May 09

Friends pondering a relationship

Men all agree that going after a woman for romance only to wind up in her friend zone absolutely sucks. Many times it is due to our lack of game, terrible timing, or fear of asking (for you guys who think that a woman will just get the hint by you hanging out with her). There is a subset of guys however who think that they are in the friend zone but in reality are in a “holding cell”. This creates a complex dilemma for the woman because she does not want that guy to be in her friend zone but is too shy to upgrade him, fears he will reject her, or fears the chance of losing him altogether.

Who are these guys?

Many times these are the childhood friends who became handsome winners as they got older. Some of these men may have been put in the friend zone during courtship because the woman was going through the harshest of times when he asked, but now she finds that she can’t live without him. It’s a complex dilemma because the latter guy may be a bit disheartened by being placed in the zone to begin with and has already mentally moved on past the girl. When a man mentally moves past you as a woman, you may be good for sex (which is why he keeps your number) but anything romantically may never happen with him. A lot of guys find it easier to put you out of their mind as a romantic interest, instead of sitting in the bleachers waiting because of the mental strife involved.

No man wants to have weekly chats on the phone with a girl he is in love with, knowing that he will never be anything other than a guy friend. Women do this all the time and men become resentful of it, but if you look it up statistically, the childhood friends, the girls next door, and the longtime admirers are the lovers that last in a relationship. It happens this way because the 2 people became friends, learned how to deal with each other’s annoyances, learned how to joke with one another without crossing lines – or crossing lines because it’s the right time to. Being friends has the benefit of people actually learning one another in a deep way prior to bumping uglies and complicating the bond.

“I married my best friend”

Many married couples are full of shit, let me get that out there. They fake the funk to outsiders, secretly hate their spouse, all the while saying cliche crap like ” he is my best friend”, or “I married my best friend”, just because it makes for a good soundbyte. You did not marry your best friend liar, you married some dude who knocked you up early, learned to deal with his crap while keeping your cool, and have made up your mind that you will tolerate him as a lifelong roommate for the sake of your kids, your church and your nosy parents. When a married couple are truly “best friends”, they don’t ever need to say it – people know, so imagine the beauty of actually marrying your best friend… doesn’t happen always since most of our best friends as men, are other men.

On the flip side there are people who should probably hook up but are afraid of destroying what they have by crossing the lines into relationship . If you are one of these people and know you are, consider this – if you are friends before a relationship, there is a chance that you will remain friends mutually after things don’t work out. I see it all the time, and it doesn’t seem to be that complicated. The only difference when best friends break up and revert back to the friendly act is that at any time they can have sex and consider it to be as naturally as eating together. This sucks for their future boyfriends, husbands, whatever, so it ends up better for the world if they stay together.

The one complex of the friend zone is that true friends can make for the best lovers and spouses.

Have you ever found yourself wanting to push up on someone that you grew up with, or a working colleague who seems perfect for you? What’s stopping you?

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