means you havent ever experienced it… your comments are disgusting…. and attacking my beauty?? why would i care if you ‘attack my beauty” wtf…..this entire BLOG is about beautiful women being mistreated FOR BEING BEAUTIFUL NOTHIGN ELSE by jealous others who cant handle them….get a clue seriously….and i am not ‘negative or bitter”…you dont know me in real life or anywhere…. i EMOTE positivity and BEAUTY most people out there are negative/bitter and those peole have MANY friends…you are a clueless person and the idiot with the DISTORTED perception of things….aain people like you with your ignorance dont belong here…you im sure are attempting to look superior in winning an argument to put another person down for no reason b/c you’re an idiot….youre the one who is ugly inside and downright stupid….get help you nede it

      • Ann

        @ abeautifulwoman : You have shown very clearly with this reply why you have no friends, no men in your life and no life in general. You have proven in every way that beauty is not the only thing required to have a satisfying life. I am blessed with beauty, but I don’t keep that on a pedestal and live my life around it. Neither do I have to prove my beauty to you. I suggest you look in the mirror as you write these very cheap and uncultured replies to really understand why you are still whining about how horribly life treats beautiful women and how you don’t have a life at all. Good day to you.

    • tracy

      Ann you are wrong, A beautiful woman’s comments are completely correct, most people act like this and I can sympathize with her. Ive seen men purposely marry plain Jane women and worship them then say in the same breath they would never marry a beautiful woman. Ever heard that song”if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, marry an ugly wife”? I was married and people hated on my husband saying that he better watch his back because I am too pretty and I can cheat or leave him,. so he got paranoid. and controlled and beat me as a result.

  • AnotherBeautifulWoman

    Hi, ABeautifulWoman. I understand you. I’m not a psycho crazy or trying to get in your pants. I’m just another beautiful woman. I actually have difficulty even describing myself this way because in order to manage the fallout from being beautiful I’ve learned to be super humble, super smiley, super nice, and a touch self-deprecating at times just to put other people at ease. I don’t even like talking about this topic because the judgement (that you must be doing something wrong if you have a hard time as a beautiful woman) makes me very sad.

    Very few people seem to understand that being beautiful has perks (that yes have been documented by research) but there is a downside. But almost nobody cares about the downside because of the upside.

    Whatever! I just need advice regarding the datelessness. So far going European sounds like something new I can try. What else? Please don’t tell me to modify my dress or be more outgoing/flirtatious.

    FYI: I don’t want an “alpha dog”. I’d like to find a nurturing, mild mannered, humble guy. Someone said something negative about geeks. I’m smart so I don’t mind geeks at all. Is this another option? Geeky guys are usually afraid of me. I’m 33 and 5’10. I guess my preferred age range is 30-40 but I’m open and the only vain thing I ask is that the guy be at least my height but these days I’m willing to compromise on that.

    Please don’t make fun of me or call me a bitch because I have feelings. Well, thanks in advance for any good advice sent my way!

  • Cerulean

    Wow. This amazed me.
    I’m 20 years old and (I sound like I’m bragging but, actually just expressing) people have stopped me on the street and told me I’m beautiful. My family, friends, strangers compliment me all the time.
    A few months ago my cousin questioned why how it was possible I’m single.
    Answer? The “alphas,” as you referred to them, have asked me out. I’m any guy that doesn’t constantly compliment or brag about himself. On several occasions I’ll find out later that guys that I’ve liked and gave obvious signs to, like me too.
    Now I see that the world thinks I’m this snob and will think I’m too good for certain people. This is insane! I’ve never been on a date. Do I get to set my own standards? I like being beautiful but, reading this makes me question it all.

    I also have a beautiful friend that only goes for alphas and takes nothing less. She found a good-looking, rich guy who cheated on her. All the signs were there but she wants perfection. Why is it that for her people think she’s sweet and innocent. But for me guys assume I’m stuck up? She carries designer everything and I could careless. She wouldn’t be caught dead without her weave, I go natural. She acts loves acting spoiled. I don’t!

    I DON’T GET IT!!!

    • Andrew

      I don’t either. I know I would be afraid of approaching you. In fact, I would be afraid of approaching any female.

      1. I do have standards. I’m not going to even harbor the thought of dating a female with missing teeth, cuss more than my brothers, or is walking around with so much mark-up, she looks more like a clown. If I ever do enter into an relationship, I was an actual woman, not a ho/bitch. Unfortunately the majority of the women I met falls in that category.
      2. I’m quite afraid of even speaking to the very few pretty ones that I actually do like. (my biggest issues)
      3. Even if there is a female that I do like, she was already taken (as seen by the male that is walking alongside her)

      Perhaps I was made to be single. Right now, I’m 25, turning 26 in a couple months and I never had a girlfriend and I’m still a virgin.

      But my life and my resources couldn’t be more pathetic and I doubt any female wants to date a guy who has pure white T-shirts as 90% of my wardrobe.

    • Eugen

      She got the alpha type because she demands more from the world than you and also takes risks. You just wait and hope for the best, while not playing the good cards you have. I also suspect she know how to have fun or at least more than you so life with her is more easier.

      To get a good man you have to behave like her, to keep a good man you have to behave like you. I’m telling you you have the advantage here because keeping him is the hard part, but you certainly can learn from her. :)

  • MAGGIE

    ENOUGH ENOUGH!!!!!!
    It doesnt matter what you look like on the outside, and YES I have walked around with a front tooth missing BECAUSE I did not want to meet anyone but I dont now and do you know it wouldnt matter to someone who loved you because BEAUTY COMES FROM THE INSIDE!!!!
    For goodness sake WAKE UP AND GROW UP.
    WHY DO YOU SPEND ALL THIS PRECIOUS TIME WINGING AND MOANING AND DISECTING EVERYTHING??????????
    Your time would be better spent opening your eyes and seeing all the needy people around you – all the people who need a helping hand, who need food and shelter. WE ARE ALL BEATIFUL, WE ARE ALL GODS CREATIONS AND HE WOULD NEVER MAKE UGLY SOULS.
    Grow up and look outwards and give some food to a begger who everyone passes by, give an unloved child or teenager a hug, SHOW THAT YOU CARE !!!!! THEY ARE ALL THERE WAITING !!!!!!!!

    SOME

    • Eugen

      Giving to beggars is the absolutely LAST thing you ever want to do. Since society can’t let them die, if nobody gave them anything they would be either reformed or institutionalized, both of which give them much better chances than your charity.

      Also, GOD makes plenty of ugly souls.

    • Bubbles

      Wow, Maggie.
      You are assuming that because we know we are pretty, that our souls are ugly?
      I work (bloody hard) for a charity; my best friend is a gay man who is dying of cancer who lives in another country. We met on a cruise – I befriended him to help him have a nice life, a place to stay when he visits my country next year and a bit of fun, however long it lasts.
      I am known as kind and non-judgemental, though certainly no pushover.
      My speech tomorrow night is about world poverty…..and to be thankful…

      Do you assume that all we think about is what colour handbag to carry.

      I am not saying I am a saint. Far from it. But I know I certainly don’t judge people based on what they write on an internet blog, about a subject that is, among ordinary folk, taboo….to most of these girls it really hurts to be lonely for a reason everyone else sees as a blessing. It is a mixed blessing at best.

      You illustrate for me the reason I gave religion up. It divides people and allows them to judge others from ‘on high’.

      So please, give me a break. And no, you grow up… I for one already have.

      • abeautifulwoman

        oh yeah…because youre beautiful…you’re evil…its’ what jealous sick ‘ugly on the inside cold brutal jealous souls’ say to innocent people for no reason….in fact those who MAKE THIS VERY COMMENT are the ones just talking about their own selves…because only an UGLY SOUL and person would make such a sick ignorant comment….and you dont have to do charity work and be amazing to be a worthy person…. you just HAPPEN to do those things too which is great….. but all those ignoramuses who dare try to say that beautiful people are bad inside….that is crazy sick…weird….. judging someones character based on their looks….huh??? theyre just jealous and pretty disgusting people….sad for them..

    • abeautifulwoman

      people are TALKING about this because they aer being treated DIFFERENTLY OR BADLY by others because they are pretty and people are jealous and can be cruel….get a clue for the 500th time!!! stupid comment… no one CARES ABOUT BEAUTY EXCEPT THE JEALOUS PEOPLE WHO MISTREAT THE PRETTY ONES….

  • MAGGIE

    Bubbles
    I did not say that God created any ugly souls, quite the opposite
    I wont be posting again because quite frankly I have more worthwhile things to do with the rest of my life than sit in front of a computer ruminating about comments
    I have no religion
    I wish you well

    • Eugen

      Yes you do … ;)

  • MAGGIE

    What an interesting name, could you have been Baron Eugene Fersen in a previous life?

    • Eugen

      Thanks.

      I actually believe there is a life energy and all sane people try to swim into the biggest flow they can see. I measure value of a man by the energy that flows through him as I can see it. Some people only see money, some people see other things, depending on what they think they need.

      I believe the primary function of a man is to amplify this energy and the function of a woman is to sustain it.

  • MAGGIE

    Oh my goodness, you must have a powerful energy base, I can almost feel it. You are very powerful and very intelligent too. I would love to discuss this further but alas we cant on this site. One can only hope………..

    • Eugen

      Sarcasm makes you lonely.

  • MAGGIE

    I composed a proper reply but it was blocked so all I can say is yes

  • abeautifulwoman

    for those thinking that beautiful women have amazing lives…(yeah right) let me
    explain the life of SOME beautiful women out there… oh and angelina jolie…wtf
    shes famous b/c of her family..famous people are a different situation.. are you
    mentally ok for even stating that??? most of those famous women have money and
    decent lives… why would you compare THEM to average non famous women who are
    mistreated by society….halle berry had problems before being famous…for
    ‘having a hard time’ with people…and madonna talked about times where she
    went to parties and no one talked to her– hey i can relate…my whole life
    IS THAT SCENARIO but worse…i get mistreated just about ANYWHERE i go…
    im treated as ‘special and different’ and basically just ALWAYS singled out
    and treated badly…. i have been to many social situations in the past..shunned mistreated put down ignored…. i got used to it at one point but used to freak out everytime and cry because i couldn’t atke it anymore…constantly mistreated… and let me explain once again…. those of us here takling about our situations are overly NICE people…very kind caring nice and people just STOMP on it…they dont care who you are….they just HATE you for being pretty….
    for those thinking that beautiful women have amazing lives…(yeah right) let me
    explain the life of SOME beautiful women out there… oh and angelina jolie…wtf
    shes famous b/c of her family..famous people are a different situation.. are you
    mentally ok for even stating that??? most of those famous women have money and
    decent lives… why would you compare THEM to average non famous women who are
    mistreated by society….halle berry had problems before being famous…for
    ‘having a hard time’ with people…and madonna talked about times where she
    went to parties and no one talked to her– hey i can relate…my whole life
    IS THAT SCENARIO but worse…i get mistreated just about ANYWHERE i go…
    im treated as ‘special and different’ and basically just ALWAYS singled out
    and treated badly…. i have been to many social situations in the past..shunned mistreated put down ignored…. i got used to it at one point but used to freak out everytime and cry because i couldn’t atke it anymore…constantly mistreated… and let me explain once again…. those of us here takling about our situations are overly NICE people…very kind caring nice and people just STOMP on it…they dont care who you are….they just HATE you for being pretty….this is why MANY beautiful women have to end up being porn stars or strippers or God knows what…try working in a real job—yeah right…you get treated

  • abeautifulwoman

    lower than crap….people like me are SUPER down to earth laid back cool…extremely nice…and people just HATE ME with a passion..they cant HANDLE being around you….they can’t handle your beauty or your energy and have no reaction except shunning you…. Many very beautiful women who are NOT famous who seem like they should be or are at that level will have a VERY hard time b/c they spark a reaction in people…. Now the life of a beautiful woman …. No friends, no fun….no boyfriend really…the majority of men HATE me with a passion and mistreat me or treat me like a little girl or make fun of me… I look like a SEXY sweet girl..(Britney spears type girl next door)….doesn’t matter—males HATE YOU… its not a fun life…no one gives you a chance…even if you look like CRAP people hate you…there is NOTHING you can do….i’ll go out in glasses bad hair and people are STILL jealous of me…people constantly being negative mean to you…THROWING negative energy at you 24/7…that is the life of a PRETTY WOMAN…who EVERYONE is jealous of… people treat you like some freak of nature or alien or something horrible…I even once had people at a clothing store CROWD around me staring at me like I was an exhibit…ONCE but still..horrific..why?? people treat me personally in such a terrible extreme way it’s a sad shame. Ive had others comment on “WOW that guy was rude to you or WOW wtf happened there.” For me though it’s different…its my life and its all ive experienced for many many years….however I think most pretty women can get a boyfriend but some of us can’t…men can NOT handle being with me – many can’t and ive met all the losers who can’t…they just want to torture me for fun….i even had a sadistic ex who admitted he was jealous of me—I said why do you do these horrible things to me?? He said “I DON’T KNOW IM JEALOUS”!!! but he was a psycho and a sick weird freak….
    Unfortunately..men get around me and get ANGRY UPSET MEAN…men are CRUEL to me… very cruel…they treat me in a very derogatory horrible way…they respect other women and mistreat me—me… im beautiful sweet innocent kind….their treatment towards me is BAFFLING confusing….you would think men would be chasing someone so amazing but they shun reject use torment me put me down…males treat me in a way ive never witnessed before in my life…VERY MEAN..weird odd…they aren’t even ATTRACTED to me…though some are EXTREMELY TURNED ON BREATHINg HEAVY to a point where they turn red…but they hold it all back and torture me for fun…

    • Eugen

      You catch more bees with honey, that’s all Mcthick is saying, even if he’s being a bit thick :)

      Just look at the men’s response to anotherbeautifulwoman’s messages and draw your own conclusion.

      That’s really all can say to you except good luck!

  • abeautifulwoman

    well i tried writing some huge long comment too long but i’ll condense it…the life of a pretty girl…for some of us….
    no friends, no boyfriend, no sex…NOTHING….
    men abuse reject shun us…women hate us….
    even if youre the nicest sweetest person…no one hcares they HATE you b/c youre pretty
    EVERYONE is jealous of you— men women whoever….
    everyone is threatened/intimidated scared of you…
    everyone is trying to get in your pants….or use you….
    you get judged mistreated put down insulted harassed
    you get treated like crap or made to feel guilty for being pretty….
    you get kicked out of places for no reason, fired…even if you are amazing a great worker etc…
    instead of people appreciating who you are….they TORTURE you for fun—
    if you are beautiful/kind its a HUGE NEGATIVE against you….MEN use it to torture/abuse you for fun….women use it to mistreat you… they use their jealousy of your beauty and your good nature to be able to do anything they want to you….
    you get NO BENEFITS IN FACT YOU GET LESS THAN OTHERS!!! NO FUN LIFE OR SEX!!
    i witness many UGLY WEIRD STUPID UNINTELLIGENT PEOPLE GET TREATED GREAT RESPECTED GET JOBS GET tEATED DECENTLY WHILE I GET TREATED HORRIBLY….

    the idiots here some say well if you are a beautiful you get this and that– no not true!! so i get told by people im TOO beautiful…but thtats suomthting people use AGAINST you…. no one gets it and its really sad…

    • Bubbles

      I wouldn’t consider myself TOO beautiful, but I hear what you say. I think I was once in this category.
      Out of fear, men reject you because they are protecting themselves.
      Out of competition and envy, women abuse and don’t include you.
      For me there are at least two men after me and saying they love me after one date, at any one time and I would get sex if I trusted them or was looser, but I know what they want and I’m reserved, so I don’t get sex.
      At work even if you are brainy and well qualified, you are not taken seriously. (this may go for women in general, actually, but it’s probably worse for the more sexually attractive).My training has landed me in a position but they’ve never taken me seriously so now the organisation is going under….I tried….
      There’s a general idea that if someone is pretty they don’t have to develop their personalities, so people assume that all pretty people are shallow and selfish.
      And vain….Vain. That’s a big one. I was accused one time, many years ago. of being the type to choose to be seated in a restaurant, say, so I was facing a mirror and could look at myself! Nothing was further from the truth. In fact, I didn’t go into hairdressing because there were too many mirrors around. But yes, that’s what we cop. But yes, it is true. I exercise, take care of my skin, do my hair and makeup and dress well. If the result is beauty then that’s vain. If it’s an acceptable appearance then it is ‘pride in their appearance’ and ‘well presented’. But beautiful means vain…..And people who talk about beauty ‘on the inside’ have already, in a very ugly way, judged a person who happens to look good on the outside, without even knowing them.

      • lkofie

        AGREED….after what seems to be a compliment, what it boils down to later after a period of time from co-workers is “oh she spends all her paycheck on clothes and shoes…” or ” I guess your husband is use to you spending your money on designer clothes and shoes….does he get upset?” Other comments include “oh this is all my hair….growing out of my scalp, and real to the root…”…you know…the downplay sometimes creep in too…ANYTHING NEGATIVE to “justify” your good looks. Yes the stereotypes apply too like I’m only with my husband because of what he “lets me” do and or buy for myself or “what I get him to buy me…” and what I anticipate from him…so much for TRUE LOVE. How surprised they are when they learn that I’m not superficial, dimwitted (only caring about clothes and have no intellect) or shallow…that I actually can and DO analyse a situation and can speak my mind without sounding illiterate. Humph. Overtime, I’ve just learned to laugh it off and/or ignore it because I personally know I don’t really take “looks” seriousl/don’t let people’s compliments get to my head….it’s just how I was born and I’ve even been through the awkward faze before too and well….yes, I do like being stylish so I refuse to “blend in” (like I use to try doing in my earlier career years in order to take away any attention that may be put on me for anything related to looks/style) and be true to MY style and just be me.

    • Mo

      i agree and this is what I face on a daily basis. I,m a model lol , with almost perfect measurements . On top of this I have a degree in business lol .What brought me to his site is that for a while I’ve been trying to figure out a situation with a man I’m totally in love with . He recently told me that the reason why he never wanted to date me was because he though I was too good and he rather dates a girls he does not really like , and there is nothing I can do about it because he does not realize that I face rejection more than any average chick including . he rejects me just like any guy…My beauty opened me amazing doors but also curses me in many ways because until then I still didn’t find someone who aren’t scared to be with me , I struggle to find a job and to find women my age to go out with . But I would not trade it for the world to fit in any mentally week society

      • Atlanta_Man

        When I was in High School, a girl I liked told me ‘I was too good for her’. That’s code for I’m not interested. Instead of worrying why this guy is not into you, take a look around.. I bet there are literally 100s of fellas that would fall over themselves to take you out.

    • fab

      You have just explained my life in this comment :). Its unbelievable! I cant stay friends with a girl for more than a month, men are either too scared and need to get drunk to approach me, or I only get approached by guys in relationships or married ones… I mean its crazy! They all see me as unapproachable or as a “trophy” girl, they don’t see me as a relationship material. As soon as I start a job, there is a mean crowd of women who are being just terrible. And I have a degree in business and finishing my master’s in marketing…so I am quite accomplished at a really young age.

    • tracy

      I know, I am 5 ft 8 inches and a size 4. I barely exercise, naturally thin with long curly hair, I know

  • MAGGIE

    I know I said I wouldnt post on here again, but hey it is a womans perogative to change her mind.
    I have given up waiting for someone to ask me out, Im getting on with my life now. Even joined a chat room, you would be amazed at the number of men out there who will chat with you. I wanted a real man to ask me out but it aint going to happen is it.

  • AnotherBeautifulWoman

    I got so desperate I started asking men out in real life. After the first ask I go back to conventional gender roles. I landed three dates with one guy who seemed nice (but slightly awkward) and he told me point blank he felt more comfortable around plain girls. Umm. Wow!

    Any advice for meeting non alphas? Someone earlier mentioned Europeans. I’ll try that. Maggie is trying chat rooms. I’ve done online dating but I’m looking for real world options. Thoughts?

    • Bubbles

      You may have tried this already but I’ll suggest it because it seems to work in situations when you see the person regularly. Dress down sometimes….and wear glasses sometimes, and join groups or classes doing things you are interested in.
      I am interested in someone I work with. I find I get less attention from him on days I am dressed up to go out after work than on, say, a casual Friday when I sometimes wear no makeup. I pull my hair back. I’m covered up but maybe in fitted jeans or something, so not totally unattractive.
      The added benefit of this is that when you do doll up they get some eye candy and also have gotten to know you other than as a ‘glamour’. Though you still might be stunning without the help of makeup, wearing very little seems less contrived and more down to earth. More approachable, maybe?

    • Eugen

      This is how you comfort a beta you like::

      Just smile and keep it light, then steer the discussion towards their passion, hobby or ask him for help with something he is good at. Allow him to feel needed, praise him (don’t be scared to lay the praise a bit thick, it’s ok as long it’s done from the heart).

      After he helped you suggest a drink then start an innocent discussion on what you both like to do for fun.

      I have to warn you, you are in danger of making a friend for life if you do what I said. :)

  • AnotherBeautifulWoman

    Thanks Bubbles. I realized the dress down approach a year or two ago. I only wear lipstick or gloss. No makeup. I’m 5’10 so it’s hard for me to not stand out even in flats.

    I started taking classes and going to indy films and discussions and things like that but I only meet women who don’t seem to want to be friends.

    I kinda think guys are online trying to meet women or at sports bars watching tv. So when the Olympics start I was gonna hit up sports bars. Some euro ones and some regular ones wearing super casual clothes and just gloss.

    Any more ideas for me?

  • AnotherBeautifulWoman

    Ugh. Glasses! I haven’t worn those since high school but I’ll try anything!

  • AnotherBeautifulWoman

    Thanks, Eugen! I did all that which is how I got three dates with that dude. On the second date he told me about plain Janes but he worked up the courage to give me a kiss so I thought we were making progress. Third date zoo. Nice and light. Dressed down. Lots of ego stroking. And that was the last of him!

    I guess you’re telling me to keep at it. I’ve gotten really discouraged…

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      Hi ABW I haven’t commented back in this thread for some time and it is amazing how many people have agreed on this very topic. I read your situation and felt it necessary to point you to some articles on this site that have spoken to women in your position. You don’t have to dress down to get a good guy, you just have to be cognitive of who we are and a little bit of trial and error.

      Sadly it isn’t as easy as go out, date a few times and find someone great as you have found. It will take a few things that many women neglect to do:

      1. Date multiple guys simultaneously until one stands apart as a keeper.
      2. Realize that you are the woman, you are the prize so be yourself while managing to actually listen and feel the guy out.
      3. STAY POSITIVE! When I was dating hardcore I could smell a bitter woman a mile away. Positive, beautiful women make good men go the extra mile to keep you around.
      4. Don’t give up after a few dates.

      One recurring theme seems to be “where” to find good guys. The answer will always be “regular places”, the thing that many women need to actually work on is learning how to flirt. Men aren’t intimidated by a flirtatious beauty, they are intimidated by a shy, serious beauty because it can come off as a cold shoulder. This article explains more: http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/9599/making-us-respect-you-as-a-beautiful-woman.html

      Women don’t have to do much for us to get the hint – as I’ve described here: http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/7588/the-subtle-things-she-does-that-we-find-sexy.html

      And the worst thing you can ask from a man when you’re lonely and looking for love is pity – explained here:
      http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/6013/why-men-never-pity-lonely-women.html

      You seem like a sweetheart and the last thing you ought to be doing is throwing a cloak over your beauty in order to get an insecure loser. There are smart, well-meaning, men’s men out here who aren’t douchebags and are looking for a woman like you. They just need to know you are in existence.

      Good luck, but consider the big picture. There is no single solitary answer in hooking up, it takes chemistry, the right people and knowledge of this game that we play to find one another.

    • Eugen

      Well, you didn’t find the right man then. :) Luckily there are at least 5 betas to every alpha and at least 2 of those 5 are solid good men so your dating pool is three times as large as before when you only sat and waited for the alphas to come to you. And the funny thing is, the accomplished beta is the true value of this world, the one that will make a great family, not the alpha. The alpha is just the guy that’s good at reaping the benefits.

      There’s an important point I forgot to talk about: Give 100% but demand at least 75% from him. If you don’t receive your 75% then ASK FOR IT.

      You have nothing to lose and you WILL NOT put off a good man if you ask for your 75%, actually the typical beta will try to give you 200% (that’s another problem right there) and the typical alpha will try to give you as little as possible.

      But there’s no rule that says a beta can’t be an asshole. In fact some betas will try to play the asshole (badly) because they are afraid to be vulnerable. Some betas will try for sex and not a relationship because even if they like you, they view you as too much work and too much competition – that’s why they’re betas, they don’t like to fight other men. :)

      And another thing, don’t pressure him – it doesn’t matter if a man is an alpha (and you pressure him for commitment) or a beta (and you pressure him for sex, closeness and to “open up” and be comfortable) – all men hate pressure because we can’t fall in love with a woman who pressures us to do anything. Just like you hate pressure when a guy declares he loves and wants sex the instant he sees you but you’re not sure he knows your whole name yet. Don’t be a mirror image of that guy. :)

      As to dates:

      I advise against dressing down because it will make you self conscious and you will have less fun on the date, and when you don’t have fun the guy will see that – don’t kid yourself you’re not that good an actress and acting like you have a great time is so NOT the point. :) Just don’t dress up.

      I advise against laying the praise so thick it becomes “lots of ego stroking” thus insincere, there’s no need for that – men are the worst critics of themselves, they will know you’re just doing it without believing it and and start doubting themselves or you.

      No, remember, you’re already beautiful, what you need is to let you inner girl come out. :) The girl that wants to be good, to connect, to have fun but she’s not afraid to speak up.

    • Eugen

      Also, listen to Greg, his advice is more practical than mine. :)

  • MAGGIE

    Eugen
    You know someone said a wise statement to me many years ago……
    “Dont sacrifice your self respect for the sake of being looked after” Its one of the wisest things I have ever been told and it has held me in good stead all my life
    I do not want to have to ask a man out. I am quite capable of looking after myself – I have been alone except for my grown children for a very long time and I am prepared to wait until I find a proper man, if there are none left then so be it. I know what I want to do in the future and I will do it even if I have to do it alone because I never feel lonely because I have myself and I am now looking forward to the future. I have had a bit of a crisis recently because I realise I have retired and I dont have to survive any longer. Now I can truly live the life I want and I feel so lucky to be me.
    I would have no respect for a man who I had to ask out, I guess I am old fashioned but that is who I am.
    I will compromise on a lot but not on that – this world is just too hard for me I guess.

    • McThick

      Maggie,
      I can understand your point here. But, if you want to base things on traditional gender roles, then you have to be willing to fall into the proper female role. You want to be the pursued, and that is fine. But that means you have to do your part and attract attention. Furthermore, if you are going to require a ‘proper man’, please be prepared to act as a ‘proper woman’ or you will be disappointed. The yang to his yin. It is a two-way street.

      @lisa92/abeautifulwoman,
      I am a hater. I’ve been a hater my whole life. I like to complain and I always find the negative. I admit this and I own it. So when I tell you this, please take it as a comment from someone who knows what he’s talking about. Please stop with the whining. You are not adding to the discussion, you’re just ranting the same things over and over again. We get it, trust me, everyone knows where you stand on this issue. Whether or not someone agrees with you or not is irrelevant. Just post something different that adds to the conversation.

      Also, as a man, I can tell you that nothing is a bigger turn-off than a morose beauty in the corner wailing about her lot in life. Is that fair? Probably not, but it is the truth.

    • Eugen

      Most women will think like that and it’s right for them, other women can ask out a man and it’s right for them too.

      There’s absolutely nothing I see wrong in what you said, except the lament at the end … I couldn’t resist. :)

  • MAGGIE

    On reflection, I will compromise on what I said.
    I met a lovely man standing at the bus stop in the recent past he had a speech impediment and I felf his pain so much. I had a stammer in the past and I really wanted to help him overcome it, but he was gone in a flash and I havent seen him since. Now that man would be worth my asking out. If he started to ask me and got stuck on words i would finish the question for him if he couldnt ask me himself. I know how much courage it must have taken to speak to me even thoughj I was open and friendly. People dont realise what hell he must have gone through but I do, now HE was a real man and I would have really liked to have met him again. I suppose if it is meant it willl happen oneday.

  • MAGGIE

    Eugen
    I’ve been thinking on your statement that “he isnt the right man for me then”
    That man had courage and was not afraid to show who he really is to the world and I respect that SO much it is quite rare. I too have had to have courage in my life that is why I need someone who has courage, I cant help that and I wont apologise for it.
    He is the only man I would like to go out with and BECAUSE of his courage I would be willing to help him to ask me out – if it came to that I would ask him out even though it goes against what I said earlier.
    But as I said I may never meet him again but I really hope I do
    You see whether I am good looking or not I am not superficial at all.
    Im not interested in money or designer clothes etc, I dont have much money. But I would like to see him again whatever his circumstances are – as long as he is not married or seeing someone of course.
    What will be will be

    • Eugen

      I was speaking to ABW and her 3 date guy Maggie. As I understand it her guy cut contact and when that happens it really doesn’t matter why or whose fault is it, what matters is the action.

      Anyway, the way I see it older women make the mistake of stopping and not trying anymore, that is exactly the opposite of what they should be doing. When anything gets harder (and dating for women over 30 and with kids IS harder) you should double your efforts not give up.

      I was watching Longmire (the TV show) and there’s an older woman that pursues the hell out of the sheriff but I don’t get the feeling she’s trying too hard, she just knows she likes him and she’s determined to pursue him to the best of her ability.

      it’s funny because it goes against “men should be the pursurers” mindset but at the same time it’s flattering and she gets a date with him after a few tries. When they meet it’s so funny what she does … if you watch it you’ll see.

  • AnotherBeautifulWoman

    Thanks Dragon and Eugen.

    I’m glad to hear I should keep on flirting. The two girlfriends I hang out with give me a hard time about all the flirting I do because they do not flirt. It’s good to hear from a man that mild flirting/smiling/striking up conversation isn’t scaring anybody off. Aside from the plain Jane guy, the flirting got me a date w/ another person who couldn’t keep his hands off me. Needless to say we had no more dates. So flirting got me a groper and a shy guy. I’ll keep at it and see what I get next.

    Dragon’s Points 1 and 4 are things I can work on once I get a date or two. In it to win it! ;)

  • MAGGIE

    Eugen
    Perhaps there is hope for me!!!
    I know it may sound odd but I have just met 2 men where I walk my dog and both looked back at me and I did the same.
    I never realised that men look back at me
    I feel I am on a grand adventure now
    I never give up – I am the eternal optimist and a bit scatty, always forgetting things etc, but I really like a good laugh!!

