May 05

Ever have one of those days? I have them 5 days a week it seems, I get wound up, my chest feels heavy, I start having shallow breathing and I just want to set out on the road and just keep walking. Lately it has been crossing my mind a lot, just let them have the house and whatever else I leave there and just grab some articles of clothing and start walking like David Banner.  The reason for this is because, by nature, I am a loner, I am one of those freaks who finds as much joy solo as a social butterfly does being the center of attention.

When I get like this, I find that the best medicine is to do a lighter version of the “walk away from everything”. I find seclusion and I meditate, I train hard and work out to blacken my frustrations into nothingness. This has to be done in the private area of a park or in the privacy of the home away from people.

It’s because of people that there is an issue, so to have people around seems to aggravate the feelings more-so than helping it. The aggravation comes as much from someone patting your back saying “it will get better” as it does with someone laughing at you. For the lone wolf, the best therapy comes with seclusion and heavy sweat.

I offer this advice because people in my life tend to misunderstand my moods and temperament when things aren’t all sugar. If you have a loner in your life, I hope this will help you better understand how to deal with him/her when it seems like they need you most.

How NOT to Handle a Fuming Loner

1. Consoling – A pat on the back or whiny “aww babes” will feel patronizing.
2. One-upping – Nobody gives a shit that it happened to you too, just go away.
3. Condescending – Poking at us to man up or smile may earn you a mouth full of broken teeth.

Just give us time to get over the angst, like I said I love my private workout periods to blow off steam. Some guys like to work it out through boxing or sparring, but the problem is, if you get beaten by someone when you are already having a crap day… well it doesn’t help. Remember the less people contact the better.

One of the things I have always appreciated in people who are in my life, is the fact that they know when I need to be by myself. There is nothing more valuable to me than voluntary alone time, and I oh so appreciate it when people can see it, respect it and step off when I get into lone-wolf mode.

Identifying A Loner

If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend who seems to get quiet at times and find it more comfortable when a crowd has thinned, this is a good indication that he/she might be a lone wolf. If long periods of time can pass without them texting, calling or contacting you when things get rough, they are a loner by nature. Unlike their polar opposites the “social butterfly”, loners gravitate more to those who know when to distance themselves, moreso that people who dote on them.

We are not the easiest people to love, and for that I apologize, but we do have a lot of it to give. Just please, allow us our alone time when the world gets a bit too close to us.

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  • For some reason I’ve been taking more joy in relaxing by myself for the last few years. I think I’m being burnt out on people. Still enjoy a couple here and there, but eventually I gotta get away. Guess I’m a part-time loner.