Jan 17

Long distance relationships are tricky and take quite a bit of navigating as you work your way through knowing a person and building a memory bank. For those of us who have our lover just around the corner who we see practically every day, knows the challenges we face and will agree that long distance relationships are not for the feint of heart and the insecure.

When you are in a long distance relationship, you tend to depend on different means of contact as a measure of the health of your relationship. When you don’t hear from your sweetie, you might resort to second-guessing yourself by asking, “Is he thinking about me?” “Is someone else siphoning her affection?”

Many times these shadowy bits of our imagination are dispelled by the next call or visit, and in some cases may open up a keg of insecurity like a leaking ulcer demonstrated by questions and accusations of suspicions and the need for assurances.

Here’s a case in point. Lois and Deidre are both in long distance relationships. Lois boyfriend works in an office and they talk to each other at least two to three times per day. Although he lives two states away, he visits practically every weekend. Occasionally he might miss a night’s call because he overslept (as he explains), and Lois will read him the riot act.

Deidre believes Lois has it made and does not even know it. She cannot help but reflect on her own situation and think about how “lucky” Lois is. Her guy travels quite a bit for his job, and Deidre often has no clue where he might be and for how long (the nature of the job more so than his neglect). They may see each other for 2 to 7 days about 4 to 6 times per year. Phone calls occur on average once per week, with texting 3 to 5 days on a good week.

As is bound to happen, Deidre cannot help but compare, and wonder if it should mean something the fact that she does not hear from her guy more often. It’s a reality she has come to accept, making the best of every opportunity of contact with pleasantries and genuine interest in what her boo is doing. When the calls occur they are long and sweet, and she left glowing after talking about a myriad of topics. Her guy is very assuring and understanding of the challenges of their situation.

Should she be requiring more? To me it’s hard to say. Much could be said about using the time apart to be about the business of self -development, as absence makes the heart grow fonder. Everybody’s needs are different and if it works – don’t try to fix what’s not broken.

What do you think?

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