    • Eugen

      I’ve never met anyone who hates a good laugh yet. :)

  • Nicole

    Hey everyone,

    I’m back! Lol I randomly chose some of your comments or fights to read and I’m a little freer today to join in! :D

    I read a lot of what abeautifulwoman posted but I really have to disagree. For everywhere I go, I get treated nicely by most of the men and a lot of times, women too, if they are sophisticated and nice. For the men, they almost always give me something nice, be it at the restaurants, grocery stores, post offices, coffee shops, libraries, cafeterias, clubs/bars and so on. But it is not just me; I see that all my hot girlfriends get similar treatments. Salesmen are more prone to come and offer help; bartenders/men are more likely to buy us drinks; doormen would let us in without waiting; many men would just talk to us randomly. However, I’m a very friendly person and I treat people with kindness and I always have a big-O smile on my face unless I’m in a guarded mood like at night or at a club. I know that being attractive grants women a lot of free stuff, great things and or advances in life. But I think besides being pretty on the outside, my personality is also a factor on why men like me.

    However, I do see some negative by-products that come with the beauty. @Mcthick is right. It is a little hard to find real girlfriends who truly care for you. Women are such jealous creatures, especially the hot ones. If they are so used to the attention and somehow, for any reason you get more attention than they do, then you’re dead. It could be simply you shoot so well in pool or you bowl like a champ and get all the great comments or exclamations from the guys around then they would get jealous. And when women are jealous, they become very catty and CRAZY! They say horrible things to put you down and they are good at it. There are many women who would mistreat each other just because of the jealousy. But I must emphasize that there are also a lot of nice women out there whom would be kind to you no matters how good or bad you look. There are real friends and real people out there who would love you for whom you are without judging you.

    Continue on the next..

  • Nicole

    Post 2:

    Men, of course, want sex. A lot of men don’t want to commit but it’s not because the partner is a goddess or unattractive but simply that they want to stick it everywhere until they are ready. There are just tons of options out there that relationships are not taken seriously and sex is disposable. One thing in life is to not take anything personally. I feel that some men could also be insecure when their partners are “too beautiful.” It takes strong men to be with women who look like goddesses, smart, and with great personalities. But that doesn’t mean they would mistreat someone JUST BECAUSE she is beautiful unless the men are sick in the heads.

    I also understand when men say that I’m intimidating or any hot girls for that matter. Let say I go to the pool and meet a group of guys but one guy is really hot while one guy is average looking but very friendly and easy to talk to, then I usually prefer talking to the average looking one and I would end up having so much fun and feel at ease. It’s not that I don’t want to talk to the hot one, but it is more stressful because I’d care about how I appear in front of him. I also wouldn’t want to act desperately toward the hot one because I’m afraid to be judged negatively. But I don’t get all these mental struggles when I talk to the average looking one. Then I understand why men would say that I’m intimidating until they get to know me or have the gut to have a conversation with me and find out that I’m very kind and friendly. You have to be approachable so that men are not afraid of rejections.

    What important is we have to have positive outlook in life. My experience told me that although haters are everywhere, there are tons of amazing people out there. I really cannot understand why people would mistreat a woman JUST BECAUSE she is beautiful. I’m not trying to accuse you but it does take two to tango. Perhaps you get so accustomed to it that you think everyone comes to you is trying to be mean to you. It is very hard to have one day I’d go out and have a person just be mean to me. *knock on wood* I am not trying to brag but it just doesn’t make sense.

    Continue on the next…

  • Nicole

    Post 3 (Last post I promise lol):

    Can you try to imagine, ABeautifulWoman, nobody knows you here or knows how beautiful you look, but a few of us have come to disagree with you. We do not know each other except for this web page connection. But because you are whining then a few people have grown tired of it and thrown negativities/mean attitudes toward you. But really, is it because you are beautiful that they threw these negative comments to you, or is it really that your attitude could be too much for some people? I’m sure if it shows so much with your words, it could only be more intense in real life situations that people could definitely sense your negative attitudes. I remember posting here a while back you can see up there. The only responses I got were all friendly. And in fact, most women posted and claimed that they were beautiful and they probably are. But we don’t bash on each other because of how beautiful others are. I’m not saying you don’t have the right to rant or whatever, but when something doesn’t go well, it could be the world, but it could also be you and it could even be a combination of both. I’m sure there have been some losers in your life, but there could also be times that it is you. Changing your attitude would really make a big difference. It is really important to try to reflect on yourself without only blaming on others.

    Thanks for reading everyone. Have a great weekend on and off the internet!
    Xoxo
    Nicole

    • Ann

      @ Nicole: You are spot on Nicole! Have a great weekend too!:)

  • MAGGIE

    Eugene
    I want to thank you for helping me grow emotionally. I have realised that I have spent so much time surviving in this world that I forgot to grow on an emotional level. I now know that the world has moved on. If a man did me a favour then I would probably offer to buy him a drink sometime just as friends because that feels the right thing to do. I mean how on earth can I expect someone to be the one for me. I dont even know what I want myself. It would be great to have a proper friend – someone to have fun with.
    I dont agree with your earlier statement about beggars on the street – but we are all entitled to our own opinions arent we.
    Thankyou for being the catalyst for me.

    • Eugen

      You’re welcome Maggie. :)

      Even I sometimes make an exception when I see an old woman begging.

  • Pingback: Making Us Respect You As a Beautiful Woman « From Ashy to Classy()

  • abeautifulwoman

    before being sidetracked with nicole’s stupidity….i came here to further describe what the life of some beautiful women aer like….everyone thinks…oh she can get whoever she wants…i cant hge ta boyfrend…cant meet a normal nice guy,..men do NOT ask me out or are receptive to me…men jkust make fun of me or put me down…I have felt like im living in a parallel universe for YEARS….males treat me in the lowest form possible…anyway they can degrade me or treat me horribly they will…they treat me lower than other women…most men use me to control/abuse nothing else…
    i have “NEVER” had a boyfriend…men torture me for fun…im a VIRGIN i can’t get sex… im super down to earth cool nice.. i accept almost EVERYONE…im very open and nice but men HATE me and treat me like a geeky younger sister they can make fun of… I look like a playboy model but even playboy rejected me the day after i sent them my pictures stating im really beautiful but ‘there’s a lot of competition out there’… however oddly i cant meet a guy..this seems surreal to me…im kind monogamous amazing cool friendly im not contrlling im passive/nice…. i look like any guy’s dream girl basically…fantasy girl but men just reject/degrade me…nothing else….you can only imagine what it feels like to be a woman who is only tortured and rejected by men…you dont feel like a woman…you start to feel like a butch male or something….it shocks and confuses me that no MAN has really been interested in me ever and i look like a goddess and am sweet kind innocent….currently there is a crazy old man obsesssed with torturing me…he never had sex with me in five years and used me to degrade/terrorize… he claimed i was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen…but just enjoys sadistically tormenting me…he is a cruel cold sociopath but will pamper and please other models and women yet tortures ME… because im ‘kind quiet soeft spoken”…. if you are ebautiful and kind….men will torture you and take advatnage of you…this psychopath uses me to cruelly degrade abuse terrorize in horrific ways….his only goal is to torture me and recently he insisted i was his submissive though i keep telling him to leave me alone…this is the life of SOME beautiful women….no sex no boyfriend no life degradation torture….and oddly enough i can’t even get a boyfriend…men and women BOTH hate me…despite me being super nice and sweet….its a horrid thing to have to live through

  • abeautifulwoman

    for being beautiful i have NEVER GOTTEN ANYTHING in fact i have only suffered and gotten abused to extremes….i cant get a boyfriend??? to me this is very crazy…all men do is attempt to USE me for sex like a one night stand…and use me cruelly….men will ONLY be cruel to me…even weeks ago a male REFUSED to give me oral sex…this male was 55 years old…and yes some kind of a psychopath apparently but i didn’t know…he used it all as some kind of a powertrip…and once he also knew he wasnt going to get sex he refused to give me oral and i think he cwould have anyway…i stil find this too crazy…too odd…here i was this beautiful hot sexy young girl…asking this ‘older male’ to do this to me and he refuses …but this has happened to me before….i still find it crazy and men will reject me sexually despite being so turned on…they aer breathing so heavy they cant control tehsemlves…men ENJOY rejecting and degrading me…men are JEALOUS of me an dthough i live this it still SHOCKS me…that msot males who i end up wanting to do sexual things with will REFUSE OR REJECT ME….i see other pretty girls and they normally are dating some cute guy….me…its as if men make sure to give me NO power and just torture m for fun just because im pretty…again why me? i look like this cute pretty girl next door..it makes no sense..why men enjoy doing this to me….i still find my experiences kind of etxtreme and rare but maybe they happen to other women too…but i used to think that a beautiful woman a hot sexual girl wasa man’s fantasy but apparently it isn’t.. co trontol abuse and degrade a beautiful womanseems tbe most males fantasies out there…it is scary sick disturbing….very traumatic too….i am NEVER datign a cute guy– cute guys RUN away from me….again im not sure why men have no sexual interest or interest in a really pretty girl….but apparently they do…this is all crazy to me even thuogh again it’s my life…but it’s still this surreal sick nightmare….men cater to other women but abuse reject degrade insult me….this is ALL men do to me….to me its just a surreal non-existent reality because there is no way all this is happening yet it is….and being the victim or person in it…i have NO clue what to do anymore….i realize i can’t meet a guy until i get really old and ugly and weird…also im this super sweet passive girl….dont men want sweet kind gorgeous hot swomen?? no i guses they wantthe crazy b*tchy mean ones wh

  • Ann

    @ abeautifulwoman: I personally think you are making this site very ugly with your nasty words and behaviour. You are attacking others viciously in order to protect your point of view. If you think that you are sweet and kind, then so be it. You can continue to believe that about yourself and live in your own fantasy world. But you did not have be so nasty, uncultured and horrible to Nicole. She was just stating her opinion. I request Greg to intervene and sort this out.

    • ahotwoman

      ann what youre saying is SO untrue….youre despicable just like nicole…you two along with mcthick are just bullies and not good people at all….but intelligent people are not here to argue with jerks like you..nicole is the one who insulted me many times and is putting ME down along with my experiences…she is the negative one along with trash like you….and you deserve to be called trash because in reality you are being bullies just to make yourselves feel better and superior..i hnate to break reality to you you low life but you are inferior and pathetic….you nicole AND mcidiot….mcidiot is a negative cretin here to put pretty women down or women giving their experiences and take advantage of vulnerable people and you’re no different…i would say shame on you but you have no shame….youre borderline psychopath so there is no hope for crap like you..i can only say get a life and stop using the internet to bash people who are having problems and pouring their heart out on here…you are heartless and pathetic….and for low lifes like you there IS no hope really….

  • McThick

    @Nicole and Ann.
    You guys are both exactly right! This is exactly the message I have been trying to convey to lisa92/abeautifulwoman since the beginning of this thread. But, as entitled as she is, she refuses to see the logic of honey vs vinegar.

  • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

    Hello Ladies and Gentlemen; this has been a very good topic of discussion and I appreciate everyone’s willingness to share advice, stories and opinions.

    While my view on moderation is very lax compared to many other sites there are 2 places where I draw the line: when you attack an author’s writing style and when you personally attack a fellow denizen. We’re all here to share, learn and improve right? So let’s keep it above the belt.

    I’ve removed a few comments that were beyond mean-spirited and didn’t add to the conversation (in my opinion) and will be doing so a bit more meticulously from now on. I am still blown away with the popularity of this topic and it makes me wonder why it remains such a hushed topic in society.

    Please feel at ease to comment within this Hall in any way you wish (with the exception of the attacks on authors and guests). I appreciate your readership and contributions more than you know. Thank you.

  • Nicole

    @Mcthick and @Ann,

    Thank you for agreeing with me! But I’ll just shut up due to the inability to reconcile. Hopefully no one is hurt just because of some silly, internet encounters/comments which should NOT be taken personally.

    And thank you Greg for moderating this. Hope your blog grows fast and big! <3

    Have a wonderful weekend!

    Nicole

  • ahotwoman

    Hi Greg…its good youre monitoring your website or article but there are meany mean spirited women here who are putting down those who are vulnerable and good people who are only here to comment and give their opinions…people like nicole, ann and mcthick are very negative people who have formed a group of moronic bullies who have nothing better to do than pick on people online…these are the people you should be monitoring and doing something about… please do somjething about them and their negative comments which are there to hurt others and try to put other people down or make them feel bad…this shouldnt be tolerated or allowed….on a forum where people are upset or having difficult situations

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com Greg Dragon

      Hi ahotwoman, I know this discussion has heated up past the point of boiling and you are clearly upset. I wrote an article to address most of the concerns here and hopefully provide some answers to the questions of attraction and asserting yourself against bullies as a beautiful woman. You can read it here:
      http://halloftheblackdragon.com/reel/9599/making-us-respect-you-as-a-beautiful-woman.html

      I may have to lock the thread since it has moved to such a negative place and really you all should uplift one another as opposed to fighting. Please try to ignore anything stated towards you and continue to comment whenever you feel like it.

      I am not here to stifle anyone with moderation but I just ask that you all respect one another. This thread has yielded some very good stories and I hope in continues in that vein. Just no name-calling and if you feel like you’re being trolled, just ignore it and keep on doing you. Thanks.

      • Ann

        Well said Greg. I also feel this discussion is moving in a very negative direction.

        And to hot woman: I did not mean to upset you and neither do I have the time or inclination to bash or trash you. I did not think it fair that you were being so horrible to Nicole/Mcthick so I just expressed my view. I am sorry if it has offended you so much. I will stop this discussion right here since like Greg said, we should try to uplift each other instead of bashing each other up. You may live your life as you wish and I will do the same. Have a good day.

  • Jojo

    This article resonated with me, as I have suspected that my attractiveness had a lot to do with some backstabbing, gossip, and unfortunate past history with men.

    I had a guy tell me that it would be impossible to match me because I was “beautiful”, and guys would assume something was wrong with me if I was single.
    And then there are guys on the street who have said since I was 18, “why are you single, there must be something wrong with you!”

    So its true that a blessing such as beauty can bring some unfortunate things. But after spending a few years depressed about it, I realized I was really just focusing on the negative things in my life in GENERAL, and that my negative thinking was really the problem, and not my looks.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Kimbrough/100000445008061 Andrew Kimbrough

      As a male who has average at best looks, this is how I feel when I see a “beautiful” woman, which by most women’s standards, is not that high. I’m also on pace for nothing better than an entry-level job so I don’t have thousands of dollars in cash to just burn away at will.

      For the most part, I don’t have anything to offer that she can’t get from a better-looking, more wealthy male.

      Depressing? Perhaps but until I can get myself back in college, that is all I can offer funding-wise. As for looks, well, that needs money, unlike what others around me have said.

      However, I’m a man looking for a single woman to commit to. I don’t need the club life and, at the age of 26, I have yet to step into a club. Once I find her and is willing to take it to the next level, I will have no reason to leave her outside of her losing her sanity.

      Unfortunately, it seems that I have to meet the demands of money and looks first before I can go any further relationship-wise so that is what I’m focusing on the most right now.

      • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

        Hey Andrew, don’t look at it in such a daunting way – people as a whole are full of crap and women, love, and the games we play are 100% dynamic. What i’m about to tell you is something that isn’t said enough in these conversations and I hope you take me seriously.

        While looks for a woman typically correlates with money, power, and penis size with a man (just being honest) there are many outliers who don’t subscribe to this rule. I know this because as a broke, skinny, scruffy bastard in college my sweetheart ended up being one of the most beautiful (in my opinion) women on campus. How did I get her? We both shared a common interest and I was a stand-up guy.

        Sometimes you just have to be a breath of fresh air to a woman to beat out all of the would-be moguls, pretty boys and sexual dynamos. The most a man can do even with “average looks at best” is to focus on you and yours and aggressively pursue the women that you do like.

        I won’t lie it isn’t easy of beautiful women are what you’re after, but once you get confident and seriously begin to not give too much of a damn what society says you should have in order to get a woman your success will increase. Keep your head up.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Kimbrough/100000445008061 Andrew Kimbrough

        I’m keeping my head up.

        Unfortunately, I don’t have anything positive to add since I graduated from high school more than 8 years ago.

        I’m still trying but I gotten to the point where all I can find is constant failure.

      • LatteLady

        I’ve had many failures career wise Andrew – but it’s important to be kind to yourself, look at what you learned from them & recognise what is and truly isn’t yours to take responsibility for.

      • Pretty girl

        No, there’s tons of beautiful women that care more about personality, I promise. Lots of women just want to feel cherished and appreciated, emotionally secure. You can find her.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Kimbrough/100000445008061 Andrew Kimbrough

        I wish I can find that but if she exists among my income level, I hasn’t found her yet.

      • LatteLady

        Andrew please forget about income! As long as you’re both earning and the lower earner out of the two of you isn’t insecure about earning less, it matters ultimately & mostly how you support each other emotionally.

      • Liz

        This is sad to read but I hope it’s some encouragement that I don’t gravitate to super good looking men or men who can provide well financially (I assume that is MY responsibility & not fair on him!). We exist the women who don’t just go for superficial things. I’ve found out in the past that some men have assumed that’s all I’ve wanted & then they cheated on me and offered to keep me if they can sleep around!!! They were shocked to find I dumped them because they assumed their good looks & money would keep me. I’d rather be alone than put up with a jerk who assumed I’m a gold-digger. I hope you find someone special soon and don’t try to do things to be a more attractive proposition. Do what makes you happy professionally not what makes the most money then seek a woman who cares about you not your bank account.

      • Andrew

        I do appreciate your comment, Liz. I really do.

        Unfortunately, I can’t tell which women is like you in thinking because they are the kind of woman I prefer approaching. When it all comes down to it, I can’t read women’s minds and, like other “players” has told me, it is a numbers game so I have to keep asking out each woman I find and hope that one of them who has any interest in me is just like you, Liz.

        However, that, itself, is a problem because if I’m asking out 15-20 women a day, apparently that makes me desperate to any woman that sees this. That doesn’t increase my chances. In fact, it hurts them especially when learning, the hard way, how easy it is for word to go around among women when it comes to gossip.

        Like, for example, how I loaned to one woman $60 and apparently every female that works in the department I am at all knows despite I only directly told one male who only works weekends there.

        That’s scary. It makes me wonder what else all of the women there know as well after finding this out.

        So it is a double-standard where I have to fight odds and hope I will “win” out before getting ousted. I can see why this is depressing to less-confident males and why they rather opt out of it instead.

      • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

        Hey Andrew, though I think you are being a little facetious in your statement, I wanted to clarify for anyone reading what we mean when we give this sort of advice:

        “it is a numbers game so I have to keep asking out each woman I find and hope that one of them who has any interest in me is just like you,”

        It doesn’t mean for you to approach women within the same vicinity, around the same general time, and who may or may not know one another. When you see a woman you like, and I am saying this based on looks – you can approach her, see if you can get some convo going and if she blows you off then that’s part of the game.

        Players tell you to move on, but they don’t mean move on to the “other” cutie that works with her, is standing next to her, or is in her clique. Move on with your life then on another day when you see a cute girl, do it all over again. The numbers game the way you describe it only works in Night Clubs and bars… it’s a fast environment so chances are if you pounce on 20 beauties 2 or 3 will be willing to talk. For love and relationships there has to be timing, genuine attraction and most times the conversation comes first before the looks even factor… this is why down-to-earth cute girls get more chances than the beauties.

        Like your $60 example women and men love to talk and share info about other people, so being a buzzsaw and kicking game to every woman within your reach is probably one of the worst things you can do. Thirstiness is never sexy, confidence is.

  • Jojo

    I used to search out articles like this and still do sometimes, because I felt life was “unfair” for me as an attractive woman. Even though I’m trying to change, sometimes I get negative about being attractive. Yes there are downsides to beauty just like there are downsides to everything, but to focus on it to the degree that I used to and that many posters here do is self-inflicted torture.
    There are worse things in life.

    Personally, for myself i am working on my inner beauty. I’m trying to build character, patience, esteem, a relationship with God, confidence, kindness, connectedness, emotional stability and so on. I still stumble and get whiny and complain about life sometimes, but I’m ready for to go deeper and take responsibility for myself and where I want to go.
    i can’t tell other women what to do, but i know i can’t continue to be a whiny, self-centered person who places too much value on her appearance and who has a negative outlook about something that is just a blessing from God. That is like complaining about having been born with two legs instead of one or three.

    • Sierra

      This sounds like the story of my life! All the ugly ones get the sympathy. and inclusion.

      • http://www.facebook.com/cynthia.d.anderson.96 Cynthia Dortch Anderson

        And you’d better not say one word about their ugly asses, even though they have done HORRIBLE things to you in the past. Deliberately.

    • Gre

      When you can’t keep a job and can’t explain why because you are really good at what you do, you start to wonder. When beauty gets in the way on a daily basis it’s hard to ignore. And the funny, twisted thing about it is people say that beautiful women are so into themselves but actually it’s people who are studying them. It’s hard when you walk down the street and people are obviously pretending not to see you or negatively rating you as you pass by in order to make you feel less than them.
      A positive attitude goes a long way but pretending that this interaction does not exist is not good. You have to acknowledge it to combat it.

      • Liz

        I have to agree with you. You can ignore it to a point and I certainly don’t let it consume me, but constant negative attention is very wearing & when you can’t pay your bills because some insecure woman is driven to sabotaging your every effort because she can’t cope with her own jealous feelings towards you about how you look & not having any professional faults, is not healthy to ignore. I’ve lost several jobs and the devastation of these really affected me because the women did it in such an underhand way. I fought them all the way but the stress takes a toll on your health in the end & if you do manage to hang on to your job, you may be bullied/humiliated on a daily basis. That’s not a way to live, constantly watching your back. Self-employed was the only answer left for me to finally get free of the nasty comments, being ostracised & bullied.

  • Anonymous 7-8

    I wonder if maybe learning how to do subtle (or not so subtle, but very realistic-looking) face-altering makeup like Mrs. Doubtfire would help many of you folks?

    Add some fake asymmetry, fake acne and other problems, and maybe that will help y’all avoid a lot of unwanted attention and hate when going out.

    I’ve never tried that, my face is only 7 out of 10 to begin with (and my figure is 8 out of 10, would be better with exercise), but if I had a more perfect-looking face I’d definitely consider it, since I’ve gotten enough crap from jealous haters as it is, even at my level of looks. But a fatsuit alone might work well enough for me.

    Good luck to y’all, I really sympathize. I hope you all are cashing in on your good looks and getting rich, instead of remaining at normal jobs surrounded by jealous haters.

    And maybe moving someplace where there are a lot more attractive women in general (Hollywood?) would help.

    • Sierra

      I agree 100 percent!

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  • Absolutely The Truth

    these are certainly the type of women that turn me off, because they think that they are all that. they are certainly the ones that have the ATTITUDE PROBLEM today. it is just too bad that the women can’t be like they were years ago, when they accepted their men for who they were and were very committed to them too. this is why us good straight men can’t seem to meet a good woman now, and many of the women are now into other women making it much more difficult.

    • Gogo_girl

      =.= riggggght, Call me crazy but I’m pretty sure if PRECIOUS walked down the street and tried to date you….you wouldn’t just accept her right off the bat because she had a great personality and intelligence and is a woman. And also back in the day when women did accept men for who they were most of them were cheating on, lied too, or were divorced for a younger prettier women (well actually that still happens today)

      I don’t understand why you don’t want women to have a choice in who they want to be there mates. If you were a attractive women being chased by every man woman and child. You’d understand why a girl just can’t take whoever strolls by.

      • Absolutely The Truth

        i will just be very happy to find a good down to earth woman that can ACCEPT me for who i am, since most of the women these days want a man with a very large BANK ACCOUNT. by the way, i was married at one time before she cheated on me which i was a very caring and loving husband. i don’t have to put on a show for the women that are out there today, since i know how to be MYSELF.

      • Gre

        Honestly, I think you misunderstood this article. And what you said shows that you agree. You are the type of man looking for an ordinary looking girl with style. And you choose to negatively stereotype the type of woman you don’t feel you measure up to.

  • http://www.facebook.com/katy.daly.940 Katy Daly

    I finally realize that being beautiful really is difficult in some ways. Not only do I have a perfectly chiseled petite face, great hair, I’m also a size 0, with DDD chest size. Boy is that a blessing and a curse!!!
    I guess I knew I was beautiful all my life but I’ve taken it for granted. I usually try to dress down, wear my hair in a bun, put some oil on it to make it look greasy – baggy clothes – so I blend into the crowd.
    I’ve been sabatoged and fired at my recent job by a new female 50 year old manager. I used to get very angry and annoyed with people who have been mean to me, but I’ve come to terms with my beauty now.
    I tell myself that 99% of women out there will never look like me, so I have to be compassionate towards them even they hate on me. I will try to be kind in response to whatever they do or say.
    Also, since 99.9999% of men can’t have me, since I can only marry 1 man – I will make an effort to be nicer to men who show any unwanted interest in me.
    Now if someone would just please hire me because I don’t want to be an actress!!! I have bills to pay.

  • joojoo

    A woman (or man) who gets a lot of attention for her looks can do things to ward off stigma–or at least not let other people lay their psychological burdens on her.

    Basically, if other people want to talk about your beauty, negatively or positively, let it be their problem and not yours. Like if a man in the subway wants to come up and talk to you, and you just feel like reading, then politely excuse yourself. You don’t owe the world shit for being pretty, so don’t let the subject waste your time except when your with people who appreciate the qualities that you love about yourself. Of course you love looking your best, as everyone deserves to do if they take the time to care for themselves, but you don’t have to give every single person who stops you about it your valuable time.

    Don’t let people write you off as having physical beauty be your main quality. if people value you for your beauty, then they’ll have power over you because its not a quality you get to control since when your sixty, no matter how good you look you still can’t compete with a twenty year old on sheer superficial beauty.

    When someone tells you you’re beautiful, unless they say it in a way that shows they see the true you, learn to see this comment as no different than someone saying “you have brown eyes”. you can still be polite and accept their complement, but you can conduct the conversation in a way that moves on to more interesting topics….

    at least thats one theory on how to avoid intellectual stagnation and avoid the boring idea that beautiful people can’t also be intelligent…also beauty is only partly physical and you can tell the dif between hot people who have let it become their identity and are vapid and boring, and hot people who’s hotness is amplified and sustained by a cultivated character.

    • http://twitter.com/illuuminnovaa mr.Kedi

      There is a difference between you use your physical beauty for your own advantage, and people who wish you are only “beautiful”. The first one is your own personal misconduct, but to be fair you cannot control how people choose to ignore your inner qualities.

    • LatteLady

      You can’t control other people and their opinions, only manage yourself and be yourself. People’s stigmas are their issues. If confident, beautiful women went round trying to manage stigmas, they’d get burn out from trying. What they think matters, but can’t be controlled – if someone wants to believe something negative about you, they will – it’s a waste of time trying to explain yourself to people who don’t want to change their view because its part of their low self-esteem strategy to cling to prejudices & stigmas to make themselves feel better. My job is to get on with my life, be myself, be happy, know that I am not harming anyone despite the false gossip to the contrary & not get dragged in to the drama but stay clear of it an let people take responsibility for their own thoughts, action and feelings not expect me to.

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  • Gogo_girl

    I myself don’t consider myself a looker, but girls have hated on me for the way I look. When I was a teen a guy in the club unprovoked said I was super cute and that’s when the girls began to eat me alive. Some older women I worked with tried to get me fire in only my first two days of work. (I did do my job/show up on time) And recently this girl that I used to work with would talk about how ugly she was and when I mentioned being a outcast socially, she rolled her eyes and said I was probably a part of the “popular” crowd and everything I would say she would twist it into something negative… She would also negatively talk about girls with attitudes saying that they were ” acting like pretty girls” :(

    • Liz

      I really empathise with you. I’ve nearly or actually lost my job due to other women’s sabotage tactics fuelled by insecurity. I’ve had no genuine female friends since high school. It is a lowly experience being considered very beautiful/attractive. Being confident seems to attract even more verbal assaults from both men & women who mistake confidence for vanity & megalomania. If only people would stop judging each other & get to know the real people they’re judging. People are rarely what we might assume about them. Confidence also does not mean we aren’t warm, caring people. Certain men in particular need to stop assuming we’re trying to be something we’re not. Grante there will r people like that – but not because they’re beautiful necessarily – it can apply to anyone regardless of how they attractive they are perceived to be.

  • Bella Princesa

    LOVE Giada…but honestly her head IS big lol..doesn’t make her less beautiful but its a truth

  • Pretty Girl

    I’ve been modeling since I turned 16 a few years ago. I’m young but I know that I’m very attractive and I don’t feel conceited about it or above anyone (I am confident though). I have black hair, blue eyes, good features.. a nice hip/waist ratio I guess.. It has it’s advantages, the attention is nice. But that’s all it is, stares and glares. I haven’t had a true female friend since 6th grade. I’m a bit shy but I’ve never turned down a friend.. The only female friend I’ve had I also modeled with, but she was not kindhearted and was always extremely conceited and it was hard to be around her sometimes (So I guess she meets the stereotype). My boyfriend is probably below average looking to most people and I don’t care, he fell in love with who I was then discovered how I looked far later, he is more a man to me than anyone in this world. We’ve been together 3 years so far and we are so happy. In a way it’s taught me to not be shallow.. maybe the opposite of what people think. To all the people who think being attractive is the “best thing ever” it’s really not.. Maybe if you’re a famous supermodel, sure. You’re usually hated by every woman, approached by the most shallow superficial douchebags, and judged in the most idiotic ways. You can probably marry a man with a lot of money though, pretty nice advantage in some people’s eyes… hell you can probably be hired just because you’re so gorgeous. Not marrying for true, real love is unappealing to me though.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cynthia.d.anderson.96 Cynthia Dortch Anderson

    I am so glad I found this article. I know it is going to sound vain, but I am a beautiful 40-year-old woman who is constantly hated on by friends. Every time I think I have a friend, she will invariably make a comment about my hair or my breasts or whatever. I know that I am pretty and will be the villian if I respond to even one of her horrible comments. We go out, and I am the lonely one. They all stand around and look and whisper, but no one has the stones to approach. I am so lonely, it’s awful. If I do meet a guy, he invariably tells me he doesn’t want to be my boyfriend and skips off into the wilderness with the infirm, elderly, and unattractive, leaving me to sit at home, yet again, feeling like a complete fool while this guys and the thing he chose over me. My feelings are hurt!

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      Is that a rifle or shotgun you’re packing in that avatar Cynthia? Who wouldn’t want to be with a beautiful, sweetheart who can pick up a gun when needed? I wish I could see some of these situations that we get comments on where guys pass beauties off for otherwise… it’s hard to imagine even though I know it is true.

      Beauty and the stigma that goes with it is very similar to financial success… the term “it’s lonely at the top” was coined for a reason and its because our society preaches that anything beyond normal or mediocre is odd, so you have to shun or distance yourself from it.

      Do you find yourself dating certain types, or shying away from certain people to avoid a stereotype, or maybe due to something that someone did from the past? It’s cliche to say you are dating the wrong guys but sometimes the issue is that you aren’t giving the right guy(s) a chance.

      Drop the 40 label (no matter how proud you are of your age) and acknowledge that you a re a beautiful woman period. One who wants and needs someone who can accept you as is. It may take you dropping some of the guards you put up to not appear a certain way, or the need to appease certain types in order to just become a woman who commands the attention you want.

