Jul 02

absentee-dad

Whenever there is a crisis it seems that the first line of defense that people always take is to shame the perpetrators into changing. In our modern, cynical society this strategy is a waste of time. Shaming and repeating the same accusations also tends to make the accusers look like whiners versus garnering support from those who watch from the sidelines.

It is akin to a court trial where the court looks for an accusation, a judgment, and of course a verdict which could lead to punishment. The way that we have been going at deadbeat dads is like a judge who keeps on repeating the accusations without allowing the court proceedings to move forward.

So what should we be doing?

Personally I believe that there are 2 factors that can possibly slow the tide of absentee fathers. These factors are the abandoned male children who come from these situations and also the replacement fathers who come into the picture to take on the role of step-dad. I believe that those of us who have been in both positions should promote what worked for us and uplift our boys with education as to the importance of a father in a child’s life.

Growing up I was the product of an absentee father but the men that I called uncles; step-dad, etc. gave me such a canvas that I cannot imagine ever going off into life knowing that I had a child somewhere. The men in my life were men’s men, fathers, leaders, and there were some losers who made me see another side that I didn’t want to be.

A boy does not have to keep the pattern going of “my daddy wasn’t there so I won’t be there either” because for us we went the opposite way. Men like me grew up saying “my daddy wasn’t there so I am going to be a better man than he was and be there”. Many will counter that feminists and bitter women find ways to interfere with fatherhood when a relationship erodes but that is just an excuse, a man will find a way to reach out to his child despite the courts and the interference of a wicked mother.

Focus on protection and betterment

Young men should be reminded that sex is not worth the 18+ years of commitment that comes with a child and his/her mother. If STD’s aren’t a deterrent (which we know they aren’t) we need the fathers who have been wronged to become more vocal. A young man should be panicked at the thought of a random girl being pregnant, not aloof and feeling sure that things will be handled.

I believe that taking the crosshairs off of the heads of the already deadbeat fathers and placing them on the future (the kids) is the way to go to change things. We should move past blame games, slut shaming, man hate, and all sorts of other noise that idealist noise makers have been pushing for many years and move unto real change through education.

Want to know how you as a man can help? Be involved. If there is a young nephew, cousin, friend’s son – whatever; show through example and tutoring that a man must have a code and part of that code is the care of where one spreads his seed. If you have a baby, it’s as much your baby as it is the mother’s – so it should be your prerogative to love it and take care of it instead of neglect.

The issues of the court and women using babies as weapons against men is another topic but I believe that the best starting point for we as men is through education and of course mentorship.

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