Feb 18

Kids can be great bonuses to meeting someone new and they can also be nightmares just as easily. When a man gets older he realizes that the chance of meeting a childless woman thins dramatically and the question of “how” may come to his mind in dealing with a child that isn’t his.

The single parent dilemma is felt the hardest by the children, and as a product of such a household I am lucky enough to have this insight in my dating life. Many guys just don’t know how to deal with a child that isn’t theirs and it becomes immediately evident to the child, even when the mom is disillusioned into thinking that the guy is perfect.

Advice to The Single Mothers

Ask your Teen: If you have a teenager it is very important that you get their approval after an introduction or two is made with your potential lover. If your kid has daddy issues, as in wanting you to stay alone in hopes of your ex coming back into your life – then go ahead and skip the introduction to the new guy. If you have good rapport with your child, have regular talks with them and they respect you, then it is important that you get their approval.

Check his credentials: If you have a toddler or baby and the guy is okay with dating you, then this next step is important. You may need to run some sort of background check or something to know what kind of temperament the guy has. A suave, zen-like guy who can hold in his inner lion is great but if you have a temper tantrum throwing lunatic around your baby, you need to drop him like a bad habit.

Ladies listen, this man did not get used to a kid screaming like you did, he was not kept up nights tending to the crying and projectile poop, he isn’t seasoned in this. Above all else, including your want for a mate is your child’s safety.

Advice to Men Dating Women with Children

Guys this is hard if you aren’t a lover of children; I cannot stress this any harder; if kids annoy you, or if they get in the way for you, then stick to women who lack kids. If you do love kids, or are tolerant of kids in a friendly way, then you must realize that dating a woman with a child is like dating two people. You have to cater to both on some level, especially if the child is a female herself.

Engage the child in conversation when he/she’s around but make it natural conversation, not forced conversation. Most teens are cynical and standoffish to new boyfriends so you have to expect hostility initially. Don’t go turning on the young man’s Madden game and professing your “skills” in hopes that the video game will bond you to him. Don’t go talking about the girl’s favorite band as if you listen to it, because she probably knows that you don’t and you will look like a fool trying to get in.

You do not what to appear as if you are talking the kid up in order to score panty points with his/her momma. It’s very obvious when we do this and kids read that stuff immediately.

Here’s what you do: treat the kid like another adult and engage in conversation and bonding the way you would if you were stuck in a house with random guy or girl. Take it slow and be yourself, help out when you can, or when you’re asked, and the number one thing is to be good to their mom.

Being a boyfriend who openly bombs on mom in front of the kids or being that guy breaking mom’s heart will forever lock you into asshole mode in their minds and you will never get over it. It is not your place to discipline an unruly child either, check his/her mom on that, and if it gets too much – call it a day and leave.Having to play daddy when you’re simply dating a woman is not fair to you either, so don’t ever let them lay that on you as a responsibility.

Kids aren’t as naive as you think

If you and the woman are just trying to have sex then you should not be meeting her kids. In the current day and age kids know what the hell is going on and that awkward feeling you get when she forces 12 yr old Johnny to go to bed so you all can make out on the couch is warranted. Women you gotta be smarter than this, go back to his place, keep your kids out of it, and leave the little ones with a babysitter.

So go forth, date, have fun and remember when children are concerned you have to give respect in order to earn respect. Thanks for reading.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • I’ve personally met some pretty good men for dating. Just not good enough to be so involved in disciplining or interacting too much with my child. Call me over protective. But I could never befriend a man that my child doesn’t like. Not at 17 and especially not at 7. And you’re so right, guys will try and score points with your kids to impress the mom. The ones that do that.. are wimps. I’ve found that with my 16 yr old.. IF I like him, she likes him. IF I dont’ like him that much.. she mirrors me.

    Oh.. And here’s my fave movie quote that reflects how guys should behave toward single moms:
    Jerry McGuire: “A real man wouldn’t shoplift the pootie from a single mom.”

    Good article!

  • nia

    good article! i totally agree with you on the fact that women with young kids should either stay out of the dating game or find themselves a f_ buddy until the kids are old enough to defend themselves…1) single mother to a young kid means the feelings from the previous relationship are still raw and on the surface. carrying a child for someone is a bonding experience whether it’s welcomed or not (unless it was a hit and quit which in that case is not the type of chick a good man should be lookin for)..the new guy in her life will more than likely run into baby daddy drama. 2) the woman needs time to get into the swing of motherhood and the direction her life is going. most new moms are not really too familiar with what to do, and are not used to sacrificing for the sake of someone else, especially if they are alone in the raising kids game. having a man in her life will cloud her mind and her judgment where her kids are concerned just off the simple fact that she hasn’t had a taste of putting the children first. 3) that man runs the risk of being forced into being a daddy. new single moms are always dealing with the fact that it wasn’t the plan to be single, so for a coupla years she goes on a mission to find a good man to be a father to her kids. …

    • I think too, that the problem is.. just because a girl.. can lay down with a boy.. doesn’t mean they come up as women and men. They usually come up as parents! Lordy! Bless the children. A girl or a grown woman who gets pregnant multiple times out of wedlock.. well.. I won’t judge her, but I do believe she needs some serious serial counseling. To: Stop making babies! You can screw all you want to.. get multiple guys.. get STDS all you want. Just stop making babies… & bringing innocent lives into your messy mix.. Problem solved.

    • bmundy28

      You are so right because my oldest is nine now and my youngest is two. I remember when I first became a mother I hated it because I wasn’t ready nor was I mature enough but in the length of time that I’ve gotten older and have had my kids longer, I don’t feel as overwhelmed and although I’ve had to work harder to understand putting them first, I’ve learned that that is important. No man should be put first in front of your kids because when you do it the first time, it will continue to happen and that child will resent you for that. Also, I know what it’s like to feel like I can’t do it on my own or even have a man discipline my kids because I’m not that stern of a person and it’s been my experience that when you give control to the man that he looses respect for you as a parent. I can’t count the many lessons I’ve learned trying to be a parent. I feel as if I’m gaining leverage because for a mother who never had a mother or father of my own, I’m doing pretty well and I’m learning how to care and love someone outside of myself along the way.

  • Mr. Dragon when you told me this article was geared at Mr. Glover and myself, I wondered what you were writing about. Here is one aspect you missed in your article (which was very good btw) the reason most guys put a “number” out there is mostly because if a woman who has three kids especially in their teens years they may not want to have anymore children. Being the guy coming into the relationship with no children, and you know you want to experience the having children with your spouse if it gets that far it may not be a match. I have talked to some of my female friends who have multiple children and they are saying they are done, and the guy they meet is going to have to live with that.

    I believe that is where the number issue comes into to play, I personally love kids and have no problem dating women that have them within reason. Let’s be real I have met women with four and five kids running around, I am not saying they were whores but ummm wow five kids?!!?! I really think it comes down to how the woman manages the situation, how she presents the guy she is dating to her kids and when have a lot to do with how things go. Like you said if your that dude that shows up at the house walks in the living room says what’s up to the kid on the way to the bedroom the child is going to have it in for you.

    • Oh I can dig it sir, I used the old “bait and switch” to force you to read the article, my nudge at you and Mr. Glover was basically a trap… that worked… Muhahahah!!! On your point about women not wanting anymore kids I am glad you brought that up because that is very much a case when it comes to dating a woman who has had a few already. Hell I know women who have had one child and the experience was such that she would not ever do it again – that’s a deal breaker for the man you described. If a guy looks forward to fatherhood, from conception to raising, ya a woman who is done with that aspect of her life will not be compatible for him. Very good points by all, hopefully the guys who visit here and are unsure on this can learn something from these comments.

  • There is another point to be made as well depending on the circumstances a woman with three kids by three different fathers is going to not be a good candidate to settle down with. If you break it down they basically laid up with three dudes and had unprotected sex with em, remember that whole thing about not asking how many people someone has been with? Well the number of kids is a real life log to that depending on the factors. Also I think some guys come into it with an understanding of what it takes, but they lose patience if the woman does not have a handle on the situation. One of my friends met a woman who had one child, he scheduled a date with her two weeks in advance to give her time to find a baby sitter and what not. She agreed, but on the day of the date an hour before she calls and says hey I still have to find a baby sitter can we meet later? Three hours later they eventually make it on the date, he asks her out again and the same drama ensues. The straw that broke the camels back for him was on the third attempt once again with ample notice, she tells him the same thing that she was working on finding a baby sitter the day of the date. Then three hours later she calls him and says she isn’t going to be able to go, he had already written her off at that point.

    So a lot of it has to do with how the woman with the child handles the situation, most guys understand that is a common thing in society today especially over 30 daters.

    • bmundy28

      That is interesting. I think it’s kind of inconsiderate of her to do that to him. Two weeks and no sitter? She didn’t have family or nobody to help her? If you don’t have any way to get a sitter how can you date? It sounds like to me that she just wasn’t interested in the guy because it was a two week advance and she did that because she wasn’t really mature, so I think he did the right thing writing her off.

      • Sunset

        To the one who says if she has no help how can she date. Being that woman of a 5yr old answer is dont get involved unless u want a serious relationship. Dates consist of in home activities after child is asleep so a lot of late nights early mornings. Exhaustion at work. Once you have seen her for well over a year plan on insta fam. U have passed the obstical corse most men bore of in two months. U can now meet tge child and leave the home. But outings are fam outings. If u dig it love her marry her. If you cant hang dont date another with child an no help. Trust shell be fine. The child wont really know u they will be fine. This kind of woman is use to being on her own. In fact likes it. If she gave u a chance its cause she wanted u. Not cause she needs you!