    • LatteLady

      Being cut out of the social interaction is hurtful & can be a very lonely experience. I don’t hate these people back, but it is saddening and we have to be realistic about self-help & accept that we are social creatures all of us, so although I love solitude more than socialising, I would like female friends to matter to who I can trust won’t use me for a game eg pretending to be my friend, so that they can use what they learn to pull me down to other people behind my back – something that has happened with many of my frienemies. I’m a better judge of character now – gut instinct is a marvellous thing & I have found it is never wrong (it always proved right, when I ignored it – so I don’t ever ignore it anymore!) I’m helping me weed out the two-faced betrayed whose sole aim is to hurt me and injure my reputation, so they can try to make me look bad while making themselves look good. Reveal yourself slowly or not at all ie I’m careful who I trust now.

  • Temitope Olasoko

    yup, this is late but…i can agree with the article..mostly….i surely dont hate on other guys who have beautiful counterparts, although i will be jealous of them…the insecurity thing is true, for me too, just trying to avoid the zinging arrow of rejection haha….girls dont help seeing as the guy with status is usually the winner…so the average joe like me just looks down and writes poetry to her from a distance…not really though..ha..ha……

    • http://twitter.com/illuuminnovaa mr.Kedi

      the way I would see it is this: the beautiful women would say either yes or no, just like a average-looking woman. The probability of cheating on you/stealing your money/just hurting you, well, I wouldnt say that much of a difference between the good and average women either. So if the beautiful women happen to reject, take it just as an average-loking woman rejecting you.

  • tdiamond

    Stumbled upon this site while perusing the Internet to figure out why I am not asked out when so many say “wow, you are so beautiful, why are you single?”
    I have even gone so far as to have unflattering haircuts/styles.
    I’ll be back, occasionally, to read through the comments, to keep on trying to find ways to make friends andd have dates. I will also say, The road & stigma gets even tougher as one gets older and if one ages well.

  • Mark

    all i can say is, where are the good women like we had years ago that were REAL LADIES?

    • Liz

      They still exist! But if you believe the gossip, you’ll never find us!

      • Mark

        i am very tired of women that play hard to get, especially when they think they are all that since many of them think their beautiful and they are really such Losers anyway. this is the reason why many of us good men can’t meet a Decent Woman anymore theses days, and we’re not to blame here.

      • Ellie

        Maybe they’re not playing a game of “hard to get” but simply don’t like you.

      • Mark

        well if there were not so many very sad and pathetic women out there nowadays, maybe we would be able to meet a real decent one for a change. then again, many of you women must of had very bad experiences with the men that you were with at one time. just remember, not all of us men are bad by the way.

  • anongirl

    I would argue that not all women “hate” attractive women……I am inspired by attractive women to look my best. I also look them them for style cues.

    I think that women are generally a lot more picky than men when it comes to rating a woman’s looks, also everyone has different opinions on what is beautiful.

    Some women may just not find Giada De Laurentiis as attractive. I wouldn’t call her all that but ask me about Olivia Wilde or Megan Fox and I would definitely admit that they are gorgeous!

  • madison

    I’m so glad I saw this. I can’t even begin to fully explain how many of these scenarios have been my experience, and i’m probably not even as beautiful as many ladies out there. I thought when I ‘grew up’ and became a beautiful woman all the men I liked would be in love with me and treat me like something really special. The prettier I became the more trouble I ran into with men trying to control me by manipulating my self-esteem … or just not accepting in their minds that I was a good person, thinking I had to have various flaws or problems. I had almost no girlfriends throughout my twenties. It’s funny because now that i’m in my late thirties… I’m starting to seem more acceptable to people… especially when I appear stressed and overworked and… more ordinary : ). So… the less happy and confident and hopeful I feel… the more other people seem to like me. I think this feedback from other people can either promote the self-inflicted minimization of one’s beauty to fit in with society or the development of the ‘bitch’ attitude. Unless you have some truly remarkable people in your life… these options are hard to avoid. The right people will accept you for however ridiculous or great you can be. They will not hold you back. If you feel held back… change something – life is too short.

  • Rob

    to the beautiful women that think their beautiful, try being yourself for a change.

  • Angela

    I have to comment on this …. I am a confident attractive funny bubbly woman whos 36 iv been told i look in my late 20s .. I have always had long relationships and have always been cheated on due to the fact that I’m apparently to good to be true and surely I must be a cheat … Iv had my heart completely broken as iv given my heart truly …. And never once cheated if I’m in love I’m in love and only have eyes for my man …. But I’m very laid back and most men do not seem to like this as it apparently makes them feel I’m cheating ….. Again I find myself single :-(

  • Angela

    I also went through a stage when I was in my teens of having to dress down … And watching what clothes i put on also wearing no make up and having messy hair … Iv had my ass smacked in the street as iv walked past strange men and iv had long dresses on to the floor it just so happened I apparently had a bum like J lo … I tried not to stand out as it was more hastle than it was worth .

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Grahame-Turner/1804093 Grahame Turner

    Reading through the comments, I note a lot of them didn’t get past my initial gut reaction, “What do you have to complain about? You’re pretty!” Then, I actually stopped being a moron and listened. There are problems we can’t understand if we don’t live through them–they may sound petty when compared to our “grand” problems, but it’s entirely possible that these “grand problems” sound equally petty to others.

    So, after hearing out the argument, my response is this: the stigma against beautiful women does hurt average-looking dudes as well. I am less likely to ask a beautiful woman out, and I typically go for “cute,” because I am convinced she won’t have any interest in me. Yet, the real issue is actually all in my head. Before I’ve actually spoken to the woman, I’ve written her off. Back that up with my own insecurities (which I battle on the regular), and I’ve talked myself out of anything…

    Best piece of advice I’ve ever gotten: Never assume a woman’s too hot for you.

    • poo yee

      pretty girl are normal human too that needs love ………….

  • http://www.facebook.com/grace.freedom.56 Grace Freedom

    This article hit the nail on the head… Growing up, I was never told I was beautiful, and found out later by my grandmother when my son was a toddler that it was my family’s belief that you don’t tell a beautiful child that they are beautiful in order to keep them humble. (Not so in many families). I grew up looking at the inner beauty, not taking compliments to heart. When I started dating… I had a lot of hatred, yes… hatred, from guys’ mothers and grandmothers. Later it was their friends. I would even hear how, like you described I was somehow crazy, or was going to be manipulative because of the way that I looked, or I was the devil because of how I looked. Even had an ex husband who was treating me good pulled aside and told repeatedly that the way I looked was a distraction, and he needed to be careful… Funny thing is 12 years later he realized that everyone was jealous. Many of the guys that I have dated have explained to their friends, “Man… She’s nothing like what you’re saying.” But honestly no one wants to take a chance of loosing their family or friends over a relationship. My son is a teenager and without me saying it, the judgement is very obvious to him.

    Guys that treat me good are labeled as whipped, and that’s not fare, no one ever sees what you are capable of or your qualities they simply pass judgement. My own father who is in his mid 70’s shakes his head and says, “You never make a pretty woman your wife, because you will have days of woe and strife.”

    I have even been told by older women, that I shouldn’t say anything, because being intelligent on top of that won’t help either. I won’t dumb down for anyone, and I am far from arrogant.

    Just like the article states, I have heard women say to my face that I think I am cute or that I don’t know how to work… Funny thing is there are men who share the same view and because you don’t lay down for them and are not crushed by a certain, “social isolation”, you don’t get the help or the kindness out of some sort of payback. What many men and women don’t understand is that there are some of us out there who are only made stronger by these actions or judgments.

    Funny thing is, I can cook, change my own oil if I needed to, and I love my children just fine. I don’t believe all men are bad… I am raising my son, alone, (not by choice) to be independent, and not dependant. I am very humble, yet at the same time, I won’t make any excuses for maltreatment, or the fact that someone, judged “this” book by it’s cover.

    Beauty’s curse is a blessing to those who do not misuse it.

    • Lele

      Wowww I cant believe that your family believed that!! My parents never told me I was beautiful either!! I had terrible self esteem growing up! I wasn’t prepared for the battles that lay ahead of me. Now I’m strong and getting stronger.

  • Adele

    You have be strong. Imagine what celebrities go through. Women like Halle Berry, Kim Kardashian and many others are constantly picked apart, put on pedestals, knocked down and criticized.

    I get treated differently because of my looks and it’s been frustrating. I am in grad school wondering why I’ve been hated on by dozens of people who didn’t know me. Or why people would treat me like an alien species. I’m over it now.

    I got hated on so much that I’m almost immune. You have to use the negativity to make yourself stronger. you have to become MORE conscious than your detractors.

    You can’t let haters steal your joy and shape your outlook on the world. Once you internalize the negativity, and allow it to bring you down, THEY HAVE WON. Because then, you won’t shine as bright. You won’t laugh as hard. It could become harder to attract love, because you’re not free to be you.

    A lot of people are insecure and don’t love themselves. So they take their insecurities out on the people around them. I have a friend I had to check because she tried to insult me in public. She would be passive-agressive with me for years, finally I had enough. I don’t tolerate crap and I don’t get angry at perceived slights any more. If you don’t like me, great! If you like me, great! If you think I’m ugly, fine! If you think I’m attractive, fine! I can’t be worried about what someone else thinks.

  • Lele

    The drawbacks to being perceived as beautiful by many is mistreatment and degredation. Women who are overweight also get a lot of disrespect from what I see. Basically, everyone loses here, because the matter is, women are judged harshly by how they look. This is pushed by the media constantly, that women have to look a certain way to be desirable and attractive. Women are made to feel less than worthy because of media, and we take our frustration out on each other.

    Personally it’s been tough being seen as the beautiful girl. It’s hard to find real friends. A lot of female friends have turned on me. I would find out that they were jealous of me and talking about me to people. Ive had girls set out to destroy my reputation. I’ve learned not to tell my friends things that I wouldn’t want the world to know. And what is up with men blaming you for their attraction to you? They are attracted to you, but it’s your fault because you’re pretty? Guys ( weak guys) will annoy me to get my attention. It’s like suddenly guys turn into 13 year old boys around me. I get crtiticized, while other women escape the constant scrutiny. People perceive you as less intelligent. They constantly test you. They act like you are not human and don’t have feelings. They feel that you should not be allowed to have self esteem. They see you walk by with your head held high and suddenly you’re that arrogant bitch. I believe it’s harder if you’re a black woman, because how dare your black ass have pride in yourself. But of course, I can only speak from my perspective as a black woman. People, constantly will want to knock you down a few pegs. I see that beautiful women are born but divas and bitches are made through circumstance. If you are a beautiful woman you have to be a bitch sometimes or you will get trampled on.

    • LatteLady

      I don’t believe in being a “bitch” and don’t use that term on other women, either but Ido believe in being assertive & have learned how to maintain my personal power, so they don’t see how they’ve got to me because that’s what they want.
      I agree with especially about: “And what is up with men blaming you for their attraction to you? They are attracted to you, but it’s your fault because you’re pretty? Guys ( weak guys) will annoy me to get my attention. It’s like suddenly guys turn into 13 year old boys around me. I get crtiticized, while other women escape the constant scrutiny. People perceive you as less intelligent. They constantly test you. They act like you are not human and don’t have feelings.”

      Being constantly tested is exhausting, but sometimes I find I cannot avoid the fight, so with carefully chosen words I can sometimes stop the onslaught of degrading comments, particularly from men if I’m in a work environment.

  • Lele

    Men get crazy too. It is good to have a lot of options and what seems like an endless amount of men trying to enter your world, but you find that you get a lot of the same. It’s a refreshing change to meet that confident guy who cares about what’s between your ears as much as what’s between other body parts. I see that the seduction community uses this tactic to score beautiful women, but a real good man is different, he is playing for keeps. A good confident and strong man is very valuable to me. The support he provides can carry you through a lot of b.s. in life.

    To make it as a beautiful woman you have to maintain and enhance your mind as well as your body. You have to trust yourself and your intuition so you can read people quickly. I read 15 self help books in the last 9 months because I was up against so much opposition. I had to make sure my character was straight because I get so much hate. Just in case people were seeing something in me that I couldn’t. Turns out it was just jealousy all along.

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      Lele you’re on fire! I love it. Thanks for sharing.

      • Gre

        Hi Greg, thanks for writing this article. You’ve covered so many things that I’ve noticed and pointed out to close friends who didn’t want to talk about it, period. This topic is like a taboo and society does ostracize beautiful people. The real question though, is not how to deal with your looks but how to deal with the sabotage and abandonment that comes with it.

      • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

        Hi Gre, thank you, you’re 100% correct about that and we’re trying to get more articles out there for beautiful women as to how to deal with the haters in society.

    • Gre

      I can relate to you! At the end these people try so hard to make you feel less than thinking they can control your self esteem. In the end it’s the biggest compliment they are giving you. Knowing that keeps you straight and the self help books ofcourse.

    • LatteLady

      “You have to trust yourself and your intuition so you can read people quickly” –
      I’ve done exactly this to get beyond just surviving the manipulative, destructive behaviour I have to deal with as a daily experience.

  • Lisa

    hello, thanks for this blog post. i am a very pretty girl, and although i try to not wear a lot of make up and look casual i can’t seem to get to know a decent guy. all guys who seem to want to get to know me are very good looking alpha males who are usually controlling, only concerned with sex, self-absorbed. i sometimes feel like there are no other men on this planet. i don’t date these alpha males because i know they’re heartbreakers. other guys don’t approach me so i am really struggling to get dates. i don’t know what to do. i fear that when i get with a less attractive guy he might only like me for my looks and worship me for nothing else… i have had that and hated it. i am kind of (not really ;) ) looking forward to ageing because i feel like then i might find someone who just likes me for myself… sorry if i sounded negative i try to keep my chin up and make the best of it. thanks again though!

  • Lisa

    hello, thanks for this blog post. i am a very pretty girl, and although i try to not wear a lot of make up and look casual i can’t seem to get to know a decent guy. all guys who seem to want to get to know me are very good looking alpha males who are usually controlling, only concerned with sex, self-absorbed. i sometimes feel like there are no other men on this planet. i don’t date these alpha males because i know they’re heartbreakers. other guys don’t approach me so i am really struggling to get dates. i don’t know what to do. i fear that when i get with a less attractive guy he might only like me for my looks and worship me for nothing else… i have had that and hated it. i am kind of (not really ;) ) looking forward to ageing because i feel like then i might find someone who just likes me for myself… sorry if i sounded negative i try to keep my chin up and make the best of it. thanks again though!

    • Lisa

      i just feel like EVERY guy on this planet will always like me for my looks first. it’s like a curse. they might like my personality too but they will always look at me and think “she’s so cute” and probably wouldn’t be with me if that wasn’t the case. but i guess that is just biology and i got to deal with it. i am 29 already but i feel like this is not going to change so fast. guys who approach me haven’t changed in all these years, only got older too. i feel like this also separates me from most of my friends. the men i have to deal with are the 5-15 percent most successful, most good looking men and they have a different set of rules. they can be quite cruel and only regard women as sex toys or use them in a different way, even if they make them their wives. i stopped dating them.

      the majority of my female friends is never or rarely approached by these men and don’t understand what it is like. instead they get to know intelligent, friendly, nice looking men as their boyfriends, who listen to them, take care of them… i wonder where these men are for me. all my less attractive friends start settling and wonder what is happening to me as i have always been pursued by so many men. ok sorry for the rant. but now maybe people understand better how hard it can be for attractive women.

      btw, i don’t agree with the other posters that beautiful women are hated by everyone and have it worse. first off, i am very devoted to my friends and family, so these relationships are great and i have many amazing people in my life who appreciate me for who i am.

      the job i have is very good too. i work in the public eye to some extent so i suppose my looks have helped me. but i also work hard, have a degree and know i am doing everything i can to be successful, it is not just my looks, not by far.

      also i feel like people often treat me better just because i am pretty. i feel like they instantly open up to me when they can tell i am a friendly person. although of course i don’t know how they would treat me otherwise. maybe it would be the same.

      • Jayne

        What’s wrong with the alphas that approach you? Seems like you are assuming they will break your heart just because they are good looking alpha men. So in a sense you are judging them the same way that men judge you for being attractive.

      • mplo

        These so-called “alpha” men are often men from the lower socioeconomic rungs of (our) society who are extremely muscled from working out, are tattooed all over, and have long criminal records of violent crimes. That’s what I’d call the “Alpha” male, which, unfortunately, these days, is what’s celebrated in our society, not to mention the pure of heart girls of unattainable beauty who they fall for and date.

        That is exactly why Ben Affleck’s 3 y/o movie “The Town” raised my hackles and made me feel so angry and resentful, not to mention the fact that this movie also glorifies Boston’s grotesque underbelly, if one gets the drift.

      • Jayne

        And personally, I noticed that single beautiful women are surrounded by many female “friends”. Im sorry, but you never know what those so called friends are saying to you and even actively doing to keep you single. If they ever say things like, “girl just dump him!” or never give you tips on how to keep a man, never try to set you up on dates or just like to sit and listen to your negative encounters with men, then those may not be your friends. They may just get off on your suffering, especially if they are less attractive than you. Just putting that out there! I’ve seen it happen, actually happened to me a few times.

      • Lele

        I said the same thing to another poster. If you really really really want a man, and you are drop dead gorgeous, and you are not in entertainment, then an easy solution is to gain about 15 to 20 pounds. You will still be pretty, but you will become more average, and therefore, more approachable. This only if you are really yearning for a good man. Once you get him, wait until you are solid as a couple and then lose the weight if you want. Like Jennifer Hudson. Though your man may resist you becoming very attractive while you guys are together. It worked for me. I was a size 4 and then blew up to a 10 a couple years ago, and suddenly I had men approaching me everywhere. Except, they were dating me to be serious, not just trying to screw and run like before. They were talking about marriage in the first few dates. Pretty but pudgy equals cute and non-threatening. People are shallow. It’s sad.

    • LatteLady

      ” i don’t date these alpha males because i know they’re heartbreakers. other guys don’t approach me so i am really struggling to get dates. i don’t know what to do. i fear that when i get with a less attractive guy he might only like me for my looks and worship me for nothing else… i have had that and hated it” –

      I really can relate to your point of view and for me, feeling like I was being negative (past tense!) was part of the social conditioning I had unwittingly become victim to. In reality I had real, valid concerns and like any person, regardless of looks, I was in need of a meaningful, fulfilling relationship not a man dressed up as a gentleman, who secretly only wanted to sleep with me then try to destroy me spiritually & emotionally because it made him feel less insecure for a while, until the next episode. He even tried to tell me I was ugly! Whilst I was getting stacks of attention from other men (and he *never stopped interrogating me about where I was going, always accusing or suggesting that I am seeing someone else when I was completely faithful to him – it turned out he had an affair).

      Sometimes I’m not sure which is worse – the negative way men react to me without knowing ANYTHING about me! Or the way women react. On the whole, it’s men I think because they most often treat me like: a sex object, a game to play to see how badly they can hurt me and teach me a lesson – often using humiliation tactics – and/or like I’m stupid, so finding genuine, kind, romantic men who aren’t out to put me down & really value and cherish me is very difficult and as the years go by I realise a lot of the good hearted, caring men don’t think they’re good enough for me (not my view, I’ve just heard it in conversations), so they don’t dare approach me. I usually encourage them – often shy guys (I don’t like alpha males one bit & avoid them like te plague!) – to talk to me, especially after they have struggled conversationally to get the words up because of nerves.

  • Jayne

    What some people don’t get is that a “beautiful” person sees themselves everyday. They are used to themselves, they may not be aware of their “beauty”… Until people react to it. And a lot of the time, people react negatively, so a beauty, especially a young girl or young woman, will have no idea why she is getting these negative reactions. All she sees is that people feel compelled to mistreat her.

    • LatteLady

      This is exactly what I found. I only realised after years of bizarre episodes of mistreatment that that was it. I even looked in the mirror and had to look hard to see what they could see.

    • Agreed

      Yep

  • FBledmehere

    This is a terrible, anti-feminist article that enforces hierarchies without questioning their source. Take out the “obligation” of monogamy on these standards, and you get a whole new picture that doesn’t end with, “And ladies, there’s nothing you can do but keep being miserable.”

  • Jo

    i’m a very strikingly pretty woman and have to endure abuse on a daily basis. I get people muttering ‘as if’ when they pass me. I am constantly judged by people. Even going out without make up, i’m still noticed, i’ve been told i look too ‘obvious’ by people but i’m naturally just got very striking good features. I do try to tone my make up down etc but almost everyone who passes me will comment on my looks and i just get fed up with it. I feel almost like a robot, a walking talking image. I’m a really decent person but when i go out, i will get guys looking at me etc but i never get chatted up/asked out. I only attract the players, who just want sex and when they don’t get it from me they just walk away. Theres so much more to me than my looks and i wish guys would see that. I don’t want an alpha male type, just a cute caring guy.I feel constantly on display to people to pick up on my faults and make me feel bad, it’s so unfair!

    • Lele

      Well one answer to your problem is to gain a few pounds. If you are a chubby pretty woman, it becomes less threatening for men. I know it because I lived it. When I gained 20 pounds I had men coming from every which way to date me. It’s like suddenly I became approachable. And it wasn’t because I looked better. I just became less attractive. I became closer to average.

      If you really really really want a man right now, its an easy solution to get a man to take you seriously as girlfriend or wife material. Gain about 15 to 20 pounds. Don’t worry, you will still be pretty in the face. Then once you get a man, lose the weight. But beware. He will try to keep you fat, and will panic when he sees you losing weight and looking more attractive. I would wait at least a year into the relationship to lose weight.

      I know this sounds very calculated, but I had the same issue of men just wanting me sexually. I drowned my sorrows in food and gained weight inadvertantly. But lo and behold, suddenly men wanted to marry me. Sad but it works.

      • LatteLady

        I’d rather be alone than play that game. Changing to be less threatening – and in the process, perhaps damaging your health – is psychologically as well mentally unhealthy and is giving away your personal power. Be your real self & let other people do the work on themselves that is required to feel less secure. The following quote immediately comes to mind: “Don’t change so people will like you, be yourself and the right people will love the real you”.

      • Lele

        True. great quote.

      • Elizabeth Nesterenko

        Shame about all the typos like “less insecure” & “emotionally unhealthy”. but thanks!

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      Jo I really relate. The judgments are relentless, even walking in to a coffee shop getting hateful looks off a group of women at a table, many of who will look me up and down with “dirty kooks” like I’m trash. I also on,y attract the players as a general rule and people laugh when I say a sweet guy is all I’m interested in, but they’re too intimidated to approach and eventually they run away and watch admiringly from a distance, because they’re terrified they’re not good enough, I’ll judge them as a joke and have already dismissed them like they’re dumb because they struggle to get their words out. This couldn’t be further from the truth! The result is that the arrogant players insist I want them & approach in disrespectful ways, as if I’m a game to be played for their personal entertainment.

  • Endless knot

    Thank you. I was actually looking up why would men rather pay then get a girl the right way. But wouldn’t you know it this article explained it all. Now I know what I am. I’m a weak minded cowardly individual that fears rejection. 25 year old man that never had a girlfriend and had to pay to lose his V card. Was very confused but now it’s makes sense. Thank u to who ever posted this and I’m not being sarcastic. Ladies on behalf of all men like me sry

  • http://twitter.com/illuuminnovaa mr.Kedi

    I think one of the big problem that I have encounter, directly or indirectly, is that people tend tied a female beauty’s character flaw with their face, but not accepting that people in general are assholes. For example, if that good-looking person (esp a good-looking girl) is being clumpsy, she is not just clumsy, but ditzy. Primping herself automatically make her vain (even rest of the female population might primp more then she does).
    It seems to be that most people assume that “that pretty girl must have it all”, so it is really okay for them to give those “pretty girls a good lesson” so “the pretty girls can learn ground themselves”.
    That is the problem I have with most hater I had dealt with. I have a lot of scar on my body, but apparently once I put on clothes cover the scars up, people feel okay to treate me as a shallow ditz.
    (I am an odd asshole, not a ditz, huge differece here.)
    And of course, the group of “i believe that beauty comes in all of size, but i said that only because im so bitter at everything, so I have to drag everyone down to make myself feel better”.

  • Alicia Zych

    And I thought it was because I’m a foreign woman, working away on my own, in a maschilist society where women are still considered objects in Italy.

    To all the beautiful women who find themselves dressing to be less noticeable (ehem!) Of course it’s a game. Jealousy is natural but it hurts, so the next time you get really pissed off people are treating you like crap, think: You are a reflection of me, you are a different me. We are all the same, we all have a heart, mind, and body, sometimes, I too, am not perfect, and make mistakes. And let it slide.. Amazing zen practise, you grow as a person, I promise.

    To all the beautiful, caring, kind and open-hearted women, do not let the attitudes of others get you down.. When you see another beautiful woman, admire her. What goes around, comes around. Beauty in itself is subjective.

    Live with love and light – even if you walk on your own and get stopped and asked ‘how much’ in the middle of the day because you are not only considered beautiful but also thought to be unattainable and so, with all respect to one of the most difficult professions in the world, it’s very, very offensive..

    But if you let the hate swallow you up, you will live in hate. Kill hate, live with a smile, eventually you will attract people who are worth your smile. And if you don’t, focus on children. Watch them.. Watch how they see the world, how they are the future, you are put here for a reason.. Women are nothing without men, and men are nothing without women, you will eventually sift through the rubbish and you will eventually find what you are looking for. It just doesn’t always go to your plans, that’s all.

  • poo yee

    being a pretty women is not a sin !.guy who thinks that all pretty women is bitch is totally an idiots !

  • Shannon

    Wow, I never considered myself gorgeous but all of these scenarios have happened to me. Women excluding me, or going out of their way to humilate me, ex: invite to a girls day out and give the wrong venue intentionally, scowl at me in the halls at work even when I’ve been friendly and no beef with them. I’ve been fired, demoted and I have a Masters Degree and working on my PhD. I speak to people and smile (strangers and they will purposely look at me in the face, then look away and not speak back) Is this what has been going on all these years?

    • LatteLady

      “invite to a girls day out and give the wrong venue intentionally” – I can’t tell you how many times that has happened to me. I was excluded from my university end of course celebrations because the women who organised it, invited me – with the others looking on in a mocking manner, as if they were up to something – I just felt intuitively something was wrong. They then told me on the day that they weren’t bothering, but I later found they had all gone out without me, even though seven of them had my mobile number. Nobody ever replied to my messages about joining study groups or found reasons why I couldn’t join them, even though it was stipulated everybody must be in a group. When I did finally get a study/practise partner she made up an excuse why I had apparently done something terrible to her, so refused to meet me again and told the whole group this false story of what I supposedly did and everyone happily believed it. I refused to explain myself because they wanted to believe it and had not listened to me before, so I decided why justify myself when I am innocent and they have been unspeakably cruel to me? Rhetorical question.

    • mplo

      Maybe it’s something that YOU’RE doing, which has nothing to do with your looks.

      • Hush

        You’re unattractive and overweight, aren’t you, mplo.

        Lose the weight and stop trying to tear others down. Your looks make you ugly but your attitude is compounding it. Signed,

        A pretty girl

  • deathtoLUKA

    i am confused, i thought men were visual creatures.

    so why do i see so many men with unattractive, overweight women.

    • Atlanta_Man

      Men are visual but I see exactly the opposite thing. I see good looking women with fat, dorky looking men. What is up with that?

      • Why Is That?

        I certainly can’t figure that one out either.

  • deathtoLUKA

    i am confused, i thought men were visual creatures.
    so why do i see so many men with overweight,
    unattractive women.

    • Sallytrue

      Because men want to sleep with beautiful woman but it’s so much easier to have a relationship with a woman whose less attractive. (not trying to be mean). There’s no “can I trust her” even though men are hitting on her everyday. no jealousy. Many men also wanted to be treated like kings, they don’t want to have to compete with their more attractive mate for attention therefore a mate that’s less attractive will theoretically try harder to be with them. A woman whose attractive knows she has options and there’s always that fear that she could exercise them should her mate get out of line.

      • Atlanta_Man

        I prefer to be with a beautiful girl. Who wants to be involved with someone who’s not stunning? Now- that is MY definition of stunning, not society’s. The best relationships have always been with women who to me were so stunning that I was ‘ready to go’ as soon as they wrapped their arms around me.

    • Audrey Yarper

      First of all beauty really is in the eye of the beholder. I don’t consider myself ever remotely attractive, but I have people telling me that I’m beautiful often. Some are weirdo’s some are normal nice men, but anyhow, some men like tall, very curvy women like me for whatever reason, which is annoying because I hate being hit on. Secondly, believe it or not there really are men who are more interested in personality and having a meaningful spiritual and emotional connection with someone, than having arm candy. As rare as the successful, attractive man is who also possesses depth, he does exist.

  • Jojo

    I keep coming back to this article, because sometimes my physical beauty feels like a curse. Most of the time I try to keep my head up and keep pushing and doing my best. Then I have days where I look up and a chick is giving me the evil eye, or a co-worker is trying to outcast me at work, or female students do their best to exclude me from their study groups. Women can really make your life hell. If I was living in a remote tribe somewhere I would have been stoned to death by now, I’m sure of it. I wear an invisible scarlet letter because the women around me have decided that I am a worthless inhuman social disease. Sometimes I think the women around me would be happier if I was dead. I see on the news that kids get bullied to death these days and that behavior stays in people. Adults can bully you too.
    The women I am forced to be around due to work and school rejoice at my failures and suffering and sneer at my success. Life begins in your mind though, and I know that internalizing my experience is a sure road to unhappiness. I tell myself over and over again, “I am the experiencer, not the experience. I am the observer , not the obseved. i am consciousness, not the physical body. Sometimes it works and other times I let the sadness take over.

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      I feel for you Jojo. Sorry you’ve been through so much exclusion/bullying & sadness. Add me if you wish xxx

  • Bubbles

    Goodness I am back. Again, same issues. No female friends, problems at work. Too many men but none who really want me….I am growing older but I don’t seem to be getting any uglier (the day will come) but I am becoming more withdrawn (chicken or the egg). Last boyfriend – 25 years younger – I triggered insecurity in him because he is not as together as I am in other areas of life and therefore cannot be ‘the man’ (but he is hot). I only wanted a companion. Now I have a cat. A very pretty one.

  • NeverWrong

    the women that think they are beautiful, have a very bad attitude to begin with. and are just looking for the RICH GUY anyway.

    • Gotcha

      Aren’t you supposed to be claiming all women are “nasty lesbians” like you do on all the other sites?

  • Lilliana

    People just assume that beautiful women float through life but it is completely untrue. Women are always looking to insult you, especially about your looks. Women often give you the most vile looks. Most men act extremely defensive. Even my own female family members leave me out. My sister is only nice to me in private– in public she sneers at me without reason and tries to put me down. Oftentimes strangers will be kind to everyone around them except me, despite me doing nothing to offend them. I’ve noticed how differently I am often treated by cashiers for example– the person before and after me will be kindly greeted, but I won’t even get a hi. Even when I say thank you, they won’t answer me back. Despite people pretending to ignore me, I feel like there is a spotlight on me when I go out. People are constantly trying to steal looks, some stare blatantly. Many people assume you’re stupid and a bitch, and speak to you with a mocking tone. One man shook my hand after I had shown him basic kindness, as if I had just broken open a stereotype. People will make up rumors about you. Some men look at you with this smirky sexually charged hatred that feels very gross to be the subject of.

