Jan 23

I am an avid listener of the Steve Harvey Morning Show, and especially of the Strawberry Letter – an email letter format for listeners who seek advice. The majority of the advice sought is about love and relationships, and to a lesser extent other family situations. These letters run the gamut of serious enough for a referral for professional intervention, to downright trifling, repetitive, and stupid! Ooops! Did I say that?

Anyway, recently Steve and his cohost Shirley (last name Strawberry) received a letter from a woman who stated she was in a relationship with a married man. She suggested to him for his wife to join them in a threesome (every man’s fantasy right???). After some hesitation on the part of Mr. and Mrs. Down For Anything, this ménage trois was on and popping.

This fantastic instigator claims that her lover’s wife is now in love with her and wants to leave her husband and be with her!!! What she wants to know is – should she move in with them and be one big happy family, or should she just keep the man whom she is crazy about? What I would love to know is, did this guy realize that a potential cost of his tryst would be the possible loss of his wife, or even both women? What about the wife? Is she so “over men” that she would immediately jump ship for a woman who is a cheater just like her husband? Really? Is this the best she can do?

For many of us this would never be an issue, as this act would remain in the realm of fantasy. The language has not yet been developed for my man to even fix his mouth to make such a request of me – but I digress, it’s not about me. Yet many of us wrestle with the issue of threesomes everyday in our lives. Here is what I mean.

Is your JOB or PHONE climbing into bed with you and your partner? Do you take your crackberry (oops, Blackberry) to your dinner date? Is your iPhone vibrating on the nightstand when you should be vibrating his/her spirit? This threesome is just as much a deal breaker and a home wrecker!

What about kids? I know this is a hot topic and a sore point for some, but are you having a threesome with the kids? Many believe their kids should come first and foremost in their life. This is often demonstrated in practices such as kids sleeping with and between their parents. For others, even with older kids, time for his or her partner is whatever time is left AFTER being worn out with the little ones.

While I am not attempting to tell you how to manage your family relationships, I would like to share an important fact: many couples crumble when children take a fanatical precedence in a relationship, and these relationships continue to deteriorate as couples “grow apart” by the time these children leave home and couples cannot connect. Just keep in mind that each parent’s connection with the kids is linear (one on one and different with each parent) and not circular (inclusive and similar between all involved).

And how about church? For those of us feel who feel compelled to attend to the needs of our beloved pastor and first lady as priority over our own home. There are those of us who spend more quality time rocking with the choir than rocking our partner’s world. Don’t get me wrong, attending to your soul and salvation is important, and what I am encouraging is for balance that brings harmony.

Other threesomes may be time spent with your boys or your girls, and whatever other support systems or vices you may have. Just remember, you cannot MANAGE what you cannot CONTROL So take a minute and assess what threesomes you may be harboring, and the effect it may be having on your love life. What fantasies are literally grinding at to make a reality? Is it encroaching on your relationship like an outsider? Be sure not to bring it home if you cannot truly control it.

Here’s to life and lasting love!

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