Jul 23


The friends with benefits game can be a great one – if you find the right people to play. Mere friendship doesn’t guarantee that you will have this amazing, no strings attached, soul connecting sex and conversation and then go on with your fantasy sport draft or whatever else you have to do once the front door closes.

Research and studies have found that the friends with benefits (FWB) relationship is one that can prove to be quite successful, but I would imagine that the failed attempts at FWB are a bit harder to conceptualize as well as locate. Mainly because if your FWB did not work out it is because one person in the relationship did not feel that it was simply a FWB relationship. And there we have it: hardest part of making a FWB relationship work is being able to define and hold down the definition for the relationship – for both parties.

“Catching Feelings”

This a phrase that can be heard as warning to those that are entering into a FWB relationship. This is to ward or to caution the other person that there will be no chance that “this thing right here” will be more than sex.  It’s not that this concept is not important, because it is. If you are entering into a relationship with a friend and you have, even an inkling, or thought that this might mean more to the other person than it does for you, then be a real friend and don’t do it. Literally. 

Also, this is not only an affliction that women face; men can catch feelings too, it just usually looks different.

Simply having an agreement with the other person does not mean that somewhere down the line that someone will not start to imagine more or expect more from the friends with benefits relationship. Once someone “catches feelings”, then that begins to change how they see the relationship.

A Paradigm Shift

One of the aspects that allow for the FWB relationship to be so pleasurable for the people involved is the combination of two areas that are usually associated with romantic love, friendship and sex. While in a relationship, those are things that each partner benefits from in their committed relationship, in addition to an acknowledged commitment from both parties. In the FWB benefits relationship, there is not the added commitment.  This can be the perfect blend for many people – but it isn’t generally a long term relationship either. “Friends with benefits” is not for everyone, and not for a long period of time.

At some point, many people do look to settle down, build a nest and be with one person; once one person in the relationship shifts their wants – the FWB relationship has found its end.


Really, as soon as you consider yourself to be part of a relationship, whether that is with a friend, lover or potential lifetime mate – it really doesn’t matter what you call it – but you have to consider the other person’s  wants, desires and thoughts because in some way they will impact you. Sorry to say. You might consider yourself to be a selfish, callous son of a gun and you don’t care whose feelings you hurt along the way then you have to simply wait until you come across the wrong crazy son of a gun that matches your callousness with their craziness. Like Angie Martinez said, “It’s n*gg*s like you that make a b*tch wanna wil out. Put a brick through your windshield…”

Just saying.

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