    This is probably why beautiful women are often the most insecure of them all. All eyes are on you, and those eyes often have bad intentions behind them. Beautiful women are magnets for jealousy and envy and it can really be difficult to hang onto your value in the midst of all the undeserved negativity being placed upon you. When I see a beautiful woman I try to be extra nice to her because she probably needs it.

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      Don’t know if you spotted my comment above about seeing an attractive woman across the road from me and the look we exchanged? But I made a conscious decision to be extra nice to beautiful women too, for them same reason.

  • Hannah

    Thank you : ) being pretty/ beautiful is something most are born with and when people hate on me because of it it’s like hating me because I have a disability it’s mean. And it’s painful and not my fault. I’ve spent my whole life trying to escape my looks Because of the pain confusing and loneliness it’s being to my life It’s a pain I can’t even discuss with others because most don’t understand and ridicule when I have tried to confide in them when I read articles like this one it makes me feel less alone thank you ! My only wish is that people were more aware :)

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      “I’ve spent my whole life trying to escape my looks” – oh no… don’t do that. As you can see it is people’s problems with judgment not a disability or “curse” that you should set out to change or diminish.

      “My only wish is that people were more aware” – If you Google the curse of beauty or “Helen Syndrome” you will see that quite a few authors are already trying their best to educate people on this very thing. Sadly I am one of the only males… but hopefully with awareness that will change soon. Thanks for reading and commenting Hannah!

  • Sarah

    Omg I’m so happy I found thsi article. I’m a model and i’m not big headed at all i’m kind not a bitch but i get put downs all the time from girls and men. One of my close friends of 15 years just started to hate on me and didn’t want to be my friend any more because i met her fiance for the first time and we got on well and i just started a really good job that i really enjoyed. I have never had a boyfriend and all the guys I meet end up breaking up with me and say i’m sure you have someone else even though i don’t and they start trying to put me down. At university none of the girls would ask me to go out with them, I heard one girl say “no way is she coming out with us she would just take all the attention away”. Even some of my best friends when we go out make comments like god whats with all the make up. Its quite sad actually

    • mplo

      You may be happy in your new job, and a model, but you sound pretty big-headed to me.

      • Toya

        when a beautiful woman loves herself and feels good about her looks or believes she is beautiful….it’s “big-headedness”.
        If it’s a less attractive person believing they are beautiful, it’s acceptable and a sign of healthy self esteem. smh

      • mplo

        Not necessarily, Toya. Whether a woman is pretty-looking or not, flaunting an overly-large ego is a sign of arrogance and insecurity, not of a healthy self-esteem.

      • Toya

        how is believing that you are beautiful a sign of an overly large ego? Shouldn’t everyone love and accept themselves and their looks? Or is it “healthier” to look in the mirror and dislike your reflection. Some people are just uncomfortable around people who love themselves in any way.

      • Elizabeth Nesterenko

        I agree with this Toya. Even if a beautiful woman is humble about her beauty, she will still be judged negatively as egotistical. Flaunting is often a misnomer for ‘just happens to stand out because of her looks’ not because she is actively doing anything to be obvious to people.

      • Toya

        I remember trying everything to be non-threatening in grad school. Dressing down, dressing up, wearing makeup, going barefaced. Ironically, I got the most hate when I was dressed down and wearing glasses. I suppose it looks like I’m “faking” it. The whole thing of being dressed like a geek looks like an act to many people. Its the rock and the hard place. The state of being damned if you do and damned if you don’t. No one believes it anyway. Underneath the facade you are still the arrogant b****, or the loose woman, or the bimbo/stripper/porn star. Being humble about your looks can actually lead to more problems in my opinion.

      • Levi Bond Jr.

        PREACH!

      • mplo

        Nobody has to dislike their reflection in the mirror, Toya. Some people, including myself, are uncomfortable around those who flaunt extra-large egos.

      • Toya

        Well that sounds like a personal problem. Some people are uncomfortable around other races, women, men, short people, loud people, teenagers, happy people, sad people, and as this article suggests, attractive people. Now a mature person would recognize that it’s not that other person or their behavior that truly bothers them. It is always a reflection of how your feel about yourself or what YOU believe. If someone has a big ego, tell me how that affects you? Unless this person is harming you directly, this really is of no consequence to you. Now in the case of many beautiful women, people like yourself who are uncomfortable around them due to your own personal beliefs, often project your own beliefs/opinions/insecurities on them and this is often done to make yourself feel better. We all do this when we feel insecure about something. When we feel that someone has more than we do, our egos get bruised and so we attempt to normalize our “competitor” by putting them down or bringing them down. People can be threatened by another persons race, intelligence, beauty, money, relationships, etc. throughout human history, people have always persecuted and excluded others and sometimes even murdered innocent people, because of their own insecurities. So to deny that women can be persecuted because of their good looks (or bad looks) is to deny human nature.

      • Elizabeth Nesterenko

        Exactly!

      • mplo

        A lot of the time, both of those things are true, Toya.

      • Elizabeth Nesterenko

        You’re a perfect example of someone who’s wrongly decided a beautiful woman is big headed/has negative qualities etc, regardless of what kind of person she *actually is because that’s what you’re determined to believe, either because you’re bitter or jealous or some other deep seated psychological reason.

      • mplo

        Lots of these extremely beautiful women lose their looks when they get older. Don’t accuse me of being jealous, bitter, or whatever. Thanks.

    • Levi Bond Jr.

      You don’t sound big headed. There is nothing wrong with you.. You sound naturally beautiful and sweet. Keep your head up sweetheart…

  • Atlanta_Man

    Please forgive me if I don’t feel sorry for you because you’re beautiful. If you’re beautiful and have no friends or boyfriend, maybe it’s because you’re a pain in the ass. If I have a problem with you, John has a problem with you, and Peter has a problem with you, maybe the problem is you.

    When I hear a pretty girl complain about how men use and abuse them, I suggest that they evaluate who they are going out with. Are they driven by looks themselves? I know a lot of pretty girls, and they almost ALWAYS go for good looking guys, period. And why would those guys treat you right? They can have pretty much any woman they want. And believe me, they know this. Most pretty girls won’t even give an average guy the time of day (news flash!! 98% of guys are average looking, including me).

    I know plenty of average looking guys who would treat a good looking woman like a queen, but they have to be given the chance to do so.

    I personally have more confidence around pretty girls, but they just don’t pay me much attention. I’m probably realistically a 6, but I play in a band and I’m a singer, so probably a 7 with a guitar around my neck. But, I’m still single because I refuse to settle for someone I’m not knocked out over or proud to be with.Every woman I’ve ever dated is beautiful (by my definition; not society’s). But, then again, I’m not ruled by what’s between a woman’s legs. Trust me- I can do without if need be.

    • Ms Butterfly

      So you’re just as shallow as the women you’re complaining about? And why do you think less attractive guys automatically treat women better? They don’t.

    • Levi Bond Jr.

      Some women try to use their sexuality as the trump card.

  • tracy

    This article is on time and absolutely true and correct if you are a “beautiful women” you get a lot of problems unless you are a celebrity. And the poster below, I have experienced the exact same problems. Im tall , thin model like, etc. ive even tried to gain weight to be more acceptable. Im naturally super thin.

  • tracy

    To add men assume being beautiful 1. Men assume you sleep around 2. Men do not get to know you 3. Some men purposely try to harm you , tease you, or sleep with you then brag to injure you 4. Women hate on you. 5. Women befriend you to use you as their wing girl to get men 6. Get harassed for casual sex. 7. Men ask you out just to see if you will say yes then don’t follow up 8. men will try to bring your self confidence down 9. Boyfriend’s mothers hate you 10. People think you are less intelligent
    *I have an advanced degree, honor roll all my life but women and men try to make me feel stupid.
    Boyfriends get constant paranoid that you will leave them or cheat or you will hurt them

  • tracy

    Oh, I forgot to say some Hairdresser’s WILL try to cut your hair for absolutely no reason and then try to cut is short.

    • Liz

      Tracy this is so true! I don’t trust hair dressers – I had some do the exact opposite of what I asked and deliberately made me look bad. I’ve only ever been made to look amazing once after going to the hairdresser by a really kind woman. I’ve never forgotten it, after so many bad experiences. My current hairdresser doesn’t like me to look good so pretends to not know what to do, when I ask for a certain look and everything is impossible in case I look better than her (in her mind!).

  • tracy

    Men will keep comparing you to “models” and pornstars”

  • Ellie

    abeautifulwoman – I totally agree. It’s been the same for me. And I’m not conceited by a long shot. I know what I am, but I don’t prattle on and on about it – but that doesn’t really help things.

    Women are quite mean to me, especially the ugly ones. I noticed that, among circles of females, I get no compliments – while they continuously compliment each other. But I could be sitting in class with no makeup, or on a dirty bus with a bunch of strangers, and I get showered with compliments from men. And occasional dirty looks from women!

    And speaking of ugly, God forbid a beautiful woman use that phrase in public. Dropping an f-bomb has a less negative reaction!

    I’m too short to go into modeling and I’m not interested in porn or acting. Which means my only chance is to start going after guys more aggressively, which is not my forte but I don’t want to end up alone as punishment for my appearance.

    This stigma is ridiculous. I bet hundreds of years ago, women like us would have been married off immediately and with ease!

  • browneyedgirl

    I would say there are distinct disadvantages AND advantages in being regarded as ‘beautiful’. Since childhood I had fairly low self esteem and never regarded myself as beautiful but once I hit college I began to gain a lot of attention from guys and girls – I chose to experiment with my sexuality when I was younger – As I’ve gotten older I feel I’ve become more physically attractive and certainly in the workplace is has caused problems.

    I worked with a team of men as Graphic Designer for a big well known internet company, I was often ridiculed and mocked by one guy in particularr – turns out he thought I was hot – and he really couldn’t handle the fact that I stood up for myself, that I also had a personality and intelligent brain aswell as consideration and respect for others. Another guy I sat next to began to act very strange despite having had a long term girlfriend. It all became so weird and awkward that I filed a complaint to my manager who didn’t do much about it, thankfully I transferred abroad in the end. Now I feel asthough I’m experiencing it all over again, recently I relocated abroad and in my team are mainly men who are married who all appear to fancy me… I find it bizarre since I didn’t give them a signal that I was interested but I guess men find it acceptable to gawp at you. The difference however with these guys is that although they may find me attractive they seem to have enough respect to know where my boundaries are and also value my skills and talents – not just my looks – perhaps it’s a cultural thing as I’m living now in an Asian country, before I was in the UK where I often find women are treated very poorly, worse than in Asian countries funnily enough…

    On the plus side, atleast in my experience when others regard you as beautiful you get free things which is always nice :-) I’ve had people in shops and restaurants give me free products, food and drinks. Guys in particular treat you in a friendlier way – which can sometimes be flattering and other times be very annoying – as I’ve grown older I have begun to focus more inside of myself rather than what I look like to others and it’s been real eye opening for me, I sometimes wonder how different my life would be if I didn’t look the way I did or rely on my looks to get me to certain places in life… in all honesty I’m grateful to have two legs, two arms, eyes and ears that work. I’m still single since I’ve always been selective about who I give all of myself to but confident that I will meet the right man who will love me for me. And I’m sure to all the beautiful women out there in the world with a good heart that you will also find that when the timing is right.

  • Debbie

    I’ve been reading the comments, and see this article and followers has expanded. I commented on this here last year. I’m a 39 year old married woman from the UK. I have a six year old son. I’ve realised in my late thirties that being very attractive has been the centre of many issues for me and after a few years of soul searching about why my career related dreams have never been fully realised and why I’ve never got anywhere in both of my careers in politics and education, I’ve finally accepted and understand that I can never change how people will see me and treat me.
    I get it every single day and I expect it. At checkouts, girls or women will make snide indirect or direct references to my looks. If I walk into a social area, a pub or a restaurant, people will all stare. At my sons school even though I am friendly and will enter into chit chat with mums, they will never let me into their social circles or engage in friendships. Since I left university aged 24, I’ve never had a female friend and that’s not for not wanting to as I (surprisingly after what I’ve gone through) like women and relate to womens experiences. In every job, I’ve never been taken to by the other female staff. Working as a teacher and lecturer I’ve been very effective and often, far more advanced and able in my skills as a professional, but every time at interviews or decisions get overlooked or, worse (as happened the other day ) treated with contempt and blunt rudeness.
    Two recent examples (these experiences happen often, but occasionally get me down). I went for a job interview a few days ago, I knew I was the best candidate for the job. I had an immense amount of experiences, skills, examples that matched the specification. I sat down to three middle aged women who as soon as they faced me, I just knew they didn’t like the look of me. Icy stares, no smiles and a visual assessment ensued. They went through their set questions, and as I began to answer they clearly did not want to listen. I got cut off by one at one question as she didn’t want to listen. At another point they all clearly did not want to listen to my answers and had no interest in checking if they met the criteria, they all started literally awning their necks out the window to watch someone ringing the bell in the building to get in. I was so shocked they would do this mid interview whilst I was talking, I made a physical point of stopping to ask what the problem was.
    Another example. Recently, I have been setting up my own business (more on this soon as this I feel is the way attractive women need to go In careers). I looked into local web designers . I arranged to meet them (I prefer to meet people in business to assess if we can work together and if I can trust them). I met one older man who on meeting me said’ Oh you are not what I was expecting’. During our consultation,, the man continually patronised me about whether my business idea would work and also gave me false information about buying certain domain names. I knew this, as I had already spent three months researching seo.
    He clearly needed to feel and assert power over me as he couldn’t accept a woman like me could be setting up a successful business.

    These are just two snippets of weekly /daily things , I’ve had far worse over the years. I went through a particularly nasty bullying case for man months in one job with a woman who used very discrete methods to bully me and make me feel bad . I took it further, but managers and HR ended up taking her side and politically pushing me out and also in the end offered me a voluntary redundancy with an extra pay out to stop me taking it further with a solicitor (lawyer).
    The politics of being attractive is awful. Its not obviously a recognised form of discrimination, but it is. Its no different to treating someone differently or excluding them if they’re disabled, gay or from a different ethnic background -but of course there are laws to legally prevent this or at least be pro active. Claiming discrimination on looks will get the least sympathy and people will quickly round on you to suggest you are ‘arrogant, deluded or mentally ill’.
    In my twenties, somehow I sailed through these daily experiences and it didn’t sting. I didn’t have kids, I didn’t feel the need to make a social network (as you do with a family). But as we moved away from London, my son started school, it was then that it kicked in and the realisation I had this issue to deal with.
    Here I am, 39, no official job as I move in and out of jobs to try and escape any vicitimisation, discrimination or being the centre of games. I cant hack it. I am not a competitive person, I like doing well for my self and enjoy many aspects of my skills and abilities, but never wish to enter into races or competitions with other women in terms of how I look, what I wear, what I buy, how well my son does or how able or clever I am. I hate this element of humanity and women in different ways are as competitive as men, particularly with attractive women that they seem to home in on as targets to eliiminate.
    All these posts, people pouring their hearts out, bad experiences. Let me tell you at age 39 I confirm you can’t ever change how people will see you and judge you. Our cultures and societies teach women to compete on looks primarily, other aspects such as being able , intelligent, articulate add fuel to the fire as women enter the job market more and more. Just look at Hollywood for examples. Even Angelina Jolie had to sexualise her self to get to the top before she coulld be listened to and then the opposite, women who don’t take that route and climb upwards are sexualised or trivialised (Hilary Clinton) .

    Men will do it to, maybe for different agendas. Intimidation, confusion over what an attractive women represents as society, media culture and porn industries teach them that a sexually attractive women cant be anything else. I’ve had this too. I was once offered a job in a top government department on the basis I was ‘open’ to this mans needs.

    My advice to all women experiencing this is to toughen up as much as you can, expect it in daily life. (unless you’re going to drastically change how you look, you wont ever evade it, even with my specs and hair back I’ve still had it and get it ). Realise that you will never climb or be rewarded in the same way at work or get treated the same way as other people as this label will always be there. It will go on and on. Don’t change who you are, if you’re clever and like academic or intellectual things, stay with that.

    Think about what skills, abilities and experiences you have and how you can do something alone. Be self employed (as we call it in the UK) or set up and run your own business. Be in charge, make decisions and avoid the people politics that crushes you constantly.
    I am currently setting up my own educational business offering students in the UK revision courses for their A Levels. Its a challenge, but its something I researched for months and know will work as Ive had many years experience in this.
    The business idea is partly the outcome of these experiences. I cant do it anymore (work with other people), it makes you lose hope as a human being and I started to hate humanity and human beings. I know this isn’t good and I don’t want any of this to rub off on my son.

    So, attractive, beautiful and pretty women of the western world, unite and do something outside the box and, still enjoy being pretty. I’ve hated the times I’ve tried to mask my self and felt like I’ve been living as a prisoner to make others happy. Don’t do it.

    • Liz

      Your reply sums up everything I have experienced. I noticed it after I had posted & was struck by how similar the contents were in a few areas. I suffered anxiety & panic attacks, as a result of my experiences. Fortunately, I am trained in mental health & partly did so to help myself. I was also horrified and Disappointed by the number of female mental health workers who, despite all their mental health training, weren’t more enlightened & fair. They lacked the very elf-awareness & development of character that is central to being an effective mental health care provider. I would do an equally often better job than other workers and if I excelle at interview, was soon “put on my place” by a female manager keen to demonstrate to everyone in my team that I was incompetent by manipulating facts to appear as if I was personally responsible for events not related to me in any way. For a while I was perplexed – in my early twenties – then, one day it occurred to me exactly why I was a constant target, including at church where an all female choir ostracised me saying I must be having an affair with one of the church member’s husbands because of my appearance & confident happy personality. It sucked the life out of me & I found myself without friends for many years because of repeated experiences like this. Self-employed was the only way to recover my life and the way you described, though I’ve made a point of deliberately not discussing my plans with anyone to prevent them being sabotaged. I have clients who need my services but I still occasionally get people attending sessions thinking they can take a stab at me by not paying me at the end of a coaching session! So it’s in the contract they sign that advanced payment is required as a result! I hope to find genuine, caring female friends one day & a kind, caring husband too who won’t just want to be with me for my looks but because of the beautiful persons I am.

      • Debbie H, UK

        Hi Liz, sorry to hear about your experiences. When you think about in abstract, its absolutely crazy that other people can get so vitriolic to women they don’t even know, based on a sum of your being, persona,. linked to looks. Another part I wanted to add in this debate is the context of beauty or ‘attractiveness’ at work. I think it very much depends on what world you work in, how you wish to be treated and your personal expectations. To be attractive and work in the beauty or fashion industries is going to be more forgiving than if you work in fields that by nature of their being, shun notions of attractiveness (I teach Sociology and Politics and people in my field have some very twisted and contradictory notions of Feminism that they link to how a woman looks). I’ve also realised that the majority of women that work in education are the stereotype in looks of traditional of clerical staff and teachers.
        The alternatives are not for me . I could never work in the beauty industry or modelling, I like to think and analyse and enjoy academia. Aged 18 I had these choices in front of me, I flirted with the ideas of hairdressing, beauty careers even modelling, but I was more fascinated with learning Politics and Sociology and being young and idealistic, I naively thought I could work on my merits through life. So, I find my self between a rock and a hard place fitting in socially. I think this as much as just being attractive, is the sum of my problems.
        I think society will reluctantly accept a good looking woman at times, but not if she also threatens any other aspect of men’s power and sexuality or women’s gender role.
        I hope the business develops. Sadly, I have to work part time through my first year in business to help fund it and keep cash flow ( I am going through a whole load of C**p now to find work). But I look forward to escaping the people politics and that thought alone inspires me to make it a success.
        Stay in touch examreadinesslimited@gmail.com

      • LatteLady

        Hi Debbie, thanks for your kind words. I have been forced in to a position of self-employment, having faced relentless discrimination despite wiring very hard, being extremely conscientious ad committed and passionate about my work. But my aim is to use my skills to further my career and focus on what I need to achieve that also helps others, without the constant restraints that petty attitudes and bullying always limit me to. I’ve read your other responses with interest and I will email you.

      • Debbie H

        It sounds like you have a strong positive attitude to beating this and being your self, so this is good. As I said before. I went through a nasty case of bullying at work over a period of about 6 months a few years ago. Bullying isn’t always the obvious process people think it is, its not always about being ‘weak’ to be bullied either (that’s a label that seems to be slapped on it).The only analogy I can use to describe what this woman did, was the lobster in a pan of boiling water. A lobster doesn’t realise what’s happening when tis thrown into a pan of water. it slowly gets hotter and hotter and the lobster gets used to it slowly, until its too hot and painful/death. Bullying is like this. It starts out with small, very discrete things that escalate into more and more and the bully relies on methods that are hard to prove or others will argue are ‘subjective’ (that’s what I got back about this experience).
        This teacher did many things. She blamed me for students failing and doing badly on a unit that I hadn’t even taught them, because managers thought or assumed I had as we shared some teaching (I never knew she had done this until later). She drew pictures on the whiteboard for me with messages through students to pass on about it when I entered the classroom to teach after her sessions and when questioned, made out there were about other things. She ran me down to and in front of other staff and I heard her doing it one day when she didn’t realised I was there and was talking about how much make up she thought I had on and how ‘disgusting it was’ (I didn’t even have a great deal on). I got fed up with it and tried to sort it out with her one to one, but she just denied everything and played her ‘I’m a Christian card’ and I really respect you , that was laughable. I ended up making a formal case to HR for bullying after advice to do so from other staff and after a lot of deliberation about whether it was right to do so. It was taken up but them,. they did everything to stop it going into formal stages with solicitors (in the UK they get inspected on this and have targets) . The new college year started and I wasn’t offered any work and then a voluntary redundancy was offered with, the clause that I close the bullying case if I take a large payout and sign a disclaimer with a solicitor. By this point I knew I was fighting a lost cause, as through out the internal investigation, even the manager of the department (who agreed with me that this woman was a trouble maker in private) took her side when she realised that another manager was good friends with this woman (the bully) and decided it was not in her career interests to side with the smaller fish (me). But I have peace of mind that I tried.
        Its not all abd news, I learned that as soon as I detect signs of hostility with another woman at work now that I need to confront it and convince them I will work with them support them as soon as I can and that I have to work extra hard to get people on side. And I did. I not long after worked with a woman at a university ( a manager) in London who started showing the same signs as this woman did, so I confronted it immediately. I told her she was upsetting me, that I dreaded going to work and I felt I was being treated unfairly. She of course denied it . But, a few months later at the end of term and after students had been in to her and said that I had really helped them and they left gifts for her to give to me to say thank you , that she then actually apologised to me. I was shocked, but also impressed that she had actually thought about what I said.
        No, its not bloody fair (is anything really fair in our world)?. Life, work is complicated enough. But I can now see that a bully develops if we let them and also, most bullies don’t realise what impact they’re having on another human being when they do this. If we tell them and confront them early on, sometimes it can make them confront it.

      • LatteLady

        Hi Debbie, I think it’s great what you managed to achieve with your colleague but I have to be honest & say that has only worked once for me – and I’m a skilled in communication skills, having trained in them – 99% of the cases were not helped by me approaching them, no matter what tactic I took eg being disarming I was.

        Some people, regardless of our actions, refuse recognise &/or take responsibly for what they’re doing.

      • mplo

        As I pointed out earlier though, Debbie, looks don’t amount to a thing if a woman is hardwired together differently than most people and therefore lacks social skills. People (men in particular) can see that immediately from a distance, and, as a general rule will either avoid or drop such a woman immediately.

        So, even attractive, intelligent women can and will get screwed if she has communication issues, because people do tend to notice that, no matter how hard one may try to put up a front and communicate “normally’, if one gets the drift.

      • Vanessa

        I sense you’re referencing a woman being neuroatypical and that in turn detracting from any conventional mass appeal beauty of intellect she may have… That’s been my experience. Now, in my late twenties, I’ve come to peace with such hardwired differences and learned not to take “rejection” to personally. Perhaps the most common feedback I’ve had from boyfriends is, “You’re gorgeous/fine/beautiful/sexy but you’re weird.”

        I’ve a doctorate degree & am a bikini-fitness competitor, things that look great on paper but do little to nothing in mainstreaming my personality to the extroverted-desiring culture that is ours. Doesn’t matter, people are different… Just because personalities fail to integrate is not a testament to beauty.

      • mplo

        It’s the other way around, Vanessa. First of all, a woman can be attractive-looking, but if she’s hardwired together with a developmental disability of some sort of other, she is not going to be attractive to men. Men, more than women, are extremely perceptive, with an ability to spot a woman with developmental disabilities and the resulting lack of social skills that all too often goes along with them and will do one of three things in response to such a woman, no matter how attractive she may look;

        A) He’ll avoid her entirely.

        B) He’ll drop her

        C) He’ll take advantage of her in the cruelest way(s) imaginable.

      • Que Z

        Thats kind of insecure…

      • mplo

        Insecure on whose part, Que Z? Just curious.

      • Que Z

        On yours! Women can also spot the developmental disabilities in men as well. I’m pretty sure your approach to most beautiful woman goes something like this (im strictly picking this up from your tone) “i know you don’t want me, but a least you can sleep with me…you bitch”..they can pick up that vibe too ya know..

        Most men give that vibe when they know they are going to get rejected but still try to entertain for sex…more like (let me try to be a ass hole and see if that works).

        Now you can see why she may give off that vibe, she picked up yours first. SOME beautiful woman know they game and can play it QUITE well…

        I also think your previous post (the one i responded too) is a defensive mechanism for rejection. Men (I included) hate rejection.

      • Sophie

        At the end of the day not all beautiful women are horrible but for some reason people assume they are bitches or dumb which is not always the case people should not judge someone on there looks whatever they look like and maybe just start a conversation with them they might be pleasantly surprised and find that they are no different to anyone else.

      • mplo

        Yeh, but a lot of them aren’t so nice, either.

  • So Very Serious

    most of these type of women that think they are beautiful are so very pathetic nowadays, especially the the ones with their attitude problem.

    • Debbie

      You get people with attitudes regardless of how they look. I’ve met many nasty people in life and they come from all sorts of backgrounds and all look different. The fact you are linking what a woman looks like with having an attitude, suggests you are judging women that you haven’t even met and jumping on a stereotype that being attractive equals being a bitch.
      That’s as bad as saying ugly men have ugly personalities, or someone who’s eyebrows meet are angry!
      Start thinking outside the boxes you have for people inside your head as most people and most women will never really fit what you seem to subscribe to and without seeing you or knowing you and from what you’ve just typed I could very easily make wrong assumptions about your character? I

      • So Very Serious

        well i am seriously looking for a good woman to meet, and i certainly don’t play games like they do since many of them still need to grow up. this is the reason why many of us men can’ meet a decent woman anymore, and years ago it was much easier when they were much more mature.

      • So Very Serious

        well i certainly don’t play games like many of you women do today, and many of you really need to grow up since many of you are so very pathetic today. by the way, there are many of us serious men looking to meet a good woman that is not so nasty to us when we will try to start a conversation with them.

      • LatteLady

        You really need to stay clear of addressing women on this thread with you, because although you have said “many” not ‘all’, we’ve got to wonder who you are talking about. In your experience this may have been true, but perhaps you haven’t met enough women to balance out your negative experiences with positive ones yet.

      • qwo

        When someone’s complaint is so generic it makes me wonder how lazy and shallow their dating criteria is to keep meeting “pathetic” women.

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      Generalising! There are millions of women on this planet – you’ve definitely not met “most” of them & I seriously doubt you’re telepathic so cannot know what ‘most’ of the women you assume think like this, are *actually* thinking! Confidence problems are also frequently mistaken for having an attitude problem by insecure men.

      • So Very Serious

        Well the women of today are certainly Very Stuck Up nowadays, especially the ones that do really think there God’s gift to men which is very sad. I have yet to meet a Real Good down to earth woman that can Accept me for who i am since many of them are looking for the Rich Man Nowadays.

  • Telling The Truth

    women that think they are so beautiful are so very full of themselves to begin with, and are so very pathetic too.

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      Generalising! There are millions of women on this planet – you’ve definitely not met them all!

    • cherylu2010

      When a person is told they are beautiful over and over, when people walk up to a woman and say, “You are absolutely gorgeous!” and then walks away – it is a lie for the woman to make believe she thinks she’s ugly. Not all beautiful women are comfortable with their beauty. But nobody is going to go out of their way to look ugly. Since (most of the time) beauty is a genetic thing, the woman doesn’t ask for it, but she has to figure out how to live with it. By ackowledging what she has been told her entire life, she is assumed to be “full of herself” and “pathetic” (!). By denying it, she is living a lie. Is there something in-between.

    • Sally22

      Sure, people running around mouthing off about how hot they are can be annoying, but there is A LOT of truth to this article. I am not ugly but I am not pretty (probably a solid 7) and although I’ve been rejected by some guys, I always had a very solid group of female friends and am married to my soulmate now. My youngest sister, on the other hand, is insanely beautiful and despite being sweet and smart, she was bullied terrifically by girls in middle and high school. Since she was about 13 when we are on the beach, men actually stop and take photos of her (really invasive and creepy btw), but she was only asked to prom by a jerk that had a very public bet with his buddies about whether or not he could get her to have sex with him (they had a scoreboard that they tweeted to half the school). Other than family and a gay male friend of hers, she really struggles with loneliness and being objectified by men. I’ve even seen my grown female friends make bitchy faces at each other when my teenage sister would show up at my house (I actually lost a couple of friends over that…since I wasn’t going to put up with that kind of treatment of my family). Honestly, while I wouldn’t want to be really ugly in our society, I will say that being slightly above average in looks is probably better than being super pretty.

  • maybe

    If i fail at College there would be two valid causes:
    1)I don´t like to study
    2)Teachers want me to fail
    At first glance the most obvious reason is number 1.
    But the easiest to accept is number 2. . .”The problem is not mine, but the teachers”.
    If I say: “my life is difficult because women envy my beauty” , i´m lending my problem to someone else wich is easier to handle that way.
    And. . .
    the sole fact of accepting my beauty as something factual above other people, is revealing my overestimation, maybe my pride, maybe my lack of humbleness, almost a guilty pleasure.
    But that´s just my point of view.

    • Debbie H

      Oh the glossy, false American dream ideology of equal opportunities. I am shocked that in the US you haven’t woken up to the fact that there is really no such thing as equal opportunities. Surely the events of the last few years show you this? Think about it. I feel your statement is intellectually lazy. Of course people to some extent can shape their destinies, regardless of how they look, what race or ethnic group they come from, gender, etc (but people with advantages to start with have more scope to shape their destiny).
      In reality discrimination is already on the cards before you even choose your pathways and make choices in life. Your economic and class background, gender, ethnic background or sexuality and yes how you look all mean that the starting line in jobs, education or opportunities is not even. Some people are set back in the race before they even start.

      • maybe

        I would have used your statement to defend “ugliness” and it would have been more credible.

        And as you said, yes. . . equal oportunities don´t exist, as a known fact among psycologists, beatiful people area perceived more trustfull, smarter, and even faithfull.