  • YOU good guys should open a “charm” school! Hey! This is the charm school. Good job.

  • Carly

    Hi guys and gals,
    This is great! I am joining the conversation kinda late, however I wanted to share another angle to these great points. As a very young women who got married with a child already in tow, I have to say some men can be a bastard and try hard to make a woman feel like “damaged goods” because she has a child, and try to impress upon her that he is doing you a “favor” by marrying you anyway.

    I have to admit I did not feel proud of having a child as a teenager even though I loved this chubby bundle of life. I had a bright future ahead of me and this was devastating all around (according to societal values embraced by my momma at that time). But with an awesome support system, my child was well taken care of, so that I may pursue my college education. Now my mother never made it easy, and the rule was – “here is your handbag, put him over your shoulder and take him everywhere you go!” That was the best birth control for me! And in the meantime I had a chance to bond, to continue to grow with my son, and to figure out my life – somewhat.

    So when I met my “husband” in college and eventually shared the news of my son, the comment was, “I had promised myself NEVER to date a woman with a child, but since we have come this far…….”. What? Oh my God, where was my good sense then? Mark you, I was 19 years old at this point. I should have body slammed (just kidding) this joker then, but the perception of being in love cloaked in naivity is a mother in itself!

    Long story short, by making a simple declaration, this guy made it clear to the world that my child would never be his child. “He is to call me Mr. (whatever his last name was)”. Well, that really woke my green ass up and my vigilance went into overdrive like that of a she lion (if you know what I mean). Because of that experience, my child who was 4 years old when he was introduced to this environment is a better man for it today. I could be singing a different song today…..

    Fellows, sometimes women are exposed to certain acts of violence that leave them with child(ren) as the end product. Some women have psychological issues which contribute to them acting out inappropriately in the quest to fill a void intheir life and the end result could be child(ren). Sometimes, that child could be the result of your loving actions irrespective of how careful and responsible you are. I know, but I am not making excuses, in fact I am trying to think how I can justify 5 babies and 3 baby daddies in your early 20s…..Anyway!

    Just remember you might never know why your newest attraction has this type of baggage. Every woman with a child is a woman who did not choose to abort or give that child up for adoption. So the young woman without children does not necessarily have better (sex) life management skills. And ladies, because the brother does not have a child or 2 tugging on his shirt tail does not tell you anything. Because men are not kangaroos and do not bear the tangible fruits of pregnancy (unplanned or not) in a physiological manner, this does not mean he may not be a daddy – to somebody!!! Hello!

    Ladies, what do you do with the man who has a vasectomy because he was a teenage father and most definitely decides he does not want anymore kids, even if you do?……..Mmmmm. I know such a man!
    Marksman, what would you do if you married a woman without children, only to discover her inability to bear children later is linked to a scarred uterus from a couple of abortions she has had years ago? Or even just a case of unavoidable infertility? How would you play that card?

    Peace!

    • ury

      I applaud you! As a woman who shared a decade-long relationship with ONE man that resulted in four wanted children and then deteriorated into abuse (and his drug use), I agree that there are so many reasons. And I can’t justify 3 baby’s daddies and 5 children either. But it is a bitch to date, I’ll tell you.

    • Coracreates

      Amen to this!

  • Wally

    I just recently ended a 2 year relationship with a woman that has 3 kids. Their ages are 12, 10, & 5. Don’t get me wrong here, I love well behaved kids. But hers were just downright out of control. They would fight constantly and trash the house. They had little discipline and playtime seemed to be the focus. I don’t know about you but when I was growing up my parents insisted I keep my room clean (not spotless) and assigned a few basic easy chores to teach some responsibility and manners. I’m not suggesting that she should run her home like an Army barracks, but some basic rules and guidance were non-existent. I just couldn’t tolerate it anymore. It sucks real bad because I loved her very much and we had great chemistry and shared similar interests and goals. I miss her terribly but I know it could never work.

    • 12, 10 and 5 sheesh that’s a handful for one woman, where’s the dad(s)? I had this conversation recently with a young mother and she explained that the lack of discipline thing can be attributed to a number of things. What I mean is that there are too many variables to even pinpoint why she let them turn into that but personally I think you did the right thing. I know I couldn’t handle it so I have to give you some props for trying it, it’s quite obvious that you love this woman very much. I’m curious, did you know she had 3 big kids when you started courting her or was this info dropped on you after wrapping her up? I mean 3 is a lot for a man to inherit and you did 2 years!!! I don’t care who you are that’s a big frikkin change (props to Ashton Kutcher) I know I wouldn’t find it ideal.

      Anyway, keep your head up Wally and move on having used this as a learning experience. Two years is quite some time and I know you want to find a way to work it out… just remember why it is you left and don’t turn into yo-yo boyfriend (that can do serious damage to those little hellions minds). A beautiful and responsible person does not naturally equate great parent, your girl’s example shows this. You never know about the kids until you get to experience them with their mom in their own environment. I wish you luck in the dating pool, find ground soon or wait 13 years and reclaim your lady (that was a joke).

    • frustrated bigfish

      Im in the same boat, but a little deeper. And it sucks. I have a girlfriend I’ve been with for two years. She had three girls, 4, 6, & 10, when I met her. My daughter and son were 6 & 10.

      It was all good, until her placed flooded and she was staying with me while the owner lagged on repairing the place. Things gradually got worst and then I stopped having sex and all. Which turned into the fight about me cheating, which I wasn’t, just not into it anymore. She is Mexican, so it was a never ending bs guilt trip as things tried to work. I loved her….and fell from love with her. I tried to work through things and decided to make sure to wear protection to prevent any unwanted issues. Which continued into the cheating accusations. So she started birth control so I would have sex unprotected regularly. Worst and Best mistake of my life.

      As expected, we had the talk about “What if” and as soon as what if was here….she changed her mind. Now we have a son on the way son. I still don’t want to be with her. It sucks. Her kids are dirty, they lie, two youngest 6 & 8 now, piss ALL THE TIME. Me and my children are sick of it.

  • bdizzle

    I read this article…and read the comments and this has to be the best read for my situation because I’m losing my mind lmao :'( I loved just about all the comments here. My favorite is Greg Dragon’s response to “Wally”. I’m 30yrs of age…I’ve been dating a woman (33yrs old) for a year almost now. I don’t have kids and she has 3 kids. After we met, a couple of weeks later, when things were getting hot she explained to me she had 2 kids with her first husband and 1 with her second husband…I was attracted to her from day one. This woman had me from day one; funny, laughed at my corny jokes, communicatiion, and me and the kids meshed naturally…the youngest daugher is a heart breaker. Let me add that the 2 fathers are active in the childrens lifes. Me and her had a fallen out twice but we’re back tight and making it work.

    …*sigh*…as I start to come around more often I begin to be around her and the kids and see certain things that is starting to take its toll on me lol. Awesome kids but the dicipline that they lack is wearing me out. The baby, cries at the drop of a hat so often Im beginning to think something is wrong. They act up, I confront the mom, nothing changes. The baby’s father has a serious problem with me & went ape sh!t 1day when the baby ran to me & gave me a hug. I found out that the tat she has on her right breast (still after all this time) is of the youngest baby’s fathers name and it really bothers me which I’ve addressed in which she has no intentions on taking off soon. I asked for a long time what that tat was and she lied every time, i found out on my own. We all went out to eat 1night, the son didn’t know what to eat. He saw a $36 steak plate yet opt’d out of consideration (great kid). Once he was frustrated couldn’t find what he want to eat my lady suggested to him to get the steak !!!!!(0_0)!!!!! & the kid DOESN’T EAT THE STEAK! We’ve all learned as a child, “you don’t order the most exp thing on the menu” when being treated. I was pissed, and she gets mad at me & see it as a problem that I was mad about that. She doesn’t spend her money wisely. While I save and cont to get out of debt, she’s goin in. I was told I could get “1 child” from her & I understand. I don’t know why but something scares me about her and the ex of the youngest.

    The kids are great, I love her with all my heart & I look past the little flaws she has & I give it 150%. But this is wearing on me 🙁

    • bdizzle

      lastly…I feel left out that she has a family already. That she has 3 kids and she is only willing to give me one. There are many things me and her can’t do as what a single woman would be able to do because she’s focusing on the kids first (and I undestand that) in many areas. I’ve been told by many who had my experience that it will be extremely hard but I felt I could handle it…even my girl said it wouldn’t be easy. I feel like regardless I’m always second fiddle. When ever something goes down with the kids especially when the fathers are involved I’m on the outside watching. Let alone the fathers when I’m at the kids school with my girl their postures are very defensive like why is he here seeing my child…:-(….I’m starting to learn that I want to be the only man, the only father…that when the kids need help I want to be first priority in the involvment of my kids WITH my woman….idk…I love her so much and I’m going to continue to try, ask all the right questions, do all the right things and exhaust every angle…damn this hurts….

      • Nia Syrah

        1.. This chick has another man’s name on her chest.. Either she fell real hard for dude and thought it would be forever, or shes dumb enough to get a tattoo of “some guy”..either way, it’s an issue because she’s tied to that dude, tattoo or not..

        2.. U sound real unhappy..Trust me, unhappiness is apparent and won’t change until the thing u are unhappy about changes.. And kids pick up on it first…

        3.. There are children involved.. Maybe keep them out of the pic until u figure out what to do??? If u already have an idea of how u want to raise kids with someone and she doesnt fit the bill, then accept it and find someone who does…

    • BDizzle, I agree with Nia on this one you are letting your emotions hurt your situation. It’s just too much my man, nobody will think ill of you for cutting your losses and moving on – irregardless of the kids. The thing is this woman has not moved on, she hasn’t. She lied to you because she still feels for that dude and being that he is the most recent father, he can probably say a few magical words and you will be out in the cold with them playing family again.

