It’s a fact that I am out of the dating pool, but there are times when I look at the current swimmers and notice certain patterns that make it hard for one group of people versus another. One such group are the agnostic and atheist black men.
If you’ve been paying attention, you know that African American culture is very much of the church in more ways than one – especially women (nods at Tyler Perry). This isn’t to say that ALL black women are bible beaters because as a group black women are a million times more diverse than the media presents. But in the dating pool it can seem very one dimensional for a young man…
If you are anything but a Christian and you are into American black women, I am going to go out on a limb and say that it is quite an obstacle to get around the giant holy elephant in the room staring and wondering when she will bring up denomination and your “faith”. Am I right? Well recently I spoke to one of my good friends who is a black man that actively dates black women (not exclusively) to ask him about this very thing.
Here is what he had to say:
Greg Dragon: When it comes to black women and your refusal to attend church weekly, how has it been for your dating?
Agnostic Black: Actually most women know that 60% of black women attend church while only roughly 20% of black men do. So most of them don’t try to push it on you if you are a good prospect for them. If they are trying to judge me or force it on me I end it, if they are so naive that they are surprised I don’t like church as much as they do I have a very short leash with them. But most of them realize they can’t change me so I bring the subject up early first couple of conversations and make my stance clear. I lost a few prospects over it but in reality fishing is good right now lol.
Greg Dragon: So you go into these dates armed and ready then?
AB: You have to nowadays, if you put that topic off it’s a deal breaker for some of them. Interracially it’s not as big of an issue though.…
GD: I wonder though like if you didn’t bring it up if it would trump most of your prospects late in the game… like 4th date etc.
AB: It only makes it tougher in the end; I’ve had that happen before – We hit it off, infatuation and everything is clicking, then after like a month that conversation comes up.
“Do you go to church?”, “No not regularly”, “Why?”, “I don’t believe in organized religion”, “did you go when you were young?”, “No”, “Do you believe in GOD (GASPING in anticipation)?”, “ I believe something created all of this, but I don’t know what it is or what it wants from us. I treat people well and try to help others, if that isn’t enough then I guess I am doomed.” “Whew at least you believe in God”.
That’s generally how it goes.
GD: Then she goes on to complain to her friends about you being a heathen but you have good qualities otherwise…
AB: Of course, if the chick is open minded then usually I have found they aren’t as into it as they claim. One girl I know goes to church because she really likes the people at her church. But hardly prays or reads the bible.
GD: What about a compromise? You have your faith, and I will love you despite my disbelief? Have you met any girls who were willing to just let it be?
AB: Let me just say that I have and it lasts for a good while but eventually it comes back at you hard.
Everything AB said to me echoed my thoughts and what I personally went through when I was dating. The only difference was his bravery in bringing it up initially… I would roll the die and at times it would mean wasting the money and time it took to get to 3rd base before “religious chat”.
I wonder how many women miss out on the fact that this is a huge obstacle in dating and the level of importance it has in a long-term relationship. Does the desperate need for companionship cause religious women to downplay their involvement in order to keep men like myself and AB from running for the hills? Why is this even a black thing? What do you all think Hall?See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.