Jun 08

There is a social dilemma in the black community, brought to light by blogs, news stories and opportunistic authors looking for sales. The dilemma is an ongoing meme that there are no black men for black women and that the women themselves are practically unlovable with the bad attitudes and high expectations of the professional thug/ ball player who stands over 6ft tall and can blow her back out with his super penis while keeping her draped in diamonds with his super bank account. This stereotype is there for a reason (bare with me), it is constructed from many experiences with the wrong kind of black woman and has made itself the avatar of what a black woman in the dating world is.

Who are these women, and why are they so bad?

Most of us men go for ass over class, looks over books and sex over common sense. Coming up as a common English speaking, middle class, go-getter I was schooled with the offspring of black people who hate being black. These people taught their kids the poison of light is right, good hair versus bad hair and you ain’t shit and you will never be shit. The parents didn’t realize that they preached this doctrine since they lived it daily and were a product of their parent’s programming much the same way.

These inner-city schools had more of that product than mine, coming from a home which taught me to love my skin, strive to excel and work harder than everyone else. Having been popped enough times and corrected to speak properly, I sounded nothing like them and I looked for other things than them. So being apart from the crowd I was very much singled out for ridicule and this extended even unto the girls I tried to go out with – yes I am still talking about black girls.

When I read the message boards, the blogs and see the pain of the now successful men of my age who unapologetically state that they don’t mess with black women, I know where it comes from. See for you good women who are reading this, the reason stems from those children that I described above growing up, dating us, and scarring us into the thought process that it’s  a black thing. Ask any “good guy” who doesn’t mess with black women and he will recant a tale of belittling, usage, entitlement and horrible interpersonal skills. These men dated the trash (just like I have) but cannot see the difference between she and you because you both: dress, act and perform alike in the early stages of a relationship.

The Things These Women Say (the bad ones)

Many black men are held to a standard by which few of us can maintain. Women with soap boxes break out the accursed list of he must be tall 6’+, he must be hood (something she mistakes for strength and bravado), he must make more than she does, etc. etc. Long story short, outside of the dick thing (which I won’t get into), most of these women are looking for Kobe Bryant or Lebron James with a hood mentality. It’s a pretty childish thing to look for but they don’t realize this and push it on the average, hard-working Joe as rejection.

My top-earning, physically capable, power bachelor, balling friends have told me about women who brazenly told them they didn’t make the cut for being: Too short, too proper, too boring, too regular or too cheap. When you hear this from 2-3 women, you begin to develop a generalization if they are women of similar races or construct. Get that rejected guy (who has everything most other women want) together with a couple other rejected guys to swap stories and you have reinforcement to that notion. Now 2-3 women stories make your mind go to 6-9, that is a heavy number to swallow for bullshit. These boys leave that meeting asking themselves “why even bother?”, they think of that bitch outside their SUV complaining that “I thought you were taller from your picture”, they recall the school yard when those same bitches as little bitches were teasing them for the way they talked and it becomes extremely easy to write off the entire race.

How do Good Black Women reclaim the Jilted Black Men

You can’t, I am sorry, most guys I know who have given up are done 150% over. You may as well move on and find someone (like myself) that still fux-wit-yall. As a community it will take a separation of the good from the bad and a really bright light to show my fellows that they are guilty of hollering at the wrong type of black woman. Not easy either because many of you women think that you’re good, but in reality you are as poisonous as the blatantly ignorant ones. It takes more than bussing a good gig and being emotionally available to be considered a good girl. A good girl does not throw a man’s name out in the streets when he is down and out. A good girl does not emasculate. That last point is the most important of the lot. Stop breaking our fucking balls.

For my guys out there who are still attracted to black women physically but done with them due to whatever. Consider looking for girls who are not of the norm, kinda the same way you are. You don’t want Yvette the lawyer who used to chase the light-skinned pretty boys in High School, you want Lauren the accountant who had a past of the other girls calling her strange and the boys picking on her for wearing her hair natural. The same Lauren who dates other dudes outside of black males so her view isn’t skewed negatively towards you. The Lauren who “talks white” and has “bad hair” that has grown into an attractive, eccentric knockout, doing her thing professionally and looking for love emotionally.

