May 27

If there’s anything a man shouldn’t be – it’s desperate. Yet 90% of the single guys I know–are. What you get are 3 categories of men: The super desperate one (let’s get married in a week!), the “lets play it cool” one (doesn’t call you for 2 weeks even after he took your number!) and lastly the rare dude that has struck the balance of the push and pull theory.

Let me explain as to why being desperate (aka clingy and needy) is SO detrimental for a man. Ages and centuries have passed and MEN were once the gender that went out, fought and brought home food (and a lot of glory). To see a guy become desperate over a woman is truly a sad situation. Chill out with the marriage jokes guys, Jesus – the popular belief is that men run away from commitment, but the truth is they don’t. It’s the IDEA of commitment that they find scary. Think of it like a tub of hot water, if you plunge in, you’re going to scream but committing to someone at the right time is like lowering one limb after the other into it and making yourself comfortable.

Women want men of strength and independence

Strength does NOT mean that men cannot cry, they will and they must because before being man, they are human. And it is vital that someone listens to how THEY feel as well, men are more fragile than women. Men,  If a woman is interested in you, you will know,  believe me you will. If she isn’t however, please STOP hounding her! It creeps the average woman out and you’re completely screwed if it’s a strong woman that you’re dealing with.

Average women (who particularly won’t know why) will say “Eww… he keeps bothering me all the time!” The strong, articulate woman will just know up-front that it’s the eww-factor because if there’s ONE thing a woman relies on a man for – itis for strength (be it physical or mental).  What’s the point of being with some needy guy who won’t let you out of his sight for 10 minutes and blows up your phone with messages of “Where are you? And why don’t you answer the phone”. Guys, if you do this – BE PREPARED for the girl to just to tell you to go to hell. Some will be polite about it; others like me will not be concerned at all about how we come across. It’s NAUSEATING when a creepy guy won’t leave you alone and wants to make you “His World”.

It’s lovely to be the center of a man’s attention but not when it turns to obsession.

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  • Musiclova

    This is a good article. I’ve dealt with men like this. One guy would call me a few hours after we’d hung out. Once he even called me while he was at a bar and should have been having fun with his friends. Clingy desperate men gross me out!!

    • Arf Arf

      You don’t deserve somebody who cares. People should take advantage of you more often.

      *AMAZING* how people can do nothing cruel/ harmful yet be seen as the ‘problem’ in the relationship.

      • Gisselle Acosta

        You obviously have relationship issues theres a HUGE difference between a nice guy and man who is clearly desperate,you probably are one and someone ditch u thats why you are so defensive,but let me give you some advice when you meet someone you really like give that person some space txt her one or twice when shes is available if she doesnt reply she is not into you !! Simple as that dont go all psycho after a girl this is not attractive i have a lot of respect for all men in general but if a guy doesnt understand i have priorities and things to do and he wants to text me and call me all day ill will think that he had nothing else to do and he dont value himself as a person , before you love someone you must love yourself first.

      • Nancy Rappa

        Absolutely and many times if they have the time to text you all day it’s because they don’t have a JOB.

  • taylor

    I have a question about needy men. I dated one for 7 months, and fell in love with him. But the things I thought with him that were really sweet, got out of hand. He was too needy. We broke up on bad terms, claimed I hurt him when he really broke our relationship cuz of his neediness. im 39 and he’s 49. I wanted to take things slow, he wanted to rush, he jumped to conclusions all the time, everything I did for him was not good enough. He broke up with me claiming I hurt him and we had a lot if communication issues and would never listen to me about my feelings, it was always about him. Towards the end he just played mind games and I couldn’t take it. I had to block him and tell him to stat away from me. As much as it hurt me to do. I found out he started seeing someone else 2 weeks later and it devastated me! I truly did love him and I tried so hard to please him. My question is, was he really in love with me, he convinced me so much that he was or did he fake it cuz of his neediness and desperation?

    • Jabez Tomer

      he was not in love with you obviously. He just needed someone to fill that void. No one who is in love will be able to start dating someone only after 2 weeks. you did yourself a favor letting this guy go. Don’t regret that. To him you were just a tool to fulfill his ego and his needs. I feel sorry for the next person. If a guy by the age 49 has not figured out how relationships work, he is never going to learn either, and he is definitely not good enough. Again you did your future self a HUGE favor by letting go of this man. don’t regret it.

    • Luc

      Jabez is right if you were still wondering. But I’d like to add that in my knowledge and experience these type of situations are coming from two directions. I’ll be glad to explain. When you allowed someone like him into your life, you did because you felt he deserved you and you might have done this too soon without properly knowing him. I hope that this experience will allow you to remember not to overlook this aspect.
      Solution 1: You need to test men. Not by being mean or weird as some women tend to do, but by creating all kinds of situations and by looking how he reacts on these. A confident man shall always tell you honestly when he feels that something goes too far for him or if something is too uncomfortable so don’t be afraid to try things out. A confident, communicative man won’t ever judge you, but will draw his line and not yours. A man that loves you will express this in words from time to time but often in actions. The little things matter. He comes on time, brings a flower or chocolates. He noticed something about you and anticipated on that. The latter one is very important and a clear sign of big interest in your person. Etc.
      Solution 2: Work on yourself, on your character, intelligence mostly and your body. If you can admire yourself more, someone else shall too. If you believe you deserve more, someone else shall too. A whole new world of interesting, handsome men will open if you work on yourself. Admiration should in the first place be towards your character. REMEMBER: YOU’LL GET WHAT YOU THINK YOU DESERVE! GOOD LUCK!

      From a man who actively created love between himself and the woman of his dreams and will continue doing so.

