Nov 15

he is grossWe have all been in that relationship that lasts long enough to create a comfortable situation in which the real you emerges.  You know, the kind where you are not afraid to burp, pass gas, be seen taking the Fabreeze with you to the bathroom, etc. As a young woman I took to heart the dating 101 rule of never eat spaghetti with a man who is not an official boyfriend, as slurping the noodles and slinging sauce across the table on his shirt is not a good look.  Now that I’m grown, I realize life is life and everybody goes through it.  No need to hide the real you, however, there is a line that must be drawn between what the real you is and what is just downright not cool.  The following are things a man should never do no matter how long you’ve been with a woman.

1.    Do not pass gas while in the shower with her. Women find showering with the man very erotic, regardless of the length of time taken to wash. The stench of rotten dinner mixed with steam will turn her off faster than anything you can imagine. It will also gross her out to the point that anytime she shares a shower with you in the future, she will no longer feel sexy in fear of you ruining the moment again. Just don’t do it. If you happen to be gassy that day, tell her you need to shower alone this time. She’s human and will appreciate your warning.

2.   Do not make unnecessary noise when finishing up a game of sex. If you need to, master the art of orgasming with minimal noise on your own time. I have seen a shaking man squeal dolphin like sounds and it scared the crap out of me.  AND I told all my friends about him.  I’m not saying keep quiet, but just take it like a man.  If it’s good, it’s good, but I have yet to meet a woman who enjoys competing for airtime with her mate.

3.   Do not blow snot rockets in her presence. As women, we were taught that snot is nasty. Unless you are 14 month old baby, we don’t want to see it or hear it.

4.   Do not  assume your back hair is sexy. No woman likes it, they just deal with it. If you are an extremely hairy person by genetics, save up and invest in laser treatment. Chest hair is optional. Back hair – get rid of it.

5.    Do not lie when asked if she looks fat. If the chick is fat, the chick is fat, Most women care what their man thinks of them, so the faster you tell her, the faster she will be motivated to fix it. Wouldn’t you want a woman who can take your honesty anyway?

6.    Last but not least, do not take her for granted. A lot of times men find a good woman and because she loves him he feels that she will always be there regardless of how he acts. Women thrive on attention so if you get so comfortable that it stops, her undying love for you will cease to exist as well. Appreciate her and she will love you forever.

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