      Use the love of that kid to realize that it may be time for you to start your own family and it is a call of nature for yout o be a dad. One child making you fight for a woman I can agree with but she has 3… dude you aren’t superman, that is INSANE! Think about it from the outside in, for a second…

      A Man versus 2 baby fathers, torn mom with tattoo of another man on her breast (the area where you proclaim stuff loud and proud), and 3 kids to win over while their fathers call you a home wrecking punk ass… The odds say run for the hills bro, you gotta love yourself first.

      “A pimp told me if I love her I should let her go” – Common

      I am merely stating my opinion as you know bdizzle, but I am more than sure that most men reading will agree with me in your situation. The tattoo is reason enough to peace-out. It’s disrespectful man. Go make a deserving woman happy and cut that bird loose.

      • weby

        hurrah my man. for stating it as it is!

  • captain america

    Very interesting discussion. I am the second ex-husband of a woman who is on her way to husband number four and father number three of her three children. Child number two is mine and lives with me (thanfully). I raised child number one for five years and still feel sad at not being part of her life anymore. Soon to be child number three is from a father with two of his own. My ex thinks she wont have any problems handling this mix and has even asked that I send my child back to live with her and her new man. Not a chance. After watching her go through marriage/divorce number three, two affairs with married men (including a second cousin in her parents home) and hearing about her guardian angels and spirits I am amazed that I was the one man who actually tried to build a family with her. She walked away with a brand new car, 20% of my monthly income in alimony/child support (until she gave me back my child) and US Citizenship. I was willing to raise child number one because I figure that we are all entitled to a second chance and frankly she made a great impression on me and was a good wife/mom for the first three years. After that, however, she just lost it and to this day assures me that her guardian angels revealed to her that I had cheated on her from day one. Truth is I have only been with two women in my life and haven’t been with anyone since our divorce. She still looks good at 30, great legs, great ass and aside from plucking her eyebrows recently not a bad face. Still, I can’t help but think that something has to be very wrong if she is capable of moving through relationships so quickly and sees nothing wrong with marriage number 4 in less than four years. Issues here? Absolutely. Does any man need to fix them for her? No, she needs to figure things out herself and step one is taking a knee, doing some counseling and realizing that intimacy doesn’t equal love and love is not enough. Commitment and hard work are the only things which will help a relationship succeed. She has no trouble attracting me, just keeping them, or rather staying on board when the going gets tough. She is a serial runner, as soon as something doesn’t go her way she runs. Ask lots of questions, do a background check, ask her where she goes to church, can you go with her, and if one of her children doesn’t live with her ask why or just run (there is a reason the child is not with her). Good luck, but my advice is hire a good lawyer now.

  • Bompee

    Mom in Apt 10b :
    I think too, that the problem is.. just because a girl.. can lay down with a boy.. doesn’t mean they come up as women and men. They usually come up as parents! Lordy! Bless the children. A girl or a grown woman who gets pregnant multiple times out of wedlock.. well.. I won’t judge her, but I do believe she needs some serious serial counseling. To: Stop making babies! You can screw all you want to.. get multiple guys.. get STDS all you want. Just stop making babies… & bringing innocent lives into your messy mix.. Problem solved.

    • cr8iveone

      Wow….judge much. Im a mother of two (not the same father). My children are blessed thank you . The first man became addicted to drugs I wasnt smart enough to see the signs. The second guy who I thought was the one cheated and had commitment issues. So does that mean I need counseling. I do take some responsibilty as I was not prepared for guys (very sheltered and strict up bringing and boys where never a topic) I take care of my children and love them.. I have dated other men and I dont introduce them until after a few dates. I take ques on their reaction.My youngest not so much she has the night in shinning armour mind frame .I get pretty upset when people assume that if a women as children out of wedlock they’ve ruined that childs life. My oldest is going college, she appreciates and acknowledges how difficult it is to be a single parent. I dont like dating as some men believe if a lady has children she doesn’t want anything stable and just need the physical part of a relationship. I have a responsiblity to make sure my girls are strong sensible and mature enough to handle themselves out in the world. Dont judge its wrong you dont know that persons situation at all.You only see the surface .

    • cr8iveone

      And a note if they get STD s its your tax money paying for treatments.Your comment does not solve anything or help anyone. I work in the healthcare field and it hurts the heart to see young men and women get diagnosed with incurable STD . Children need to be educated and adults need to lead in a positve manner.

  • Kimberly Anderson

    Excellent advice. I have lots of thoughts for women to date men with children. The problems can be endless. Maybe now it’s time to do that article.

  • Elaine

    I had that problem my man font like whe i talk to my 21yrs old son he doesn’like him petiod he just want to see his kids around and not mind if i have to give my domeyhing i have yo jid and give him or it woild create a nig urgument

    • MystiKasT

      speak in english please

      • She is probably typing rapidly on a phone and it came out jumbled so please play nice MystiKast.

  • Businezz

    Here is my issue I am dating a woman it has been 3 months now. Every time we go out her biological children somehow join in and at times her neighborhood children tag along. I find myself paying for meals for the entire bunch. She doesn’t say a word. How should I handle this. I am not a cheapskate. Her son also asked me for money what should I have done and should I have told her about it?

    • MystiKasT

      Break up with her. You don’t need all that baggage.

    • Please run for the hills fast! If this is happening 3 months in when things are still new and her “representative” is still in the honeymoon phase, can you imagine a year from now? Where is the father? For a boy to ask his mom’s date for money shows a parenting void that is beyond disturbing, and you do not want to continue down this road my friend. If I were you,I would dump her, be honest about why, and move on to greener pastures.

    • zoonib

      If the kid asks for money then money has been a conversation about you. Example Why are you seeing this guy mom? “The dude has money”. The message to the kid is your the walking wallet, not your an important person to her.

      Money is needed for retirement and paying the bills. Don’t waste it on ungrateful irresponsible people. If a woman brings the kids on dates, then she has no intention of having sex with you, just the opposite. Dump her ass, she is using you.

  • bruff

    Why subject yourself to the possibility of all that drama?

  • Lost in baby bliss

    I think I am in the same situation. I recently dated a girl with a 3 month old baby. Im a 26yr old professional and she is a 28yr old waitress. I realized the relationship would be tough but i figures i could handle it. For starters her baby’s father is mentally unstable and threatens her. And he does absolutely nothing for the his child. Secondly she complains about me never taking her out but she always has the baby and he screens and cry constantly and its embarrassing in public. I dont have a problem with the baby but we dont get any alone time. Them she had a friend who she had a fling with. She tells this guy everything we do and where we go. Which is weird to me. Lastly she expects me to help with the kid. I do not have kids so im completely out of my element. I have changed diapers fed and burped him and play with him. This situation is very uncomfortable for me but i really like this girl. What should i do??

    • You need to get up the courage to leave my friend. There are way too many red flags to count but let me run some off for you:

      – The baby is under a year old (check)
      – She is demanding “father” activity out of you for said newborn (check)
      – She’s being unrealistic (taking her out with a newborn) (check)

      Look, I don’t care if she looks like a young Halle Berry with the sexual appetite of Lisa Ann, this is only going to get worse for you. You are too young to waste your time trying to make a typical sad story change it’s ending. The child is just too young for the mother to be in a new relationship, that is the main problem here. It isn’t you, it is her and you need to leave.

      • Onila

        Então tá né ???

  • ury

    Great article! As a woman who shared a decade-long relationship with ONE man that resulted in four wanted children but then quickly deteriorated into abuse (and his drug use), I believe that there are a plethora of reasons why single moms can exist with multiple children, that don’t necessarily have to mean irresponsibility on the mother’s part. But it is a bitch to date, I’ll tell you 🙂 We separated when my youngest was a little less than a year old, and I waited awhile before pursuing dating, and actually I ended up dating someone I had known for many years. He having his own brood, and me with mine, we both decided we didn’t want anymore kids at that time. It has been a battle, both on his end and my kids to find that bond, mainly because he always put up emotional barriers. Now, 5 years later, things are more normal. My kids have only known him aside from their dad, whom they have not seen in many years due to his addictions, and so they see him as their stepdad now, and he embraces them as his own. This has been a hard-faught battle, but it was made easier by the absence of the biological father. I advise anyone in similar situation to be patient, learn to parent and discipline your kids on your own, and make sure you can be entirely fiscally responsible for them. Also, be receptive to your significant other’s sensible comments and observations, because if you want them to help you co-parent you have to give them some room to do so. Like I said, a hard-faught battle.

    Ury

    • I love this reply, thank you so much for sharing!

      • Responsible black guy

        I have a question ive been dating my girl for almost three years now and we’re expecting, she has a son from a previous relationship the dude was never in the kids life now all of a sudden he pops up demanding to be in his life the kid calls me dad what in the hell do I do I’m a black guy I don’t think that really matters I guess I’m a lil jealous I kinda think I have a right I was the one there day in and day out nursing him when he’s sick showing him how to catch shoot and potty I’m just lost I need help

      • Your girl needs to fix that situation in my honest opinion because absentee dad will use your ire as a reason to cause drama and make himself into a victim “just trying to see his child”. It’s frustrating and it pisses me off to no end because it happens a lot. Let’s face it a lot of guys out here are sorry as hell, super-flawed bastards, who think that making a woman and a child wait while they take the time to grow the hell up is cool. It isn’t, and while the child does need to have his/her biological dad, he needs to respect the fact that he hasn’t been there, and you have.

