Mar 07

concerned man

As men we have the unfortunate curse of having extremely fragile egos where women are concerned. We don’t want to hear that we were settled on, lucky to have her, or even worse the current member in a long list of clones that occupied your woman’s “type”. So to keep your sanity I warn you men reading to probe ever so lightly where an ex is concerned because you may not like what you will find out.

Is Stalking A Lover’s Ex A Manly Trait?

Lots of women do this thing where they go digging in your archives to look up women of the past with whom you were in love with at one point. The goal of this behavior starts out as mere curiosity but quickly descends into this obsession to find out who she was, why she was prettier, and how in love you were with her.

Women do the same thing with their own ex-boyfriends and get depressed when they figure out that he has happily moved on. Part of the legend that is the “psycho ex” is in her popping up out of the blue to provoke a fight with your current girlfriend. In the past it isn’t common to hear of men doing things like this but it isn’t to say that some don’t.

Cyber-stalking people has gotten beyond easy with portals such as Facebook and Google Plus providing names, past events and photographs of our everyday lives. So when you go down the rabbit hole of finding an old email from a guy to your girl, finding him on Twitter, then poking around into old picture of he and your girl, you begin to become that psycho ex-girlfriend that everyone laughs at… except you’re a guy and this isn’t even the worse of it.

Anger At Being Inadequate

As a man how would you feel if you find out that your seemingly unhappy wife was once married to a good looking, millionaire mogul, who doted on her? What if your curiosity made you look up photographs of the 2 of them and her face is glowing with unabated happiness in every shot? 

Could you tell me that this discovery would not bother your ego, change your feelings on your future with her, and not cause you to react differently to certain things? It happens all the time and before long you will catch yourself bellowing out “why!? Because I can’t buy you everything like your ex-boyfriend!?” or finding some other way to throw it in her face.

Women who probe exes typically end up depressed if the guy upgraded after dumping her or downgraded to be with her (if she looked into your past). I have personally had a relationship affected when the girl I was with started on a photo album run and I caught a glimpse of some of the guys in her past (I was a clone). I truly believe that it is better to keep lovers of the past  mystery.

One of the biggest undoing of relationships lies with probing too deeply into someone’s history. Some people have to know every little thing about the person they are with and they wonder why it does more damage than good in matters of trust.

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  • The first paragraph relates to what I’m currently going through.

    I’ve been seeing this woman for a couple of weeks now (We met on an online dating site) and she’s been probing through my answers to questions on there with a fine toothed comb.

    She just realised that I happen to be Right wing, and voted so at the last election, so decided that I’m evil, my family are idiots and Jobs and money are unimportant.

    I’m not really sure how to feel at the moment. I feel deeply hurt that somebody would be so close minded to judge somebody by their political views and be so arrogant to assume that they’re completely correct.

    I’m sorry to have written this here, I just needed to write it in a place where I can relate to some other people. Please move it if there is somewhere more appropriate to put it.

    • Matthew you have to ask yourself this question though – if she’s that quick to write you off by what was on your profile versus getting to know you and the meaning behind it… would you want to spend any considerable amount of time with this person?

      She may have done you a favor in sparing you even further hurt by being with you for a long time only to make you feel like crap for some of your views and choices. Women like that aren’t worth it.

  • Nadia

    It’s so pathetic trawling around on an ex. An ex is an ex for a reason, just let that go. It’s like me picking a fight with an ex boyfriend whom his ex-girlfriend was. I actually couldn’t care less. IF he mentions her in passing, cool. If he asks me, hey-we’re adults and it didn’t work out.

    I don’t understand why people as Matthew has stated have to go SO indepth. You clearly have too much time on your hands to be able to go searching for your partner’s ex. Talk about insecurity.