        PS. sorry for the late reply.

  • Sophia

    Haha dude you’re so right! The evidence is in the comments – just look at those insecure girls finding any excuse to bash the pretty, self-confident ones. Stupid losers!

  • Liz

    In response to your comment:
    “It amazes me how easily beautiful single women slide their panties off for someone else’s husband”. I feel this perpetuates inaccurate & unhealthy stereotypes that you mentioned prior to this statement – based on judgmental/pre-conceived ideas about beautiful women being ‘slutty’. Sadly, I get approached by men all the time who think this about me, especially married ones, and I can tell you that they also perpetuate the stereotype in the course of rejection-retaliation tactics, when I say no because I say no to them because I don’t do affairs.
    I’ve never been involved in someone else’s marital relationship (or any other kind of relationship, for that matter that is not monogamous) & I’ve maintained these principles for 30+ years. Men who assume beautiful women sleep around are usually bitter rejected souls in my experience & don’t want anyone else to want to date her after they couldn’t ‘get’ her! I do,though, agree with you that many women hate on seriously beautiful women without ANY justification whatsoever. I have only platonic male friends, as a result & so I have to deal with the added gossip that that generates, too. The grass is definitely not greener. If only more men & women could understand this, life would be better for everyone concerned.

  • mplo

    I read this article with interest, and, as a reasonably attractive, intelligent woman, I’ll say this: Looks don’t amount to a hill of beans if one also has a history of developmental problems, because people (particularly guys) can generally sense differences from the so-called “norms” from a mile or so away, and they’ll do one of three things:

    A) They’ll avoid this particular woman (no matter how attractive and/or intelligent she may be) like the plague.

    B) They’ll take advantage of her by teasing and/or bullying her.

    C) They’ll drop her like a hot potato.

  • Catherine Birch

    I used to get told that I was pretty all the time when I was younger. I didn`t believe it because I was bullied for the way I looked in school, told I was ugly, jeered at by the boys, etc. I`d look in the mirror & hate what I saw. Now I think back, the things that beautiful women have to contend with sounds just like me. I was constantly pestered by men wherever I went, but the only ones I attracted were complete losers, so I just gave up on men altogether, & stayed single. The bit about women rings true for me to, because Iv`e had hardly any female friends because other women were so bitchy to me, & behind my back. It never occured to me that It was because I was particularly pretty, just more attractive than them, & they were jealous because I wasn`t pug ugly like them. I`m 60 now, & so relieved that I don`t have to deal with these issues anymore, & people do treat me much better these days.

    • Debbie Nugus

      Hi Catherine. I think as we live in a individualist society (both US and UK, Europe) we are socialised to believe that our experiences are down to us as individuals and that we alone, are responsible . As discussed really well here, this isn’t the whole story. As a younger woman I always believed that the fact I couldn’t make female friends was just a coincidence, my over analysis or down to my personality or lack of effort. I see things differently now and can look back and see experiences differently. So I do not come to these conclusions lightly or without objectivity!
      Do you find it easier to make female friends now at 60? My mum has had similar issues to me in her life and still gets this now (I’ve witnessed how women are to her and she’s almost 70!)

  • deeto carmona

    all of you beautiful woman are putting on shows. HI im freshly 18 and im 5,9 and 213. so im chubby but cute. growing up ive always had that baby face and talked like a white person. proper yet constantly using profanity. im really the non chalant type. i dont really care much for anything. my past girlfriends were all hoes.always cheating on me ,or flirting wih other guys,sitting on laps. really pissed me off. btw ive only had 3 girlfriends in my lifetime,one of them being long distance. i never cheated and i treated them so nicely. my last gf meagan ,me and her went out for 1 year. i spent hundreds on her. introduced her to my family. then on some random day,i go over to her house and she answers in her bra with some guy in his boxers on the couch. she tells me “oh,my god.wow.uhhmm.we over i guess lol” and closes the door.i was about to take her out. she has shot my self esteem,self worth DOWN to 0. yeah, i love beautiful woman.who doesnt?. but i fear them.yeah.i glance at them,but its in anger. because i have this hate towards woman. somtimes i feel like i just want to womanize and fuck and leave them. to make them suffer like i did. but last weekend ,i practiccly stalked this chic i liked to get her to go to a party with me. she finnaly said yes. i picked her up in my truck and bought her food and alc. we went to the party. we got in and she ditched me.then about two hrs later i was drunk and about to leave.she came ti my truck crying with throwup on her telling me bring her home. i felt used,humiliated. i screamed at her to get the fuck out of my truck. she wouldnt budge saying i was her ride. so i got out my truck anddragged her out by the leg and she fell out.screaming to stop. i got in my truck.locked the doors and left her. since then ive stayed away from girls. i hate them. idont know why i have such bad luck. i often try to talk to a girl but she just rolls her eyes like shes to good for me..botttom line is. us average guys dont have a chance. because my schools full of pretty boys.they all have girls.there players. and i have nothing. im writing this because tommoro im going to kill myself. ijust wanted to leave a note some wheres of why. im just tired of trying and failing. even if i have style,a truck,money. i fail. im alone. im rejected,laughed at. all becuase of my looks. so,now more pain. tommorro im free.

    sincerely
    olando.

    • ginna

      So why kill yourself these girls didnt create u some rejection is good rejection if they dont plan on appreciating u your life has purpose even if u dnt see it rght now u didnt predict how much evil would happen to u sooooo u have no u have no idea of what good tomorrow or your future holds DONT KILL YOURSELF DONT KILL YOUR FUTURE U HAVE NO IDEA OF THE YOUNG PEOPLE U CAN HELP IF U PULLTHRU THIS COME ON MAN GIVE US HOPE THAT U WONT MAKE THE WORLD SUFFER WITHOUT YOUR TESTIMONY THAT U ARE AN OVERCOMER
      MY HUSBAND IS AN OVERCOMER AND GUESS WHAT GOD BLESSED HIM WITH A BEAUTIFUL WIFE THAT LOVES AND RESPECTS HIM dont give up your future for the past let this pass and seek counseling and jesus christ so u may heal emotionally and not block your future blessings due to baggage from the past we love u and are rooting for u and u are in our prayers

    • Debbie H

      Oh Orlando
      You are genuinely a handsome young man and it sounds like regardless of what these girls look like, they are not the kinds of girls you want to get involved with.
      Why do these girls make you suffer? Because you feel they are giving you the come on but not interested?
      Perhaps you need to step back away from all this and make a rule to only to be distant friends with girls until you know them better. This issue is nothing at all to do with looks or how the girls look. This is about you getting to know people before you jump in to anything.
      Start being choosey about who you let into your life. Sadly, there are a lot of people that will abuse others goodwill, so you need to not let them and certainly don’t let it turn you into a woman hater, as there are good and bad girls, women as there are men .
      As for the statements about suicide. I really hope these are not for real. If you genuinely feel that isolated and there is more to your statement, then please go and seek help now. Go to your doctor or ring the Samaritans. You have your whole life in front of you and I’m 100% certain that regardless of what you think, your family will be lost, torn apart and devastated if you did something like this.

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      One woman who mistreated you isn’t representative of all attractive women!

    • Selene R

      Stop chasing hoes. Problem solved.

    • Missgee62

      are you serious!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE CUTEST GUY EVERRRRRRRR! STOP CHASING HOES … THINK ABOUT EDUCATION AND MAKING MONEY DUDE CHICKS LOVE SMART CUTE GUYS YOU ARE TOO HANDSOME! YOU DIDNT KILL YOURSELF YET DID YA CUZ THERE ARE PLENTY OF GIRLS WHO WOULD LOVE TO HANG OUT WITH YOU1

  • ProfessionalLady

    I came here today to try to figure out why this happens to me….even in professional business at the highest levels this happens….sometimes it’s called “politics” but WOMEN get smarmy and enter backstabbing mode if someone who is “attractive” and competent and accomplished and pleasant comes on the scene. …they wonder, “what is she up to?” Not all women who fit this bill are out to take YOUR job ladies! Let’s get some work done and stop sizing one another up. Jeez.

    • VeryMuchHoping

      that is certainly the reason why many of us men that are seriously looking for a good woman to meet are having a very difficult time doing so. and i would seriously like to meet a woman that can Accept me for who i am.

  • A J

    the good old fashion down to earth women of years ago were the best, it is a real shame that they are not around anymore.

  • LilLB

    You all don’t know how much this site made my day(!!! thank you!!!)…don’t feel so alone now and was starting to wallow again. Horrible date last night with a man that felt rejected by me and retaliated by being unnecessarily ugly when the evening could have ended on a much more graceful note. (It didn’t help it was the first date I had in a while, either.) It’s hard always feeling you have to be the bigger person and so hard to not be a bitch back to all the haters and insecure people that make you their target just for how God and DNA arranged you. Especially hard when you have a good heart and aren’t out to hurt anyone. Yes, this is a *rant* but it feels oh so goooooood!

    Hard, too, when you grew up with not the best self-esteem to begin with and not even believing that you were as beautiful as everyone said you were, trying to overcome that and being mistreated for said beauty at the same time, how hard for a teenager/young adult!! So-called “friends”, and lies from their boyfriends saying they had sex with you when they want to retaliate, competitive “friends” who love being around your beauty but also hate it and put you down to make themselves feel better, back-stabbing co-workers, jealous supervisors (I just lost a 5-year job due to a supervisor because she was so threatened by by beauty and slender, fit body, also jealous because I was professional and friendly and got a lot of attention (although not always positive), men in power playing mind/control games to have sex with you, sexual harassment on the job from high-positioned people so you felt you couldn’t say anything if you wanted to keep your job, dirty glares in general, marriage proposals from complete strangers, we know the list can go on and on with positives as well but unfortunately they are overshadowed by negatives, it seems.

    Amazing how women have said to me how they wished they could be beautiful like me, or asked me what it’s like to be beautiful and shocked when they hear it’s not as wondrous the dream they thought it would be. I am now in my 40’s and although it’s fortunate I look like I’m in my late 20’s to early 30’s, BUT I have the mind of an older, experienced woman (yes, I do have fun with that! ;) it still gets to me at times, especially the constant hitting on by 20-something men! And they still aren’t deterred when I say I birthed children their age! (I have sons in their teens and 20’s).

    Amazing also for such a gift that beauty is supposed to be and people kill to have, it is so fraught with ugliness. But I attribute that to modern day society and media (no surprise), the daily brainwashing to the masses of people (who surprisingly seem to just eat it up with not much thought) for several decades. I bet the awesomely beautiful women in bible times didn’t have all this crap to deal with because women weren’t all made to feel they had to look a certain way in order to feel good about themselves.

    And so should I hold back and play down my looks? Sometimes I do intentionally to try to be more conspicuous or not stand out too much, either glasses or no make-up, and like some of your experiences, it doesn’t matter, the men still come, maybe because then you look more approachable. We shouldn’t feel we have to downplay our looks at times but I think it’s just smart to use for survival mode or less drama to deal with. Shame though, that if we are overall in general, confident, happy women that happen to be attractive on top of it, we are considered arrogant bitches. I’ve figured since it’s their problem, not mine, to not let myself get overwhelmed by the daily responses and just to alter/tweak my appearance to the occasion as necessary due to what makes the most sense. It’s the ones that come up to you and genuinely like you for all of who you truly are, when you’re not downplaying your outward beauty and your inner beauty is shining as well that you may have real relationships with, no head games…keep smiling, ladies, especially at our haters, it’s fun to disarm them! :) :) :)

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      Be yourself LilLB – it’s up to people to take responsibility for their insecurities, not you, me or anyone else who they feel threatened by, by playing down our looks.

  • Sallytrue

    Things that are rarely mentioned as well is that a beautiful woman has an extremely hard time finding a relationship and keeping one.

    First of all it takes a certain kind of man to know that his “woman” is getting hit on at grocery stores, gas stations, malls, clubs, gyms just about every where. I’m not saying I’m the most beautiful woman in the world but I can tell you that almost every relationship I’ve had my partner has had jealousy/trust issues. It’s understandable honestly if you think about it from their perspective. I’ve had men who wanted to basically keep me prisoner in a house and not take me out on dates due to not wanting to attract attention.

    Men will assume your a “slut” and that you sleeping with multiple men because your options are numerous. Even the most secure man will eventually struggle with trusting you to deal with other men on a daily basis. I don’t know how many times I’ve had to explain that yes while there are men all around me I don’t sleep with them nor do I even entertain them. I feel as though the men in my life are constantly suspicious. I think it’s only natural to wonder how someone who gets hit on almost daily might not one day take advantage of that and leave their partners.

    Often times men will cut you down with mean things they say or behaviors to try to make you feel less than them or so that you feel that their the best you can do in order to keep you. I dated a man who would never compliment me, would say rude things and even once introduced me to a bartender at a club as his sister in older to play psychological games with me to make me feel inferior to him.

    I find that there are two types of men I encounter, the ones that want to sleep with you and nothing more and men who want to get married right now based on your looks (they could care less who you are on the inside. In fact one night after a date with a guy that wanted me to be his instant wife I said “what if I’m a psycho biotch from hell since you don’t know who I really am?” he said “I don’t care I know what I want and what I like and that’s you!”. Then their are the men who just want to sleep with you, use your body like a dumpster and throw it away. I stopped dating because I became so frustrated at my two options in men. I also have developed serious trust issues regarding men. I’m always trying to play clue detective to figure out if the guy I’m dating is just here to sleep with me or do they actually want more.

    Finally, people will mess with your relationships. Friends, family and even strangers. If they don’t think your partner is in your “league”. I was at a club last week and a man I’ve been dating (whom I really like was there) we were dancing having fun and this woman, who I don’t know came up and started telling me how I was way to beautiful to be with a guy like him. Started cutting down my date saying he’s wasn’t cute, he’s short ect ect and even went as far as to try to get other men to take me away from him and dance with me! My date got mad and left the dance floor. He was terribly hurt by this!

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      I hope you find a good man soon, Sallytrue. It’s interesting that a few years ago I got this intuitive look of knowing from a relative stranger – a very attractive woman, like she sensed we were both in the same boat in terms of isolation – we were both crossing the same road and she just looked at me hesitantly – I did the same – then we both smiled, as if we didn’t need to worry! ;) Just thought I’d throw that in!

      I’ve spent most of my life dealing with extremely negative behaviour as a consequence of many men’s deep insecurities – I really relate to the comment you made about men “who want to get married right now based on your looks (they could care less who you are on the inside)”. I’ve had guys offer to marry me who’d known me a few weeks but within that same time I’ve watched them reveal their Jekyll & Hyde personalities and basically say very cruel things to try and deal with their insecurities. I couldn’t go out without a million questions like: “you’re seeing someone else aren’t you?” when all I was doing was going dancing!

    • cherylu2010

      I’m not only called “beautiful,” but I’m tall and have “legs up to here” – the kind they write songs about. I’ve spent more Saturday nights home alone than almost everybody I know. Women don’t want to be my friend because I take the limelight from them. I don’t want to do that, it just happens. Men claim they are “ok” with my height – but after one date, realize they aren’t comfortable. Then they say, “I didn’t feel any chemistry.” Chemistry is for desperate 20 year olds. Mature people take time before they make the decision. It becomes a good cop out excuse for an insecure man. I’m a nice, fun, playful person who doesn’t sleep around. I got involved with one man when I first moved to where I live, and he spread the word I was an “easy, leg-spreader.” asshole loser. Told his buddies. Before I knew what was going on, they were asking me out and expecting sex, because of the story this asshole loser told. I don’t consider myself to be “beautiful,” or anything so different from other women – but apparantly, men do. And they can’t handle a beautiful woman who is also intelligent and accomplished. Internet dating? I seem to be every man’s fantasy – got almost 1,000 messages. Started making plans to meet 18 of them, and they all backed out, chickened out, at the last minute. The fantasy was becoming real, and they couldn’t handle it. I haven’t heard of that happening with anybody – even once. 18 times became masochistic.

      • yep

        don,t bother its not about you, they,ll say youre either a nutter or a slag- no one says anything about your looks though, or say your stunning but youre crazy- yeh, umm no- its just I don,t fancy you, sorry

      • lkofie

        Well……WHO and WHY wouldn’t someone not only want a model type but a RUNWAY model type considering your height :-) Anyhow, from my own personal experience I really don’t think too much about “being pretty” but well…..I suppose people DO tend to draw their own conclusions in terms of how I’m expected to act. I’ve received comments like “I thought you would be stuck-up but you’re really nice,” or “Oh you must spend all of your paycheck on clothes and shoes.” The irony of it all is, as I’m just being ME and I’m not really thinking about “other peoples’ ” thoughts these days or don’t take peoples’ comments about “being pretty” seriously. I just give a polite “thank you….” and STAY GROUNDED and keep being me.

  • TheBlackJohnGalt

    Lets see…. being a beautiful woman or an ugly, skinny man. Who has it worse?

    I’m willing to bet it’s not the former…

    For those who are down about this, don’t worry… there are millions of men waiting for you to turn them down. Be patient. :-)

    -an ugly skinny man

  • Carena T.

    I’ve had multiple personal experiences with some current and former girlfriends who I’ve witnessed be awful people, particularly to men who try to woo them. I’m not saying all beautiful girls are bitches, but as the saying goes “stereotypes come from somewhere.” I have an issue with entitlement, so to see a girl who could “have anyone she wants” treat decent men like crap? Sorry, can’t make excuses for ya.

    • Que Z

      ahh….i do it when dudes start acting stupid…it really get to emm too. LOL

    • Tina Wilson

      Every man a beautiful woman rejects thinks she is a bitch. Been through all of that. If I am not attracted to a man I do not want him no matter how he looks. Attraction is not a choice. I’m talking real attraction not using someone for status or money. I have given not good looking men chances and they are insecure beta needy men who do nothing but bring me down. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. It is my life and if I don’t want someone I don’t want them.
      And yes, other women are jealous of beautiful women. But, a strong woman no matter what keeps her head high and goes towards her dreams and goals and doesn’t care who hates on them.
      Nothing any man or woman says to me anymore hurts my feelings or makes a difference in my life. I am successful and I like successful men. My ex husband was NOT good looking at all, in fact everyone called him fugly when we divorced which pissed me off. But, the whole time we were married he treated me good. We just had so many differences. Love or lust cannot keep a relationship going. Oh well, life is life. The strong survive the weak get eaten alive………..

  • Edwin

    This woman is amazingly beautiful

  • Debbie

    I just wanted to warn women (or men) who use this site that there is someone (or it could be more than one, I have no idea) who I suspect is scanning these forums (this one in particular) and is currently posting as a ‘spirit medium’ looking for vulnerable people to prey on. A little digging further here proved to me she is not who she suggests she is (she added me on facebook and started messaging me). Just a word of warning as I think its a cruel thing to do; identify women in times of weakness or depression to try and make money from or manipulate.

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      Hi Debbie, if you know who this person is could you please send me a name or email via the contact page so that I can investigate? We spam and blacklist any commenter that is trying to push the spirit medium scam but if they are targeting users I will need to know so that I can take appropriate measures. Contact page link is at the bottom of the site. Thanks.

      • Elizabeth Nesterenko

        Greg, this is a false accusation.
        I unfriended Debbie on Facebook ecause she kept fishing for information from me after saying she wanted to be friends and offering me her email address but when I asked her why she had to different name on here and on Facebook, she did not answer so I unfriended her. She may be bitter about this. I don’t know but rather than jumping to any assumptions about me faces on false accusations, please contact me directly to discuss the matter. I don’t like being falsely accused by people of things. I did not force my beliefs on her and she talked about her own psychic experiences and now I am being preyed on a vulnerable emmer by being demonised. It’s all false.

      • Elizabeth Nesterenko

        Dear Greg, I suggest you find out the real truth before you believe these false accusations.

      • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

        Gotcha, this thread has some good things but some really mean and inflammatory ones also. For the record I don’t punish guests unless it is obvious that they are violating rules. We have two rules here in terms of commenting, no personal attacks, and no attacks on authors or their writing style. Guests should have no way of getting email addresses or IP’s unless it is commented so I was curious as to how someone was scraping that information. In any event, I am glad to see that it isn’t what it seemed. Thanks for commenting,

      • Elizabeth Nesterenko

        You’re welcome and thank you.

    • Elizabeth Nesterenko

      Absolutely disgusting comment Debbie. You’re a viscous little person posing as a hard done by beautiful woman who is in fact very sadistic IMO.
      I am a psychic medium but am not here to scam people. I provide mediumship developer services for free. One more word about me and I will take legal action against you for slander.

  • Anonymous

    Maybe try jobs where your looks will help you instead of hinder you – modeling, acting?

    • cherylu2010

      really? That’s all a beautiful woman is supposed to do – model? That’s about the biggest mindless work out there.

    • yep

      done, bored to death-if very bright and amibtous, ie driven, why on earth would modelling be enough, it,s dull boring and even worse than using your mind- really are just a body- some of the some detached years of my life- now use my mind

  • Hillary Corby

    Interesting post and comments. I wholeheartedly agree with some of these statements. I still try to wrap my head around when I try to be friendly and make women friends and invite them out and they make excuses. I just never got that I was good looking despite being told so all of my life. I am an intelligent, well traveled, very kind, down-to-earth person and not bitchy. I tire of others thinking that good looks equate to an easy life, fab men and, being conceited, stupid and … well everything. I’d rather be good looking than ugly but it does have very definite drawbacks. Jealousy is the number ONE problem. I cannot help my genetics so give me a break.

    • GreenLantern

      stop wearing make up. thats not genetics.

      • Toya

        I hate when people say “stop wearing makeup”. It’s like, “stop taking care of yourself and presenting yourself well to appease us insecure folks”. Most women like to adorn themselves..

      • Sally22

        Also, when a grown woman – pretty or ugly – doesn’t wear makeup she often just looks either juvenile or tired. Neither of these looks are good in the workplace.

      • GreenLantern

        Why are women perceived as juvenile for not putting an artificial substance on their face? Why are grown women seen this way, and grown men are not.

      • Minelva

        Are you serious? Stop wearing make up? Get of the forum if your gonna be a jerk. For your info I get the same amount. Of hate with out make up

      • GreenLantern

        Im not male if thats what you mean by jerk, but what im saying is why not just be your natural self and see how women take to that. In this society women are under constant pressure to look a certain way, a way which most women are not gonna look. The pressure is not just about male attention for personal reasons, the pressure is because we live in a patriarchal system where women are valued more for their appearance. Unfortunately this leads to some women backlashing against other women who are closer to meeting those standards, its not just plain envy of the attention these women think your getting. But more so they envy the fact your looks could mean you get the job they want, or anything as simple as free drinks or holidays in many cases. Women who don’t meet those ideals can spent years trying to get the recognition you can get in an instant by doing nothing but just looking how you look. It may take you until you are old and grey to fully understand the difference looks can make.

        Its worth experimenting, like trying a tomboy clothing and no make up look for a couple of months and observe how different both sexes treat you. Im someone who likes to keep fit, workout in the gym etc and when i was in my early 20’s i experienced something similar from shorter more heavy and older women. They would always talk about food and ask if i ate etc. I got sick of it, and noticed men didn’t get this stuff as much and it made me a bit resentful towards women who brought that topic up with me. Out and about i hated certain types of women looking at me, incase they were judging etc. But i was not willing to stop exercising to stop them from caring, thats because being fit has more benefits than just being in shape, and being in shape has more benefits than just looking a certain way.

        But what benefits does make up have when someone is already good looking, its bound to hide some of it. If you like wearing it, and putting it on etc then don’t give it up. But don’t you find it odd that women who are attractive are still expected to do lots to their appearance?

  • Hillary Corby

    P.S. I would like to add that, being half black and half white, I encountered so much hatred from black women when I lived or visited the US, it was ridiculous. It was hurtful and eventually I stopped ever trying to be friends with black women.

    • LotusBud

      Oh please, get over yourself. you’re still black and look it too, so that won’t get you anywhere.

      • byrus

        good job proving her point.

    • purpledragon

      I’m mixed race and I was bullied by other black girls but at the end of the day their are bitchy women in all races.as I got older I befriended many black girls and the past didn’t stop me from getting know other black women I meet.you may be mixed but other races will only see your black side.insecurity makes because hate not looks or race.

    • Lila

      Obviously you were hanging out with the wrong women . And please do not categorize me as a race . I am deprecate from them just cuz we got the same skin color don’t mean we act alike,have the same emotions.think about what you say before you say it because what you say can be never taken back and that was hella hurtful
      ~trushit👌~

    • Tomoko

      Try being black and Asian.

      What you went through is nothing. Black and Asian, then WHITE MEN come at you. “I want the Asian I see, I hate the black that I see”… and then all other races, you’re the exotic sportscar they’ve all got to own, or the other bitches will come and key… you can’t win.

      I’d rather be black/white than black/Asian.

      You suffered nothing. Walk in my shoes a year.

    • Minelva

      You shouldn’t put everyone in one group I too have had more hate from.black women but there are great ones out there like me :)

  • sophieguest

    So you would really rather be an ugly girl who grew up hating her body and actually believe the people who tell her that she is ugly? A guy walks by and tells you to “cover that **** up” speaking about your face. maybe huh.

    Also a LOT of guys will get rejected constantly by pretty girls in high school/etc for friendship, conversation and even just for asking what the time is to the point of not risking getting beat down again by a pretty girl and then that just leaves the manipulators that lie for sex and such. So its understandable that the normal guys (who don’t lie for sex) would be reluctant to approach you due to insecurities on their part from past experience that have nothing to do with you. Pretty girls have to a lot more players after them however ugly girls get their hearts broken too and don’t have the confidence boost from all the attention. I have also seen women that don’t get a much attention at all who fall for a manipulator who flatters them blind to his lies since they hardly ever get positive attention from men so its not just a pretty girl problem. Oh and the way men treat women in the workplace hasn’t completely changed. Maybe you could get some ugly glasses so that the creeps leave you be. Oh wait, is the nerd look in style?

    Did someone mention girls are jealous because when you are good looking people talk to you more and open doors you get to be popular in school. Good luck honestly finding people who won’t judge you by how you look and get to know you. Or maybe you can find some girls who are in the same boat but then the jealousy never ends. It’s the end of society as we know it, again.

  • kendogg

    Well im gonna just say this.. as a beautiful person by todays standards, i realize most people are gonna hate you and wish you were dead. Period. ‘Regular’ people have a sole goal to treat us like trash to mentally bring us down. I dont know about you but im freakin tired of trying to be nice to bum ass looking, fat, no swagg havin, insecure, ignorant ass people! If they want a war then so be it. I feel alot better when i look that staring ass person right back in the eye and give em the meanist look i can give. If a person had a problem with me being fine as hell then im gonna make em suffer. I was always the nice guy. But guess what.. nice people finish last. If u ever let those clown ass people make u feel bad then you are truly a weak ass person.

    • kittykat60621

      Amen brother

    • yep

      love it it,s true my life,s been hell, some women literally hate on you so bad, forms teams to try to take you down. Men stare and ignore you and end up with some 5 out of 10 girl, youre like wtf. walking along the street you get the feet to head dead stare, did I kill your mother, nope, I look up at the sky and avoid eye contact. Small men, I,m 5 feet 10, size 6 uk, very bright 165 iq, have studied alot, driven, and told stunning- no one talks about anything but my looks, cos no one bothers, just you look great- so what, can someone please talk to ME, not go on and on about my looks, yes thank you, now what.
      Women are either very very nice suck up or hate heavily, men are either very off hand or hitting on you, but no one actually listens to you, just you are youre looks and they won,t or don,t want you to be bright, a award winning designer, have new ideas concepts, witty or charismatic, fuck that-your arse looks nice, so no one ever lets you be yourself they can,t bear you to be witty and good looking and if bright and driven on top- youre in for a lonely rough ride- from anyone under 8/9 out of ten-(not my scoring- its frankly boring, but you get seriously hated on and stalked by 4/5 out of 10, only beautiful women are nice sometimes we smile at each other knowing the curse, its always fat, stupid, plainer, duller, boring, well that type of thing- which sadly if youre up there in looks, brains, etc- means you are outcast because different as got far few bitches on your case, passive aggressive- its my frigging fault – sometimes hide as the attention has been extreme and draining- cos know its all weird reactions, oh its alright for you-what youre good looking- yep thats why most married are size wide and well nice, but okish looking- not that I judge them, but yes men marry mostly plain women and if youre a stunner- and the whole package- you,ll be used as a thing, no man will let you be YOU, because then you,ll be witter, more successful- have mostly just been privy to some very weird ott reactions either way- sadly only stunners will know what they are and if you say to regular or pretty good looking men, they will not have a clue- they just don,t get so much shit- its draining, even go out covered up, but can,t hide my height , size and face, used to be size 10 and noticed size 8, bitch factor ott, at size 6- you might as well be dead- hate is from all angles- sadly as really kind person, not many let me- those that do- wow, big poeple-

    • Audrey Yarper

      So you just made it very clear why people don’t like you. It’s not because you are (in your own view) pretty, but because you are mean. ” im freakin tired of trying to be nice to bum ass looking, fat, no swagg havin, insecure, ignorant ass people! If they want a war then so be it. I feel alot better when i look that staring ass person right back in the eye and give em the meanist look i can give.” I seriously doubt there are very many people who would like you.

  • Toya

    Being attractive definitely has downsides. I have found that my looks particularly piss people off when they see that I’m intelligent and educated. When they see that I am working hard to achieve professional goals. Okay, I understand that being considered unattractive is hurtful too. I was a “ugly duckling” growing up. I was NOT the pretty girl in school. So I know how it feels to be considered ugly or not pretty enough to date. But at least back then I had friends. Even though I was teased for being tall, lanky, with gap teeth and a big nose, I always had my circle of friends to laugh with and talk to. But as I got older, friends just turned into competitors. Things have only intensified as I have gotten older. At almost 30 I believe I really have changed and I can say that I do look pretty damn good. But I wasn’t ready for the spotlight that came with it. Always scrutinized. Your looks examined, you personal life gossiped about. People waiting and even hoping for you to mess up so that they can feel better about themselves. Men pressuring you for sex and a resorting to “No one cares about you the way I do” tactics. I have had men beg and harass me for sex. And call their lust “chemistry”. “Can’t you see we have chemistry?? I never had chemistry like this with anyone!”
    The only chemistry that’s going on is the blood rushing to your penis. Body chemistry.