        A man can make peace, put the child first and play it right, but I bet that’s not what you’re dealing with is it? Holler at the mom. Tell her that they should make some arrangements where she is comfortable and the child isn’t hurt, so that the absentee father can get his time in. It’s a tough position that will only get tougher when your child is here. Having been there you will be jealous, you will be hurt, and part of it is the betrayal fromt he child if they play nice with the jackass that hasn’t been there.

        You have to step back, let the mom (who had the relationship with him) handle the situation, and step in when you’re needed. It sucks but there it is. Batting clean up is a motherf… Be patient, play it manly like a cowboy, and keep your head. You can be jealous, you’re only human. Just don’t let your emotions get the better of you.

      • BYRON

        I AM 25YR I FEL IN LOVE WITH A28YR WHO HAD A4YR OLD BABY BOY,WE HAVE BEEN IN LOVE FOR THREE LOVELY YEARS.SHE TOOK THE BOY TO HER MUM(BOY STAYS WITH THE GRANDMUM) FOR AYR NOW, BUT RECENTLY SHE CALLS HER EXBOY FRIEND DURING THE DAY WHEN AM AT WORK ATHING WHICH IS SCARING AND HURTING ME YET WE HAVE TWO BEAUTIFUL GIRLS AGES 1YR AND3YRS WHEN I ASK HER WHAT THE PHONE CALL WAS FOR SHE SAYS IT WAS ALL ABOUT THE BABY BOY,AM SCARED SHOULD I TELL HER TO GIVE THE MAN HIS BABY,OR ELSE AM SO MUCH SCARED YET I LOVE THIS WOMAN SO MUCH SINCE I HAVE BABIES(2 GIRL BABIES)WITH HER,PLZ ADVISE ME ON WHAT TO DO THANX………
        AM CALLED BYRON

  • ted

    i have a wife she have grown kids now i met them when they was 10 and 12 now they or 20 and 22 and she still think i sould keep them some where to stay and i have grown kids but she want to get mad at me when my kids come to the house

  • ted

    help me

  • ted

    she want help me pay the bills her son want work she just want to pet him up

  • gogo45

    Heres my situation, I’m sorta seeing this girl from work im 20, shes 22 and she has a kid. We aren’t serious, I haven’t really asked her out but I did tell her I loved her. We have been messing around for a month or so now.I pretty much just go over to her place to just have sex and talk, she wishes I would come more as I always wait until her mother and son have fallen asleep. I know im eventually goanna have to stop avoiding them both and say hi. I am not quite sure how to talk to a 3 year old in a cool. collected manner like what do I say and ask? “im banging your mother”? please guys help me out

  • Tiffany Pinckney

    I’ve been with my daughters father for 4 years we recently broke up a month ago he says its because of my finances but he doesn’t have his in order either. Anyway he started dating this girl who has a good job an they were in a relationship after two weeks of us breaking up, now he has moved in with her and her 10yr old son all this has happen within a month. What are your thoughts

    • weby

      allow me to think.
      Your relationship is easily having more prblems than the one month separation.
      So family therapy may help. May be the relationship should have ended years ago.
      Only you did not know it.

  • Myles

    My situation is very…thought provoking. I’m 21 about to finish trade school and my girlfriend of almost a year has a 3 year old. We liked each other in high school but she stopped talking to me to get with her baby daddy who left her and doesn’t do anything for the child. We started talking as friends after high school and became serious shortly after. Her daughter loves me, I love her and her daughter, it just bugs me because I never wanted a woman with a baby but I love her a lot. I wanted to start my own family from the ground up. What should I do?

    • Me

      If it bothers you that much, LEAVE. But if you really love her and her daughter what’s the big deal? Things we envisioned for ourselves growing up often change as we get older and go into the real world. If your only reason is that you “never wanted” that, then why did you even get involved in the first place?

  • Vegas

    Here’s my dilemma I’m 19 getting ready to leave to the Navy. I have recently got back with an old ex from high school she has a three year old boy that I was willing to look past and be his dad , two weeks later she tells me she’s pregnant again with her ex’s baby. I know this because I haven’t touched her. So she left me to go be with him. The new baby daddy said he’d be there for the child but not her. Afterwards she claims she wants nothing to do with him. Now she wants me to be her rock because she “can’t do it again alone.” Now I don’t know what to do! Should I stay or leave and never look back.

    • Mary Anne

      I wouldn’t do it. She’s just wanting to be with you because her baby daddy doesn’t want her. Not a good foundation for a relationship. Sounds like she just wants someone to help take care of her child. I wouldn’t do it.

      • weby

        … She’s just wanting to be with you because her baby
        daddy doesn’t want her.

        I was on the internet trying to hear someone say this.
        Reason is because there is a gal who just seems ready to get married by me. She is beautiful and seems
        tired of single mother highway.

        Sure i need to marry too and i think i like her.
        Its that this girl is always saying how her child is such a problem financially.
        And i was getting uncomfortable with all her talk. I think she can marry any man who will
        pay her bills as things stand…. but i am not sure such a relationship can stand.

        I think what she really needs is not a husband, but some financial plan or something.
        So it seems i am out.

      • Coracreates

        Sorry to hear this. You are smart to TRUST your intuition and step aside. And i think saying kids are such a financial burden – is just some type of excuse anyway. Apparently she was hinting pretty clearly about her needs or wants – financial stability and using her kid as an excuse.

      • weby

        thanks. helps alot to get affirmation on what brewing on the inside. i didnt jump into the band wagon.
        seem an important lesson is single parents to work on themselves before all talk on kids.
        honestly think the lesson applies to everyone.

      • Coracreates

        No problem. 🙂 I agree – the parents should learn to work on themselves before anything else. 🙂

      • mizz new money 2u

        SHE A USER

    • Coracreates

      You are too sweet. Live your life. I was in the Army before – you need to focus on your new life in the Navy and move on. Either way – that lady needs to be able to care for herself and her kids alone before she is ready to date anyway. She seems unstable.

      • disqus_QmPrCSlqWB

        I dated a girl with three kids 4,5,and1 I was going to marry her in may we had miled problems but not major she broke up with me two weeks ago and now have a new bf I found that weird especially having three children I loved them like they were my own

    • weby

      women have to stop doing this to us!

      • Coracreates

        I agree!

    • Alan Pontes

      She’s had kids with the alpha and expects you, the beta, to raise them.

      Don’t be the beta.

  • MB

    Good article, but there are two sides to every story too, especially for those men who do give that woman a chance and accept her kids. One thing I rarely see is the opposite end of it. I have searched and searched for my situation, and yet to even see it. Maybe my story is rare or maybe some other men just don’t like to talk about it. It was inevitable that I would become the asshole.

    Before I go further, let me just say this: I would never make a woman choose her kids or me. I would always hope she chooses her kids. I wouldn’t trust a woman who chose a man over her kids. Now for my story.

    I dated this woman for 2 years before calling it off for reasons that are about to be revealed. I met her at work, and before the relationship began, she mentioned she had two older children (16 and 20) and that she had one request of me: Don’t tell her how to raise her kids. I thought it would be no problem.

    The relationship began very sexual and we ended up falling for each other. We kept helping each other get to better places in our lives. I would go over her house, spend a lot of time over there with her, and then return back to my place. The absence of her made me want her even more. After a few months, she complained that I was “living with her” and not helping out. I thought I was just visiting her and spending time with her.

    Something happened to my place – caused by mother nature and I was sleeping in my car. She invited me to live with her and I ended up moving in. I was okay with the idea of living with her and her grown kids. How bad could it be? One was finished up with high school and the other would be soon. As for explaining my relationship with the kids, we got along well enough to have conversations, be in a car together without their mother, and talk, and I tried to help them with anything they needed. They were good kids, stayed out of trouble, and we all generally got along.

    To make a long story shorter… her oldest had never held a job in his life, and these kids did not help around the house, they would leave messes in their path, and she would clean up after them, and that was her life. When I said something to her, she said she never gave her kids responsibility and that they would learn it themselves. So I tried to help another way: Help them find jobs. The oldest admitted to me that he did not want to work and enjoyed his lifestyle of video games at home. The younger one showed ambition to work but never showed the responsibility of wanting to actually hold a job. Attempts to help them find jobs were shortlived, as they felt they didn’t need to work. Their mother bought them anything and everything they wanted anyway, gave them no incentives to work for anything, and they loved every minute of it, so what was the point of working?

    She asked me what the point was of helping her kids get jobs. I explained that I worked and she worked at a young age and that it was important to work in order to make a living. I said it would help them learn some responsibility and give them insight on how to handle their finances. She disapproved of me helping them and it became pointless for me to even try. I gave up trying to do anything, I got quiet in the relationship, no longer put anymore effort into helping her kids or the relationship, and waited patiently for about three or four more months, seeing if things would change. They never did.

    The kids were pretty much home all the time, didn’t do anything, didn’t go anywhere, and our sex life became nonexistent. I became the guy who paid half the rent. I had dropped hints and even tried to help her kids grow up, but the more I tried, the more she would spoil them, baby them, protect them, and prevent them from experiencing the real world. It broke my heart to break up with this woman because I still loved her. I really wanted our relationship to work. I wanted to help her kids grow up so I could spend a normal life with her and not have her grown kids around all the time. I didn’t want them to be out of her life, i just wanted them to learn how to become responsible young adults. Had she just let her kids grow up and helped me to help her help them, things would have been ok, and our lives would have progressed as normal, but I knew it was hopeless and I ended it.