Don’t act innocent guys – you skip over the Laurens in lieu of the Yvettes that will shit on your manhood, tell you that you’re too short and complain to her friends if you don’t blow her back out in bed. We are our own enemy when it comes to our choices in females. Tell the poisonous harpies to fly off to hell, I don’t care if they look like Meagan Good, and shoot for the good ones. There is an indy movie called I’m Through With White Girls that illustrates my point a bit. Although it isn’t about a corporate monster finally finding love within his race, it does show that the best girls are normally the geeky, artsy ones we pass over.

Conclusion

Stop the hate, and stop spreading generalizations born of poor choices when you chose your date with your dick. All black women aren’t bad, just a certain kind are, trust me on this one. I have been very successful with my dating pool and it is due to these women being cut from a different cloth than Yvette. You can too fellows, and you women with the lists, I’m sorry but its hopeless, more men are getting hip to the list and refusing to play ball with you. Get right, or look elsewhere, you cannot have your thug cake and good guy eat it too.

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • Black women do not respect black men. They do put ridiculous expectations on black men. For example if I am driving a 5 year old luxury car in mint condition, all the black woman sees is that it is not new. She will say well her guy friend has a new navigator and can take her out all the time. The black woman will never respect you for being good with your money and not being stupid trying to show off with things that are temporary and can not build wealth.

    • You know I read a lot of blogs daily and your sentiments are pretty correct when it comes to the College educated, soap box toting, bitter women of the internet (there are some pretty salty white ones out there too). I can cosign on the materialistic, hood-rich mentality chickens because I have been there done that on so many levels only to say I am 100% done. Black men should find love in other zones beyond the ones where THAT specific chick is looking to cop a “good man”. Hit up some art shows, ski-trips, video game conventions, basically random “other” spots that the standard black chick would not get 100 paces of. That’s if you’re exclusive to black, as always I say find “love” where love is open, get with someone sexy and positive (or 2) and enjoy your life color be damned. Chasing women who forcefully want you to chase them is worthless, life’s too short.

    • nia syrah

      greg b….u must have been through a slew of bad relationships with the wrong black women….such a blanket statement as “black women do not respect black men” seems a bit harsh….as a black woman who could give a damn what my man makes, could care less what year his car was made, and would 100% stand behind him if he lost it all and had to start from scratch, dare i say i’m a bit offended… what types of chicks are u dealing with that have left u so bitter about black women? i mean, if the “git money” chick who cares about labels and materials and whatnot is your steez then u get what u “pay” for…feel me? i can’t imagine any other type of black woman who would treat u in such a way that u feel that she wouldn’t respect u for being good with your money..like the dragon says, u need to get out there a little more and seek black women who do not fit your normal mold. broaden your horizons, i say! i promise u will eat those words…..

  • MAN

    Hello nia syrah, hope this finds you well.
    Your statment “….as a black woman who could give a damn what my man makes, could care less what year his car was made, and would 100% stand behind him if he lost it all and had to start from scratch, dare i say i’m a bit offended…” you obviously care about materials, otherwise you would not have mentioned it. And if you are willing to take any guy then you’re ugly, fat and old period.

    • nia syrah

      wow. hell yea i mentioned it, in response to the previous post insinuating that black women are materialistic in a sense that they don’t like him due to his car not being up to date..but since YOU mentioned it, let me clarify for u, guy….any good woman deserves a man that at least brings himself to the table already able to take care of his own business…and vice versa..a woman should not go into a relationship wanting to be taken care of… it’s a collaboration effort. so if his idea of being good with money is done by say, keeping himself car payment free because the 2004 model he’s driving is still running great…nope, can’t say that i care. u assumed wrong, my friend….go read any of the articles posted by me here on the Hall.. u will find me quite the contrary (and u might learn a thing or two about women as well).

  • I have a 16 yr old daughter I am raising alone in a suburb north of Dallas. There are not enough smart, intelligent, black boys in her school to make an impression on her. I’m having a hard time convincing her that black is beautiful. The school district is very diverse, it’s just that.. the zone we live in… is where plenty of elite live. We’re not elite.. we’re just fortunate.

    It hurts my feelings that she simply isn’t interested in black boys, and she says black men because of what she’s personally been exposed to in her lil’ 16 yrs on this planet. I tell her to wait and see before she makes up her mind. She thinks she knows better.. I say.. Good luck with that! And I keep telling her… Those lil’ boys in your school.. they don’t know any better. Don’t judge all black boys and men by those few walking around acting like fools.

