Jul 14

Dating is a game, and with that game comes a lot of misconceptions. One of those misconceptions is when women think that they are “getting over” when they get a free drink or dinner from a guy – then they break off contact or don’t give him the phone number. This concept can be illustrated in the following quote taken from an article written by a woman who was lamenting on why she doesn’t like “nice men”.

“On the other hand, to women looking for a quick ego fix or just a free drink, nice guys read “sucker”. Nice guys are easy to take advantage of and score freebies from. You teach people how to treat you, so if you act insecure and needy, people (and that includes women) will treat you as such. Insecurity is a major turnoff.”

This is the problem with SOME women (please take note that I did not say all women), they think that getting a free drink or dinner is some sort of accomplishment. These types of women also seem to think that the men they are dealing with are somehow naïve to what they are doing, especially when they say things like “are going to be right here for a bit, I will be right back”. Men are not dumb – not even the nice ones. Just because a guy offers to buy you a drink does not mean that he is stupid or trying to get in your pants. There are all types of men with different types of intentions, and it’s up to you to figure them out for each guy; a man buying you a drink is not a sign of insecurity or neediness.

Young wolf beckons a hawte to share a drink

A man knows after a few minutes of conversation if a woman is seriously interested or not and often just buys her a drink to be social. Other times men do this so that other women see them socializing and it makes them appear more desirable. It works too, because women don’t want a man that is standing by himself. When these types of women get their Amaretto Sour and come up with some excuse to get out of there with their $6 conquest, the man has already started focusing on the next woman walking by. As for going out to dinner with a man and cutting off contact, it is perfectly acceptable to go to dinner with a guy not knowing how interested you are and finding out during the dinner that you aren’t. There is a subset of women who let men take them out knowing they have no interest in him from the beginning, just so they can get a free meal.

This does not make much sense either; you are wasting time with someone who you do not want to date. Is that $20 meal from Fridays really worth the hassle of spending an hour or so with a person who doesn’t do it for you romantically? What women fail to realize is these trivial dinners and drinks men buy for them is the cost of doing business, they get to find out for a little money that the woman has communication issues. A lot of men use these failed dates as a lab to improve their skills in talking and relating to women. If you have no interest in a man, just politely decline his advances or tell him that you do not want to go out to dinner with him and move on. You only make yourself look bad when you take the free drink or dinner. We won’t even get into the entire topic of men slipping things into drinks, and taking advantage of them later as women should be well aware of that.

A lot of men use failed dates to improve their skills

If you aren’t interested in a man just tell him that and move on. If you need a man to give you something to boost your ego, or you can’t afford to buy your own drink or dinner then you don’t need to be dating and work on yourself first.

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  • Annoyed

    I very much enjoyed this article.

    I am in a new country and I was invited out by my housemate where I met a big group of people. The guy I happend to sit next to was Norwegian and we had a fun conversation about music and our travels. We both ordered one drink at the bar and when the group left and settled the bill he offered to pay for mine. I accepted.

    I have a boyfriend back at home who I am very much in love with who my housemates have met.

    Later the night the group had dinner and I paid my fair share of the bill when my male housemate said from across the table. “Did you pay for that drink from the place before?” and I replied, “Tom offered to pay” to which he said “Well just settle it with him then.” and I asked “why?” and he didn’t say anything back. So I got the hint that my friend felt that I HAD to decline because I am in a relationship.

    So when we left the restaurant some people decided to go home and other wanted to go for some more drinks. I said to Tom that he should come along because I owe him one. He declined, but then asked me for my number.

    I still do not feel that I was wrong by accepting a drink from a guy when I’m NOT trying to solicit it out of him. I wish we can go back to when girls did not flirt with the shy guy at the bar, just to get a drink out of him, or when guys didn’t just buy a girl a drink as a pseudo sexual advance to see whether it will be rejected or not. I think only causes awkward adult social situations like the one I outlined above.

    Thanks for the article, and I wish more people see it the way you do.

  • Master truth

    The point of dating is to find out if you and the other person are a good fit. This isn’t something you find out immediately. Sometimes two or three dates are needed. You’re right in that there are women who use men. These women deserve to be alone.