    Had I tried to do anything or made anything happen, I would have been the bad guy. She was upset but failed to learn and now I am the bad guy. In her mind, it will always be her kids. I wanted a life with her and her kids, but not if things were going to continue the way they were going.

    For weeks after the breakup, I wondered if I made the right choice, questioning, playing scenes over in my head, wondering if I said the right things, communicated properly, and after I sorted it all out, I know I have made the right choice. This was the way she had raised her kids and this is the way her kids would always be. I am not sure if I will date a woman with kids again, but it was definitely an experience.

    • Coracreates

      Hi there. I’m not sure how long ago you made your comment – but I wanted to reply. I am a single mom with a 8 yr old son. I think you sound like a smart man – reasonable, caring, logical and I definitely understand that you would want to help her kids help themselves. I guess when she said that the only thing she wanted to be clear with was that you shouldn’t tell her how to raise her kids (or something along those lines) – that tells you a lot. It probably seemed like just any other comment at the time – but it seems significant. People who aren’t open to hearing any type of constructive criticism are not healthy people. Those who aren’t open to being “wrong” or having an awareness and openness to learning and changing – aren’t going to be changed I guess. I am sorry you had such an experience – …and she may go along with her life repeating those behaviors and most people won’t put up with it. At least you had the sense to change your life and get out of that. It’s too bad she was too attached to the kids and controlling. I have some relatives like this – who were solo parents and babied their child. That child is now an adult child who still has mom do everything for him. It gave me an awareness of what not to do with my son. I want my son to be fiercely independent – hard-working like me. Have you dated much since then? It’s hard to date as a single parent. It’s nice to know there are nice guys out there. Good luck and take care. 🙂

      • weby

        very nice to know there are women like you out there. And what a nice man.
        Still struggling to understand he was trying to be a good man to a woman who wasn’t supposed
        to be benefiting from his kindness.

  • Lion

    I read this article a few days ago curious to see how many people find themselves in a similar situation to mine. I’m currently living with a woman that has three children. She and I have been through our rough patches and, to date, broken up around 4 times in the last 5 years. From that we have had maybe two and a half years together total.

    The breakdown is this. Her children are all under 4. She and I can’t seem to go a full day without getting upset over something the other does. At this point I’m almost expected to be a father to these children. Now don’t get me wrong, I care a lot for them. She and I just have two completely polar methods of parenting, her being more passive and relaxed while I’m much more active and strict. This tends to cause us to butt heads (not to mention the outside opinions we get). My only explanation and means to justify this being that a majority of the time there were scheduling conflicts and her job has always paid better than mine, so I wound up being stay at home dad for about a year. Anyways…….

    I am now 24 years old (she 1 year my senior) and I feel like, simply put, dedicating my life to her will lead me to the lifestyle of a second class citizen. I don’t want to say I don’t love her, but I’ve completely lost all respect for her. Every time we have gotten to the point where a major decision in life needs made, my opinion is brutally ignored even if she agrees with me or has come to me with a very wise decision. Somehow she always winds up paying more attention to some f*** up friend or an idiot family member who is worse off than we are. Each time it drags us both down financially while ruining her children’s livelihood.

    It’s been six months since I moved away from my family and friends in an attempt to start a new life with her, hoping that things would get better, we would not argue, and we could raise the kids without prejudice…. Now I just wish I had never left…..

    We are trapped in a house that’s too expensive for us to afford with two entry level incomes. Her sister in law and boyfriend live with us and are now threatening to leave. Being the person I am, I am having a hard time figuring out what step I need to take. I’ve already attempted to leave, only to change my mind the day before my bus was due to depart…

    Any insight would be greatly appreciated.

    • Sometimes all it takes to get insight on our next step in life is to commit it to writing Lion. You just did that and I want you to read this quote..

      “I’ve completely lost all respect for her. Every time we have gotten to the point where a major dec ision in life needs made, my opinion is brutally ignored even if she agrees with me or has come to me with a very wise decision. Somehow she always winds up paying more attention to some f*** up friend or an idiot family member who is worse off than we are. Each time it drags us both down financially while ruining her children’s livelihood.”

      If that came from me I would know that the decision has to be based on a question (do I seek to have a happy and fulfilling life?) It doesn’t sound like this woman has the maturity or the ability to maintain a love life with you, and you have already made up your mind in more ways than you think. It’s time to make that hard decision and move on. I love kids but those aren’t your children and she isn’t allowing them to be. I say you walk.

    • mizz new money 2u

      You have a chance….RUN FOREST RUN

    • SHAWTY RED

      MAN GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE WHILE U STILL CAN!

  • slove33

    this is the problem that I have. I’m 26 and have an 8 yrd old son. I work and go to night school. I was with his father from the time I was 16 til I was 20. I found myself in a relationship till I was 23 for about a year and the guy wasn’t thrilled with the idea that I had a child. Since then I haven’t really dated or been in a relationship because of I ‘ve been focusing on just work and school and my son. I think its time to find someone whom likes kids and doesn’t mind that I have one and would eventually want to have kids. Now I m ok if I find someone who doesn’t but I find it hard to even find anyone who wants to date. Really I hate the idea of just going out to a bar. That’s just not my thing and I wouldn’t want to say oh yea I met my husband at a bar. so can you give me some insight.

    • weby

      wish you luck. you sound properly sure of your dilemmas and reality of your situation.
      If the author here will allow you can reach me on email thus; webuzy at yahoo dot com

    • mizz new money 2u

      Finsh school

  • not2sure

    Hmm, I have been dating someone on and off for 7 months who has “met” my child (hi, how are you im ___} but not interacted. We started out just hooking up, which led to dating, and we are exclusive. I am the first woman he has dated with a child (shes 7, im 27 and hes 28) and he says he is nervous about it but wants to give us a try yet he has yet to offer to do anything involving her. Is that normal? Because we argue like at least once a month, I am still unsure abt us lasting and havent really thought about his lack of interest until now. I mean I brought it up before and he has yet to do anything about it but i def dont want to force it so I feel like its a dead end and I should move on but I really like him and he has made it clear he wants to eventually get married and have kids but now right now.

    • It’s difficult for a man that young to adjust to the role that you think he will fill so I would say to be a little patient if you think that the relationship is actually working. Fighting once a month (edited: sorry I thought it said week) is a bit telling especially since as a man I know that we are very likely to have moved on from a relationship while sticking around. If he has mentally moved on then it would be good reason why he has chosen to stay cold to your child. If not then another reason could be the general pressure that one feels in a new relationship where a little person is involved.

      Media has done a grand job of vilifying men into a place where we have to second guess all motives and for someone in their twenties, saying the right thing to the child may make it a lot to process. You never know what that child will say to the mom, how the mom will take it, if you will be accused of liking the child more – oh and that common Hollywood trope where you tell them to stop doing something bad only to hear “YOU ARE NOT MY DADDY!” It’s a lot, and many of these thoughts flash through our heads and complicates things.

      This is why I felt the need to write this article because I have been on both sides of the lines (child and replacement daddy) and I would be lying if I said that it was easy. Want to know why he hasn’t tried with your child? You will need to just ask him.

  • Really True

    I was married at one time with a woman with an Autistic daughter, and i never had any kids of my own.

  • reina

    I’m a mom who has a three year old daughter. I’ve been dating this guy for about 5 months now and he claims to love me and my daughter. I believe him but the issue we have here is my daughter’s father. My boyfriend doesn’t like the fact that still good terms with my daughter’s father. He does nothing for her but I keep him around because my daughter absolutely loves her dad and I can’t take that from here no matter how much I hate the guy. How do I tell my boyfriend that I’m definitely not choosing my daughters father over him. And he needs to understand this situation?

    • weby

      i am like that daughters father. Learn to separate yourself from your daughter.
      The daughters father is going nowhere. Get the boyfriends for yourself not for your daughter.
      My daughters mother seem to have a similar problem.
      She is not able to date without mixing up the child. Sometimes she tells the child to call
      the boyfriend dad and to call me , of all things, grandfather… which makes me hate and
      estrange her more.
      The point is find your position in life. Or no man will stick around the confused
      scenario.

    • Nathan

      I’m in the same boat as him my gf has 2 kids that have different fathers yet she has them on Facebook this coming from someone who knows its gonna be hard but easy basically if he wants her let her go to him unless he’s a criminal she’s fine it’s a security thing in a mans mined that tells him she’s there with him not with me ower I’m Ed fills the blank with the worst in some cases cheating so hope this helps

    • guest

      Sit down and make it clear that there’s nothing to worry about between you and the father of your child but he is always going to be in your lives for the sake of the child. Make it clear that you are being a good mother by remaining cordial with the father and not making it difficult for your child to have a relationship with him. If he can’t deal with that then he isn’t ready and it’s best to move on or there will be an issue between the boyfriend and the father. That could become out of hand or even dangerous.

      • rich

        I just want to know whos loss is that then. And how cordial is it supposed to be before the new guy feels uncomfortable?

