Jun 21

sad black woman

I was talking to my best friend the other day, and we came upon the subject of love and whether or not true, all-consuming-can’t-live-without-each-other, love really exists. We unanimously decided that the answer is no.

As women, we are sold the fairy tale of a one true love. A man who will travel the world to get you back after he screws up. A man who will break up a wedding in order to have the woman he really truly can’t be without. He will profess his love for her to the public and make an ass of himself just to prove to her he’s willing to do anything to have her.

This fantasy of so-called “true” love is the death of happiness for women, as it is unreachable and does not exist. Real relationships are based on love (not being in love), trust, understanding and a special companionship shared between two people.

Lets face it, growing old with someone means that at some point you will no longer be attracted to them and what you will have left is just that – love, trust, understanding and a special companionship. Being in love with someone and staying in love with them is very rare. But loving someone can last forever.

I blame the movies

So many of these Romance Comedies are catered to women and they are all the same formula. Girl meets Guy; Girl falls for Guy; Guy does something really terrible to make Girl mad; Girl tries to date someone else who is perfect on paper but can’t stop thinking about Guy; Girl decides she should marry the someone else; Guy realizes he really does love Girl; Guy waits till the very last minute to tell Girl how he feels and she is forced to break the someone else’s heart because now she gets to have her true love. The one who ran full speed through traffic so he wouldn’t be too late to tell her to her face how much he can’t live without her. Blah Blah Blah..

black princessWomen are sold this fantasy since elementary school and we spend our adult lives wishing it would happen to us. When it doesn’t happen, we blame ourselves wondering what’s wrong with us and why we can’t have that type of love. Then we decide that the one man who has been there for us, will do anything for us, and who loves us, is not enough, because he doesn’t ditch his friends to spend more time. 

What women need to do is wake up. Realize that relationships are not all rainbows and unicorns.

Movies are written by someone, they are not real life. The fire doesn’t always burn as hot as it did during the first few months when your sex was still considered some “strange” to him.

True love is what you make of it

What women need to do is define their own brand of happy and stick with it, rather than letting some man with a laptop on his couch write their love standard for them. If you enjoy your time with your guy and your relationship makes you happy, keep him. If he loves you and you know it, keep him.

Let the natural growth of your relationship be your standard and you just might stay happy forever. 

See some words or phrases that you don't understand? Check out The Dragon's Lexicon.
  • Pingback: Is it Infatuation or Real Love? « From Ashy to Classy()

  • I think this applies to all aspects of life. People need to just to do them….. and stop trying to be a version of someone else. People still believe in the American dream with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence. How about while you are writing your rules to love you write you own rules to life as well!!!!

    Fairytales are just that….I think in relationships people fall in and out of love often. It is the love, respect, and understanding that keeps them together. Both people have their needs in the relationship and if the needs are not met, then that will cause issues. If people are honest with themselves and their partners about their needs then they can have or keep that “true love”.

  • Hi Nia,
    I have to respectfully disagree with you and your girlfriend. Fairy tales are foundational to children’s development, and as parent we would never tell them there is no such thing as a Santa Clause or tooth fairy, yet these children grow up to become rational adults, separating truth from fiction.

    I can understand yours and your friend’s point of view though, based on perspective being reality, knowing very well that our perspective is shaped by our life’s experiences. I too subscribe to the idea that there is no such thing as can’t live without you, but I know there is such a thing as the all consuming love. That is the essence and power of the emotion.

    If we would cut each other some slack, understanding that as humans, we are not always going to meet the other person’s expectation based on our individual values, thus eliminating this “perfect” facade of never screwing up, then we will embrace our erring partners when they recognize they have messed up and come back to you you to forgive and keep working at it – this is true love.

    I believe in the movies art tends to mimic life to a degree, and at times we can stand to buy into the fairy tail to stimulate our imagination to make our dreams and desires a reality. As we write our personal scripts of what love is, we better make sure the men in our lives contributes and subscribes to the sentiments embraced by us as women, or we will be living by these self-prescribed scripts – alone. So I encourage you and your girl – don’t give up on the fairytale….

  • Pingback: The Marcus Graham Chronicles: I Need to Like You More Than Love You « From Ashy to Classy()

2 pingbacks/trackbacks