Nov 15

Everyone loves a hookup, except those of us who have had bad ones. Though in theory, the hook-up is a great dating tool. You get a chance to look at the guy or girl (if it isn’t a blind date) and the ice is already broken since you both share a friend. There is also the ease in getting her number, getting a first date, and hopefully getting some action. What gets forgotten though, is the hard feelings if things don’t go so well. You may shrug this off as whatever happens, happens, but what if the hookup is from a close friend and that person is his/her cousin, best friend, or ex?

I’ll tell you what happens, the person who hooked you up will get an earful of stories about how much of a jackass you are, and are prone to believe it since their relationship with the girl is stronger than yours. It’s a conflict of interest when you go out with a girl that close to your firend, so it is very important to learn how close they are prior to dating.

Safe hookups are: co-workers of friends, distant friends of friends and friends of people who are just an acquaintance.  Dates you should avoid are: relatives of friends, ex-girlfriends of friends and best friends of friends. That way when she shows her claws you can gtfo (get the f-ck out) without destroying your friendship with the person who hooked you up.

Another downside to hookups is the obligation you feel when dating. On a typical date if a girl disrespects you or sickens you to the point of embarassment (snort laughing, bitching out the waiter, talking loud etc. etc.) you can excuse yourself and take off. On a hook-up date, you feel compelled to stay the date out in order to fulfill the obligation. Wouldn’t it be nice to not have that weight on your shoulder? I guess it’s a light price to pay for the convenient match making, but nontheless it has made me shy to this type of dating.

What comes with the hook-up is your friend’s sales pitch for the girl… “Oh ya man she’s cute but she keeps dating losers who treat her badly and blah, blah, blah” (DANGER, DANGER) right there is a red flag for your potential date. We all know there are 3 sides to any story, her side, his side, and the real side. Your buddy giving you a sales pitch about this chick being a damsel in distress lets you know that she already has dating issues. What makes you so special that you are the potential white knight for this psycho broad? This is not an acceptable sales pitch, if you hear it run for the hills because the girl isn’t right.

An acceptable sales pitch for a “hook-up” is… “Honey has seen us in pics together and is always asking about you, I think she likes you.” Or “There’s this girl I work with who always asks me about my friends anad what they are into, I told her about you and she wants to meet you.” Those are prefectly acceptable but you should never go into a date as the potential white knight, it is too heavy a burden from the outstart. There is nothing more nerve wracking than going on a first date and having a woman probe you verbally to see how far she can go with pushing your buttons. That would explain her single status and her need for a white knight… or sucker. Your friend does not see this but believes (in his own mind) that he is doing you and her a favor by feeding you that line of garbage. Gently decline the invite and go find a woman with less baggage.

I know there are tons of success stories, people like to brag that they hooked Bob and Lisa up, who are now celebrating their 30th Wedding Anniversary, but it isn’t always like that. Look into things before you accept and it will make your friendship last longer. Do not aim to be a white knight, women haven’t been innocent damsels in a millenia. What you need to see is that you are two individuals, with faults and are being brought together because your friend either feels that she needs a guy or you need a girl. Simple as that, and maybe you do need a girl, but be careful of the outcome. Don’t date so close that it can affect your friendship, remember birds will fly, dogs are a man’s best friend. Thanks for reading.

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  • sammy

    Hey i really like that post, I have been single for a longgg time now and my best friend is always matching me with her single friends and I hate that!! first of all there’s always a pressure cause she think her friends are all good guys and cute and of course she think im a good girl and cute. most of the time I like the guy as a friend but not more and I feel terribly bad and anxious about saying it, not just because i dont want to hurt the guy (this is not fun to say but i can say it) but its the fact that i dont want to ruin my friendship with my friend and also that i know im gonna see the guy again cause we have common friends.

    • Hey Sammy, trust me, from experience you need to pull your friend to the side and let her know your feelings on the hook-ups. If you don’t it will never end until you are married to some loser, who you are trying hard to convince yourself that you love while she is gloating at having matched you two up in some sort of fairytale connection. Your friend wants to see you happy but behind it she also feels that she’s doing you a favor based on the not-so-cool idea that you “gasp” can’t find a man for yourself -____-. This last part can be a bit offensive and no matter how tight of a friend you are with someone you need to be tight enough with them to tell them to step off on your personal life a bit. Hook ups from friends are disaster zones… what happens if she hooks you up with a close cousin who turns out to be a psycho, horn-dog, tool who forces you to do something drastic? Bye bye friendship based on her loyalty to him. No, pull her to the side and tell her to step off, you will feel better in the end for doing so.

      Thanks so much for the kudos on this post.

  • Scarlett O Hara

    Anyone telling me that I will “like” a person = Me instantly hating them
    I just dont ever do hook ups…the end!!!