    • lkofie

      I can relate in terms of being “the ugly ducking” during that middle school period, and the scrutiny exactly as you’ve written it. Looks being examined boils down to “oh you know it’s fake hair anyway…,” and in terms of personal life being gossiped about, it really just seems like when my husband and I were newly weds, I get the impression that my sister-in-laws had their conclusions particularly about how I would spend money, or my so-called friends (in which half of the lot WERE MY BRIDESMAIDS or childhood friends) seem to speculate things that were going on in our marriage any moment we didn’t attend a social function together that’s going on within our community, or really just drawing their own conclusions that appear to have been spread (and unfortunately believed) amongst my/our peers and suddenly I’ve really been getting the cold shoulder. I’ve also been told comments like “my husband is my bodyguard” (implying I’m a trophy) and synical questions/comments like “oh is he?….” when I’ve explained why my husband was not at a particular function with me (like implying perhaps things aren’t so rosy OR perhaps there’s someone else), or waiting until I leave the room to ask my husband “How do you do it being married for 11 years” (which was the length of time we’d been married at the time the question was asked….and they didn’t mean it as “congratulations any tips?” if you know what I mean)….FISHING FOR ANYTHING NEGATIVE IS WHAT THEY SEEMED TO BE HOPING TO HEAR, and that’s the impression my husband got, on and on. And yes…indeed….I also get the impression that they are/were (“were” considering they’re NOW getting into the married life and starting their families when I’m already 13 years in with 2 kids….maybe they’re getting the picture now….perhaps….maybe?) just watching and waiting for you to FAIL publicly no matter how minor or petty the failure is, from perhaps a wardrobe malfunction (God forbid) to perhaps trouble in the marriage (God please continue to bless my marriage, AMEN)…you name it. These very women (the bridesmaids) had excluded me from their get togethers, baby showers, weddings, etc. and I STILL can’t understand why to this day, and at the same time I’ve tried not to assume but the changes in the attitudes don’t lie…not to mention new friendships with people within the same community that seemed to start but suddenly those individuals become distant (perhaps after the “gossip” gets to them). Don’t forget those that play two sides of the field as in acting like the negative talk in regards to you is oh so bad and not fair (but won’t exactly tell you what’s going on), yet she’s fishing for information to report back to the crew. Since this has been going on for quite some time, I feel that it’s even old and really, I’ve grown not to care so much anymore….I mean I ALWAYS FEEL THAT SUCCESS IS THE BEST STATEMENT and so I will continue to just be me and let THEM worry about how to ease their own issues/insecurities that really doesn’t and shouldn’t have anything to do with me.

  • cherylu2010

    This is an interesting subject, esp since people are still replying to it four years later! I had a friend for years, who one day started talking about how ugly she is. I had never noticed. I have often been called beautiful, and never cared about it. She and I became good friends. My life was troubled. She seemed to care about it, and let me talk about certain things. Then one day I found some peace and healing. The very next week, she changed the way she treated me. She liked me when I was beautiful and troubled, but not when I became healthy. She started insulting me, judging me, and making some seriously verbally abusive comments to me. It was only then when I started seeing any ugliness in her. So sad.

  • Patricia

    Wow, Kendogg what a reply! I have to say you enlightened me this morning. Thank you. I am sick of a particular friend putting me down in front of people. I have been a great friend to her too. She is fat & average looking. I am attractive, tall & slender and I think that bugs her. I’ve been extremely supportive to her in every way yet she always has to slip in a few digs. I will take your advice.

    • Atlanta_Man

      This reminds me of what Jack Nicholson said in ‘Wolf': You know, I think I understand what you’re like now. You’re very beautiful and you think men are only interested in you because you’re beautiful, but you want them to be interested in you because you’re you. The problem is, aside from all that beauty, you’re not very interesting. You’re rude, you’re hostile, you’re sullen, you’re withdrawn. I know you want someone to look past all that at the real person underneath but the only reason anyone would bother to look past all that is because you’re beautful. Ironic, isn’t it? In an odd way you’re your own problem.

      • Minelva

        How can you assume everyone is like this?

  • JFB

    One of the worst things you can be nowadays in a beautiful, educated woman with a good head on her shoulders. Media forces images of drunken Snooki and Snooki wannabees on us as a way to keep women down. Don’t fall for it! Don’t let these people make you feel bad for being who and what you are. Let them stay in their own angry world. It isn’t your problem, it’s theirs. If they aren’t nice, don’t be nice back. No reason to, it just makes you seem weak.

    • lkofie

      ….and believe me the through the years, it even gets old. I’m not dumbing down or making myself dopey because of SOMEONE ELSE’S OWN ISSUES/INSECURITIES. They just have to learn how to deal with it like I HAVE TO learn how to deal with their ridiculous underhanded comments or conclusions. I’m with you 100% I would keep being ME and not back down.

  • JFB

    Dani I hear you. Being an attractive woman in a predominantly female workplace can be a liability if you’re the best looking one of the bunch. You have to learn how to maneuver around these nasties because you don’t deserve to be homeless. One thing you can do is work for yourself – use your skills and talents and hustle for yourself. If you don’t have the skills yet, go back to school and get them. There are ways around this, and they mean you will have to keep your head up and deal with the nasty hatefuls. Won’t you be happy to turn in your resignation and tell them, “I’m leaving to start my own company!”

  • Que Z

    I know this is about attractive women, but attractive men go through the same things. I’m lonely, very few friends, every girl thinks I sleep around, and most people automatically assume that I am stupid or think i have a over inflated ego (this is a big one) before getting to know me. Making friends is kind of rough to, most guys assume your gay, will use you to get other chicks, or worse, try to sleep with you!!!….(very weird, happened at least 5 times, so serious). My best friend of 8 years though that I was stuck up before we actually became patnas. I remember after a while I stared talking to him (also attractive) about this issues (which kind of bothers me, because I always looked up to attractive folks and assumed that most people would assume people are nice), but he told me this:

    “people have a sense of justice and fairness and they try to even the score by dragging you down to their level”

    • Selene R

      I have to admit, I look the other way after I have admired a handsome man. It is not fair, but I expect men like you to have ‘pick of the litter’ and I know I am not it, so I keep it moving. Sorta like going to the botanical gardens and looking at a rare plant specimen. You take it in and appreciate it, but you know you can’t take it home.

      • Indigo

        one of the BEST comments

    • Minelva

      Really didn’t know men felt like this.

    • Minelva

      Can you tell me why attractive men treat beautiful women like shit or men in general. They Always want to tell you how another girl is pretty like they want a hurtful reaction out of you. They treat less attractive women like gold. My personality is beautiful i am not stuck up or depend on my looks so why?

    • lkofie

      That’s the impression that individuals had about my husband but well…..frankly, I don’t mind boosting his ego (well that’s a wife’s job anyway isn’t it, :-) ) though I’m not saying he really takes his “looks” to heart. It’s just he is an all ’round sociable and well rounded man who can literally talk to anybody to the point where I remember when we were dating, I thought he just ran into an old friend, but he JUST MET THE GUY that very day, lol. Yet, his good friend now (and fellow co-worker) had admittedly told us that when he first started working with my husband, he thought that he (my husband) was an a**h***, :-)

  • S

    I try to find ways to make other people feel good about themselves. I put the focus on them and try to show them how Lucky they are to be who they are. I know it sounds unfair, but it helps. You’d be surprised to see how people crave your positive attention. Even if they act very negatively towards you.
    I’ve also learned to be harmless by acting a little silly-funny, but I’m not sure it’s the best of tricks in the workplace…

  • Tina Wilson

    Hi Dani,
    I usually don’t respond to comments but I wanted to respond to yours. I know exactly what you are feeling and talking about in the work place and with friends and family. Women are bitches to me. Pardon my language but I’m just going to say it how it is and how I see it.
    I have spent most of my life trying to figure out why I have been treated different. I never really thought I was beautiful but I never thought I was ugly either. It has only been since I am getting older that I understand what others say and do to me doesn’t matter nor does it bother me anymore.
    I work in healthcare for a large company of many hospitals and have for several years. Most of my jobs I have I was hired by men. I work hard and I am smart. I am not going to say what I do but I save peoples lives every time I go to work. I work hard and years ago I was always bossed around and harassed by women I work with. I have pretty much taken care of that. I am a leader not a follower and what other people think of me is of no concern to me at this point in my life because I do not care.
    I will say I have not spoken to my sisters or many of my family members in years. My sisters never even wanted to introduce me to their boyfriends. I have decided I do not care if I ever talk to them again and I have made that pretty clear. I also have only a couple very good friends who own horses like I do that are not jealous and treat me like a real friend as well as I do them.
    I have had two stalkers, sexual harassment at my current job and had two of my family members husbands fall head over heals for me and pretty much I was blamed for them not being able to control themselves. The harassment at work I never pursued due to them relocating the man. He was head over heels for me and just could not stop. He was my supervisor and he was the smartest most knowledgeable man in my whole department. It was terrible going through all that. His wife was even threatening me at my job. They had no choice but to relocate him. It was a great loss for our department when he was relocated. Of course I was once again blamed but the evidence told the real story.
    I currently have non stop trouble with men not understanding I do not want to date them. They never give up even when I say no. I get stared at all the time by men to the point I purposely go out of my way to ignore them. I do have a man I am seeing who is very nice and I am sure people go “what the hell is she doing with him” all the time. I don’t really care. What I care about is he is nice and very respectful to me and not a jealous idiot like most other men. I cannot ever be with a jealous man. It just will not work.
    I get married men hitting on me and I do not want anything to do with any man who is married or taken. It happens all the time.
    As far as the job stuff I just wanted to tell you I currently have 9 websites I blog on and I also sell on Amazon and Ebay. I started all of these while going through my divorce when I was not working and could not find a job at first. I made enough money to survive and take care of myself, my daughter and 7 horses at the time. I made/make better money doing the blogging and selling online than I do working full time. I love what I do in healthcare. I love going to work and I love helping the people I come in contact with. My current boss is great and the people I currently work with are great. It took me a long time to find someplace I fit in but working in healthcare for a very large company and saving people has made it all worth it. I am also friends with and nice to the people outside my department. I am friendly and nice to everyone. I am not a bitch and I am not psycho. At least not by my standards. I cannot tell you what the men think but nothing has stopped them from still pursuing me.
    My family and sisters are a different story and I doubt those relationships will ever be better. You have to keep you head held high and brace who you are. Others around you don’t matter and that is what actually matters. Never give up and never let anyone bring you down. Someday you will figure out what your calling is and make your happiness regardless of your looks and how people treat you. I lead. I don’t follow. You must also lead and not follow to have the life you want and deserve.
    Tina

  • joquinn

    uh….men don’t “run comparisons with one another”? first of all, nice grammar. second……LOL! generalize much?

    • Que Z

      Yea they do…

  • Mona I

    This is so true. I’m sick of being single and everyone saying – you shouldn’t have a problem. I really respect myself morally and always have done, and have worked very hard at being successful. I’m so normal and loving. I never used to believe it, (that people could be so nasty) , but now I’m in my thirties and I look back, I agree with everything you’ve said. I used to wonder what I had done to cause reactions in people, was my dress too tight ? Was I flirting without knowing it? Now I understand it was just BECAUSE I was a nice person (genuinely) and academically successful and 5’10 and beautiful ( or what the world classifies as classically beautiful) that no one would have anything nice to say to me apart from ‘ I can’t believe you’re still single’. They wouldn’t help set me up with anyone nice or help me talk to anyone decent. And no guys approach me unless they are drunk or being idiots. Thank you for explaining it. X

    • Minelva

      Well said

    • Pirate_Dread

      I am having the same problem.

  • Selene R

    All I know is this…men swear up and down that they want a “natural-looking, drama free” female, when in all actuality, they know deep down that’s a lie. Why did I go there? Because…I see what men break their necks to stare at, and it is not the ‘pretty enough’ Plain Jane. She can be fit, well put together, smell nice, be approachable and friendly, be pleasant, etc. but as soon as Mrs. High Maintenance Maybelline Queen steps into the room, all bets are OFF.

    Now, riddle me this…if men can’t stand female BS like being arrogant about her looks, why chase a woman who is clearly stuck on self? Why even waste your energy and resources on a high maintenance female who will have nothing but hell to give you? Where will you rank on her scale of importance? I suppose those questions all fly out the window when the little head gets swollen, right men? Ha, and before any of you even ‘go there’, no one is saying a man should be attracted to some sloppy chick that clearly does not give a damn about herself.

    It’s natural to be attracted to someone that takes pride in their appearance, but what disheartens me about so many males, is that they do not even take the time to get to know a woman, they go off of looks alone and like a bull charging upon seeing red, they ‘charge’ at the first woman they see that mirrors something they have seen on a TV show or porn magazine. Women’s characters are optional to men, when they should be the most important gauge of her worthiness. Then of course, after Mrs. Maybelline has played you out and maxed out your credit cards, stomped on your heart and ripped your soul from you, then enter the ‘manly’ song and dance of: A.) All women are shit, or, B.) It’s time to get revenge on womankind (because we be all monolithic and shit) by playing out the first sweet and gentle normal woman that gives you her trust.

    I’m not saying all pretty women are bad news, but you all know the ones…the over the top chicks that spend 2 hours to plaster on war paint. They can’t afford to get that nagging dental issue fixed because designer clothes/shoes/makeup take precedence. She looks down her nose at everyone else and she does not have true friends, she has lackeys. She has no room for any one but herself. How do you think she’s going to treat you? Like a fucking accessory/ATM, that’s how. But what do I know, I’m only a normal, moderately attractive woman that has seen this time and time again.

    • iwishihad2000feet

      Good post. Interestingly, it’s the gender-flipped version of the ‘girls say they want nice guys but go for hot assholes’ problem.

    • Audrey Yarper

      It’s so true. I have this guy friend. He has this high maintenance gorgeous gf. He’s a doctor, so what else would I expect. Anyhow I am officially friend zoned, so he and I hang out often. He constantly complains about the gf, and I have honestly never heard him say one good thing about her. I have asked him why he stays with her, and he didn’t say directly but it’s pretty obvious that it’s her looks. The sad thing is he and I have a great relationship and we can talk for hours, he says he misses me when I’m gone and is always happy to see me, yet I know that he would never consider me for a gf, because I don’t meet his standards for looks, and I don’t have money nor interest in designer cloths and make up ect. I’m very natural looking and I like that about me. I won’t change for any man.

  • Cynthia Sue

    Have you noticed when out in public, store, mall, theater etc. That some of the most attractive men are with average or flat out not attractive woman? They know that as men, they have a better shot and chance at keeping her around and not having to make the effort or put in all the work into the relationship as they most likely would with a girl who is “a five star chick” so to speak. I am not full of myself, but I know I am a very beautiful girl. On the inside and out. And an educated and goal driven one with self respect and determination to succeed in life. Yet, I am probably at times, the loneliest girl in the room. Sometimes I feel my Beauty is a curse, because that’s all some people see, instead of seeing the even more beautiful soul inside. Just being honest.

    • Minelva

      I feel the same I try to be kind and respectful to people and compliment them. So many times women just hate me with out a reason. I just wish the world would just let me be and accept the fact that Iam not bitch and not deserve to be treated badly by men. I have also had to stop friendships due to jealous. Iam just trying to live my life n be happy. But it’s hard even when I have a positive attitude with men and women they don’t give me chance they see my looks and assume what they please. It’s very painful. Is they a group or forum where like minded women can speak and support each other?

      • Pirate_Dread

        Yes, I have a similar pain. More than anything I wish for people to treat me with the same kindness I treat them. Even 20 lbs overweight I still get a lot of hate. I too wish for a support group.

      • kofybean

        “I feel the same I try to be kind and respectful to people and compliment them. So many times women just hate me with out a reason.”
        A lot of “pretty women” are pretentious and insincere with their kindness and respect. It comes off insulting and condescending, as if she is saying “Look how kind and respectful I can be too the little people”. Like she is a queen giving token gifts to the poor. Then they wonder why other women hate them.

  • James Deen

    Life is better for attractive people and they all know it, even the ones who pretend they dont.

    Women’s maturity begins to plateau and they stop maturing mentally at
    their early 20’s because they dont have to, you see a woman is stupid
    because she wants to be stupid, a man is intelligent because he has to
    be intelligent. Putting it another way, a woman is a man who doesn’t
    have to be a man, a man is a woman who is not allowed to be a woman, if
    men had the same options, they would be just as stupid as women choose
    to be.
    women know all they have to be is pretty, if they are not good
    looking they can make themselves good looking by trickery (makeup,
    pushup bras, heels, padded underwear, girdles, corsets etc) once she is
    pretty men will come to her offering their services of marriage etc,
    so all a woman has to do is
    1. mature physically
    2. look pretty

    lets do the math
    mature physically + look pretty = successful life

    for
    men it isnt simple, they dont have the luxury of being stupid, because
    women are attracted to confidence per$onality, and status, looks are not
    as important to women as to men, and to posses these a man has to be
    mature and realistic. Good looking people get away with more, and they
    all know it, even the ones who pretend they don’t

    • Teresina White

      Simplistic

    • Audrey Yarper

      So true! That’s why so many of women who are considered intellectuals are average or below average in the looks dept. We have to actually prove we are intelligent to get anywhere in life, and forget about a prince on a white horse saving us lol. We have to pave our own road in life, just like men do.

    • Indigo

      lmao at your equation so true

  • Audrey Yarper

    Lol. This article is a joke. I have never been particularity, pretty although I was probably slightly above average when I was young, but I have seen how the pretty girls are treated. Are you kidding me? Men are not afraid to approach them. I work with one such young woman, an aspiring model, at a floral shop. I work 5 times harder than her, while she sat around gossiping all day, but male customers would swarm to her, buy flowers and give them to her, tip her like crazy (I was almost never tipped), and then she was given raise (I wasn’t). I actually liked her other than her laziness, but she was so oblivious to the privileges she had over me, just because of her pretty face. This is just one example. I have seen this countless times. If you are a woman and you are very attractive, you can have just about anything, without working for it. Not just men but women, such as female teachers and bosses, with also favor you because of your looks, whether they are aware of it or not.

    • Sally22

      Okay, well pretty people CAN sell things to the opposite sex. There’s lots of research on that, and it’s why shot girls, cocktail waitress, etc are always hot. However, do you really think the number of flowers someone sells is what makes someone happy? I bet she doesn’t date quality men, has few female friends, and that if she instead were trying to study to be a doctor or lawyer, people would treat her like a bimbo.

      • Audrey Yarper

        Actually women are discriminated based on their looks in every field. For example women who are overweight are much less likely to get into a PhD program than thin women, even if their credentials are better, however, overweight men are just as likely as thin men to get into a PhD program. My BFF who I mentioned above is a very nice person, but she is not all that intelligent and her grades are fairly poor, yet when she was applying for a scholarship she was awarded the scholarship over 100’s of applicants most of whom were better qualified. This was after the interview, when she was repeatedly told how cute or how pretty she was. Hmmm. I just kept my mouth shut. I on the other hand have a 4.0 gpa and do volunteer work ect… but I have not yet been able to get a scholarship.

      • Mallory

        And how do they determine who is overweight in in a grad application? Unless there are personal interviews–which I know not all programs do–this is hard to say as fact.

      • kofybean

        What she is saying is that “pretty women” are claiming victim status because they are judged on their looks, and she is calling that out saying ALL women are judged on their looks. However, pretty women at least get passes in life for it, as most of the self proclaimed “pretty victims” have commented already.

      • Indigo

        lmao pretty “victims” smh

      • kofybean

        What you are arguing is that you want every advantage a pretty woman has, and still have the advantage of being happy… something everyone has to face. So not only do average women face the same loneliness and unhappiness that pretty women face, they do it without any of the social and business advantages in life that pretty women receive.

    • Every word true

      “I have never been particularity, pretty”

      Then STFU. This article is for us. You just spent your entire paragraph proving this part true: “Women hate Beautiful Women”.

      Lose the weight then see it from our point of view. Every word in this article = truth

      • Audrey Yarper

        I’m already thin. Thanks. And as mentioned before I Like this woman. She is actually really sweet, just oblivious. My BFF is drop dead gorgeous, so no I don’t hate pretty people, but I do hate that they are oblivious to the fact that their life it much easier than mine, simply because they were blessed with good looks. I have to work 10 times as hard to get what they have handed to them on a golden platter.

      • kofybean

        “Women hate Beautiful Women” if they are bitch3s like you are, telling someone you don’t even know to lose weight?

      • Indigo

        she wasnt even hating you fucking idiot

  • Amanda williams

    Beautiful women have it bad because most men are misogynistic and look at women as sex objects. These men are typically shallow and are looking to sleep with as many beautiful women as possible to feed their ego. Some get so carried away that they get tired of women and start sleeping with men. I think that a beautiful woman can find a man if she gives up her power because ultimately a man will not be with a woman unless he believes she will be submissive to his will. Alpha-male types live weak and vulnerable women regardless if she is pretty or not. I advise all women to seek God first. Love is not rooted in vanity and power struggles. If you are beautiful today and later you become morbidly obese or disfigured. He or she who loves you for your looks will leave you for the next hot package. We live in a sad society. If we treated people good based on their character then all people would have a better chance at happiness. I feel bad for anyone who is mistreated for how they look. We need more love in the world. God bless us all.

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      “most men are misogynistic and look at
      women as sex objects.”

      “If we treated people good based on their character then all people would have a better chance at happiness.”

      I think we can all start with ourselves and the broad generalizations we place on one another wouldn’t you agree Amanda?

    • McThick

      I wonder how God would feel about your judgement of all men? Is that not a privilege your lord reserves for himself?

      • Amanda williams

        I did not judge all men. “most”

  • http://www.sparklearia.com SparkleAria

    I wrote the lengthy piece below about friendships with women, but I just want to add… I have never had the problems you describe with men. I have always attracted kind, generous, attentive, gentlemen. Just the ladies have been a struggle!

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      I can probably guess that you have the sort of personality that makes men feel at ease around you though. Looking back at this article and what I wrote, I realized that I didn’t mention the initial assumptions we make when we see beautiful women. It’s pretty interesting but a confident, smiling beauty will either be seen as someone you just want to be around (as a male) despite the relationship, or “easy” being that some guys do take it there. On the flip side if a beauty is deemed too serious, or “unfriendly” it turns into “who the hell does she think she is”.

      If I was a betting man (and I am) I would bet that the women complaining about men avoiding them or being jackasses have a visual guard up (understandably) during their day to day, whereas those who do well can maintain an outward appeal even though the guard is there for those who would take advantage. To your point though, I recently had a beauty ask me why certain women are mean and unfriendly… I had no answer for it but I can tell you why men act one way versus another and the way you carry yourself is why.

      • Mallory

        So what is a woman to do?

        I’m one of those naturally smiley, happy go lucky types. I love to smile, I love to laugh, and I like being around people but as you said if a beautiful woman (and I don’t mean to assert that I am, but just to go off of what your article points out) smiles a man thinks either a. She’s down for a good time–sex sex sex or b. Fun to hang with but probably can’t take her serious.

        If she frowns or is quite nondescript in her demeanor it’s “what’s stuck up her bum!?”

        I can’t seem to get anything but those two scenarios and it is frustrating. I can’t be happy or just plain kind and polite without a guy assuming I’m a thirsty whore or that I want them. And if I don’t smile I’m a stuck up “b*tch.”

        What can a girl do? Seriously.

      • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

        Hi Mallory, for all your sweetness, life does not discriminate between the good and the bad for good fortune, We can affect change on certain parts of that metric but at the end of the day that old roulette wheel spins and you may be have your chips on black, and it keeps hitting red. It sucks, it’s unfair, and it’s too unpredictable. So with this reality we can either do two things: a. move our chips to red (and hope that black doesn’t get popular all of a sudden. b. keep our chips on red and scatter a few out over the numbers in hopes that it hist something, ANYTHING!

        What you ask is the platinum priced, lottery winning, question that has an answer (yes it does) but may not be the answer for your case.

        Being beautiful, loyal, quirky (god bless a quirky woman), and fun to be with, should guarantee you the most alpha-level, good looking, money earning. beast of a man, but if the dice don’t fall in your favor that THAT guy doesn’t walk by – recognizes all that in you, and says “whoa! I cannot pass her up, she is just too damn perfect!” Then you will be stuck with a bunch of losers, lames, and users who will use you up, piss you off, and disappoint you, because they saw you first. That’s just how it goes.

        So in terms of advice I would ask you, no beg you, not to change thinking that it will increase your chances, but scatter your chips – as in, go to places outside of your day-to-day, and keep your options open. On the flip side I have friends who are the type of men that women write about daily in wanting to have yet are single because they work all day, and on the weekend frequent the same sad dives looking for Tika Sumpter in bars with the demographic of the show Friends… ya that doesn’t work. May as well go hunt dinosaurs or look for Bigfoot.

        Travel when you can, keep on smiling, and don’t change and that’s all I can tell you to do. I see a lot of beautiful black women in the spots that I am never told to look: art shows, airports, wine tasting, book shows… but I am not single. The ironic thing is when I tell previously mentioned super bachelor to look in these places for a connection, they act like they hear me but keep on visiting the Club looking for high value women. Just keep on being you but change up your stomping grounds a bit to increase your chances.

  • Tamar40

    OMG! I realize this is an old article; but, I had to comment. Sallytrue has told the story of my life. Everything she said is the absolute truth. Any woman who is considered beautiful or pretty, can attest to every word.

  • Good

    I’ve been told I’m “gorgeous” but as far as I’m concerned half of that is bound up with being absolutely myself. I am often asked why I am single but the truth is that I am just not desperate for a relationship because I have been married before and that and my early family life were enough for me, I cannot see what all the fuss is about with relationship or even friendships for that matter. I wasn’t always like this but it’s where I’m at at this point in time.
    I don’t have any female friends and have indeed had problems with women in the past, there have been several instances where it was looks related but to be honest women will pick on you for anything and it doesn’t really matter what it is. They need someone to moan at and you just happen to be nearest.
    One thing I do find is that because *plainer* people are more desperate, they often end up having many more relationships. I had a male friend who was terribly ugly and had about 50 girlfriends in one year, because he needed the ego boost. I think he got sympathy from women because they thought “oh poor thing, he’s ugly, therefore ugly must equal nice (LOL) and he must really get rejected for a lot of dates, so therefore he must be trustworthy (um, YEAH) “…not realizing this guy was a total rat. I wouldn’t have touched him with a bargepole.
    At the end of the day, men will chase anything in a skirt and women will chase anything in trousers, and this is due to a) biology, and b) boredom, and most of the time it doesn’t seem to matter what they look like in practice, just that they are there and willing. People ignore this simple fact and tie themselves into knots about dating and relationships.
    Personally I’ve only ever gone for people I’ve fancied wrt relationships, as anything else I have deemed a waste of time. However you look, it’s good to be choosy, there is no obligation to go with everyone one meets. An awful lot of people have relationships just to pass the time and it is horrible when you are being hit on and know for a fact that the reason is because the other person can’t bear to be without a “relationship” and so therefore you might just as well be anybody, it wouldn’t really matter who you were and they are just trying their luck with you. UGH.

  • LeChatNoir

    Geez, can everyone just stop judging each other? We’re all part of the human race and want the same things in life, we can’t help how we look. Just as there are some physically beautiful people with tricky personalities, so too there are physically ‘ugly’ people with the same. And vice versa of course. But, hey, don’t judge until you’ve walked a mile in the other’s shoes.

    • Virginia G

      LeChatNoir you have the BEST response. J. Smith needs to learn from you. Yes some people only judge and don’t hear everything you had to say and then shut the door on you. Some people seem to get a kick out of making an attractive person feel rejected or stupid or bad mouth them.

      • anita

        exactly

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  • SunShineSunSet86

    God am I happy to find this article!!! I’ve been told that I am prettier than average my entire life. It’s not something that I’ve always known but it’s something everyone who meets me says. From coworkers, my bosses, family, everyone. I live in NYC and strangers on the street compliment me frequently. But what people don’t know is that I feel so empty on the inside. Everyone seems skeptical of me even though I’m nice and kind. My female friends drop like flies. None of them have yet to give me a valid reason for why we aren’t friends anymore. And my ex boyfriends were so insecure. My ex fiancé told me that I should be marrying a doctor or an NFL player instead of him. He cheated on me and we broke up. Even worst is dating. I’m naturally friendly and men are confused by that. It’s like they want me to be a bitch. And no matter how long I wait to sleep with a guy, they all get weird afterwards. I’m not a whore yet I feel like it sometimes, just because men treat me that way. My friends think I’m lucky because I get hit on a lot and guys are always trying to buy me things but I hate it. Not because I don’t like things but I hate it because I get tons of meaningless attention. I have my masters and my career. I’m fun and carefree…I cant remember the last time a man made me feel like he cared about who I was on the inside. There are some perks, for instance people give me things for free, people help me all the time, and my friends never have to worry about paying cover. I also get most jobs I interview for but it’s lonely. Women dislike you for no reason men won’t date you for false reasons. Most of the men come back later to apologize saying that I was great and didn’t deserve to be mistreated. I try to focus on my career and volunteering to keep me happy. I wish I had friends and a nice man to share things with but I can’t control people’s beliefs. All I can do us continue to be the best person I can be.

    • Donell Lyons

      Im a man whom I go thru this as well with my girl whom is gorgeous. I say to you maybe the right one has not come into your life yet, the prettier the woman the bigger the problem if the relationship iOS based on just beauty and material. Your blessed with a gift from God. Any good man will want you , in my eyes your perfect, that’s all a real man should from someone as yourself beauty, and your working hopefully enjoy giving as well.If the time and destine fulfilled it’s cards we will meet the perfect match hmm.

    • Pinkprincess

      I am so glad you have written this!!!! I cry constantly about everything you have said as this is “my life” to a tee! i am so lonely within even around my family, who sometimes treat me like this aswell. My boyfriend of 25 years has been in and out and still trying to figure out wether im as truly genuine and nice as i am always!!! Sometimes i feel like ending the relationship as i feel im on constant surveillance. Its so disheartening. One time we broke up and he went with a very average looking girl which hurt me as i felt he was thinking maybe she would have been more accepted by him, someone told me once “nice girls get last” ive often thought how true at times. But i have to be true to who i am, and will always continue to be so. I dont have girlfriend as the ones ive had have always tried to cause trouble for me and have caused extremely troubling times through jealousy. Even telling my partner terrible lies. I just wish people would not judge and accept people for who they are, and love and care more.

      • nomorepropagandaaboutabuse

        Dump the loser boyfriend, get a dog, a good book, a glass of wine, a swing in the sunshine and of course, a vibrator.

      • TJ

        Embrace yourself. You have a right to be happy and enjoy your life. Life is too short to be miserable. When you embrace yourself and love and accept yourself, others will too.

    • Hi

      Yep!!!

    • anita

      oh my lord you took the words right out of my mouth!!!!!
      I am friendly and nice by nature and I still get crappy attitudes, especially from other females. Even women who are beautiful act stand-offish toward me. I don’t know if I intimidate them because I am confident in myself, not cocky, and not just in my image. I also hate when people tell me “oh, you like the attention” cause I really don’t. My own female cousins try to down grade me. It has gotten to the point where I am uncomfortable with people telling me I am beautiful, because of the unwanted attention. I hate people making assumptions about me, that aren’t true, just to make themselves feel better. I cant have friends with pretty people and I cant have friends with self conscious people cause they hate me, and they hate me. I just try to ignore all the negativity and give people the same attitude they give me. hopefully others can relate.