    • annonyomis

      no one can answer that question ! some relationships don’t work, this one didn’t, I don’t think its anything to do with anything. Testing men is a terrible idea women test men, the honest good ones fail those tests, the alpha males who are good with women pass them because they realize they are tests and are good with women so know the answers, always maes me laugh when women test a man by say being nasty, what happens is someone nice will think you don’t want them and go, someone who say has been inn the PUA community knows the answers the result, good guy goes because he thinks you don’t like him, guy who knows the answers passes the test and your with a PUA who has trained this technique and the point of the test is ruined !!

    • demi

      We will never know. He may have loved you, but being so lonely, needed something to fill the void, and so started searching again soon afterwards. If he feels anything like me, then being alone feels like there is a vice squeezing his heart all the time. It took me almost a decade to get over my last girlfriend, and I no longer care if it is a dick move, but I wouldn’t have waited those 2 weeks even if I were the one that loved you. Guys like me, and possibly him, understand that loneliness can be more crushingly painful than having someone you love leave you in a cruel way.

    • Titania

      Listen I just posted something on that same line! Don’t worry you can’t have someone dependent on you sane goes for us women! It turns a relationship into a nightmare instead of partnership

  • Alex Wong

    MGTOW will save you all the drama

  • Eric Gaede

    forget these bitches and go your own way, men. Don’t let women ruin your precious life

  • annonyomis

    you wouldn’t mind being rude to someone who your not attracted to ? well then you will not mind me being rude to you by saying you saound like a terrible catch. It always amazes me how much women HATE HATE HATE beta men, it is amazing, I was always told be nice respect a woman be yourself, don’t try to be anything special, give a girl lots of attention, but it was terrible advice, that’s like the advice youd give to someone who you wanted to die alone in unbearable pain from being loanly forever ! literally the worse advice, women prefer child killers to unerconident nice people, its amazing it really is ! there are mass murderes out there who get women, yet someone nice doesn’t , wow what a world ! I wish someone would have told me this, but then I guess society needs nice people to do all the stuf the alphas wownt do !

    • @YourTrueTreasure

      I love a good beta man. That is my preference. But! He has to be secure in his beta position and accepting of my alpha position. This also means being honest and upfront about what he wants, etc. From the beginning and all the way through. Not into beta men that wish to be alpha. Those guys cause the most problems and there are so many of them!

    • Titania

      Man I can tell you this! I recently met this guy online after a while I decided to give him a chance! By the way before I continue what it attracts me to a man is his masculinity and that he can hold his own!
      Anyways I wanted to see how things would turn out and we agreed to go in a date! It went well! He was polite and a perfect gentleman! By the way we only have been in two dates so far and he already is blowing up my phone with text messages from 8:00am in the morning followed by a phone call that I accept and we talk but then I go to work. Man this guy won’t stop I tell him I am working can’t answer and he keeps blowing my phone man is getting ridiculous anoying! So the last time he wanted a pic I said no! Now we are arguing! Seriously we are not in a relationship yet!
      That is not masculine at all actually all that has done is literally made me loose interest! If he is like that now can you imagine in a relationship? Really don’t you have your own life? You suppose to complement mine not to depend on me all the time! Is not that I go for assholes is just that you need to be independent from one another and compliment your life as you grow closer! Sight

      • Arf Arf

        Fuck you. What has he done wrong? He showing care and affection which you CLEARLY don’t deserve. You think it’s easy putting somebody else before you? Then again, you wouldn’t know, selfish kid.

      • Nancy Rappa

        Exactly. I just met someone similar who was clinging for dear life and it was awful. Plus there were obvious problems, things I found out on the internet, and I was just suffocated. Imagine what would happen later is right. It was like he was looking for someone to fix his life. We only met once. I’m an independent woman who has my own affairs to deal with and this was becoming a burden right off the bat. I won’t go on about the rest of his turnoffs but I hope I have closure and he’s gotten the message. FREEDOM!

    • Jillian

      Anonymous, please don’t be discouraged. It is unfortunate that some of the most undeserving people seem to get the best out of this world and it is a lonely place for the “nice guys” but karma is a very real thing. Keep on being true to yourself. Don’t change who you are and play the philistine’s game. They do not deserve nor can they truly understand that kind of power. You are really holding all the cards you see? Your victory will be authentic and well-deserved.

  • Cool Hand Luke

    This is bullshit. Just because a guy comes off as desperate doesn’t mean that he will be a terrible boyfriend . I get it, being desperate is a huge turn off for a lot of women and believe it or not it is for a lot of guys too. But there is probably a huge reason why he is desperate and clingy. Maybe he is mildly autistic like I am (Aspergers) and just doesn’t know how to form a relationship . Maybe he just doesn’t have the equipped social skills to talk to women and has social anxiety that makes his self confidence very low. He could just be very lonely and really wants a girlfriend . Wanna know how to help them fix that ? Instead of telling them to fuck off maybe you should empathize with them. Help them gain confidence in themselves and teach them to take these things one step at a time . Because these type of guys can really end up being great boyfriends and wonderful husbands .

    • Nancy Rappa

      Oh so you mean like be his mommy?

    • Jillian

      I agree with you Luke. Keep in mind, some people are just plain mean and shallow. It makes them feel powerful to run roughshod over others who may not have the best self-esteem. Guys and gals who are sensitive or anxious do tend to draw aggressive and narcissistic types though. it doesn’t mean that they are bad or defective people. it just means that they need to be a little more careful when it comes to selecting a mate. And also not to be drawn in by a self-centered piece of garbage in a pretty wrapper.