Jul 26

The other day I was reading a blog by one of these so-called “relationship experts” and a man wrote in to her asking how he could master the art of talking to women. Her advice to him was not to get better at talking to women but instead find one that he likes, befriend her and get with her that way. I thought it was some of the worst advice given to a man because many women have told me how they hate when a man comes at them from the friendship angle. I can understand this as it is not a genuine relationship and pretty much a bait and switch for her.

I always tell men that they need to get their rejection bumps in so that the jitters and unpleasant feelings from a woman saying “NO!” is no longer in the equation when approaching.

The advice she gave to this guy gets a lot of men in the friend zone where they will never get anywhere with her outside of being her “BFF” while the sexual tension eats them alive.

Stop Looking For A How-To Manual

Men, you should really not be looking to blogs for relationship advice if you are all about approaching. Talk to a seasoned veteran or a guy that is really good at talking to women and learn from them what makes it easy to follow-through. A guy doesn’t even have to have stripes to give advice. I have friends who are irresistible to women not because of their looks but because of their charisma.

You get a woman in their face and she will be giggling and having a good time before long, then when they leave she’ll be asking about them like crazy. These guys have mastered the game and they aren’t your stereotypical serial daters, wolves or douchebags.

They aren’t running through chicks left and right; they are just nice guys that have a personality. Above all else, they aren’t afraid of women and they can tell you what works for them. See it’s up to you to try and better yourself in their skills. Going to relationship blogs (mine included) and listening to people who have no clue as to what theories they write about will only end up with you being frustrated annoyed and lonely.

Tap your friend who’s knocking these girls out left and right and get advice from him. One thing I can tell you which is a mistake that a lot of wannabe players make is that most players aren’t as discriminatory about a woman’s looks as you would think. Most of the guys I know of that are constantly in something will take any woman from a 4 to a 10. The only difference is that you will hear about the 8s the 9s ad the 10s, but he will not tell you about the lower numbers that he has stored in his cell phone.

There’s all sorts of things to this and my main point is that approaching like a friend is definitely not the way to go in bettering yourself at getting with women.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • Neil


    Approaching her as a friend (as an angle) RARELY ends in that person’s favor; only in the movies. I would know, I once tried this…unfortunately, women have done it too, when they REALLY want MORE than the friendship. I say this all the time……..some men and women have totally jacked up the dating experience, 4 REAL! Because of that, there are folk out here who are terrified of dating. Great Post, G. Keep doin’ your thang, my dude!


    • Thank you Neil, with as much as we think the cards are in there favor it’s true about women playing friend when they like you. Maybe I can get one of my lovely female co-writers to tackle that one. I have had it happen to me before and that’s why I know the “I don’t want to hurt our friendship” line is a cop-out to spare her feelings… I have used it myself. People do better to be upfront or if afraid slip him/her a text, email or SOMETHING! Don’t just play the shadows hoping that we can read body language. It’s all a big lead-up to disappointment.

      I saw a chick flick about this very thing starring Jennifer Anniston, it was called The Switch. The guy in that movie was playing the friend zone for years but of course it got the standard rom-com bullsh-t Hollywood ending. Life isn’t a movie fellas, spit game or gtfo!

  • Joy Guyton

    Women are not numbers. What do you mean 4’s, 5’s, or 10’s. You see, that’s the problem with the way men label women. Like we are credit scores 🙁
    What is a “3” to you can be a “9” to another Guy. You men and your numbers. Women don’t do you guys like that. FLAG ON THE PLAY. lol smh

    • Mallory

      Perhaps you don’t and that’s great but don’t speak for all women in such a hoity toity way because the reality is people are fickle; male and female. But the truth of this article Is that he’s simply putting things In layman’s terms, no need to get riled up. A 4 is a not so attractive woman and an 8 would be a woman that by almost everyone’s standard is attractive. Ignoring this reality only keeps you in a fantasy world.

      • Scarlett o hara

        TY Mallory 🙂
        I couldn’t agree with you more.
        Most men consider me an “eight without makeup” and I conversely DO have MANY physical preferences regarding
        the guys that “I” date and have sex with.
        We as human beings ALL have a looks scoreboard so I am not offended to be rated because I also constantly grade and rate people hourly and daily.
        Tbh, I don’t consider any personal preferences shallow at all….male or female.They are just a very interesting and intriguing reality that make for great insightful conversations.

  • Mallory


    A little late here discovering your articles but boy can I say I’ve been on a marathon session of your writing. You have a real keen sense on what’s really going on and I appreciate that. Your revelation about the friendship angle is a good one and one is wish more men understood. I have had guys come at me with this angle far too many times than I care to admit and it’s frustrating. It is a totally bait like move and it’s a disingenuous one at that. For me, when I realize a man has only made me his friend as as a disguise for his lustful desires, it nullifies that part of our relationship. We were never truthfully friends, where I thought I could trust you and appreciated our friendship, I now see you only saw as a ploy to getting what you really want.

    Being friends with your bf/gf first is great and is really probably probably the best foundation you can give any relationship but it has to start from from a mutual and genuine place. If one person uses it as an angle, the entire relationship becomes becomes a farce. Rather than me looking at our relationship having this thong Foundation, I’m forced to look at it as you only wanting wanting to be my friend for sex.

    Furthermore, men want women to view and respect them as men yet they take on these cowardly tactics. If being a man is innately to provide and protect, how am I as a woman suppose to see you as that provider and protector when you are too cowardly to share your true intent and emotions with me?

    That doesn’t make me feel safe nor feel like I can count on you.

    • Thank you Mallory! It’s funny that with all the changes in modern dating (text over calls, hanging out over dates, etc.) many of these same sad tactics are still going on. Part of the problem is that many men have chosen the route of becoming upset with women for not recognizing them as the ideal mate–playing the part of friend–instead of foregoing the facade to just ask her out. I always wondered what a person feared to lose with a woman he has no history with, but rejection is a monster that makes us do the silliest things.