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  • California Red

    This is a great article (with which I agree); and Sallytrue is absolutely correct. Every relationship I’ve been in has ended due to insecurities and accusations. From acting up in public places – mean mugging any of the waitstaff or other male patrons who happen to look at me, getting unusually clinging (grabbing my hand, dramatically putting his arms around my waist and holding on for dear life) when other men pass us on the street; to always doing their best to start a fight before we’d go out, ending with a declaration of not wanting to go out in first place and/or suggesting that I go out with [insert random guy from some obscurity who I never noticed in the first place, but has obviously been on his mind]. For a while I assumed that the problem was me; that there was something I was unaware of that I was doing, that caused men I dated to accuse me of cheating, even though I’ve never cheated on anyone (though I have had ample opportunity over the years). It sucks, but luckily for me I have guy friends who will talk to me about things like this (the article). Funny enough however, the best advice?/comforting words?/solace? I’ve been given is from good looking women with the same problems, but with more experience dealing with them than I had at the time. I’m 29 now and while I can now spot insecurities and mommy issues from 3 miles and 2 left turns away, I’m a lot more receptive to those “nerds” who might be nervous, but still muster up the courage to approach me; and they’re usually pretty good guys. So, all you gorgeous ladies out there, don’t give up or become bitter. That’s exactly what “they” expect from you. If you want a good dude, be open to getting one. As corny as it my sound, he’ll find you.

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      California Red you just earned top comment. Thanks so much for sharing.

    • J. Smith

      Listen, I’m a 53 year old married guy and am amazed at the sense of entitlement many beautiful women possess in this society.

      Like I should available to trade up to, or service ‘them’ at the drop of a hat. And when I’m not, the angry behaviors appear. Or often she’ll just drop the new toy and scamper home, rationalizing that somehow he lacks ‘confidence’ or some other bullshit song and dance that’s not reflective of the true reality of the situation.

      Listen, I like beautiful women like the next guy. And like to leave my options open, especially since I don’t have any children. Never say never.

      But what’s the old hunting saying? A bird in the hand, is worth two in the bush. So to save us both a bunch of grief and emotional confusion, if you’re a beautiful woman and you see something you like and you’ve just got to have. Leave the emotional battlefield tactics at home. Perhaps try a little tenderness.

      Because the same thing that attracted you to me is the same thing that will blow you out of the water in the end. This man is far stronger in that regard than you are. And it doesn’t come from a place of insecurity. He comes from a place of security. You know, that thing you don’t have but are so desperately searching for at this time in your life.

      • nomorepropagandaaboutabuse

        Yikes, a married man saying he likes to keep his options open. No woman of quality is attracted to a married man unless she doesn’t know he’s married until it’s too late. That old dog trick is so tired. They should teach girls about your type in junior school. You’re just the kind of backstabbing “entitled” man I stay far away from and feel terribly pity for his wife but you’re arrogant enough to think a good woman would want you. What a joke. I despise married flirts. I am deeply insulted when married men hit on me. As if I’d stoop that low. Fugly inside and out is what they are. A secure man who is married and isn’t satisfied doesn’t sneak around on his wife like a rat waiting for a new ship to jump to. Nobody wants a rat. Yuck.

      • J. Smith

        I don’t hit on them, Hon.

        You look in my eyes.., you fall like the rest.

      • Jc

        Uhhhhh…. Sure.

      • Atlanta_Man

        My current gal’s ex cheated on her and his stupidity was my gain. I have a beautiful woman in my life now, whom I adore.

      • lkofie

        Well….honestly, I DO feel that the pretty/beautiful women you’re making reference to/some pretty women DO in fact try to take advantage of men solely by using her looks to entice him THEN, use him up until she finds someone “better”. Those are the type that KNOW they’re beautiful and use their beauty as a tool merely to snag a man for her OWN SELFISH PURPOSE, be it a job/promotion, material gain, a sucker to do her homework….WHATEVER…and then turn around and tell people “no there’s nothing going on with us because we’re just friends” although perhaps for the guy, the “relationship” was on a level of being more than “just friends” because of the initial impression she made or what she lead him to believe thereafter. YES I DO agree that there are women that allow compliments from others to get to their heads and actually develop a “sense of entitlement” accordingly. Now I don’t know what to make of you being married and “keeping your options open” but…..that’s on you.

  • Cookie

    Tears came to my eyes after reading this article. It’s even worst when your’e pretty and voluptuous and intelligent. No one tries to get to know the person on the inside :( I’ve been blatantly told that I look like a ”bad gal” which is a term for ”whores” in Jamaica. Since lately, I find myself doing things to distract people from my features, I cut off all my hair n dress way more conservative than my average age group would. I did all of this to see if I was crazy in believing that the way I look could be the reason why I’ve always attracted men who only see me as a sex object. It just made no sense, I admit I do attract quiet a few men, but none of quality. I will update you in the next few weeks the results of my physical transformation. Have a blessed day.

    • Shahayhey

      No! Be yourself! I have problems like you as well but I really believe there is nothing worse than losing yourself. Be who you are and true friends/men will reveal themselves! I finally have a wonderful husband who loves me for me. Just have to work on the jealous friend issue…

    • nomorepropagandaaboutabuse

      Don’t you find if you try to hide your beauty they can still see it and then they know you are afraid and it encourages the hate even more. Women really hate women who hide or deliberately mar themselves because they think if they could be beautiful they would not hide it – they think being beautiful makes life easy. And men never stop telling you that you are wasting your looks, hiding in ugly clothes and bad hair do’s. They never let up. Don’t bother trying to hide. Be beautiful and if anyone gives you a hard time just think to yourself that god doesn’t tell flowers and butterflies and sunsets to hide so neither should you. And to people who you need a sharp retort to, tell them your burkha is in the wash. Being beautiful inside and out does not mean being weak. Good luck.

      • Minelva

        Awesome comment

      • CaribGirl

        This goes the other way around, as well.
        Let’s see..

        If an unattractive woman tries to hide her unattractiveness people can still see it and then they know
        you are afraid and it encourages the hate even more. Women really hate
        women who do not hide or deliberately upgrade themselves because they think if
        they would be ugly they would hide it – they think being
        ugly makes life awful. And men never stop ignoring you. Don’t bother trying to upgrade. Be unattractive and if anyone gives
        you a hard time just think to yourself that god doesn’t tell bugs to beautify so neither should you.

    • TJ

      All of the negativity is done on purpose to bring you down and keep you depressed. Once you are in that place of powerlessness and hopelessness, you will attract more negativity to you. That is what these people want. I’ve been there and all I can say is find a way to think positive and become empowered. Find Abraham- Hicks on YouTube. Learn about the law of attraction. Your life WILL change

    • Mallory

      Well I’m not voluptuous, small boobs but I do have a bum, slim waist, and hips…All proportionate to my body. But I have had the same sordid assumption made about me. What’s worse is it was made by a guy I really liked.

      This guy told me that when he first saw me he thought “wow, now that’s a girl that’s done somethings!” I was shocked because although I have my own little style going on, I don’t dress slutty in the slightest. I’m pretty insecure about my bum and hate when guys stare or make cat calls at me. I don’t dress like a preppy kid out of a j crew mag but I certainly don’t dress myself with my bum hanging out my pants and my boobs exposed for all to see.

      He then told me that “I looked like the kind of girl that takes pride in stealing someone’s man.”

      Dumb founded again, never had any guy ever told me such such a thing. I’ve always heard “oh you’re too much of a good girl,” and guys have either dismissed because I seemed too “prude and chaste” or have come correct with me, saying “I can tell you’re not like other girls so I had to make sure my approach was right.”

      Long story short I realized the reason for his views were far more sinister. He was Latino but could essentially pass for white and he rather you assume he was that way. I had been with less people than he and his ex gf had been with so I found the notion I was loose hysterical. But the stereotype of black women being loose unfortunately proceeds many of us.

      Here he was thinking I was some wild sex maniac when I was rather chaste. Go figure.

      • Tj

        I understand where you’re coming from about being judged for your looks. I’ve been there many times and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what he thinks or what anyone thinks….it’s about how you feel about yourself. And so what if he thought you were loose. Is it better to be chaste than sexual active? Again, in my opinion it doesn’t matter. Sexuality is a personal choice.

  • Shahayhey

    Best article and unfortunately makes my life make sense. It’s so hard for me to find girl friends! I just want to find girls who don’t hate. Thanks for this article.

    • http://www.theurbancoin.com/ Alyse Howard

      Agreed. And when you do find a girl you think would be a good friend, she wants to sleep with you. Go figure!

      • Atlanta_Man

        You just proved the point. You really do think so much of yourself that even someone of the same sex would want you. LOL

      • http://www.theurbancoin.com/ Alyse Howard

        Atlanta MAN – That is the key word in your name, man. You can’t speak intelligently on the experiences of a woman. Even if you are standing right next to her, she will get vibes that you cannot pick up on.

        I actually have a very humble opinion of myself. My response is based on my experiences with others and how they perceive me. Have a nice day, guy.

    • Mallory

      Agreed ten times over! I hate the all too readily accepted assumption that the girl who doesn’t have many girlfriends “must be problematic.”

      All my life I’ve had it hard making solid friendships. I was either the new girl who got on the most popular girl’s hate list, all the while without having uttered one word. Or in the case of my sorority experience, I had a group of girls turn on me all because one didn’t like me–also through limited interaction between us. With guys, those friendships were hard to maintain because those guys only entered the friendship with the hope of sex; when I didn’t reciprocate, they lost interest in our “friendship.”

      I’ve learned to be comfortable being alone, it’s a gift everyone should have but not everyone desires. But still, it would be nice for people to see you on a 1 on 1 basis rather than preconceived notions.

      • kofybean

        In my experience, girls that don’t have many girlfriends are indeed problematic. I won’t date a girl anymore who doesn’t have lots of gfs who love her to death. Dating a pretty girl who majority friends are men, and most girls hate her is very very bad news for a man’s sanity, peace of mind, and the length of the relationship.

        I don’t care if she is a self proclaimed nice and kind girl, she probably isn’t, and you, her bf, will have to deal with the very ugly insecurity and meanness behind closed doors. My relationships have been easy street since learning how to weed those girls out.

        I find that average/ugly girls hate pretty girls who are condescending. They act kind to other girls because they feel they are prettier than them, and it comes off insulting.

        They aren’t as nice and kind as they think they are. Just like there is a difference between a man donating his time and money to help, in secret, a poor family he empathizes with, and a rich man donating his time and money to a charity for tax write offs, publicity, and for the magazines to do a piece on him. One is sincere, the other is haughty.

      • CaribGirl

        “I find that average/ugly girls hate pretty girls who are condescending.
        They act kind to other girls because they feel they are prettier than
        them, and it comes off insulting.”

        This.

  • nomorepropagandaaboutabuse

    Oh dear oh dear, what a great article. But you assume that we should just go pick a man that is our equal like picking an apple off a tree. What if the tree is diseased and only grows sour apples and handsome ones full of maggots. That’s the real world. Don’t tell me it isn’t. A man never knows men like a woman does. If he says he does then he is a pompous patronizing know it all who knows nothing at all. Men are completely different in front of each other then in private with a woman. Any honest man knows that. Anyway, thanks for affirming what I always knew. Beauty is not a curse unless you value the opinions of people who have not earned respect. Don’t tell me everyone deserves respect. There are a lot of people that need to go to hell for what they have done. They don’t need to be respected for it. Connection to life comes through our planet, nature. That is where beauty and connection is. Not through people. People who are beautiful inside as well as wise and experienced, know that. Having external beauty teaches you not to put your needs at the feet of humans but at the feet of nature otherwise known as the manifestation of god – who is perfect life. It’s certainly not people. But if could be if people chose to be. But they don’t. They don’t choose to be. That is perfect justice imo. People don’t want to believe it but it’s true. You see, there’s a reason the word ignorance has the word IGNORE in front of it. It’s a free will choice.

  • meisme

    I have to agree with this article. For example, I am a mom… and yes I have my figure like I had it in high school (thanks to working out) and lately, since I got my figure back, I am dressing my age but with a fun; flirty edge style. Why can’t I Then when I am sitting at my kids soccer practices, in skirts or a built-in bra top, the moms give me that evil eye look like the.. “why is SHE wearing that HERE?” I am 29 years old.. and I am dressing hot, but not skanky. meaning, I put on a skirt but so short my butt is hanging out. I have learned, not to give a crap what people think but at the same time I do.. because I am a single mother. It is hard to find non creepy people ; it is hard to date… I feel like if I was a celeb, it would be a lot easier. I am sick of the fact “yeah she is beautiful” but guys won’t try to get to know me ; nor date me. and that is why it sucks at the same time.

    • Atlanta_Man

      They sneer because they envy you. Im a single dad, and when my son was playing ball, I once dated a girl who was about 15 years younger than me. The other team moms as they call themselves went berserk every time she showed up, because their husbands tongues were hanging on the ground. Do your thing.

    • Mallory

      You’re 29 not 59! Good for you for not allowing anyone to dictate your self worth and good for you for not suppressing your beauty. I’m no mom but I think it’s interesting that women fight being made into commodities in the male’s eye, yet they further the stereotype that a woman cannot be desired or beautiful after kids.

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  • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

    Approved

    Subject: Re: New comment posted on The Curse of Being a Beautiful Woman

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  • ZimDoom

    I am already so uncomfortable in my own skin, the idea of other men or women sizing me up as either worthy or not worthy, aesthetically, terrifies me. Because I am afraid of not meeting the standard and not being considered attractive enough to pass as someone with any worth or I am afraid that women might judge me, just as I am judging myself but I think the reality is that most are also consumed with their own worries about these things, apart from those lucky people who are confident and comfortable in themselves and are not constantly distracted by negative body-image. I wish that my body was completely irrelevant and that who I am and how I treat people was the only important thing. I wish I didn’t worry about how I look, I wish that I could love myself the way I am, just for a little while during my short time here, I think it is so terribly sad that even as a skinny little girl I thought I wasn’t good enough. My wonderful husband finds me extremely attractive … thankfully … as did all my ex’s in the past. But he does not think the same for himself. When I look at him, I still think ‘Rrrraaawwrrr!’ but I know he would not be considered conventionally beautiful. He is not a 6 foot adonis. He is a skinny pretty-boy. I have never gone for the conventional looking ideals of beauty, nor am I one of those. I don’t believe I am as hideous as my thoughts often try to convince me … not even close, In fact probably not at all. I try not to hate on other beautiful women, not that those feelings have never entered my mind, but those feelings come from insecurity and I am able to recognise that and not pursue them. I just wish their beauty wasn’t the most important thing. For them, they are expected to stay that way forever and when they put on a few pounds, there is outrage.
    Most women have huge weight fluctuations throughout every year of their lives. We were designed to carry fat and feed babies … although you won’t catch me doing the latter! Sometimes I wonder if It would be easier just to be a talking head in a jar like in Futurama … although knowing me, I would probably think my jar made my head look big ;)

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      Between the name “ZimDoom” and the Futurama reference I think we have a beautiful nerd on deck. Three cheers #oneofus #oneofus #oneofus lol. Thanks for sharing your story.

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  • NoldorElf

    I think that it is a matter of willful ignorance. People want to believe the lies. They want to believe that beautiful people have it “easy” because of their looks and that there are no beautiful people who also have outstanding personalities, who are intelligent, and who are hard workers.

    The reason? It makes them able to rationalize their own flaws as people. They WANT to believe the lie, because otherwise, seeing the implications otherwise would mean their flaws are truly theirs (ex: the people that think that looking good would help them get ahead in life). That is the real driver behind all of this.

    Speaking as a male, the other thing I have noticed that many women are unwilling to acknowledge is that women judge each other – far more harshly than most men judge women. It’s true, most men are pretty insecure. In fact, from my experiences, most males who act “tough” are simply trying to compensate for their own insecurities. But among women, it’s much more harsh when a woman sees someone far more attractive than themselves. They seem to have this desire, an almost primitive desire, to see their more attractive counterpart fail. Oh, and it appears to be taboo to point this out.

    That being said, this all makes me depressed about my future dating prospects. I am about to turn 24 by the end of this month, and I have never had a girlfriend in my life (did not have any interest in doing so as an introvert). I’ve always been the geek and consistently score very strongly introverted at psychological tests. That being said, I am very talkative, and many people are surprised that I am very strongly introverted.

    As far as my life goes, I’m a recent graduate, currently completing my accounting designation (known as a CPA in both Canada and the US, although the Canadian one is the product of several designations merging; off topic I guess). At the moment, I am not very wealthy (recent graduate after all) and looking for work while studying, although I imagine if I make the average compensation within the CPA salary surveys, I’d be pretty solidly in the upper middle class.

    Although I was something of a social outcast as a geek in middle school and the first half of high school, my instructors and professors generally have a very high opinion of me I found. I asked a lot of questions and generally in debates, I tended to be the guy that drove the debate forward. I have found now though that I am an adult that there is a much greater level of respect for intelligence (versus the geek), so that may be a positive trend.

    I’m very loyal to the things I believe in and well, once I find the right fit, I’d pretty much have no reason to abandon that person. I’ve never stepped into a club (and to be honest, I’m not sure the right sort of person is attracted to bars or night clubs). The one thing I am starting to recognize is that dealing with failure effectively is one of the most important life skills to have.

    I guess at the moment, my studies and earning my designation takes priority, but I get the feeling that I have an uphill route to climb when it comes to securing a great relationship.

    • Mallory

      This is interesting to read. I have and suppose I may always have a hard time understanding why a man has never been in a relationship. It’s probably considered primitive to say by most modern day feminist but the truth is, whether feminist want to admit it or not, men have a monopoly in the dating world. As a man you have the freedom to go and ask a woman out an make her you mate. Now the woman has the choice to choose and grant you that honor but you still have the freedom to make the approach. Where as women are still fighting between can women or can they not approach men rule.

      All in all, I don’t mean to question you as your experience is obviously your own. I hope in time you’ll find a wonderful woman to share your time and perhaps life with.

      • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

        Very interesting perspective on the male privilege in dating. You taught me something here as I have never seen it in that light. When I think about it you are 100% right, even with the options being placed on both sides (approacher and approachee), the man is stil universally expected to “step” and then the woman is left to say yay or nay. The good thing for women though is that for every attractive, personable guy that won’t approach you out of fear or general disinterest, there are several others that aren’t your flavor willing to kiss the ground you walk on. But that leads into another discussion on the laws of attraction… but ya, most time the ball’s in our court and we don’t see it.

      • NoldorElf

        It’s interesting that you say that. A lot of men believe that women have all the power. Plus many men really fear rejection. Some are too scared to even approach.

        As far as maintaining a relationship, it’s not as easy as it sounds. If you want a good relationship, you have to put a lot of work into it.

  • Mallory

    I’ve always heard and believed that Average looking females have it easiest.

    Case and point:I know two white girls, one is average not pretty per say but not ugly, crooked teeth, nondescript physical features, brown eyes (not piercing) and a nondescript brown bob. The other girl has wavy, just pass her shoulder length hair, perfect pearly whites, and overall she’d be universally rated an 8. Problem is, the girl that would probably be deemed attractive by most thinks she’s ugly, while the less than attractive, nondescript girl goes about living thinking she’s Angelina Jolie!

    Why? Because the average nondescript girl has always had her pick of guys to date. By our freshmen year in college this girl had already had 4 bfs, meanwhile I was on my first and the attractive girl had yet to have one.

    When you add skin color to the mix it’s an even different ball game. I’ve seen average white girls get the best looking men over he most gorgeous woman of color, be it Latina, Black, or Asian.

    Bottom line we’ve all got to be comfortable in our skin and sometimes it is a matter of going after who goes for you.

    • Jenna

      Mallory….thank you. I am a 19 year old model of color currently seeing a 45 year old man. Why? Because if I waited for a guy…any guy that wasn’t homeless or senile to approach me then I may as well die a virgin. So I accept what it is I feel I deserve. I may make a bit of a living off my “beauty” but I have never once felt as attractive as the girl in the picture, and yes, like most my age I do base my level of attractiveness on how many and what type of men approach me. So I believe, counting from the 13 months that preceded my current relationship (not really a relationship but oh well), that would’ve placed me at exactly…0.

    • LotusBud

      Mallory, the reason why the ugly girl had so many guys is because she’s putting out fast and they’re leaving her. The pretty girl has more self respect and doesn’t need to run through men.

  • Sebastian

    Hey all, great article. I’m in a difficult spot atm. I’m about to turn 26 and connected with this gorgeous girl on a dating site. I can never say to myself that I’m good looking even tho everyone says I’m very handsome, I’m 6’1″ athletic body but I just don’t know how i look to other people. A lot of girls consider me a sex symbol and its hard for me to have a female friend because they want to have sex relatively fast. I wanted to be friends with this one girl who I didn’t feel attracted to but she was very attracted to me. Every time i came over she just waited for me to make a move while I tried to explain that if we do have sex we won’t be friends anymore so she agreed to cool off….till next time. So I agreed to come over again smoke some weed and watch a movie but this time the girl just…..had to have her way and as a guy I’m not invulnerable to lust so we do the deed. Now she mostly wants to see me to have sex while I lost interest in both the sex and friendship but I don’t want to hurt her. Anyways back to the topic, the gorgeous girl I mentioned I really only want to be friends. You see years ago I was a heroin addict and I found out that she also struggled with the addiction but manages it with meds just like me. I’d love to have her as a friend just for support but she’s convinced that I’m after more then friendship since she said all gu she meets try to make out with her on first date or even have sex. Since we only text it’s hard for me to prove that I’m not one of “those” guys and that i would love to be friends since we are both in unique positions that can be beneficial to ourselves. I told her i have a friend with “benefits” so I’m not looking for sex. But I have to admit, if it turns out that we have a strong connection and our feelings for each other are similar id gladly date her and see how it goes. So, how can I convince this girl that I only want to be her friend and that I want for the both of us to support each other when we get in tough situations because being a recovering addicts ourselves is difficult and I don’t know anyone who’s in the same position.

  • Phenomena

    if you all think being pretty is bad..
    try living in the shoes of an ugly or average woman for a day.
    you will rather have the woes of being pretty i guarantee

    • Indigo

      THANK YOU theyre over here complaining, lol i wouldnt give a fuck

  • Bea

    Though I think I am a five at best, many people tell me that I am beautiful.

    I have experienced much hatred and vitriol from women who would universally be viewed as far less attractive than I. The women who have bullied me are always very fat or hideous. The worst part is, I don’t even do anything to hurt these women. Unhappily single women tend to viciously hate other women who have good men. When I married my husband, I was amazed by how insulting single mothers became towards me. It isn’t my fault that they chose lowlifes to have children with, while I made a smarter choice. One would unleash a barrage of insults about my husband and then ask to try on my engagement ring. Can you say psycho?

    I have known more than one gorgeous woman who was manipulative and opportunistic. This didn’t stop men from flocking to them. I believe that most men will tolerate a nasty personality in a woman who is very attractive. Sad but true.

  • Sunshine

    thank you greg, for taking your time to write this article and share your wisdom and insight, I appreciate it! Though it was hard to read at points with what reality really was, it is good knowledge to have! Sometimes I think life would be easier if i did look differently or weigh 300+ lbs but than I come across things like this and it pumps me up knowing and i should remind myself i should not dwell in feeling sorry for myself when people become mean but instead be thankful I have the opportunity to show the world that there are some women who know they are gorgeous, but they also know everyone no matter their race, sex, income level, education level, ect have beauty as well. Though, however that thinking is than when people say i am crazy haha but I just like to say someone always has to love the world and be a source of encouragement. take care mister greg and know you made someone have hope! and ps i am now a super fan of ur site and am asking myself how have i not found yall before!!

    • http://halloftheblackdragon.com/ Greg Dragon

      Thanks so much Sunshine. I am working on an article to explain that term “crazy” that we men like to throw around when it comes to women–particularly beautiful women– and I hope to have it ready for tomorrow or Wednesday morning. I hope it sheds some light into why we label certain women that, and what behaviors could lead to a man assuming a woman is “crazy” despite her beauty and good intentions.

  • Belinda Lockhart

    while i am no beauty queen I make a lot of heads turn and get lots of comments everyday about my beauty I dont see it but wtf ever ne way i dont think she is all that beautiful either and the fact is she does have a big head her body looks too small for it other then that she is just ok looking to me not drop dead gorgeous but im not a man either and u can tell she is older by her wrinkles around her eyes wonder how ugly she would be with out all that money to keep herself up unlike most of us normal women who dont have millions to spend on supplies we depend on natural beauty. not bought

  • K

    Wow thank you so much for this article. It is hard to speak of this topic because I don’t want to sound arrogant.. But I do feel all the pressure you are describing..and It is so difficult for me. Sometimes my girl friends would stop going out with me because of the attention I get from guys. I get random insults from random women ans insecure men I don’t know. All regarding my face and body..I get compliments all the time like my life depends on it. I get harrassement in work, in malls in the gym even sexual harrassement and I’m too insecure and weak to defend myself. I get mocked for being this ” beautiful” and not being married yet. I know I am part of the problem.. I care too much, because really my looks are the only things I am being appreciated for. Not my high grades, not my degree and not my personality.

    • Stacie

      A beautiful ,feminine woman CAN have it all, and other people know that. So they demean you to try and bring you down a few notches so that they can feel better about themselves. Once they get you thinking negatively about life or yourself, they have succeeded in cutting you off from Source. You no longer trust life, God or yourself to provide everything you need and desire. So then they can watch you self-destruct. At least, this was my experience. Kicked down repeatedly even by “friends”. I encountered clown-ass guys and hateful women who would spread lies about me at school AND work. I went out to a club and saw my now-married Ex-fling from back in college. He’s very handsome and married a girl who is a 5 on a good day. He saw me with a guy and sneered. He looks better than the guy I came with and I could see him comparing himself, then looking very smug. Also there was a sense of “Well I had her first homie” Though we never had sex, we did have some heavy petting action in bed. He spoke to the guy and ignored me. Mind you, this guy disappeared on me and I found out later that he married. And still had the nerve to act this way. I had relationships with very attractive men before and people around me would always try to break us up. They were ruthless, and one girl even spread the news at my college of a fight I had with my handsome Alpha ex. I looked around and people were laughing, and I was feeling devastated. I came to the dramatic but painfully true realization that many of the people around me truly could not care less about me and actually didn’t care if I lived or died. And many of the jealous women I encountered probably wanted me dead. Once I realized this I said fuck those peons. I’m fabulous, I’m beautiful, I’m intelligent, I’m an awesome person and I have the right to pursue happiness as I see fit. I embraced my beauty AND my sexuality. I dress how I want and I emphasize all my most attractive features. If someone thinks I’m ugly, so the fuck what. If someone thinks I’m beautiful, great thanks. I take opinions on either side with a grain of salt. I’m sure that some people think I’m unattractive or a hoe or whatever but I can’t live my life worried about a million and one opinions. If I want to date someone I will date that person and no fucks will be given. I have experienced all of the stigmas and there comes a point when enough is enough. I hope you get to that point K.

  • Lilbit

    This article is amazing… I have thought for a long time beauty is a curse but couldn’t have the conversation with many. I would get the reply, “oh poor you”. When you meet a guy, he is always looking for something wrong with you. “She must be crazy or she is hard on a man.” I am so glad you wrote this and that others responded. Thank you so much.

  • Bubbles

    I am told I am beautiful. Having said that, it mostly happens when I doll up to go out, not first thing in the morning. Anyways….I know the feeling. With very little effort in the morning, I am called ‘the pretty girl’ at work by the other ladies. And I have been feeling singled out because of that pride, which I think everyone should have. So I’ve been going to work sans makeup. I work in Mental Health and I have been called a narcissist to my face because they perceive me to be vain. I’m not.
    As for men. My last boyfriend is many years younger than me. I think he went for me because he thought my age might stop other men hassling me. It was not the case and his jealousy and insecurity led to our break up. I have also had to look at how my friendliness could be perceived by men, because of my appearance, as flirtatiousness. So it is better to be aloof or be labeled loose and unfaithful.
    All this coming from a woman who as a young girl was teased because I was considered a very ugly child, then a very acned teenager. It was this that made me work on my appearance until, here I am, saddled with a new set of problems.

    • Indigo

      you just gave me hope. an ugly duckling can really grow in to a beautiful swan. i used to think that was bs. i didnt know hard work alone could get you to look that good. trust me, your current problems are wayyy better than your previous ones. being an average-looking person is a struggle

  • qtie14

    This article is so true. It’s a lonely world. One other thing I’ve noticed since facebook came about is a woman who is grossly over weight or ugly posts some pic of herself in a new outfit or new hairdo she will get all these positive complimentary comments of support etc. But if I an already attractive woman posts some pic of myself on vacation in a bathing suit or some nice dress, knowing I look amazing, I barely get a comment or a like. I’m always giving others positive affirmations and praise but for some reason it seems others can’t with me because I’m perceived as big headed or that I must already get enough praise. So why would I need more. It’s so blatantly obvious to me when I see and experience this on facebook. It makes for a very lonely life. And others treat me like I can have whatever I want so I don’t need compliments. And it’s not that I need compliments. But it would be nice if people could just be honest and stop hating so much. I’ve had female friends stop going out with me like the one person commented. I’ve had female friends cut my body parts off when taking pictures of me or avoid taking pictures with me or not comment on a picture I’m in because they don’t want me to get attention. The list goes on forever. So thank you for shedding light on this very real and sad situation of our society.

    • Indigo

      woah thats something serious. i never thought about it this deeply. i would rather be in your position though lol. you have some type of power over people. and im used to being alone, so the hate wouldnt phase me at all. alone and extremely attractive? even better!

    • Indigo

      i apologize for my shallowness, but i am currently struggling

      – average-looking person

  • BJ

    I’m about to go to a company and drop off a resume to try and get a job. I looked on its website and noticed many of the people who would be in the positions to make hiring decisions were women. So this weekend, I”m going into a salon to chop off all my hair into a pixie cut to make myself look like a boy.

    I’m also going to wear shirts that are way too big on me, so that no one will notice by DDD size chest. It’s hard not too especially when I’m a size 2.

    I hope that will boost my chances of getting this job I really want. Because if I go in looking normal, I know I probably won’t get it if women are making the decision.

    Oh well! Such is the life of a beautiful woman… things could always be worse tho! I think it’s very funny actually. And when my friends and family ask me why I chopped off my long hair – I’m literally going to tell them that I had to make myself look ugly so I can get a job.

    Too bad all my severe acne went away and I have a perfect complexion now – that would have helped… but oh well again!

    Unfortunately, it will be decades before I start to look my age. Because I’m 37 years old, and I still look like I’m 25. Sigh ;)

    • Selene R

      Oh well, that’s life hunny. It’s called sacrifice. We all make them. And we all have to play our position in the game.

  • Jupiter

    Thank you for putting this out there. What a relief. I’m not the only one experiencing this kind of haterism. That’s exactly what I would call it. Reasonable nice people can suddenly become incredibly petty and mean when in the presence of someone who makes them feel inferior in some way. Even when it’s completely unintentional. Physical attractiveness is just one of many ways. The more beautiful, intelligent, charismatic, or just fucking awesome you are, the more pain you inflict on those around you. It’s simple. Everybody wants attention and nobody likes to be outshined. By being more attractive or more whatever than the majority of people around you, you’re hogging all the attention, plus you’re making others look bad (ugly, fat, stupid, old, boring, or whatever their hangup happens to be). Obviously, people get pissed off and resent your very existence. You’re a threat to their self esteem. If you’re beautiful on the inside as well as the outside and you’re intelligent and charismatic….and then to rub salt to their wounded ego, you have the audacity to own all these gifts, you may as well be an extra terrestrial or a circus freak. It’s lonely only because the average person simply can’t relate to you. Im putting a prayer out into the universe that more people will learn to let go of their insecurities and open their hearts and minds. Their insecurities are blocking their connection to the Creative Life Force, the Divine, the Source. That’s why they feel a sense of lack and inferiority. That’s exactly why they hate on those who are blessed. Have mercy on them. They’re miserable. They don’t truly believe in anything greater than themselves so anyone who is “better” than them is a threat to their entire belief system. They are Godless. True story.