    As for me.. I don’t want a brother who can’t read anyway! Who thinks pussy is just for eating. And face is for sitting on. And who only wants it white. And will only call in the middle of the night! ‘Cause it’s passive? Not aggressive? Submissive? Pink? Straight? And I’m not interested in figuring out why. It doesn’t matter! I don’t want you either!!

    I know what it is. Ya’ll watch too much t.v… from early childhood.

    And I just have to add.. I became a mom by a black man who claims an Oxford PHD.. who resented women who gave a damn that his car was raggedy, and that he dressed like a nerd. The night we met.. I didn’t meet him sitting in his raggedy car and in his nerdy dockers and striped polo. When I saw him during the week… I sulked. But I looked past it. He still turned out to be a derelict dead beat.. who operates out of fear!

    I do care that a man chooses to dress with some semblance of style.. It’s icing on the cake if he has style. Most mothers teach that at home. The ones who ignore it just don’t give a damn. Smarts and looks alone don’t count for much men! Like as it doesn’t count for much with women! Right, class?

    I consider myself an attractive black woman… But I couldn’t stand in the middle of the street butt naked and attract what I call… a BMW. A Black Man With .. just as much sense and style as I have, and have nothing else about him matter. A man who would want me just because I’m beautiful on the outside without checking out what makes me tick.. is not a man I could want! What’s on the outside does matter. It just doesn’t have to matter the most.

    And I promise you… if he’s got it all together… in every regard…. and his fingernails are too long!! He has turned me off! Grooming matters to me just like it matters to him! We all have our pet peeves.. that can and will be deal breakers!

    AND FOR THE RECORD. Black men deserve BLACK WOMEN. Because: When it comes down to it.. we speak the same language. Soul language. And I’m not talking fried chicken and wine – soul! I’m talking to the core.. to the bone.. DNA.. soul. You can procreate with other women.. but the babies will not carry on the soul in the same manner.

    Stop being scared and quit playing with fate and time. Life is too short.

    And turn off the effing t.v!!!

  • S Anwar

    Black women don’t just do this to black men, even if your a shade of brown (asian) they reel you in as all Ms.Sweet then literally emasculate you. From manipulative, calculated mind games to ‘my ex f*ked someone up and went to prison’ to ‘love is for faggots’…, examples of this I’ve lost count of and that’s not a hyperbole statement

    It’s a mad world and I’ll never want a black women…., thought I’ll never say something as narrow minded, disgusting and racist like that, but I can take you through storyville and you’ll be pissed off / sick yourself things been done/said

    Truth is, more thug shit pumped out, more young minds corrupted, they go after the bullshit, eventually get treated like bullshit, push that bullshit on someone who actually gave a damn regardless of history (you heard right) who wanted to give a life only the queen can dream of (maybe not quite so, but god damn I would of got her there)

    If your good man with a good heart and know deep down what the word MAN defines, then black women? Don’t bother…..,

  • ARH

    I feel like the character Lauren. I am the black girl whose father made sure I spoke proper English and corrected us if we used slang…was not allowd to listen to rap music (I love my motown because of it) and my education was my focus. I have been introduced to these jaded black men for dates and have always been shut down just from a look. I also get shut down by black men that have not been jaded. Only to hear complaints about being too dark and not having an ass. To add to this, I have met plenty of nice black men that were respectful and treated me extremely well. There are all kinds of folks out there, you just have to give it time and weed out the junk.

    I have never been materialistic. I have always wanted someone responsible and hard working. I have made more than all the guys I have dated and did my best to take care of them. Even offered to be there for a man that could have potentially been laid off. So it sucks to here folks say that black women are materialistic and only out for what makes them happy…basically the conidtion of sin which is selfishness.

    To be honest race has nothing to do with this bad behavior nor does gender (I have had men act this way towards me also). Also, none of these people were even considered “hood” or “ghetto.” I have met really really good black men that loved black women and their women loved them back. So I do have lots of faith in our culture; however, the media will only pump the junk and that is all we will see as well as believe.

  • Push on

    Ever consider some black women date white men and could care less what you as a black male think about us? Nig, please push on…