Jun 28

crazy second date

It’s interesting how things get misinterpreted in the dating game due to lack of communication between the sexes. One of the biggest examples of this is when a guy stops calling after what seems to the woman to have been the perfect 2nd date. She’s confused, he moves on and she tells all her friends about it.

So what really happens after that 2nd date to make a guy vanish from what a woman could read as an obvious love connection? Ask a woman and she will say one of many things that are nowhere near accurate.

Having dropped a few numbers myself in the past, and speaking with men out there dating today – I will present you with the real reasons why you never got a call back from that guy:

Darren S.

Single, IT Professional who dates to find his future wife.

Women consider it a perfect date because I paid and sat there smiling while they offended me and/or bored me to death with their conversation. If there is a personality clash I won’t call and she may not even know it.

I’ve had girls offend me by talking about things or other people that hit close to home, and I have had women who were just plain old lame. I don’t owe any of them an explanation because we were just dating so of course I just get rid of their number.

Brian M.

Single, Entrepreneur who dates to find a good match.

I never really learned how to say “I don’t think we are compatible” to someone…

I would say because I didn’t have the heart to tell her that “I don’t think we are compatible” upfront.  I know rather quickly whether I’m into a girl or not, usually within the first 5-10 minutes of meeting them so I know right away that I won’t be calling her back.

But I still go through the date and try to make the most of it.  She ends up having a good time, usually.  It’s really my fault for giving her the wrong impression at the end of the date because they usually ask to hang out again and I never do.

Levon M.

Hopeless romantic – Waiter at a popular restaurant

I went on a date with this one girl, she had a blast; kept calling me for like 3 weeks straight after the date asking to hang out. I never called her back because she smoked and had less than stellar teeth.

The sad part was this girl was like “Now that you met me, I bet you won’t call me back.” I asked her “why would you think that?” I thought she was crazy, even though she was right. I answered her question with a question to get off the hook then stopped calling her afterwards.

Daniel L.

Sales Manager for a very popular toy company – Chronic dater

Well they show their baggage early and often, the more it starts to look like I am going to be more psychologist than boyfriend it makes the decision easy – I just stop calling.

One example – I met this chick and we went on a date to a restaurant; they have TV’s in there of course.  While we are talking you know I am looking around and see some dude bust his ass on one of the TV’s and I start giggling.  She immediately assumes I am laughing at her and keeps asking me what’s funny.

I point out the guy on the TV and she didn’t think it was funny, and goes back into her diatribe about men and how she was done wrong in her past relationship.  I could have poured a 32 oz. drink of the low self-esteem she was exuding. 

 It was clear she was insecure and was still dealing with her previous relationship.  She was nice and I felt sorry for her, but I couldn’t be that guy to help her get over her problems!


It goes right back to the same problem men have with women and rejection – basically we are afraid of hurting feelings so we choose to silently depart. Bad communication; you talk too much; you smoke; you have bad teeth; all can be summed up into one statement:

“I am not really feeling you to date you any further so this is goodbye.”

Saying this will lead to more questions where a woman may want a whole score card on the date and where she went wrong. This isn’t something any guy would want to answer, so again it’s easier to just disappear and dodge her phone calls… eventually she gets the hint right?

So ladies and gentlemen, what do you think about this? Is this news to you, or was it easier to believe that he didn’t call because you wouldn’t sleep with him?

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • Joy Guyton

    So not hurting her feelings on the initial date will somehow spare her feelings later on when you stop returning her calls? *blank stare*

    Just be a man about it. How foolish and childish to ignore a woman and/or play guessing games. Tell her so she isn’t assuming that you are busy, dead, ignoring her for unknown reasons or have cell phone service issues. Jerks!