    • Selene R

      I think some people hate me because I am an awkward nerd and somewhat aloof and it may come off as pretentiousness or arrogance. In reality, I really can give a shit about 99.9% of the people I come into daily contact with. It just keeps life simple. I mean, I am polite and I care about helping old ladies reach things in the store, helping lost kids find their mom or dad, etc., but really I can give a fuck after crisis is averted. I get the same looks of death you describe here, and icy stares and daggers from across the room, but I wouldn’t classify myself as “beautiful” by a long shot. I maybe, *maybe* can pull off cute or pretty on a good day, but I am no model. Might have her height, but I am no model. I don’t delude myself into thinking a snide look or remark or a gaggle of bitches giggling (clearly about me) is because of my ‘looks’. They probably think I am stuck up, or maybe I had a booger in my nose…or some such. Or they maybe saw the Trekkie stickers all over my hoopty. Or my long ass nappy ass hair…

      Shit, haters gonna hate. You don’t have to be Beyonce or Adriana Lima to have haters. Being weird and smart is enough.

  • Jupiter

    That’s my take on why there’s so much haterism in the world. It’s a symptom of how Godless we are becoming. I didn’t simply join this discussion to feel sorry for myself or try to convince anyone of how great I am. I’ve been trying to understand why this is happening and just keeps on happening?? What exactly is the underlying cause for all this hate and misery? And from there, try to figure out, what is the solution? How can we more peacefully co-exist with our fellow humans while evolving rather than devolving? Progress rather than regress?My final answer is this….to experience the infinite supply of healing, growth, beauty, love, power and intelligence that is ours for the taking….did I mention? There’s an abundant and endless source of all this and more. God or whatever you want to call it (Divine Intelligence, Creative Life Force, Higher Power). Its an invisible force like gravity. You can’t see it. You can only see evidence of it. And it’s everywhere. If we let go of our pain, insecurities, hate & misery, then and only then can we connect to the Source. You don’t have to search for it. Its already there. JUST LET GO & LET GOD make you more magnificent, more loving, more awesome. There’s enough blessings to go around for everyone. No need to hate or seek validation from others. If you’re connected, you feel alive, you feel awesome. And you want others to feel awesome too. One more thing I want to share with everyone. God can only be found in the present moment. GOTTA BE RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW, ONE MOMENT AT A TIME. And keep letting go of all that negative baggage until it becomes a natural reflex. Its really that simple. Stay strong my beautiful sisters!

    • Selene R

      Until society changes darling, these be the breaks. Until men stop worshiping at the altar of CGI, this is the real deal. Every woman wants to be loved and noticed. But men only go for the perfect women. Of course, there is a sliding scale, and a mud looking man (no real offense meant) will feel grateful to have a plain Jane with good skin and nice hair…that standard won’t be nearly enough for the next man who feels that he is entitled to the beauty queen and sees the plain Jane with nice hair and nice skin as a piece of dog shit. Most of us know that’s just how things are. I think you wrote some beautiful words, but people are savages. Even the pretty ones. Even me. Sometimes, the world can make you a savage. I hide it behind a pleasant smile, a little kindness and banter…but I watch everyone like a tiger in the grass. Rule numero uno: Never expect life to hand you anything. Rule numero dos: Never call anyone ‘friend’ too quickly. That’s why you watch, and wait. Always prepared to defend yourself or what is yous. Like a tiger.

      • jupiter

        Selene, the reason some people hate on you is most likely because you’re genuine. You’re the real deal. It takes courage to be genuine. I say G Is for genuine. And you are clearly a G. I bet the average guy is intimidated by your strength of character. I bet your haters can’t even relate to genuine awesomeness. A wise person told me this…it’s rare to find someone with a real sense of style. It’s even more rare to find someone truly classy. What’s rarest of all is to find someone with genuine character. These qualities are gifts from the creator. The havenots hate cuz you shine bright like a diamond. God’s gifts are undeniable. You outshine them & by doing so, you offend their vanity & their pride. Pride & vanity were satan’s greatest sins or so i’ve heard. Thats where the haters are coming from. A place of godlessness

  • Vharcaen

    So true. After coming out of a longterm relationship recently I met a dropdead gorgeous woman, who I am proud to call my girlfriend. I also explained to her why I normally don’t go for the dropdead gorgeous types and my reasons were similar to the ones listed here. The male stigma on beautiful women exists, but one thing I would like to add is that the real, bone-deep reason we don’t wan’t to talk to them is… because we actually do… we’re just scared of rejection, or in case of a relationship being dumped. We just want to have an explanation for our own failings for when things go south.
    I’ve also been litteraly flabbergasted by the type of hate you tend to attract when you go out with that type of woman. I’m an okay looking guy, with an okay physique, but I’m not Bradley Cooper or Brad Pitt, meaning, I can understand I don’t fit in the alphadog category at first glance. The looks I get nowadays are nothing short of hateful and always from guys who don’t even know me. Luckely I’m confident and she’s more than worth it as a person, but I wouldn’t call those experiences fun…

  • Guest

    This article is my life. I have serious trust issues, because most of the women in my life are not kind. From my “friends” to my own mother. They don’t provide support. They expect me to listen to them ramble about themselves, but whenever I say something about me, it gets shut down fast. I have to cut so many people out of my life because its obvious they really don’t want the best for me. Women I know & don’t know are rude, glare, & alienate me. I have like 2 girlfriends that I can trust. Everyone else is just spiteful towards me.
    And men…They treat me like I’m some slutty idiot who’s only good for 1 thing. I try to prove to people that I’m intelligent and kind but they literally refuse to see it. Its like they want me to fit the negative stereotypes. I’m not one to feel sorry for herself, but I get damn mad when I get punished 24/7 for something out of my control. I’ll admit, I’m kind to a fault, and people try to put me down. But I’ve decided to start standing up for myself, even if it means I’ll be looked at as a b*itch. I’m just sick of insecure people projecting their crap onto me.

    • mich

      I understand this only to well :( sadly trying to be nice and make yourself (small) never helps them treat you better or feel better about themselves.

      • Guest

        Thanks.

  • BJ

    I always try to look on the bright side of these things… at least I get to wake up and admire my beautiful face and perfect skin and amazing body every single morning (for as long as it lasts) – and the best part is, I never have to put an ounce of make up on – EVER! I LOVE it. In fact, I threw out all my make up, and my skin care routine is so simple, I hardly spend any money on it because my skin is so perfect, I don’t need to.
    And after I just chopped all my hair off to look like a boy – I literally look like I’m 20 years old! :) Now, my perfect face stands out even more because there’s no hair to hide it. LOL!
    I did notice that women are definately nicer to me, like they actually smile at me when I pass them instead of give me a dirty look.

  • Mich

    God this is so true! When you are pretty people think your life if perfect just because you get more attention never realizing the down side of this which can be the jealousy of your friends and family. Your friends and family love you but they may hate the fact that everyone always talks about how pretty you are when they see your photos or if you should go out in public together.
    Also your friends and family can sit and talk endlessly about being fat they feel, how ugly they feel or how they hate a photo that was posted but if you should ever try to get involved with the conversation and say that you feel the same way sometimes they all attack you, even going to far as to say things like ” if you think your not pretty in that photo how does that make us feel”? Then they change sides in a instance saying things like looks are not whats important its what on the inside when they are the ones making such a big deal and fuss about your/ other peoples phyical features NOT YOU. Its really quite crazy that on one hand people and society give you praise for being pretty and at the same time they try and tell you it doesn’t matter! So which is it? at least if your average people dont worry you will take their boyfriend or husband even if you have no interest. Or steal the attention at some gathering!
    I find myself over compensating for other people insecurities all the time! Its odd how people can share conversations about their lives and heartbreaks but yours never count because YOUR PRETTY and there will always be someone waiting in the wing because of this! Like falling in love and finding a great guy is easier for you so its no big deal!! Sadly this is a battle you can’t win! Its like you have what everyone wants so how care you have problems. I remember getting pulled over once and the cop told me right out that he wasn’t going to let me out of the ticket because he know thats what all the other cops did because I was beautiful?? He was taking it a pone himself to pass out social fairness with my speeding ticket lol thankful this only happened once :)

    • qtie14

      Mich, you are right on. I can so relate to all that you said. Like how you compensate for others insecurities and also I find myself prettying down. For instance if I’m going to a gathering where I know the other women are already hating on me and although I would normally wear something that may be more flattering etc, I will not fix myself up as nice because I know how it will go. The last occasion this happened we all took pictures because it was my mother in laws bday. Comments were made by 1 other daughter in law how she was feeling fat etc. Even though I dressed down I still looked so cute in the pics but damn am I not supposed to display them because of the other females hangups? Well I sent all 3 of them my copies of the pics. They posted none on their Facebook that included me. But did post the ones I sent without me. It’s hurtful and can be a very lonely life. Granted I’ve known plenty of people who are not at all like that and can celebrate in my beauty but it just so happens at this time in my life I’m surrounded by these haters.

    • beautifully flawed

      My sentiments exactly!

  • Seriously Speaking

    Most of the women nowadays are very high maintenance to begin with, and what is worse is that they will go out with the ugliest men that i have ever seen in my life. I guess it is all about money for them, and there are a lot of us good looking men out there that are having a problem meeting a good woman to share our life with.

    • Guest

      Possibly the reason you’re having a hard time meeting GOOD women is because of you’re negative mindset. You started your comment with a generalization meant to insult women. By no means am I high maintenance. Anything I expect from a man, is a standard I also set for myself. You sound bitter because you’ve been hurt in the past. Guess what…EVERYONE HAS, so don’t blame every woman for that. You also seem vain, because you care so much about the outward appearance of the men other women are dating. HOW ABOUT LOOKING AT SOMEONE’S CHARACTER FOR A CHANGE. Jesus Christ, superficial people like you give attractive people a bad name, and contribute to the negative stereotypes. Grow the f*ck up…

      • Raven

        Guys can’t meet women that are very stuck up, and what is sad is that many of the women of today really do think they’re God’s gift to men.

      • Guest

        And men don’t feel the same? I come across tons of arrogant men on a daily basis who expect me to worship them because of their looks or success. Why must we always try to point the finger at one sex, when both sides have good and bad people???

      • Dominique86

        Hi I have these exact problems…. n it seems like people are shocked to hear that your a beauty that goes thru pproblems like everyone else or maybe even more… Like for example I was in a consoling group n yes I said out loud … to everyone please stop looking at me like cuz I’m beautiful or pretty that’s all I am about… I just like everyone else I go thru things horrible too…. when I told them that they faces were like a shocked look…. I also said once I am not wearing all this make-up that’s what make s me either. After that I made tobe of friends n every now n than I see them I make time to stop n chit chat…. n know what’s the strange thing I see people do is stare at me while I talking to them like huh face…. Like she talking to them…n mind u these people are recovering addicts I didn’t look at them for the mistake s they made in their life’s just the type of real person they present themselves to me n me in return the real me…. n yes I have very controlling n possessive boyfriends… n abusive too… towards me n want to know my every move… when really no matter what u say they still don’t believe u…… n yea I think sometimes I have a curse cuz I’ve wanted female friends to last thst end up ending for reasons I find stupid… n tell u the truth I learned to be alone n accepted it.. n the end I happy but still questions y me..as much as i dont want to people aren’t as nice to u some times too.

  • CaribGirl

    It’s biology, people. The human race equally adores and scorns wealthy males and beautiful females. However, I’d say it is easier for a beautiful person to leave the house looking unattractive, and for a rich person to appear poor, than the other way around. So to all those desiring a partner who is after personality instead of appearances, my advice is to dress down. Highlight your character, instead of your face (or wallet). You then get to experience what most of humanity goes through to find a decent partner.

    • Guest

      No doubt I agree with you. However, some people have what we call real and natural beauty. I dress down, and try to look plain, but I’ve been told by numerous people that my beauty can’t be covered up.

  • dominique

    Beauty is skin deep, I’ve met a lot of people that weren’t that attractive but they were so beautiful inside that they were gorgeous and beautiful people that were so ugly on the inside , beauty is in the eye of the beholder.a lot of people that thought they were so gorgeous in actuality were only average looking in my opinion or just cute, there is a difference in cute pretty and beautiful and especially jaw dropping gorgeous confidence can make someone average stunning

    • May

      You are very right! What beauty is to us all depends on what we want! Have you ever notice little kids follow a girl around and you are not sure why they rather hear her speak than sit in hour in from of the tv, well it’s love! It is the way she makes them feel. She sees them. Some just have that one think and happen to be beautiful and even after your girlfriend who hates her gets to know her will just fall in love with her and yes her physical beauty will fade but not matter what she will always show you what love is! But be careful she make look like in angel but she won’t turn the other cheek especially to bully’s

  • beautifully flawed

    Great article, happy I found it. The story of my life. I thank God for the gift of beauty. I don’t take it for granted, I have become a stronger person because of it. In my life, I have encountered few female friends female friends who was not jealous of me because of my looks. And even when they didn’t want to complement me, they have done so, saying they were compelled to do so. So, they did it reluctantly. My love life has pretty much sucked! I have observed that guys are generally to intimidated by me, to approach me…..even my current fiance. It took him about 10 years to approach me, and he is quite beautiful, himself. Just about every relationship in my life, has been affected by jealousy, whether it be friends or family. I have been betrayed, neglected, stabbed in the heart, by nearly everyone I ever trusted, and the reason behind their actions, we’re jealousy. Most describe me as extremely kind, trusting, very intelligent, gentle, extremely loving, and honest. Even with all of that, I can count the people who have genuinely loved me, on one hand, and I am 3 decades into this thing called life now……Every boyfriend I have ever had in my adult life, has asked me why him? Telling me that the aren’t good enough for me, and feel ginormous pressure to be perfect, because they feel I am perfect. ….but No One is perfect, that is what they don’t realize. Even in my current relationship, I have been working overtime, to reassure him, that yes he is flawed, but who isn’t. I love him, All of him, no matter the flaws. If I have to deal with the flaws, then that’s okay, because he is worth it. I think being with me, makes him feel like his worth is diminished, because he has me on this pedestal, like he can’t believe that he got me. With that being said, because of constant loneliness, due to most single guys being afraid to talk to you, you end up either alone or settling. And neither is any fun! One of the worst things that people repeatedly say, is that you can have any guy you want, you are the complete package, when clearly that is not how it works. If that were the case, beautiful women, would not be kissing so many frogs and scumbags. And neither is any fun.

    • Bunni Imdoingjustfine Doyle

      I’ve dealt with this all my life, so glad to know that I was not alone. Only someone who has dealt with this constantly would understand.

  • http://www.heatherclemenceau.wordpress.com HeatherClemenceau

    I find that men I’m debating on the internet will once in a while call me a “tranny.” This I don’t get. Not that I am in any way offended, I just find it an odd thing to say to a random person on the internet. I mean, how would you know? This has happened a couple of times very recently. I find it odd that they would use this “insult” instead of the stereotypical “dumb blonde” insult.

    • Selene R

      I notice that men say off putting things to females on the internet, in general. You being well beyond the reach of the majority of them may propel them to try and be as hurtful as possible towards you. I suppose they feel they have the right to make a pretty chick feel bad about herself, since they likely feel like shit inside.

  • Indigo

    everybodys talking about how this is their life, while im wishing this was relevant to mine. you guys may go through a lot, but being average-looking is a much harder struggle, im telling you

    • Indigo

      if i was drop-dead gorgeous, i wouldnt give a shit about the jealousy, false stereotyping, etc, because i would be drop-dead gorgeous. i know its very shallow of me to say, but i would feel amazing and a lot better about myself if i was drop-dead gorgeous. im desperate, and thats the main thing i would need to fulfill my genuine wants. just being true to myself.

      • Anonymous

        I think it would be better to be a shapeshifter with eternal youth. Or Mystique from X-Men.

        Maybe someday, technology will make it possible for everyone to instantly drastically change how they look without having to get plastic surgery. Then there will be no reason for anyone to be jealous of anyone else’s looks or to feel bad about what they were born with.

        Maybe someone will figure out how to build a Holodeck from Star Trek someday.

        Or maybe some clever things could be done with Google Glasses.

      • Angela Chapman

        Oh. sad. :( I can’t believe u called yourself ” ugly”, not drop- dead gorgeous. It’s, all in the head. It’s your confidence, how you present yourself. ‘ Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”. If you’re “kind”, you don’t hurt other people’s confidence, bully them. U will attract a ” certain” type of guy! Remember. I said ” certain”, not all guys want a ” certain” chick. U will attract who ever, maybe.. it might be mutual. U have to understand you can’t ” force” someone to ” like you. Everyone, has different preference, different taste in personalities/ appearance. If a guy ” rejects” you, everything. It’s, best.. to not be ” desperate”, waste your time with someone who doesn’t feel the same way.. with you. I understand, that some women are unable to accept rejection, have a high level of self- esteem. U should have a ” moderate” level of self- esteem. It shouldn’t be ” high”, it shouldn’t be really.. low to where you’re going to “kill yourself”. Being.. desperate doesn’t give you want you genuinely want. Guy, who.. are sharp, smart.. will ” reject” you, will not give you what u want! U can’t manipulate, force.. someone to give u what u want. It can lead to ” threats”, bullying.. and other issues that won’t look good down the road!

        An.. I’m being ” true” to myself, giving u an honest opinion! U can’t FORCE, THREATEN someone.. by bullying them, manipulating them/ sleeping with them to get what u want!! It doesn’t work out like that!!

        ” No.. means No”.

        If a guy rejects u, isn’t into you. U can always meet another guy, he will be interested in you!!

        An.. also I just want to say something, and I really mean this!! Even if a chick is ” drop- dead gorgeous”. U might think she’s gorgeous but she might think differently about herself!

        Be careful what you say to other people, hurting that person’s ” confidence”. Example: Jessica Alba is one of the hottest females in hollywood, that’s because she’s ” in- style”. There’s other women that are ” In- style” as well! Even.. though she’s drop- dead gorgeous, a lot of guys.. like her.

        I’m sure.. deep down inside she’s offended, upset about negative and rude comments that are towards her! I don’t believe that she’s full of herself, has a ” big ego”. Telling.. her that she’s not hot, was hot 7 yrs ago.. is pretty rude, nasty.

        Just because u say, do something to someone. It Doesn’t mean.. it doesn’t affect them by what you’re saying towards them!!

        I understand.. that we’re all human, we all get ” jealous from time to time. Jealousy is a bad emotion but it can be controlled by learning to accept yourself, not hurting other people while in the act.

        p.s

        An also.. I have talked to models before, heard stories. ” trust. me”. No one likes being bullied, teased. Especially, when it’s continues and the ” haters” won’t stop.

        Honey. lol. What if you had no ” support”, had no ” loyal” friends, people were stero typing you, constantly ” jealous” of you because of something u have no ” control” over.

        It’s easier said then done. One.. day you will be bullied, have no friends or support to run too! Your friendship circle will be broken, your family will be also.

        What would u do if u had no Friends or Family anymore?Your friends.. 2- faced you, you’re left talking to yourself, almost going into “depression”.

        It isn’t easy… sweet- heart!!

        It isn’t just stereo- typing. It’s cyber- bullying/ bullying in person. It’s.. invading someone’s personal life, being a creep.

        Being drop- dead gorgeous isn’t a good thing. U have to worry about perverts, Creeps and constantly being teased!! You have to worry about ” girl- fights”, staying away from ” certain” places, trying to find ” confident” friends who are drop- dead gorgeous too!! U have to worry.. about your face getting ” messed” up, god.. only knows what. U have to worry about ” rapist”, obsessive ” fans” who are sick, delusional. It’s nice to be pretty but inside.. I’m sure the person is ” hurting”, scared.. and worried/ paranoid.

    • Guest

      People always say this but never ever provide reasons behind their statements…

    • qtie14

      How do you know what’s harder?

      • East Coast

        For starters…the unwritten rule when it comes to employment has ALWAYS been, the more attractive=the better your chances. Your physical appearance often matters far beyond anything else that’s presented – i.e.-as in a formal interview. That’s just life (unfortunately)…period. Same principle applies to most all other categories in general. Attractiveness significantly presents more opportunities. Granted, not all will be of the preferred variety, but the operative word was “more.”

      • mase

        Bullshit. when you go into a work place is 99% of the people in their attractive? Most people in the work force are average looking! Do you go out into the world? LMAO! i’m jobless like FUCK, I know this. I dress up, I go to so many interviews and never get one call back. Maybe this implies to someone whose applying for a job where the companies guy has a sweet spot for beautiful women. It also well known that same-sex interviews can have jealousy intrusions. Which I can back up, because I’ve been through interviews where the woman is completely uninterested in me the moment I walk in the door. So for starters, people have different experiences. They happen rather you believe it or not. And it isn’t even about LOOKS anymore it’s about who you KNOW in the workforce, I know plenty of attractive people unemployed! Fuck sake you people are so tied up in your assumptions that it’s unrealistically ridiculous

    • Honeybee

      Its really not honey I’ve noticed that most men like them in between ..not too ugly. Its sad nobody focuses on character and compatibility.

  • Selene R

    I see all the beauties have come out the woodwork proclaiming their tales of woe. May I ask, how do you think you’d feel as a plain Jane? If you lost that extra umph of looks that men go for, what would you do? Would that loss significantly affect your life? I expect that men probably fall over themselves trying to chat up chicks like the ones describing themselves here. I love to watch these displays in real life. Fear not, I am no “hater”, more like a bemused spectator of human ritual and behavior. I feel like Steve Irwin, except my jungles are the supermarkets, public squares, river fronts, etc. I observe. Men can’t fool me and neither can the women saying their beauty is a problem for them. I call 100% bullshit. You would not want to wake up in Camp Plain Jane. You’d probably die from shock. It’s a whole ‘nother world over here. And men, we all know what you REALLY want in a woman. At least externally. Save the bullshit. Please. I’m just asking for real to be kept sacred. Is that too much to ask?

    • Guest

      But what people fail to understand is that we would love to have some lady friends as well! The lot of you are so skeptical, insecure or plain jealous that you don’t allow a beautiful woman to get close to you. I work in a hair salon & my client’s mother was sitting down waiting. She chatted it up with everyone in the room but me. I spoke directly to her, but she refused to make eye contact or answer me at all. That doesn’t feel good. So you let your insecurities turn you into a deaf, mute 2nd grader? Ok

      • Selene R

        No one is owed anything in this life. Not friendship, conversation, this or that. At least being plain and humble has taught me that much. Why do you automatically assume others are ‘jealous’ of you? Maybe they just don’t like you. I mean, it happens. I see a physician every other month for scar revision and one of the receptionists seems to loathe my presence. She’s very chatty with most others (ESPECIALLY the male patients) but, very mum and curt with me. Okay. Whatever. I check in, and I’m done with her. As long as I am polite, I know my conscience is clean and I have no power over another person’s actions towards me. What other people do is out of your hands. Some people are just that way, and that’s that.

      • Bunni Imdoingjustfine Doyle

        This is so true, I’ve experienced this all my life. I’m 46 years old now, and still don’t have female friends, since my BFF died of BC 2 years ago. It’s really ashame because so many women pass up a good and loyal friend, just because they never even get to know us because we are attractive. I’m also sick of people who haven’t experienced this saying it doesn’t happen, because it does!

      • Missy

        I had a beautiful friend. She felt the need to remind me daily that I was ugly and she was better than me. I’m aware I’m ugly, but is that necessary? Then she tried to sleep with my boyfriend because she could.
        I wasn’t jealous, I was tired of being ridiculed and teased by her and her hot friends. “How did she get a boyfriend she’s so ugly.” It hurts when people do that to you.
        I’d rather have guys interested in me then have them cheat on me and treat me like dirt because I Dont deserve them, thanks.
        You beautiful girls get guys (sometimes) who will dote on you. Us ugly girls get guys who couldn’t care less about us because were ugly. We never get married and usually sit in limbo because no guy will marry anything lower than a 7/10. And I’m at least a 2/10 if not lower.
        Being the ugly friend sucks. Try to understand that next time you put your friend down or exclude her because she’s not as hot as you and your other friends.

    • qtie14

      Why is it so hard to believe that someone has their own life experiences? Look call it what you want but I know my experiences. I was raised to be very polite and have manners. So that’s how I carry myself. So its not that people just dont like me.I have been on both sides of the spectrum. When I was younger I was fat and my facial features were not so attractive because everything was smooshed and not pronounced. I know how I was treated then versus now. When I was young I was teased and people would outwardly make rude comments about my weight. I was not sought after..then I blossomed and lost weight and my face became very striking (not my.fault by the way). & boy did things change. Everyone wanted to know me, know about me etc. It got to be overwhelming. I know the difference between when another female wants you around because you’re the fat ugly friend so she will get all the attention and when another female doesn’t want you around because you will get all the attention because you’re so physically beautiful. And when others want you around because you’re popular. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out when you’re experiencing it. To tell you the truth when I was fat and ugly I would say that the people who befriended me then were much more genuine. No I wouldn’t rather be fat and ugly or plain jane. For my.own dignity I prefer to take pride in my appearance and keep myself up but that doesn’t mean I don’t know the difference and haven’t experienced people’s general behaviors towards me while I’ve gone through physical changes. Sure some posting here may just be vain or delusional but it’s human nature for looks to play a part in our societal behaviors. On several occasions I’ve been offered jobs knowing if I wasn’t cute I wouldn’t have gotten the job so easy. If they want a pretty face up front for people to see that’s what they want. Has that worked in my favor? Sure. But still not my fault. You can’t call someone a fake for other people’s actions.

  • Anonymous

    Selene R wrote:

    “May I ask, how do you think you’d feel as a plain Jane? If you lost that extra umph of looks that men go for, what would you do? Would that loss significantly affect your life?”

    Definitely. But, I hope I wouldn’t be bitter about it. I hope I’d look on the bright side and still understand that not having scary, threatening stalkers is a really major benefit of being plain.

    I used to sometimes be sad that I’m not a 10 out of 10. But thanks to my stalkers (and former stalkers who, thank goodness, gave up), I’m now actually grateful I’m not perfect.

    • Selene R

      So, stalkers are/were a part of your normal, day-to-day life? Just wondering. And you seem to admit, that even though you are stalker-worthy pretty, that you were sad that you weren’t what you consider a perfect 10? That sounds nearly contradictory. May I ask why you wanted more beauty if you were already well beyond the average? Very interesting.

  • BJ

    I’m actually an 11 out of 10 and I don’t have ANY stalkers! lol

  • Fly35

    Thank you, FINALLY! I’ve been looking for someone to acknowledge my experience for so long. True, all of it!

  • Janice 111

    I am not a perfect 10. Im the unlikely hot girl. Why? I know how to use what i’ve got. I embrace whatever looks, brains & personality I’ve got. So I’m confident in who I am & what I’ve got. For these reasons, i seem to attract alot of attention, both positive & negative. Admiration & haterism. So i can relate. Its as awesome as it is awful. The great irony, however, is this…how is it possible to be the center of attention & yet be so lonely? I make a conscious effort to be polite & humble to everyone. I feel good about myself. And thats exactly what the haters seem to hate about me. They must be so deeply insecure about themselves to feel threatened by someone like me, someone whose maybe an 8 out of 10 on a good day. People’s insecurities are the bane of my existence. Really sucks when they put all that negative baggage on someone else because it must be easier than owning it & trying to overcome it. And lucky me, im an easy target because I attract too much attention. Happens all the time.

    • Lauren

      Thank you for putting every day of my life in perfect words.

      • chick

        This is exactly how I feel. I see beauty in every woman! But they hate me because I grab all attention whether I wear a bag or a miniskirt. Always, hating! I’m nice to all and humble and giving but I can’t get a girl to hangout with me because they feel less attractive besides me. It feels awful but I enjoy my male friends which are like million who waiting to bang me probably. I’m confident and learn how to depend on me. Life.

    • qtie14

      Janice, exactly. You said it perfectly. So sad but true.

    • Ateshia Mayes

      Yes, you have beautifully stated everything that I go through on a daily basis. I have no female friends. Guys hit on me a lot and I get both positive and negative attention from both males and females. Sometimes it gets overwhelming, and there are times I do doubt my looks because of the negativity. But I have to always remember and someone once told me, if you have haters, then you’re doing something right.

  • Tori

    I don’t think I’m a perfect 10 by any means but I know I’m attractive. I don’t think beauty is a curse… I make a living from being pretty. I get pulled over a lot but I never get tickets. I get a lot of things for free. It is true that a lot of men are shy about approaching you and act jealous/insecure in relationships. I ended up turning to online dating because it was so hard to meet someone. I met my husband on there and even then I had to make the first move…I am so thankful I’m not single anymore. I hated it. I have noticed that all of my friends are really pretty. More average looking girls don’t seem to like me when I’ve tried to form friendships with them. I never understood that until I read this article. I’ve never had a problem with another female because she’s beautiful. I just think “Good for her. She looks great!” Oh well. It is what it is.

  • Trina

    I would say one of the hardest parts of being beautiful is that you have to deal with women over a certain age, let’s say 50. Some women who are getting older, and their junk starts to sag… they get really bitter towards younger women and treat them like crap.

    Not all women over 50 behave like this, but I would say a lot of them do.

    Women are the meanest when they start to get wrinkly and saggy.

  • missy

    LOL. The curse of being beautiful?
    You Dont get drinks thrown at you when your walking down the street. Guys Dont make fun of you everywhere you go pointing and laughing at you and calling you a gross pig or ugly drag queen when you dress up. You Dont have boyfriends who cheat on you because your fugly and then tell you that they think your fugly and fat constantly. Apparently being skinny and hot is all that matters in this world, so much that people bully anyone that doesn’t fit into magazines decision of beautiful. I Dont care if you call me ugly, I already know that and am aware. Its not an insult if its truth. But curse of being beautiful? Please!!! Your beautiful. People treat you like you exist. Not like ugly people who get ridiculed, criticized, and bullied daily about how they should “kill themselves”. Something you beautiful people feel entitled to say to anyone who is ugly.

    • Selene R

      I don’t think (m)any of these self proclaimed beauties have a speck of real human emotion or empathy for others, going by their commentaries. Maybe the people they presume to be ‘jealous’ or hateful towards them, can simply sense the inhumane and selfish radiating off them and choose to repel them or steer clear.

  • bark6487

    Excellent article. You hit it right on the nail. There is a true curse to beautiful women, the insecure losers that date you and then have a go at you for what you are wearing, or when a guy looks at you, and the person you’re with wears down your confidence, instead of proudly putting their arm around you, and being happy with what they have.

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