Jun 28

crazy second date

It’s interesting how things get misinterpreted in the dating game due to lack of communication between the sexes. One of the biggest examples of this is when a guy stops calling after what seems to the woman to have been the perfect 2nd date. She’s confused, he moves on and she tells all her friends about it.

So what really happens after that 2nd date to make a guy vanish from what a woman could read as an obvious love connection? Ask a woman and she will say one of many things that are nowhere near accurate.

Having dropped a few numbers myself in the past, and speaking with men out there dating today – I will present you with the real reasons why you never got a call back from that guy:

Darren S.

Single, IT Professional who dates to find his future wife.

Women consider it a perfect date because I paid and sat there smiling while they offended me and/or bored me to death with their conversation. If there is a personality clash I won’t call and she may not even know it.

I’ve had girls offend me by talking about things or other people that hit close to home, and I have had women who were just plain old lame. I don’t owe any of them an explanation because we were just dating so of course I just get rid of their number.

Brian M.

Single, Entrepreneur who dates to find a good match.

I never really learned how to say “I don’t think we are compatible” to someone…

I would say because I didn’t have the heart to tell her that “I don’t think we are compatible” upfront.  I know rather quickly whether I’m into a girl or not, usually within the first 5-10 minutes of meeting them so I know right away that I won’t be calling her back.

But I still go through the date and try to make the most of it.  She ends up having a good time, usually.  It’s really my fault for giving her the wrong impression at the end of the date because they usually ask to hang out again and I never do.

Levon M.

Hopeless romantic – Waiter at a popular restaurant

I went on a date with this one girl, she had a blast; kept calling me for like 3 weeks straight after the date asking to hang out. I never called her back because she smoked and had less than stellar teeth.

The sad part was this girl was like “Now that you met me, I bet you won’t call me back.” I asked her “why would you think that?” I thought she was crazy, even though she was right. I answered her question with a question to get off the hook then stopped calling her afterwards.

Daniel L.

Sales Manager for a very popular toy company – Chronic dater

Well they show their baggage early and often, the more it starts to look like I am going to be more psychologist than boyfriend it makes the decision easy – I just stop calling.

One example – I met this chick and we went on a date to a restaurant; they have TV’s in there of course.  While we are talking you know I am looking around and see some dude bust his ass on one of the TV’s and I start giggling.  She immediately assumes I am laughing at her and keeps asking me what’s funny.

I point out the guy on the TV and she didn’t think it was funny, and goes back into her diatribe about men and how she was done wrong in her past relationship.  I could have poured a 32 oz. drink of the low self-esteem she was exuding. 

 It was clear she was insecure and was still dealing with her previous relationship.  She was nice and I felt sorry for her, but I couldn’t be that guy to help her get over her problems!


It goes right back to the same problem men have with women and rejection – basically we are afraid of hurting feelings so we choose to silently depart. Bad communication; you talk too much; you smoke; you have bad teeth; all can be summed up into one statement:

“I am not really feeling you to date you any further so this is goodbye.”

Saying this will lead to more questions where a woman may want a whole score card on the date and where she went wrong. This isn’t something any guy would want to answer, so again it’s easier to just disappear and dodge her phone calls… eventually she gets the hint right?

So ladies and gentlemen, what do you think about this? Is this news to you, or was it easier to believe that he didn’t call because you wouldn’t sleep with him?

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  • Joy Guyton

    So not hurting her feelings on the initial date will somehow spare her feelings later on when you stop returning her calls? *blank stare*

    Just be a man about it. How foolish and childish to ignore a woman and/or play guessing games. Tell her so she isn’t assuming that you are busy, dead, ignoring her for unknown reasons or have cell phone service issues. Jerks!

    • Jane

      I met a guy (I am in my 40s, not 22!) and we exchanged numbers. After 3 days I called him, he was quite impressed with that. We met up later in a pub for food and drinks. It went well. But it was -36 so we could not go anywhere else, and I only can drink 3 beers…so I invited him to my place just so he could get his taxi from inside instead of freezing outside. He only stayed 15 mins. He kept complimenting me on how pretty I was, loved my hair, smiling etc. So we made plans to go to this country show the next day, had drinks. He ordered too much. I told him I cant drink more. Again it was -36, I suggested we can go back to my place and make a dinner (his place is a small bachelor and he said it was messy)..I know this was probably not the right thing to do. By the time we got there, I was pretty drunk, we were making out on the couch. He seemed to get more and more quiet. Then this couch is very small so I suggested to go to the bedroom (I know big mistake!), but I was falling asleep at 830 pm! WE did not have the dinner we both slept. There was no sex but we cuddled and kissed. In the morning he got up- had a coffee and said he had to go do some things, laundry etc. Thing is he cant smoke in my place either and hes a smoker, so by this point he was very anxious. So he said you can call me or Ill call you. He did not call so around 830 pm that night I called and his cell did not answer and his voicebox was full (which puzzled me). I called again 1 hr later, same thing. So I said well he knows I called, now I will wait. I waited Monday until around 830 pm- I called him, he said he knew I called but his phone was low as its a top up phone. (He would have worked all Monday). And then he said ill have to top it up so we can talk. Then he said hes not much of a phone person! So then I said” Are we still going to see each other?” and he said Yes I would like to. Id contact you to see you this weekend. So now its Thursday and no call. I figure if I don’t hear from him by Friday he just made that line up. Why wouldn’t he just say NO I don’t feel things etc. He does weed and I don’t like that at all but that is the only thing I did not like about him. I wont call him, the balls in his court now.

  • marcia

    when a guy says they’re a gentlemen, that includes being mindful of having the courage to tell a lady after a 2nd ddate, this was nice, had a great time, but I don’t think we are compatible, or match, something…. rather than leave an impression that all is good and creating some false intention to lead the lady on that there will another date, then no follow through. Sounds stupid when a man says they’re also a man of their word, but don’t honor it. dumbass

  • Toya Jackson

    I am a woman and my situation is the opposite. The date was a disaster and he thought it was memorable and perfect. I will take your advise and not take his calls.

  • Paul

    lol we have some pretty bitter comments down here! I wonder how you ended up on this page? :)

    Well I will share 1 more reason:
    I had 2 dates with a girl that I met online in the last 2 weeks. I thought she was really nice, kind, smart, open minded etc… she ticked most the boxes except the most important one: no chemistry.

    Still, I was keen to give it a second chance because she really had many of the qualities that I was looking for, and I thought chemistry could be developed from a stronger “friendship”.

    Second was great, had lunch, went for a walk, stopped at the book shop geeking around. amazing!

    I did play it old school for the first 2 dates. I called, organized pay for everything etc…

    At the end of the second date, she had a big smile on her face when saying goodbye and said next she will cook me a nice diner and take it to me.

    Than I never rang her back, as I thought that she had to show me some interest as well. I guess she has been waiting for my call but hey! If you want a third date, get off your ass and show some interest, otherwise that’s where it ends!

    • Jen

      She did show you interest..she said she would cook for you. That’s a big deal in a woman’s mind. It’s a cute idea and it gets you in her apartment. You blew it.