Dec 20

Part 3 – true loves: the spiciness of different love archetypes

So – why does it seem like we tend to fall in love with that person who is 80% perfect, and who might be so off tract at times that the “missing” 20% drives us nuts? Well, the old adage says opposites attract, and who wants to date their prototype anyway? See what spicy masala happens when different archetypes come together.

Innocent Lover & Steadfast Lover:

Although in most respects they are opposites, they tend to complete and complement each other. The Innocent Lover’s desire to be loved and cherished fits comfortably with the Steadfast Lover’s desire for the constancy of staying in love. The partners are typically comfortable, cooperative, caring, and secure. Others may believe there is a “power” difference; instead there is a good deal of warmth, respect, and mutual caring.

Mercurial Lover & Romantic Lover:

These soul images are opposites in most respects. Rather than completing each other, Mercurial and Romantic Lovers temper each other’s opposite qualities. Mercurial Lovers can appear to be negative, fault finding, focused on problems, and therefore pessimistic. On the other hand, Romantic Lovers are likely to be called optimistic. This creates challenges to this couple, and they are often judged as unstable, stifled, detached and insensitive. More than in any other love relationship, this couple easily and inadvertently hurt each other’s feelings.

Mercurial Lover & Innocent Love

The Mercurial Lover views time as a flowing river while the Innocent Lover regards time as calm and placid. Both value change, but with very different meanings. Common interests and values provide this couple with a strong sense of cohesiveness, especially in the beginning of their relationship. However, over time each may sense that the other has become different. From the point of view of the Mercurial Lover, too much togetherness is restrictive and puts limits on transformative potential of change.

Innocent Lover & Romantic Lover

A sense of self for both Innocent Lover and Romantic Lover comes from their relationships. As a result, they place great emphasis on intimacy as the source and vehicle of their satisfaction and well-being. Both partners desire togetherness, but with different notions of how and when such togetherness should occur. There are also marked differences in communication. The Innocent Lover wants to discuss problems and reach a collaborative solution. The Romantic Lover does not want to talk about it.

Mercurial Lover & Steadfast Lover

The distinctive character of the Mercurial Lover and the Steadfast Lover relationship is due to the opposite complexes of change vs. stability. To the Mercurial Lover, goals and purposes are relatively unimportant, while Steadfast Lovers believe that change should be planned, gradual, and in accord with one’s values. In contrast, Mercurial Lovers find abrupt and radical change acceptable and is often preferred.

Romantic Lover & Steadfast Lover

A distinctive aspect of a Romantic Lover and Steadfast Lover relationship is how it begins. The relationship typically begins with fondness that gradually develops into a romantic love affair. First there are reciprocal warm feelings, a growing comfort and openness, then a yearning, and finally the passionate consummation of their love. The Steadfast Lover’s proclivity for responsibility and efficiency and the Romantic Lover’s fondness for romantic enchantment can complement each other very well.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

So, have you been able to identify your love archetype and what the love archetype of your lover is? I hope so. We all desire enduring love, and by understanding each other, we are much better able to exercise acceptance and compatibility; and recognize our similarities and differences as a fertile ground for a satisfying relationship.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Read more in the book True Loves (Discover your perfect match for lasting love!) by Alex T & Naomi L. Quenk

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • I am 90% Mercurial, and 10% Steadfast, people like to use the term “emotionally unavailable” but the majority of the time it’s “tremendously misunderstood” which applies to me. This is a pretty cool write-up for couples to compare.

  • Hi Greg Dragon,
    I was surprised at my mercurial/steadfast mix as well, and I reviewed it several times, as I could not believe it! What i have discovered is, through divorce and several relationships, my experiences have had a great impact on my outlook to love and relationship today.

    I have learned to put myself first and be a creator of my own happiness. I have learned the importance of taking time out to make myself whole. My dreams, my aspirations, my life goals are mine and my responsibility. I have also learned to be much less judgmental, and to be more accepting. This way I am not inclined to try to change anyone to meet my standards.

    Life is so much more stress-free. Rather than emotional unavailable, I see it as being empowering emotional control and responsible. Continued success in life and love.