  • Guest

    I could use an opinion. I started dating this girl in April, 2012. She was 32 and i was 28. She had two boys.(2 and 5) I never really wanted to date a girl with kids(although i love kids) I fell in love with her instantly. The oldest boy had a some issues with behavior. Throwing massive fits, always talking back, telling her mom to shut up, and hitting. I left for the summer for a job. I didn’t think she would keep interest in me. But she did. So i moved back to be with her. After I moved back I asked her if she had cheated on me. She said no but she made out with her nanny. Who was 21 and kind of a party girl. I couldn’t give it 100% after that. I may have been into that sorta thing, being a guy and all. But it bothered me. Not only did I feel like she had cheated on me, but her responsibilities as a parent became untrustworthy to me. I feel that with kids having issues, it was not a good mix. But I stuck around for two years, I expected the kids tempers to get better, but it never did, and i was afraid it was going to get worse. It seemed like there was more fighting than love between them. I want kids more than anything and I couldn’t see myself raising another kid in that atmosphere. So I bailed in jan. Now, 11 months later, I still feel like a dead beat for leaving. I miss her a lot and I’ve tried to get back together but she wont take me back and i regret leaving.

    • Tough break but you seem to be at the point where you want to get serious and start a family, this is why you were upset about the making out, and why you’ve stuck it out. I think that you need to find someone that is ready to start a family with you. Try to move on and date women that love and want children so that if it works out you can be a dad.

      You’re 30 now and 30 is typically the age when that biological clock starts beeping like crazy on single women. What I’m saying is that now is the optimum time to date. Good luck, and for the record you are not a dead beat, from where I stand you were unsatisfied with a situation and you left. You are allowed to do that.

    • ElleJai

      There are plenty of families that are more functional that would love to have an awesome new member, or families who would love to be born to you. Find those, you left her for a reason and it was a good one.

      Much love xx

    • Alan Pontes

      I feel for you, dude.

  • condoms could’ve prevented it

    all these woman are at fault for picking the wrong guy in the first place, don’t put so much pressure on the guy who is literally giving everything up (freedom) to stay with her and raise her bastard kids

    • weby

      not much hope there if you calling them bastards.
      Good luck in looking for the non-childed ones i would say.

    • gerod

      Yesss i agree with u very much

    • Unkown

      It’s not child fault so dnt call them like that…. Its takes to people to make stupid decision. . Not the kids

    • Unkown

      It’s not the kids fault so don’t call them that. .. Its take two people’s to make a stupid decision not the kids. . . Trust me some single womans won’t even take u serious or cook for you

    • guest

      Smh…last time I checked it took both a woman and a man that could’ve used condoms to prevent pregnancy. Bottom line is you can’t put everyone in the same box. There are many reasons why a woman could be a single parent.

      • Coracreates

        Exactly – thank you.

    • Coracreates

      For every single mother there is a single father. Any judgements to place on the guys? I was put in a situation in my early 20s where someone I cared for and trusted pushed things too far and forced himself on me. And guess what? I became pregnant from that one incident and now have an amazing boy and I wouldn’t change anything because of it. I personally don’t tell many people that real reason – but I have enough daily struggles without being judged by people like you. Unless you are perfect, I don’t think you should judge.

    • Jenna

      Couldn’t agree with you more. Same goes to say for single dads obviously. Can’t believe the entitled attitudes of those single parents when all their kids are is walking and talking proof of their parents irrisponsible behaviour.

  • Jim

    I am 36 and dated a single mother of a 7 year old for the last 11 months. The daughter was okay but very spoiled. The mother always slept with the child when I wasn’t around which made it an episode every time I spent the night. The problems I had was that I always came second. I understand that the child is the priority, but I was not in the relationship to simply be 2nd to the child all the time. I have needs to. We recently broke up after going on a much needed vacation but the child came with us. It turned into the child’s vacation the whole time and had no time with my gf. This was 3rd time this has happened and it dawned on me that this was not going to make me happy, ever. Good luck guys. I gave it a shot and it didn’t work for me. Back to the drawing board for this old man…

    • ElleJai

      If you date a woman with kids in future, make sure it’s someone who knows how to value your needs, not just hers and her kids.

      We’re not all going to shove you aside for our children, although there will be times that will happen. It will be the same scenario for kids that genetically belong to you too. Sadly it’s cultural that men are second best parents and women are socialised to believe they do the best job and must make the kids the top priority always and forever. Meanwhile the poor guys are missing out since we taught them they make rubbish parents.

      Hopefully your next girlfriend is or will be better for you xx

    • mizz new money 2u

      Kids dont fit into your lifestyle….find a childless woman.

    • Coracreates

      When someone has a child – her kid comes first. Unless there is some dysfunctional situation where she is neglecting the child. My mom divorced when I was 9 – from my then highly abusive father – both alcoholics. My mom remarried some mean men – she told me “Blood is not thicker than water,” as she neglected me and ran off with many men. I think the woman needs to first and foremost take care of herself and her child. Then dating a single mom would mean you are not first or second there…so you are better off not dating one if you aren’t ok with that – and if you are jealous of the attention or time she gives her daughter. My step dad was jealous of any time I spent with my mom and he treated me like I was a piece of crap. It drove me away from her and them both. So, if you aren’t a loving and compassionate kid-loving person – don’t even bother. It’s sad for the kid and you won’t be happy if you are number 1.

  • weby

    As a man i don’t mind a woman with kids. She can have ten if she wants. But here is the deal for me.
    She must be a a good mother to those kids. Period. Dumping kids on me because she is tired is not
    going to work.
    Kids are, so to speak, a non factor for me. A woman with no kids but bad attitudes will
    not cut it with me either.

    • rya

      Well my gf tried not to do that but end up doing it because her baby sitting aid never came and told the manager not to work the same shift so i can take care of her child versa. That not really made me mad fact that it affected my hours and I am good employee. Anyway I had a talk and there was transition in management i got my hours back but now she stressing out because her other sitter her elderly mom can barely do it. She has hard time walking and has doc appointments. Pretty sure she just got fired because she called in rest of the week and demanded to speak to higher managers up about it. we got into big argument other day she not saying much. Matter in fact i think had to do with the fact i kinda took nutural stance on the issue as long as work gave me my hours and money i wanted. Idk. WHat to do. I still like her but honestly she had the kid when she wasn’t ready. I am not willing to sacrifice myself for her kid to that extreme.

      • Coracreates

        You sound like you are not at all ready for that type of commitment so I’d say end it before being too involved if possible. I think kids are amazing little people who are smarter than you think – so full of life and a lot of fun. But also a huge responsibility – needs patience, love, care, etc.

      • ry

        turns out she not fired but she a csr instead of a driver now. Honestly, I think she should give up the kid for adoption. She not ready for it. she putting all her cards that her job at the fast food place will promote her before her aid runs out. The job I got her. Now she being all bitchy at me for the fact I didn’t follow her plan.

    • Coracreates

      Wow. 🙂 Great attitude! Love it. I have found that mature, secure men who know who they are seem to be fine if the woman is also mature, secure and a good mom, etc. 🙂

      • weby

        yes. kids can be a problem even if are their yours genetically. it really is not a factor for anything. luckily i bond very well with any kid. sometimes better than their parents i must say without boasting

  • goodwomanbroken♡3souls

    I’m afraid a good man will not want me. I’m newly seperated and not looking for anything right now but in the back of mind I think that having 3 young children would put a damper in everything when I’m ready. I don’t expect a man other than their father to anything for them or with them. Even though they are generally good children. ..they’re still children and screaming/misbehaving etc is going to occur at one time or another and can be bothersome to deal with especially when the children are not your own. It’s kind of depressingly sad that a woman can do everything right..only lived with one man. And had that one man’s children. Children I love and my life revolves around but men get off easy. The children don’t stay with them, they date and do whatever.

  • rya

    What if your girlfriend can’t afford the child? However, me and my girlfriend are in love? I don’t make a loads of money currently in school. I have a job and a car. I even try to get her a job in order to help her wean off Government AID. She got into argument with manager there that also mine. I wanted it to be long term thing so I thought it wouldn’t be problem and told her lot of BS you will have to take from this job. She told my manager to make so the days i m not working she working so i can take care of her tolder(She was suppose to have daycare by this point). This resulted in far less hours then I should be getting working there for a yr now. I was stuck cleaning diapers. I felt like I was screwed over. I told management this is not what I wished and I wanted to move upwards. Well now, she stuck with less reliable baby sitter her mother that mentally sick and as well as old. Nothing seems to go as plan fiscally as concerned. The kid did annoy me lot of the time I just ignore it and put on the headphones. Sometimes I’ll shhh her if gets out of hand. I honestly think she too soft sometimes but she has these weird cycles were she super soft gives in to all her demands all the attention I feel like i just entered flower world hahaha then all sudden bedtime and discipline. Some days she switches between the two attitudes. The one thing I say the most to her to be consist. Two things I wish that the toddler did sleep on her own on normal sleepy time and please remain consist. I am not here to raise her child however, if i stay with her longer I know I will have too but she doesn’t really like it when I try to “Co-parent” Unless its her way. understandable but annoying. If she wants me to co parent then take some of my suggestions but anythign that makes her cry she start get all weird unless of course tolder gets on her nervers. If the kid cries she gets all depress and gives in unless she finds out she faking it to get something. The deal I made with her i just give my opinion on the situation and put on the headphones until the tolder falls asleep on the worse of days. I seen the tolder stubbornly stay up til like 5 or 4 am. That doesn’t give us much time for us. Honestly I don’t think she even ready for the child. This will sound cold but I think she should give her child up temporarily to somebody trust worthy for a few years while we develop career and future. I would more then love then for the child to come back full time with my last name if turns that way and make one more of our own. Just one…………………….. cuz I don’t think i can deal much more.

  • ladykiki

    Any opinions from men on dating a woman who decided to have a child with a sperm donor around the end of her fertility years? There are so many single women that, due to various circumstances, found themselves still single in their late 30’s/early 40’s and couldn’t imagine life without a child. So my question is, how do you men feel about that type of situation, where there is no father in the picture to have to deal with?

