There is a social dilemma in the black community, brought to light by blogs, news stories and opportunistic authors looking for sales. The dilemma is an ongoing meme that there are no black men for black women and that the women themselves are practically unlovable with the bad attitudes and high expectations of the professional thug/ ball player who stands over 6ft tall and can blow her back out with his super penis while keeping her draped in diamonds with his super bank account. This stereotype is there for a reason (bare with me), it is constructed from many experiences with the wrong kind of black woman and has made itself the avatar of what a black woman in the dating world is.
Who are these women, and why are they so bad?
Most of us men go for ass over class, looks over books and sex over common sense. Coming up as a common English speaking, middle class, go-getter I was schooled with the offspring of black people who hate being black. These people taught their kids the poison of light is right, good hair versus bad hair and you ain’t shit and you will never be shit. The parents didn’t realize that they preached this doctrine since they lived it daily and were a product of their parent’s programming much the same way.
These inner-city schools had more of that product than mine, coming from a home which taught me to love my skin, strive to excel and work harder than everyone else. Having been popped enough times and corrected to speak properly, I sounded nothing like them and I looked for other things than them. So being apart from the crowd I was very much singled out for ridicule and this extended even unto the girls I tried to go out with – yes I am still talking about black girls.
When I read the message boards, the blogs and see the pain of the now successful men of my age who unapologetically state that they don’t mess with black women, I know where it comes from. See for you good women who are reading this, the reason stems from those children that I described above growing up, dating us, and scarring us into the thought process that it’s a black thing. Ask any “good guy” who doesn’t mess with black women and he will recant a tale of belittling, usage, entitlement and horrible interpersonal skills. These men dated the trash (just like I have) but cannot see the difference between she and you because you both: dress, act and perform alike in the early stages of a relationship.
The Things These Women Say (the bad ones)
Many black men are held to a standard by which few of us can maintain. Women with soap boxes break out the accursed list of he must be tall 6’+, he must be hood (something she mistakes for strength and bravado), he must make more than she does, etc. etc. Long story short, outside of the dick thing (which I won’t get into), most of these women are looking for Kobe Bryant or Lebron James with a hood mentality. It’s a pretty childish thing to look for but they don’t realize this and push it on the average, hard-working Joe as rejection.
My top-earning, physically capable, power bachelor, balling friends have told me about women who brazenly told them they didn’t make the cut for being: Too short, too proper, too boring, too regular or too cheap. When you hear this from 2-3 women, you begin to develop a generalization if they are women of similar races or construct. Get that rejected guy (who has everything most other women want) together with a couple other rejected guys to swap stories and you have reinforcement to that notion. Now 2-3 women stories make your mind go to 6-9, that is a heavy number to swallow for bullshit. These boys leave that meeting asking themselves “why even bother?”, they think of that bitch outside their SUV complaining that “I thought you were taller from your picture”, they recall the school yard when those same bitches as little bitches were teasing them for the way they talked and it becomes extremely easy to write off the entire race.
How do Good Black Women reclaim the Jilted Black Men
You can’t, I am sorry, most guys I know who have given up are done 150% over. You may as well move on and find someone (like myself) that still fux-wit-yall. As a community it will take a separation of the good from the bad and a really bright light to show my fellows that they are guilty of hollering at the wrong type of black woman. Not easy either because many of you women think that you’re good, but in reality you are as poisonous as the blatantly ignorant ones. It takes more than bussing a good gig and being emotionally available to be considered a good girl. A good girl does not throw a man’s name out in the streets when he is down and out. A good girl does not emasculate. That last point is the most important of the lot. Stop breaking our fucking balls.
For my guys out there who are still attracted to black women physically but done with them due to whatever. Consider looking for girls who are not of the norm, kinda the same way you are. You don’t want Yvette the lawyer who used to chase the light-skinned pretty boys in High School, you want Lauren the accountant who had a past of the other girls calling her strange and the boys picking on her for wearing her hair natural. The same Lauren who dates other dudes outside of black males so her view isn’t skewed negatively towards you. The Lauren who “talks white” and has “bad hair” that has grown into an attractive, eccentric knockout, doing her thing professionally and looking for love emotionally.
Don’t act innocent guys – you skip over the Laurens in lieu of the Yvettes that will shit on your manhood, tell you that you’re too short and complain to her friends if you don’t blow her back out in bed. We are our own enemy when it comes to our choices in females. Tell the poisonous harpies to fly off to hell, I don’t care if they look like Meagan Good, and shoot for the good ones. There is an indy movie called I’m Through With White Girls that illustrates my point a bit. Although it isn’t about a corporate monster finally finding love within his race, it does show that the best girls are normally the geeky, artsy ones we pass over.
Stop the hate, and stop spreading generalizations born of poor choices when you chose your date with your dick. All black women aren’t bad, just a certain kind are, trust me on this one. I have been very successful with my dating pool and it is due to these women being cut from a different cloth than Yvette. You can too fellows, and you women with the lists, I’m sorry but its hopeless, more men are getting hip to the list and refusing to play ball with you. Get right, or look elsewhere, you cannot have your thug cake and good guy eat it too.See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.