    • Jane

      I met a guy (I am in my 40s, not 22!) and we exchanged numbers. After 3 days I called him, he was quite impressed with that. We met up later in a pub for food and drinks. It went well. But it was -36 so we could not go anywhere else, and I only can drink 3 beers…so I invited him to my place just so he could get his taxi from inside instead of freezing outside. He only stayed 15 mins. He kept complimenting me on how pretty I was, loved my hair, smiling etc. So we made plans to go to this country show the next day, had drinks. He ordered too much. I told him I cant drink more. Again it was -36, I suggested we can go back to my place and make a dinner (his place is a small bachelor and he said it was messy)..I know this was probably not the right thing to do. By the time we got there, I was pretty drunk, we were making out on the couch. He seemed to get more and more quiet. Then this couch is very small so I suggested to go to the bedroom (I know big mistake!), but I was falling asleep at 830 pm! WE did not have the dinner we both slept. There was no sex but we cuddled and kissed. In the morning he got up- had a coffee and said he had to go do some things, laundry etc. Thing is he cant smoke in my place either and hes a smoker, so by this point he was very anxious. So he said you can call me or Ill call you. He did not call so around 830 pm that night I called and his cell did not answer and his voicebox was full (which puzzled me). I called again 1 hr later, same thing. So I said well he knows I called, now I will wait. I waited Monday until around 830 pm- I called him, he said he knew I called but his phone was low as its a top up phone. (He would have worked all Monday). And then he said ill have to top it up so we can talk. Then he said hes not much of a phone person! So then I said” Are we still going to see each other?” and he said Yes I would like to. Id contact you to see you this weekend. So now its Thursday and no call. I figure if I don’t hear from him by Friday he just made that line up. Why wouldn’t he just say NO I don’t feel things etc. He does weed and I don’t like that at all but that is the only thing I did not like about him. I wont call him, the balls in his court now.

      • D’phila

        You started off saying you aren’t 22. You sure act like it. You are very desperate. I would not call if I was him. Your moves were questionable. And he doesn’t sound like a winner either. I cringed reading your story. Not romantic at all!

      • Jane

        Well what I am implying is I have alot more knowledge and experience with men than a 22 year old would. Your right he was not a winner I am top notch from a high class family. The thing is I am pretty, this is what happens alot, men want to use me and women are jealous. Its something I have gotten used to. In my 20s dating was normal as we did not have cell phones, so the man had to get your number and the nerve to call you, you would talk back and forth then go on dates. One of every four would pan into a boyfriend longterm, not like 2015! My best friend had the 3 strikes your out rule. If they promised to call and did not when they said they would, that was strike one. If they planned to meet you and either came late or did not show,that was strike two. Much more effective that dating on social media! The attraction is killed by cell phones, that is why I do not have one.

  • marcia

    when a guy says they’re a gentlemen, that includes being mindful of having the courage to tell a lady after a 2nd ddate, this was nice, had a great time, but I don’t think we are compatible, or match, something…. rather than leave an impression that all is good and creating some false intention to lead the lady on that there will another date, then no follow through. Sounds stupid when a man says they’re also a man of their word, but don’t honor it. dumbass

    • John M. Williams

      The lady had the false intention that she created in her mind since the guy was cordial enough to grin and bear it. Further if he isn’t calling he is COMMUNICATING through his action…much louder than words.

  • Toya Jackson

    I am a woman and my situation is the opposite. The date was a disaster and he thought it was memorable and perfect. I will take your advise and not take his calls.

  • Paul

    lol we have some pretty bitter comments down here! I wonder how you ended up on this page? 🙂

    Well I will share 1 more reason:
    I had 2 dates with a girl that I met online in the last 2 weeks. I thought she was really nice, kind, smart, open minded etc… she ticked most the boxes except the most important one: no chemistry.

    Still, I was keen to give it a second chance because she really had many of the qualities that I was looking for, and I thought chemistry could be developed from a stronger “friendship”.

    Second was great, had lunch, went for a walk, stopped at the book shop geeking around. amazing!