    • Hey Kiki, I will try to address this one. Thanks for the suggestion.

  • Sabrina

    I’m a 23 year old mom with a one year son. I meet a man that is at the age of 24. He is amazing ,smart, and caring towards my son and I. We been together for six months and he had a break down tell me that he don’t want to be step dad to my son and nor does he want to marry a woman that has kids?! He tells me that he had dated three woman that had children and it ended in non mutual terms. He is afraid that the same will happen to us. I tried to explain to him that we just got started in this relationship and we don’t know what is waiting for us and it best that we take it day by day. He says he loves me and my son. He dtold me that he doesn’t want to lead me on to a hopeless future nor does what to end the relationship with me. I’m highly confused and torn. I could go on and on about this in more detail but I’m looking for advice of what to do?

    • Alice

      Nothing. It’s his decision. He is the one who must consider his options and pick between providing for another man’s kid or finding another woman who might give him a son of his own. You need to embrace this idea because it is what’s going on in his mind and it doesn not depend on you.

      • Coracreates

        People seem to comment so strongly that it is such a negative thing for a woman to be a single mom. There are a lot of single dads out there too and it is NOT just his life and decision. I think he should have not pursued anything if he felt so deeply about it – and she should decide to let go or something else. She should take care of herself and her kid. His loss.

      • SHAWTY RED

        How in the hell is that his loss LMAO. If anything he did his self a favor by dumping this broad and finding a woman who doesnt have kids. Only person who is taking a loss are you single moms LoL

      • Jenna

        It’s a negative to be a single parent. People who don’t have kids,man or woman, just generally don’t want to take care of someone else’s children. Some single parents got there by sheer bad luck like the death of a spouse or rape, others (the majority) got there by simply not bothering to choose the right partner before having kids and then splitting up or getting a divorce. It sucks but you can’t expect someone else to pick up your slack for the rest of their lives.

        If I were to get a gun and shoot several people, would you expect my husband join me in jail for the rest of his life? Of course not! You’d understand if he’d get a divorce and run as hell. It’s the same with a single parent. You can’t expect someone to arrange their entire life around a decision that was made before they were even in the picture.

    • Coracreates

      I’m sorry to hear this Sabrina. I am a single mom too. I think basically maybe you guys jumped into things really fast (sorry if I am wrongly assuming) and he was so into you that he pushed aside his fears. Sounds like his fears are in the forefront now that you have been together and reality is setting in – but I think it is immature of him because if he truly felt that deep down he shouldn’t have gotten so involved. But, we are all human. I am sure it’s really hard but I would end it sooner than later as he feels so strongly about it. I am so sorry.

    • Sameer Ayoup

      If he didn’t accept you and your son as one package, he just want to sleep with you and dump you, May be you will end up with another kid

  • David

    The only comment I can give as a man: fuck her and toss her. Really, I mean, you buy her excuses? “my relationship with his father was a mistake, but not him”. More like “he’s my only visible mistake”. Don’t do it. You don’t want to spend your time and energy in another man’s seed, you don’t know how the kid’s turning out. Genetics, my dear friends.

    • mizz new money 2u

      Mom not to bright

  • David

    I used to date a woman a couple of years ago and she had a 8 years old kid. As a man, I really invite all men to consider your options and what is best for you as a man. If you’re going to give up your freedom, resources, time and energy for a woman with a kid, she better be an extraordinary woman. In my case, she was physically beautiful, still young and her kid was amazing, we’re still buddies. Sadly, she was a bad mother. I know this is not the case for every single mother out there but ask yourself what kind of woman you’re dealing with and what was the scenario for her to get pregnant and eventually become a single mother. Try to see beyond your love, passion or even compassion, and ask yourself if you’re really honest when commiting to a single mother, think about her kid and think about if you’d rather have your own kids, remember, you must not pity her and base your decisions on this.

    • Jessica B.

      Or ask what kind of fools constantly make these babies then nutt up LITERALLY when it’s time to take care of the responsibility! It’s 2015 we have a new culture and it’s sick that we as women get blamed for everything esp when it’s these pitiful “men” that don’t want to handle theirs! A “marriage” won’t prevent you from being a single mother. Things get real when you all aren’t just playing and catering to each other. Just because a single mom wants a good role model for her son in the man she dates doesn’t mean play daddy. If my daddy, brothers, uncles, male friends ect aren’t a good role model to my son they won’t be a major factor in his life either. PERIOD! We are mothers but we are women also. How about giving these slack ass dudes crap y’all don’t tell childless women this when it’s generally these dudes out here passing out babies like the free clinics pass out condoms and do right by their seeds. Yet we get hell for doing what’s right as the mothers and talked about like dogs if we neglect our responsibilities like these “men”? My sons dad told me he wanted to still be with me just not with a baby, HIS BABY mind you, because he didn’t want that responsibility of having a baby in the household and giving up that lifestyle! We both were aware of what could and would eventually happen. That’s life ppl need to stop living in this fairy tale land. I know I was and I sure got a rude awakening. Love won’t save you, a marriage won’t save you, ppl change esp when the road get hard. Perfect generally isn’t so perfect and it could take one thing to remind us of that fact. As much as my sons father did for me and us I NEVER saw single motherhood in my hand.

      • Coracreates

        Well said.

      • Jenna

        Maybe you should step out of your fairytale land and realise you should have used birth control instead of getting knocked up by someone who obviously didn’t want kids.

    • mizz new money 2u

      Amen

  • Lone

    I have a young woman use to date she is 21 with three kids girls at that she’s a good person but with mixed emotions. I love her but she lives with her mom for now an its an bad environment for her an the kids drinking an smoking then bad language is being taught. They run around disrespecting adults and everything but the said thing is that her mother is telling them stuff like this she went away for awhile an came back to that. and I am 26 with no kids a job an two cars how should I react to that situation.

    • mizz new money 2u

      Run

    • SHAWTY RED

      Get the hell out of there while you still can. Why would u talk to a women with three kids who is barely 21 that LIVES WITH HER MOTHER.

    • c12

      you run like hell and dont turn back you you do game over man game OVER!!

  • Raphaela

    Every article on this subject I see assumes that all single moms are divorced or broke up with their children’s father. I am a mother of three who is just starting to date again after my husband passed away several years ago, and I hate the way people just automatically assume that there is a failed relationship in my past. I had a very happy marriage, stood by my husband through a long-term illness, and took care of him after he went on hospice, and it took me years to get over his death. Any man would be lucky to have somebody as caring and loyal as I am, but most men hear the words “single mom with three kids” and the first thing they think is I must have been irresponsible to have gotten pregnant that many times or I must be a horrible person to have so many men walk out on me. It’s hurtful and very frustrating.

    • darkman69

      Because most times it is a failed relationship.. that’s why you get that.

      • Bruce Warren

        Also, just the premise alone, of involving yourself in a situation with offspring that aren’t yours, requires alot more consideration than with someone who is childless. It may be frustrating for the parent in question, but hey, they helped create their situation… You can’t blame a guy for being cautious. Its not about being ‘mean’, its about being realistic.

    • bufny1

      a widow of a fireman from 9/11 said to her new husband (right in front of all her friends no less)-that if my late husband was here “you wouldn’t be” (People magazine 2011)—I’m not going to be someone.s “second chance” when they are still carrying the “torch” for someone else (even if they are deceased)

    • Jennifer

      There are men who won’t fault you for that. You can’t do anything about him passing is that thought process.
      However those that didn’t have someone pass.. it’s very amazingly our faults that we didn’t stay in the crappy relationships, that we don’t have jobs.. I know more white women on welfare than blacks.. but that’s a whole other tangent since most welfare receipents are old, white and disabled..
      Just putting that perspective out there.

  • krishnakumar_ka

    I am 36 from India, unmarried. I met my Filipina GF online in 2010 when she was working in Dubai. Since I had bad experience with another Filipina in my past I told her I am not ready to think again about a Filipina as my Girl Friend. She promised me that she will be truthful to me.

    In 2012 when I was about to visit Philippines to meet her, her friend called me from Dubai and told me that she got call from my GF’s brother saying that GF is a widow and mother of 3 kids. When I asked about this she said her family is trying to destroy her life. But never rejected that news as true or false. She always blame family and say they are trying to destroy her life. I trusted her thinking that what I heard is false and gone and met her in Philippines. Interestingly she never took me to her home. That made me to keep a distance with her. In addition to this she was telling she is working as a Sales girl in a shop in Dubai. But later her Dubai friend told me both of them working as caretakers in a home.

    But she was crying since I have shown rejection and I started feeling that she is innocent and truthful and I continued believing her. We planned next month (4th year of this relationship – over internet and phone mainly) she will visit india for marriage. She reached Philippines to process the visa and documents for marriage. But all of a sudden her brother send me message saying that she is a widow and she has kids. And one girl send me a message in facebook saying that I will become her ‘daddy’ soon. That is again shocking to me.

    I always felt she as a good woman with simple life, anger and an eagerness for a peaceful family life. In this 4 years only once she asked me money. She never tried to squeeze money from me. I have met my GF 3 times in this 4 years. Once in Philippines and twice in India.

    I need your inputs in this issue. I am not able to understand why she is hiding these important matters still now? If I marry her what are the issues I am going to face? Need urgent help.

