Mar 23

Many women leave tell-tale signs that they are just not that into you. And men very seldom pick up on these for several reasons that can be discussed in another article. This is all about helping you decipher the difference between whether she just isn’t into you and never will be, or you just happened to be that guy to break down the wall around her heart and make it your home.


She’s trying to change you.
This is a huge red flag of a settling chick! She has assessed your every characteristic and has come to the conclusion that you may have the potential to make her happy. This woman is good for telling her friends that you “look good on paper”, as you have all the symptoms of a perfect man – good job, mortgage, not bad looking, and head over heels for her.  There’s only one problem and that’s that there’s no spark for her.  She just needs to somehow turn you into that guy that she really wants.  Run. Run fast because that woman does not love you nor does she like the person you are. Trust me, once that guy that makes her heart beat all funny comes along, she will cheat. But before she does, she will sit on the phone with her friends and talk about how she doesn’t want to hurt you.

Sex is great but conversation sucks.
Contrary to popular belief, women can be the “user” in a relationship when it fits their needs. I know several men who have come to a time in their lives where they are ready for a committed relationship but run into a woman that they think is a good one, but turns out to be just out for sex. Try to take her on a real date and she explains that she has plans but can come over later that night.  And she will not come over without the guarantee of sex.  Quality time is limited to the afterglow and sleep and she doesn’t stay for breakfast.  Conversation is kept at a minimum unless its to tell you how good you look in your jeans.  If you want a relationship, stay away from her. She is out for self.

Intimate moments are reserved for foreplay.
Women are sensual so we get pleasure from cuddling, kissing, and laying in your arms without having to have it lead to the bedroom. If your woman doesn’t kiss you passionately just to kiss you, then she’s not into you. Listen when I tell you that women want it in their 30’s as much as you wanted it in your teens, so this isn’t to say that she won’t want to do it. But trust me, if she finds you sexy, she will show it by stealing every moment she can to kiss you, rub your head or just lay on the couch in your arms.

You Grew On Her:

She didn’t give you the time of day when you first met.
Key words – when you first met. This is the woman who may not have noticed you at first and showed no sign of interest in taking things further. Maybe she had remnants of a past relationship clouding her mind. Maybe you aren’t her type on first glance. But whatever you showed her personality wise was enough to hook, line and sink her.  Remember guys, women are mental creatures. Not saying looks mean nothing because that is not true, but women will allow a man to prove his sexy and win her over through his personality. Example – Jay Z. Ask any woman and she will tell you he does not fit into the “fine man” category.  But we all know, she isn’t with him for the money; he makes her feel a certain way and it makes him the sexiest man in the world.

You started off as friends.
Some women are very quick to pass up something good right in front of them based on the fact that they often chase the unobtainable man. You stay in the friendzone for months until one day it clicks for her. She realizes nobody makes her laugh like you do. Nobody listens to her horrible work day stories like you do. Nobody tells her how great of a person she is as often as you do. And nobody knows her value like you do. That man in the glass jar does have the potential to come out of it unscathed. The odds are high, so he must play his hand very carefully to make it happen.

The tables turned and now she is calling you.
Sometimes women will let the pursuer do just that – pursue her – even if she is not interested in him. After a while, a man may give up, but if he grows on her, she will start to reciprocate the attempts at communication. You will hear from her more often or even out of the blue. She will start to look forward to hearing from you and if she doesn’t, she will text or call you to see how you are (which in woman code is to see if you are still checking for her).  Once the tables are turned in this way, it is important for you to take advantage. If she didn’t give a signal in the past, this is the one you need to get in there and seal the deal. Ask her on a date. Once she says yes then that is your in to show your true colors and win her over.

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  • Good article Nia, especially the part about women not seeing the good things right in front of them. The endless pursuit is also very puzzling, I have seen women spend all this time with a guy; then when the guy tries to escalate the relationship she rebuffs him. This goes on for a long time, then when the guy has exhausted everything he knows to try and get her to talk to him he gives up. Then she asks why and says all men suck, lol.

    I also think settling is an over used word, people have changed the meaning. Now it has become a convenient excuse to stay single without the truth being revealed. That truth is you don’t know what the hell you want!!

    • You are correct that women often don’t know what they want. I don’t think they use it as an excuse to stay single, though. For the most part, women crave a healthy relationship but when it doesn’t pan out, they tend to lash out. Hence the “all men suck”. Oh, and don’t get me started on the fairy tale that they have where the perfect man will come along at some point and sweep her off her feet. I mean, I can dig getting swept away, but any relationship takes work, whether it’s “perfect” or not. Most women don’t see that and they wait for the night in shining armor forever….