    I did play it old school for the first 2 dates. I called, organized pay for everything etc…

    At the end of the second date, she had a big smile on her face when saying goodbye and said next she will cook me a nice diner and take it to me.

    Than I never rang her back, as I thought that she had to show me some interest as well. I guess she has been waiting for my call but hey! If you want a third date, get off your ass and show some interest, otherwise that’s where it ends!

    • Jen

      She did show you interest..she said she would cook for you. That’s a big deal in a woman’s mind. It’s a cute idea and it gets you in her apartment. You blew it.

      • Patricia Juzme Cunningham

        He blew that one because if we offer to cook, that’s a go.

      • Don Frampton

        We men hate playing the ‘mind games’. I’ve done the ‘come over for dinner’ bit. Doesn’t mean what men think it means. Just keeping it honest.
        21st century western culture applies today for both women and men. you want something, ask. We all need to put on our grown up pants and speak. Both genders work, have busy lives. No time for cat and mouse.
        Women, don’t be afraid to ask a man out and pay for the date, give men the opportunity to talk. Men, don’t be afraid to open up a little, women don’t know if you don’t speak.

  • Ren

    I met a guy on a free online dating site. We went out — got a quick bite to eat for the first date with a kiss good night. The second date, we met at his place because of his medical work schedule. We watched a movie, talked, cuddled, laughed and kissed plenty of times. He was going out of town for a work conference the next day for a couple of days. I text him to ask if he was back. He never responded. When I text had he been checking my profile on the dating site, his little name for me; he now said he was being “nice”. That was six months ago. I didn’t understand what happened. I was initially confused because things were going well. I thought it might have been something I said or done while on the second date that he didn’t like. Well, a few days ago, I found out he got married this October. His main FB profile pictures shows his/her hands with wedding rings. Now, I understand his “disappearing act”. His disappearing act had nothing to do with me. I guess he wanted to have fun before getting married. I didn’t give or lose anything except time!

    Don’t Waste Time wondering what happened to these “Disappearing Men”. Just Move On and Continue Dating!

  • Scarlett o hara

    I am a serial dater who will apologize, thank them and leave mid-date if things are going badly as I hate wasting my time or any one else’s.
    I would respect any man who did likewise.

  • Data

    Went on one date with a woman, she was legitimately crazy. I pretended everything was fine not because I didn’t care if I lead her on, but because I got a strong impression that she would handle rejection in a manner hazardous to my health. Sometimes it’s safer to smile, make nice, and then vanish like a ninja.

  • beautifulgrrl

    This can be applied to men too

  • Jade

    So i met this guy from online dating site. I am new in town and he wanted to show me his area so i ubered to him. We had a bit and beer and we hit it of great! He was laughing the whole time. He was very impressed with me and kept asking me questions and stating that im alot of fun and its a good thing since hes more reserved blah blah. He started telling me about his ex and how they broke up and he travelled to her 5 times anyways he was answering all my questions. We went to the beach we cuddled he tired to kiss me but i wasnt feeling it yet. I could see he is a good guy and ready to date and all but i thought i didnt know him enough to kiss him yet and he was understanding. He kept complementing how pretty i was. He took my phone number and kept texting me when i was headed home telling me how much he cant wait till we hang out again! 2 days after he texts me asking me if i wanna go to the movies i said i didnt feel like going anywhere im doing some house chores and lazy. So he said we can be lazy together blah blah i thought it was too soon for him to come over and my roommate had her boy friend over at the living room. Anyways we ended up watching a movie he was holding me the whole time then we drove around sat by the beach we talked alot then went back to his car thought he was dropping me off but he just wanted to cuddle and said he cant get enough of me and wants me to talk to him, tell him more about me and all that which we did and he said he really appreciates me and im a good catch and a good woman and im alot of fun and he wants to date me anyways after houra he dropps me home then next day i ask him if hed like to go to sea world sometime whenever hes free and he just changed after that he vanished never called me hardly answered my texts. And i dont get it! I really dont!