    • Broken heart

      I had a similar kind of issues. I thought the girl is nice and good. Don’t believe the girl crying. We had problems because I had a doubt whether she is married. She denied it. But at last I caught her in fb that she is married and having child. So ask her email is and try to find her previous fb. Which I used to find her

      • krishnakumar_ka

        Its common in Philippines. So we can’t blame them also. What we should know is the differences in culture and mind set. Being an Indian I suffered a lot coz this won’t happen in India (as you know we have a custom of arranged marriage). I want to tell to all Filipinas that hiding the important information about marital status and children is considered as fraud in India that can lead to punishment and divorce. If you love someone say the facts sincerely. No one is going to ask you in which age you had intercourse/ how many boy friends you had/ whats your bank balance etc.

  • JohnsonsHope

    I am a single mum to two children and will refuse to bear any of the stigma or assumptions about me single parents that I have seen in some of these comments. I made a decision to bail out of a toxic relationship that had I stayed in it would have been emotionally harmful to my Kids. Their dad and I have put sensible and practical arrangements in place and mine is a harmonious and happy household. I’m happy with that, good all round. I’ve recently started dating a man who I am falling for, he doesn’t have Kids and tells me he is unfazed by the fact that I do. He has yet to meet my kids and I intend to keep it that way, if the relationship develops, for a long time. Thanks to my awareness of attitudes and stigma I can’t shake the fear, unfounded as it appears, that it will ultimately be a deal breaker. As I say, he hasn’t met them yet! They are three and five and sometimes a noisy handful! I will keep these worlds apart for as long as possible until such time as it feels appropriate and our relationship has developed to the point that we know we both see a long term future. My mum remarried with two Kids at a time when the stigma was much greater and my dad loved her and my two older siblings, likewise my sister remarried with a child and the family are very happy with two more kids. Her ex husband and his wife are friends of the family and.come to family parties. Enlightened folks can lead enlightened lives, Kids or no kids!

    • Matt Petersen

      I wish you and your significant other all the best!

    • Lee

      Very well written.. especially that last line. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

  • David Huffman

    I don’t know how to say this without sounding cliche, so please let this comment hit you with its full meaning. Personally as a single father, I prefer to date single mothers because there’s just that much more in common and that much less to weed through (ie: oh you’re into the club scene and don’t have a job?) BUT I will say this.. My ex-wife is infamous for smudging the truth in her favor. You must pay close attention to whatever the single parent says and also get the story from the other parent.. because numerous times has my ex said that I did this, this, this, and that.. when in all reality I did something not even close to her dramatization. I’m not going to say men don’t do it, but as a man that dates women.. I’ve noticed dozens of times that women will WANT you to feel exactly how they feel.. and when they start spitting the truth and see that you are not feeling what they’re going through, they throw exaggerations and lies into the mix so that you say “what the fuck?! that’s insane!” (exactly what they want you to feel) so that you match their emotions. They’ll do this about themselves, too, of course.. On the opposite side of the spectrum- denoting some crazy thing they did and only explaining the negative reaction of their ex etc.. Don’t ever believe the whole story from one person- this should be common knowledge but I feel like single parents are often so volatile, it warrants a little more investigation to get the real truth.

    • antoinette jenkins

      I understand exactly where you are coming from, unfortunately my situation somehow the role is switch, I never dated a man until last child father with so much uncontrollable emotion , that not even a few females satisfied his craving for attention. But I won’t blow his back out, when meeting new people and whoever, I never talk bad or negative about my kids fathers, we had our differences and life moves on, SMH but I keep my side 1000 at all times, no need for a sorry party lol you get what I mean….

  • rob

    My advice for dating a women with a teenage kid ? Easy , DON’T EVER . If it’s casual sex cool just protect yourself . If it’s serious talking about moving in together etc DON’T EVER . Biggest mistake of my life .

    • Facebook User

      I dated a chick with a 8 year old kid. She told me straight up that here kid would always come first. I’m single with no kids. So unless I have kids I will never date a single mother again. It boils down to this. When it gets serious and the two fall in love, no matter what your never the number one in her book always her kid first. You 2nd

  • darkman69

    Women with children are a bad deal and when the kids are punks it’s even worse…. stay away … trust me I’ve been there…. N O G O O D !

  • Anna

    Seriously some of the comments on here are just… Ugh. I’m a single mother to two kids, a 2 year old boy and a three month old girl. I’m 21. I was with their Dad until I was three months pregnant with my little girl, at which point I found the strength to leave his emotionally abusive ass. He was telling me I had to get an abortion, he’d leave and we’d (the children and I) be screwed, he’d have no involvement with another kid… He even doubted that the baby was his, even though in our relationship he was the one who had cheated multiple times. (He came crawling back when I was seven months along and asked to be in the room while I was in labor. You’re shit outta luck there, bud.) So when people start talking shit about single mums, it really gets my back up. It’s so much better for my kids and myself to be out of that shitty situation. Yet so many people comment about how if she’s young, run away! And why is she dating again with a little baby! Etc etc. Honestly, I’m tentatively seeing someone who seems really perfect for me, and if I knew he’d been having those kinds of thoughts I would cry.

    Personally I wouldn’t try to replace my kid’s Dad, and I wouldn’t expect a guy I was dating to take over “Daddy duty” while being around my kids. However, realistically, if you’re together long enough that’s likely going to happen at least a small amount. If you end up living together and you walk in on a three year old about to smear paint on your tv, are you going to run up and stop him or just hang back and wait for Mum to come deal with her kid? If you’re that against dealing with children, stay the fuck away from single mums, because I can tell you now they do not need any more heartbreak in their lives.

    Plus some guys are getting shitty because the mums they dated put their kids first?? Really? I would put my kids before literally anyone and anything in the world. If a parent didn’t feel that way I’d think something was wrong with them.

    Of course there are some single mums who aren’t good parents, or good partners, or whatever, but don’t tar all of us with the same brush.

    • Bruce Warren

      There’s a difference between ‘putting your kids first’ in a way that treats the person you’re dating with respect and doing it in a way that is rude and shuts their presence in your life on and off like they’re tap water. Yes… it takes more thought and explaining than when you were single… but, a different situation, calls for different action. It can’t be just the guy trying to accomadate the situation 100% of the time. I’ve known some single parents who had the attitude “When I’m with my kid(s), nothing else matters!” Well, unless you live on a personal little island, that attitude is selfish and inappropriate. Basically saying “FTW, I’m doing my thing with my kids” is bad in general, but doing that in a relationship, is certain death in the long run.

  • bufny1

    would NEVER marry a woman with a kid—why should I assume the responsibility (both emotional and financial) for some kid that I had nothing to do with bringing into this world? you can also be sure that the ex-husband and ex-inlaws are still going to be around-and I don’t need this (either the trauma or the drama)-the divorce rate for marriages where there are children brought into it from a previous relationship is around 70-75%–I can get better odds playing games of chance in Vegas

  • Simon Stevens

    I just got out of a relationship with a single mother, I lasted a year and a few months, we lived together, it was hell, you have no idea, follow my advice, keep out.

  • TheCardiak

    I don’t give single mothers a chance simply because it is in my ingrained bias to not trust them. They likely bailed on their child’s father and broke up their family instead of making it work and they always have some ridiculous over dramatized excuse as for why. Why would you put yourself out for a women like that only to be in a worse situation where you are not even the childs father and will always come after her children. It’s a lose, lose situation… there’s a reason male lions will kill and eat all the existing cubs when they take over a pride.. nature isn’t stupid, so why should we be?

    • Matt Petersen

      A tragically simple outlook from a tragically simple person. you can’t assume to know anyone else’s situation, so how can you reason that the woman left the man, and abandoned what could be considered a “traditional” family? If you are a secure, rational person you are not second to the children, you are a part of the family. You only stand to gain in this situation if you have the right outlook. Not only do you get the love of the girlfriend, but you get the love and respect of the kids, and have the opportunity to positively influence a child’s life. This is the best of several worlds in my opinion.

      • Kipngeno Kirui

        I like your comment

  • Jon Providence

    The US is full of single mothers..the only way to meet a single chick with no kids is to date 18 and ups.. seriously.. Pretty much every black girl I met had had kids by 19..I DO NOT want a black baby because of all the black social problems..avoid black chicks you might have better luck

    • Kipngeno Kirui

      You seem to be right but you are too generic in a way….I think it depends. Some black girls are brought up in a nice family and some are…just like whites and other races. So, I would say avoid black girls. Just find someone out there….

    • Jennifer

      White girls have babies young as well.. Asian women. Single parenting is not limited to black women.
      And then Mr. Barley legal, is it a problem being with a woman your age who doesn’t have kids.. usually these women are so focused on their education or career, they aren’t gonna have time for you less than par self. Then you insecure men get your panties in a wad and don’t know what to do with yourself.
      And some women only have one kid, not a whole parcel. You should totally get educated before you make an uneducated opinion, which no one is entitled to.

  • Reyna Barnes

    I have a three yr old son and his father passed away when he was two months old. Years later I meet this amazing man and we’ve been dating for two months now. So how should I get my boyfriend to kinda accept my son as his own?

  • Jim Colonna

    Oh my this is a tough issue. I dated this woman twice and now in the throughs of a very slow moving 3rd time. The kids seem to like me and I am very good with kids. Her college freshmen is the worst to me as described to a T in this article.

    Tonight I went up to get this relationship moving forward and happily got some results, but the kids thing did arise in conversation. I am trying to figure out what I can do to help the situation. I am glad I read this article tonight after I returned home. Time will tell.

    The first time around I made so many mistakes—I gave their mom a neck massage and kissed her on new years eve in front of them.

    My kids could care less, hers really got bothered. 🙁 I must go slow with the mom (I love her deeply) and the kids.