Kids can be great bonuses to meeting someone new and they can also be nightmares just as easily. When a man gets older he realizes that the chance of meeting a childless woman thins dramatically and the question of “how” may come to his mind in dealing with a child that isn’t his.
The single parent dilemma is felt the hardest by the children, and as a product of such a household I am lucky enough to have this insight in my dating life. Many guys just don’t know how to deal with a child that isn’t theirs and it becomes immediately evident to the child, even when the mom is disillusioned into thinking that the guy is perfect.
Advice to The Single Mothers
Ask your Teen: If you have a teenager it is very important that you get their approval after an introduction or two is made with your potential lover. If your kid has daddy issues, as in wanting you to stay alone in hopes of your ex coming back into your life – then go ahead and skip the introduction to the new guy. If you have good rapport with your child, have regular talks with them and they respect you, then it is important that you get their approval.
Check his credentials: If you have a toddler or baby and the guy is okay with dating you, then this next step is important. You may need to run some sort of background check or something to know what kind of temperament the guy has. A suave, zen-like guy who can hold in his inner lion is great but if you have a temper tantrum throwing lunatic around your baby, you need to drop him like a bad habit.
Ladies listen, this man did not get used to a kid screaming like you did, he was not kept up nights tending to the crying and projectile poop, he isn’t seasoned in this. Above all else, including your want for a mate is your child’s safety.
Advice to Men Dating Women with Children
Guys this is hard if you aren’t a lover of children; I cannot stress this any harder; if kids annoy you, or if they get in the way for you, then stick to women who lack kids. If you do love kids, or are tolerant of kids in a friendly way, then you must realize that dating a woman with a child is like dating two people. You have to cater to both on some level, especially if the child is a female herself.
Engage the child in conversation when he/she’s around but make it natural conversation, not forced conversation. Most teens are cynical and standoffish to new boyfriends so you have to expect hostility initially. Don’t go turning on the young man’s Madden game and professing your “skills” in hopes that the video game will bond you to him. Don’t go talking about the girl’s favorite band as if you listen to it, because she probably knows that you don’t and you will look like a fool trying to get in.
You do not what to appear as if you are talking the kid up in order to score panty points with his/her momma. It’s very obvious when we do this and kids read that stuff immediately.
Here’s what you do: treat the kid like another adult and engage in conversation and bonding the way you would if you were stuck in a house with random guy or girl. Take it slow and be yourself, help out when you can, or when you’re asked, and the number one thing is to be good to their mom.
Being a boyfriend who openly bombs on mom in front of the kids or being that guy breaking mom’s heart will forever lock you into asshole mode in their minds and you will never get over it. It is not your place to discipline an unruly child either, check his/her mom on that, and if it gets too much – call it a day and leave.Having to play daddy when you’re simply dating a woman is not fair to you either, so don’t ever let them lay that on you as a responsibility.
Kids aren’t as naive as you think
If you and the woman are just trying to have sex then you should not be meeting her kids. In the current day and age kids know what the hell is going on and that awkward feeling you get when she forces 12 yr old Johnny to go to bed so you all can make out on the couch is warranted. Women you gotta be smarter than this, go back to his place, keep your kids out of it, and leave the little ones with a babysitter.
So go forth, date, have fun and remember when children are concerned you have to give respect in order to earn respect. Thanks for reading.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.